[thinkinabouthim]

He doesn't want you talking to the opposit sex...

Hmmm...

Well if your not kissing, having sex or any kind of cheating material then I guess you're okay.

He has his own issues to deal with and you DONT need anybody telling you you can't talk to the opposit sex (as long as you're talking).

Thanks a lot. Believe me I don't do anything but just talk.

[sandra6]

Hi I agree with what JB says. It will take a long time for him to gain the trust in you as he feels you have or going to cheat on him. He is mad with you but its what magicofmaking up said he still loves you he can't just switch it off, he wants to know that you love him to. Don't push him too hard give him a little time, be friends and try not to talk about the note unless he asks you about it.

[sandra6]

My boyfriend he gets upset and a bit jealous if I gave someone a note no matter what it said. But he is a bit insecure, some men are like that. If he has had bad relationships before then you can understand him in some way. I don't think he is playing games I just think he is trying to get his head around it all.

[thinkinabouthim]

You got some good answers here. I agree on those except to the part that JB already talks about a new relationship and that all is over.

First, you screw up, big time. And there is no way you can make turn back the time. So let the time heal the wounds.

Second. You might really have not told all. Woman's normally do such things if they have some relationship problems. There is maybe a part you are hiding here. And a 'random guy' is as well a very strange description, even more as your ex found out about your little 'note'.

Third. LOVE can't be switched on and off. You told he stopped to love you. How comes ? If he loved you then he is deeply hurt, lost trust etc., but he didn't stop to love you.

So here what I would do. Let your ex in peace for a while. If you already asked sorry, told him what a mistake you made and that the other guy had no meaning for you you can't make more at the moment. Hope you didn't blame your ex for something he missed to do or to deliver, then you would have a second problem.

Then you have to go slow and gain, earn trust again. As told, you can't ask for trust.

Who really loves, also forgive. But it must be worth while and that's in your hands.

G.

Thanks for your advice. I've never blamed him for anything. We've had problems in the past, little things, but always fixed those and then everything would be great again. But this I'm not so sure about. I don't want to just give up on us, but I do think he needs his space, but I worry that if I tell him I'll give him some space, he'll think that I don't care and that I'm willing to completely lose him.

[magicofmakingup]

NO, don't take ANY decisions about your relationship.

Don't tell him to give him space, let him decide what he think it's best and offer your unconditional support about his decision and to work all out to make things up.

The only thing you should tell him is, that your GOAL is to come back together, from the bottom of your heart.

That way you let HIM assume the responsibilities. Give him the leadership from now on.

My opinion, but I in his position would like to hear this from my wife.

G.

[thinkinabouthim]

NO, don't take ANY decisions about your relationship.

Don't tell him to give him space, let him decide what he think it's best and offer your unconditional support about his decision and to work all out to make things up.

The only thing you should tell him is, that your GOAL is to come back together, from the bottom of your heart.

That way you let HIM assume the responsibilities. Give him the leadership from now on.

My opinion, but I in his position would like to hear this from my wife.

G.

I will do that, I'll let him decide what he wants, and he'll definitely have all of my support, he always will. We started as great friends, and I still want us to be friends. I love him and yes my goal is to come back together, but in the end it is up to him.

[bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE]

If this girl speaks the truth, then why is she being accused of cheating, being unfaithful, being disloyal?

Conversating with another person is harmless, innocent, risk free...

I think I'm missing something here or maybe I'm just slow. Here's what I understand from her situation:

You wrote a guy (not your boyfriend) a note saying that you would like to be friends and that you are with someone that you truly love. Your boyfriend found out about this *note* and got furious because he believes that you have been unfaithful although you haven't physically done anything with this other guy. Now your boyfriend hates you and can't find himself to trust you again for this. He doesn't know whether to be with you or leave you.

That is what I got. Like I said, if your (ex?) boyfriend doesn't like you talking to other guys then why are you dealing with this? If there is something I'm missing please inform me.

[thinkinabouthim]

If there is something I'm missing please inform me.

No there's nothing you're missing, that's really it. I still feel like what I did was wrong. I'm starting to think that some people are believing what I said, but it's the truth. I have no reason to hold things back or lie about what I said. I came here for advice, therefore, I'm going to be completely honest about the situation.

[NorthernNiceGuy]

I think I'm missing something here or maybe I'm just slow.

I agree... I don't get what the big deal is. Sure I can see why he wouldn't like it, but I really don't think you did a whole lot wrong, if anything. He obviously has some big trust and jealousy issues he is dealing with.

[bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE]

no there's nothing you're missing, that's really it. i still feel like what i did was wrong. i'm starting to think that some people are believing what i said, but it's the truth. i have no reason to hold things back or lie about what i said. i came here for advice, therefore, i'm going to be completely honest about the situation.

Thank you for clarifying.

In my opinion, you did NOTHING wrong. He is the one doing all the damage because he lets his jealousy issue get the best of him. Why do you feel guilty unless you've really done *something* to feel guilty about? Are you attracted to this other guy? Do you flirt while talking?

I'm just wondering, how old are you and him?

[talaniman]

Sorry, but your b/f has issues that makes him overreact, and honestly, such a radical way to react over a small mistake with no explanation or conversation, is a real red flag that there is a big problem no one is looking at.

