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notbigthing · Aug 5, 2008, 11:32 PM

Things changed, at times, after 6 months, he think he got over the whole thing,and is ready to be friends.

confuse · Aug 5, 2008, 11:33 PM

I think the reasoned why I'm still hoping to get back together with him or even posting on this site asking "if my ex boyfriend still like me," is because deep down inside I hoping that he does. At one point when he was ignoring me I said to myself that I'm DONE and I'm going to move on but the moment I said that as if he could read my mind, he start tallking to me and that's where the confusion start.

confuse · Aug 5, 2008, 11:42 PM

Ok I just cancelled lunch with him for this Friday. After the response that I got from this site, made me realized that he's probably is only wanting to be friends and I'm only setting myself up for more hurt if I continue to take it the wrong way. It's obvious that I only see what I want to see if he had want anything more then simple friendship he would have made the effort to want to do things other then chat in the hall way. I have to say it was awkward before when we weren't talking especially when we work together. I guess maybe that's why he started to be friendly with me and I guess its my fault for taking that the wrong way.

I guess I'm only have to stay away from him because it hurt to know that the only you have feeling for don't have the same feelings for you. Worst yet knowing that one day that person will be with someone else.

friend4u178 · Aug 5, 2008, 11:55 PM

You clearly aren't ready to be friends with him because you still want to get back with him.

If it bothers you that he is communicating with you just let him know that you are not ready to be friends yet. If he is trying to be more he may then just let you know that.

If he doesn't at least you know where you stand and you can get on with your healing instead of being stuck not knowing where you stand.

confuse · Aug 6, 2008, 12:03 AM

That's embarrassing, telling him that I still like him and wants to get back with him? Of course we all know that's how I feel but for me to tell him that? I can see the reaction on his face like "really but its been over 6 months and you're not over me yet?" I don't think I can get myself to come out and tell him I'm not ready to be his friend because I still like him.

As childish as this sound,its probably easier for me to avoid him. Don't look at him, don't talk to him don't cross his path even though we work together. I mean by all means if he talks to me first then let it be but I shouldn't go out of my way just to be visible to him.

confuse · Aug 6, 2008, 09:14 PM

Hey guys! Just want to say "thank you" for your advice. I took you're advice cancelled lunch with my ex. Glad I did because after I cancelled it, he send me an emailed saying he wouldn't be able to do lunch because guess what he said? He said he have to take a lifeguard recertification test this Friday. No comment on my end.

Anyway, I feel much better after I cancelled. I'm not really to be friend with him and no sure if I want to be friend. For now better not to have any contact other then the facts that we work in the same building. I went as far as deleting his # from my phone. Cruel yes, but I have to do what ever that is best for me at this point.

friend4u178 · Aug 6, 2008, 09:27 PM

Glad to hear your feeling better about it. So now start your NC again and remember it's all about Number 1 , and that's YOU!!

Romefalls19 · Aug 7, 2008, 05:31 AM

You aren't ready for a friendship with him as your feelings are still in total control. Stick to no contact with him and if need be, explain to him why and then cut off contact

confuse · Aug 7, 2008, 10:31 AM

Here's a question. When will I know that I've moved on? In the passed I'm never friends with any of my exs. If I break up with them usually they are so hurt that they don't want to be my friend and we just lose touch and never cross path. This is the first time anyone ever broken up with me. Guess that's why I'm so broken.

Romefalls19 · Aug 7, 2008, 10:55 AM

I can't say how you personally will know... But I knew when I saw her one time with her new boyfriend and it didn't bother me. You will eventually realize you have bigger problems to worry about.

I saw an away message of my exes friend that said "(exes name) is getting laid tonight! YAY finally!)... and it didn't even bother me at all... In time you just wake up one day and the pain is gone

cat_eyes21 · Aug 7, 2008, 11:36 AM

Originally Posted by confuse

My exboyfriend and I broke up 6 months ago. We work together, he's 33 and I'm 29. He broked up with me, he said he lost feeling because we worked together at first it was really awkward. We didn't talked to each other, we just ignored one another. He wouldn't answered my calls or talked to him if he did it would be really short.

Then a few months ago (June), he started to engaged in conversation with me. I wasn't even talking to him, I'll be talking to a co-worker of ours and he would jump in the conversation. It was weird at first because he went from one extreme to another. I think he realized that I was weird out by his suddent change so he step back a bite. But he still makes every effort to say 'hello' everytime we ran into each other at work. Now if I asked him a questions whether its through email or texts he'll respond as suppose to before where he just ignores me. Just the other day he came by my cube to drop off 2 glue sticks because I kept borrowing his.

What I'm trying to get at is does he still likes me or is he playing games with my mind? I still like him but because he broke up with me I refuse to ask him. I invited him to do something afterwork a week ago but he said he have to study for a CPR exam the next day or something like that. He had an excuse this time before he would just say he already have plans and leave it as that. Anyway, I can't read him, sometimes out of the blue he'll send me email to see how I'm doing but when I respond or go talked to him, I get a different respond as if he doesn't care and he's busy what do I want kind of thing.

