[talaniman]

Don't let her make you a nut case with this weird behavior, just stop putting yourself in the position to have your heart stomped. Do as Rome has said, and disappear from her life. If you weren't so obsessed with getting her back, you would see her for what she really is.

[Roborat]

hello everyone
I have a situation which I know a lot of you have probably been through. Well my girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me two days ago. We've been together since high school I am 19 and she is 20. I just can't get over her. She's in my mind 24/7. I am depressed all the time. It keeps getting worse. It was my fault that she broke up with me. I just started being some controlling jealous freak. I was never like this and it just started idk why. I guess I just didn't want to get hurt.

I would hate it when she would hang out with this certain friend because she is a bad influence to her. Her friend does drugs and cheats on her boyfriend and each time she hung out with her she would always be pissed at me. I'm guessing because her friend is free to do whatever she wants and she can't. And I would keep her from doing other things. I know I brought this upon myself but is there anything I could do to try and make it better. I try calling her but she hates me and tells me nasty stuff.

I love her a lot I've done everything for her and I just care about her. Is there any way she would take me back? Or should I just move on? I now I should move on but I just can't let go. I can't imagine her being with someone else, that tears me apart. Why is it when someone loves someone they tend to change?

Sounds to me like she was jealous of her mate and her lifestyle and wanted out so she too could be free. From what you have said she was 16 when she started going out with you - she probably isn't ready to settle down and wants to experience more. I had a situation very similar to yours a few years ago, my girlfriend at the time became a complete and nothing I could do was good enough. All HER friends and family told me I was better off without her and that she was being horrid to me. Eventually I had enough and dumped her, moved 100 miles away and didn't see her for more than 3 years and when I did eventually meet her by chance she wanted me back - no chance, I was in another relationship by then. She is probably being a because that's the way some people act to break up - its immature and an 'easy way out'. Best thing you can do is stop contacting her, delete her number, go out and enjoy you life - you are only young for God sake. Women love having an old boyfriend in the background as a safety net - Don't EVER DO THIS. Time will heal and you will forget about her and move on, if you feel nostalgic and remember the 'good times' try thinking about the bad times and what she has done to hurt you.. will really help you to move on.

[Janmarie]

Okay, I see that you definitely want this girl back and nothing anyone is saying here is reaching you.

You want your girlfriend back?

I'll explain how to get her back but you have to sit down with yourself and truly look deep inside and see if this is the person you want in your life forever. Which also means once you do get her back the things you did that didn't work in the relationship before will have to change or you'll lose her again. I don't know what those were, only you do and it is up to you to make those changes.

This may be lengthy but I don't want to leave out any valuable information.

#1- Stop showing her that you are craving for her : No matter how much you want her back by your side, your craving and clinging will only make her more sick of seeing you and being with you.
Instead cop the attitude, behavior and habit that you don't need her around in order for your happiness and joy. If you can do this and keep this attitude, then you will find that it is her who is going to become fearful and worried about losing you. (Humans want what the do not have)

#2-If she is seeing someone other then yourself do not stop her from seeing other people.
Do you have a rival? This is what you MUST DO. Do not stop her from seeing other people. If you complain,, whine or nag to her about it...the more she is going to want to see that other person. Because she can't stand your complaining, whining and nagging about it. Also because the more you tell her what she can't have, the more she will want it.

#3- Don't restrict her - people tend to resist those who restrict or control them.
Respect her choices and wishes. If she wants to go out with someone else today, let her be. If she doesn't want to see you today, then let her be. The more you don't give her your attention, the more she will want it back. She'll start missing it and desperately want it back. The more you give her your attention the more she is going to feel that you are trying to control her and she will fight back.

Don't tell her anymore that you love her...at least not until she comes back to you and things begin to work better.
Right now telling her you love her will only cause her to think that you want her to do something YOUR WAY. So leave the "I love you" for later.