Talking to someone as a friend, male or female, is not wrong, even if you didn't disclose it to your b/f. Making new friends, male or female, is not wrong, and very human I might add. Not saying you were right, but you were NOT wrong, as ask yourself, does the punishment fit the crime? Not even close in my book. Your b/f has issues. Plain and simple, and your feeding them by trying to swallow all the guilt.

I suspect this behavior has been going on for a long time, and you have ignored the little signs along the way, and it takes something like this for you to recognize there is a problem, and it needs addressing. Sadly you still aren't seeing it, or don't know what to do about it.

I don't know if you would have eventually told him about your friend, or not, but given his actions of the past I doubt it seriously, so your actions were a mistake, if it was never to be brought up with your b/f. Forgive yourself, and if you have apologized, that's it, and all you can do at this point.

How you handle your immature, insecure, boyfriend, is leave his butt alone, and work on having your own life, that doesn't depend on him at all, and be realistic about going back to someone who refuses to communicate, as that's not love, and his actions smack of punishment, as in control. That's not love nor caring, nor reasonable.

[mwha]

In my opinion I think it would be hard to get his trust back again but just try to show him how much you love him and care about him sometimes just knowing that the person infroont of u loves u to death u forgive him and try to be honest and tell him what made u act disloyal maybe u just needed care at that time... good luck:)

[bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE]

In my opinion i think it would be hard to get his trust back again but just try to show him how much you love him and care about him sometimes just knowing that the person infroont of u loves u to death u forgive him and try to be honest and tell him what made u act disloyal maybe u just needed care at that time...good luck:)

Why would it be so hard for her to regain his trust when she did NOTHING wrong in the first place? I'm assuming that you didn't read all 4 pages of this thread. I suggest you do so that you can read what else the OP wrote here.

I'm sure the b/f knows that his g/f loves him but he unfortunately has some serious jealousy and controlling problems. He needs to work on those and he doesn't need a girlfriend to do it.

[thinkinabouthim]

I suspect this behavior has been going on for a long time, and you have ignored the little signs along the way, and it takes something like this for you to recognize there is a problem, and it needs addressing. Sadly you still aren't seeing it, or don't know what to do about it.
be realistic about going back to someone who refuses to communicate

Thanks for the advice. I think I did ignore the little signs and just wasn't sure what to do with them. It would be great if I could talk to him without having him get mad. It's hard to get a word in whenever he's mad. I'll work on myself, I need that.

[thinkinabouthim]

tell him what made u act disloyal maybe u just needed care at that time...good luck:)

To be honest I really didn't think I was being disloyal and now after all of this I feel like I was.

[sandra6]

Sorry but if he gets mad with you for even to talking to him about this then I think there is something deeper going on with him. Is he talking to you about other stuff?

[thinkinabouthim]

Sorry but if he gets mad with you for even to talking to him about this then i think there is something deeper going on with him. Is he talking to you about other stuff?

He tries to just talk to me about other things, but then he'll go back to being mad out of nowhere, or he won't say much, or he'll take forever to say anything at all. He thinks that by talking about other things then it means he's forgiven me and he doesn't want to do that, he doesn't want it to be all easy again and act like nothing ever happened. He'll bring back what happened one way or another. I've asked him if it bothers him if I try and just talk to him about other things, he seems to avoid that question.

[sandra6]

It all sounds uncomfortable to be around. I know it was only a note but I think how I would be if it was the other way round. Its tough because in theory you haven't done anything wrong but he thinks you have. When I meet my boyfriend I had male friends and I was texting them but nothing was going on. After a about a couple of months my boyfriend got fed up and starting acting the same as yours has. He accused my of cheating but to convince him I wasn't I deleted all numbers and never spoke to them again. That was 4 years ago. I'm not saying that's what you should do, but he is wrong to make you feel like this but I would let him deal with it in his own time.

[thinkinabouthim]

It all sounds uncomfortable to be around. I know it was only a note but i think how i would be if it was the other way round. Its tough because in theory you haven't done anything wrong but he thinks you have. When i meet my boyfriend i had male friends and i was texting them but nothing was going on. After a about a couple of months my boyfriend got fed up and starting acting the same as yours has. He acused my of cheating but to convince him i wasn't I deleted all numbers and never spoke to them again. That was 4 years ago. I'm not sayin thats what you should do, but he is wrong to make you feel like this but i would let him deal with it in his own time.

I think I would be upset if I was in his shoes, but I wouldn't take it as far as he has. I trust him, and I know he wouldn't cheat or anything like that, I wouldn't do that either. I really didn't think I was doing anything wrong. Trust is a huge thing for me, so yeah it's hard when he doesn't trust me.

[bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE]

It all sounds uncomfortable to be around. I know it was only a note but i think how i would be if it was the other way round. Its tough because in theory you haven't done anything wrong but he thinks you have. When i meet my boyfriend i had male friends and i was texting them but nothing was going on. After a about a couple of months my boyfriend got fed up and starting acting the same as yours has. He acused my of cheating but to convince him i wasn't I deleted all numbers and never spoke to them again. That was 4 years ago. I'm not sayin thats what you should do, but he is wrong to make you feel like this but i would let him deal with it in his own time.

Friends are forever. B/fs aren't.

Remember that.