I'm confuse any advice would help.

I think that he misses the attention. Hes fighting for your attention because he doesn't have it anymore. Some people love the idea of knowing that someone is interested in them and what's funny is that once they know that they have you they don't want you anymore. Its like a game to them. I say let him keep fighting because in reality its all a game to him. Even if he has good intentions he's seems like the type of man that can't handle the idea of a women being head over heals for him. I think that you shouldn't go out of your way for him at all, let him come to you.

confuse · Aug 7, 2008, 11:48 AM

It's amazing how we broke up for over 6-months now and I'm still trying to get over it. I think allot of it is my fault because for the first few months I was still holding on to hope thinking we can get back together then a few months ago, I said to myself I'm wasting my time and I'm going to let go. Then he start talking and being friendly with me that gave me a false hoping thinking that he miss me and probably wants to work things out. But it allot drove me nuts trying to figure out what he's up too. After I read some respond to my question on this site was an eye opening for me. So now I'm DONE back to stage 1 of trying to heal all over again. Not as hurt but more angry at myself for allowing someone to control my emotion to this level. If anyone can relate.

cat_eyes21 · Aug 7, 2008, 12:48 PM

Its normal, you have feelings for him. I was like that with my husband and it took me forever to get over him. Its just that people know when they have someone who will always be in their corner. I don't want to sound harsh and please don't take it the wrong way but maybe he's just lonely. Ive had it happen to be plenty of times and it hurts. He knows what he is doing and you should just tell yourself that it is all a game every time you start to get back drawn in. Maybe you should pull him aside and tell him how you feel. Show him that he can't make or break you and stop beating yourself up.

confuse · Aug 7, 2008, 01:50 PM

I thought only women play games in relationship. Didn't realized men can play games as well. Learned something new.

friend4u178 · Aug 7, 2008, 03:53 PM

Originally Posted by confuse

It's amazing how we broke up for over 6-months now and I'm still trying to get over it. I think allot of it is my fault because for the first few months I was still holding on to hope thinking we can get back together then a few months ago, I said to myself I'm wasting my time and I'm gonna let go. Then he start talking and being friendly with me that gave me a false hoping thinking that he miss me and probably wants to work things out. But it allot drove me nuts trying to figure out what he's up too. After I read some respond to my question on this site was an eye opening for me. So now I'm DONE back to stage 1 of trying to heal all over again. Not as hurt but more angry at myself for allowing someone to control my emotion to this level. If anyone can relate.

That's exactly it!!

By not letting go you will always have that false hope and you don't start healing , 2 steps forward then 1 step back.

confuse · Aug 7, 2008, 11:06 PM

People tell me "out of sight out of mind." My ex and I work together, so I can't get him out of my sight. I'm trying to be professional when I see him at work but at the same time I have a broken heart that needs healing.

Ideally it would be best for me if I not to see him at all but this is not possible. And I'm such an expressive person that if I'm hurt it will show it on my face. If I don't like something it will show. And its hard to put on an OK face when I see him at work. I can't just start ignoring him especially after I been inviting him to lunch, etc. I don't want to be friendly either because I still like him so I'm sure it'll show and probably appears as being desperate. Any advice out there?

I'm sad... it hurts knowing the person you love and care for so much doesn't feel the same for you. I guess reality finally hits.

notbigthing · Aug 8, 2008, 03:18 AM

Once upon a time, I fell in love with a guy at work, when he didn't want me any more, and he was still there I could see every day, its miserable, I quit the job, so, "out of sight out of mind", its true, start a new job, new life, be busy, made me hv no time to think of him, and I developed another relationship again, its such a circle.

talaniman · Aug 8, 2008, 08:47 AM

His being around may make it harder, and take longer, to get over him, and cope with your feelings, but can work over time. I never suggest quiting as that's something you would know better than me, but you can avoid him, and just do your job! I know it will hurt, as I've seen these workplace relationships nearly destroy people, but it can be coped with, as just because its hard doesn't mean its not doable.
Good Luck.

confuse · Aug 8, 2008, 11:18 AM

What would make me feel better if I see him suffer! But its not right to wish bad things on others.

cat_eyes21 · Aug 8, 2008, 02:35 PM

I think that you should get out and meet some new friends. Your probably not going to quit your job that's a really big step. Its something about meeting a new guy that just makes you float all day long. Im not saying go wild and crazy but just get out and mingle. Your going to find a man who will treat you so much better than he did, that's the beauty of karma. And when you find Mr. Drop Dead Sexy you will forget all about your ex, even if you guys work side by side. Your mind will be somewhere else and he is going to notice that. Or you can give him the cold shoulder. If he joins in on the conversation don't look directly at him, try to seem as happy as possible, send yourself roses... lol but just try not to give him too much of your emotions or your time.