She is not concerned right now about what you want. She is more concerned with her "Freedom of choices." To do what ever it is she wants to do.
The only thing that you can do at this point is to encourage her to do them.Say to her...."Yes I understand, why don't you go do that..try it."

This magical word "Yes" will connect you and her instantly. The words, "I understand" shows you are with her that you are listening and you respect her choices. Tell her you support her discission or choices and tell her, Why don't you try it.

And if she is seeing someone else, always remember that the person who can give her the most freedom of choice will most likely be the one she wants to be with. If you can keep all the above principles in mind, you will have greater success in winning her back.

[Thinker2255]

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[Romefalls19]

You should never have to fight for someone, they should want to be with you because they love you enough. What's the point in fighting for someone who wants to be gone from your life?

My parents have always taught me, find the girl that's worth fighting for and you won't ever have to fight for her. If their strong enough to walk away from us, we are strong enough to walk away from them.

[talaniman]

Why can't you accept the fact, she doesn't love you like you loved her??

[darkday65]

OK she has called me but I don't answer and I'm not going to. I'm tired of being her puppet. I talked to my mom, and she told me a girl like that isn't worth it. Even though my mom loved her she told me to move on with my life and I will meet someone better. And by the time my ex realizes that I'm over her she might want me back but by that time it's going to be too late. I don't feel as bad as a few days ago. I'm actually feeling pretty neutral. Hopefully I will be completely over her in a few weeks. Thanks you guys

[HighandDryinnNy]

Ummmm wow can't believe you went back
Be a man and move on
Desperate is so unattractive

[Roborat]

Mate, if she dumped you then went out partying and then got back with you she is (a) a nutcase (b) wants to have a casual relationship but won't say so (this is probably the case) or (c) really trying to mess with your head. In all 3 cases I would just drop her pronto.. it's a one way road to heartache - believe me I know and it nearly killed me.

As I said in my earlier post about my ex - she wanted rid of me when I was with her and we broke up about 15 times as she would be absolutely horrible. Each time we broke up, I would go out, try to enjoy myself and put a brave face on it.. when she would see this, she would want me back only to revert to her old ways within 2 weeks. I kept going back because I thought that she was the best I would ever do - I was so wrong and it was only after we broke up for good that a lot of people, her friends and family included told me that it was the other way round and that in essence, I was out of her league. I realised I had an self esteem issue which I have since resolved and you can too. My advice is to start training - either in a gym or running.. get fitter and with you will release endorphines which give you great confidence. You will also boost your energy levels again meaning you will feel better. Shaping up will always put you in good stead with the ladies so that will further boost your confidence. Go out with your mates - a man is nothing without good mates and NEVER let anyone dictate that you can't see them (unless they are actually a bad influence).

I think that you really need to put some time and space between you and this girl. You might be right for each other but while you still pine for her and act like her lapdog she will never respect you. It might be a case that in a year or so that you can get back together. You need to stop stalking her, calling her and bowing to her every whim as this stinks of desperation and desperation is NOT attractive. Be strong, be your own man and show her that you don't need her.

I don't want to keep referring back to my own experiences but I had another relationship after my psycho ex with a lovely woman, we really got on well and things were ace for a year. Out of the blue she broke up with me, she was very upset about it but wasn't sure this is what she wanted. She didn't want to string me along in case we didn't get back so we broke up and she asked for time and space. She wanted to remain in contact as 'friends' but I refused as we were either together or not. I had a terrible time and got badly depressed but I didn't break and call her. My mates all rallied around and with my family pulled me out of the depression and back on my feet. I started getting over her and soon enough I was back to my old self. Within 5 months, she called wanting to meet up and I agreed. We got back together an are still together now - 4 years later. I know that if I had buckled and called her or stayed in the background, I would never have gotten back with her. It was really hard but it worked out in the long run.

I hope that you get your head sorted and I really do advise to leave her, get training and start enjoying your life - your only 20 and that's a great age to be - trust me, I'm 31!

Finally, I always remember something my mother said when I broke up with my current girlfriend and was devastated - 'if you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were yours in the first place'