[bigbird213]

Let yourself heal by leaving her alone. You are getting emotionally thrown around, and you don't need it.

[talaniman]

Yes all of this is my fault, im really not trying to make her look like the bad guy. The situation if anything has opened my eyes to how i was and how i actually feel about her.
Of course i want her back as quickly as possible, and your right she does know what shes doing and yes i have no clue :(

Sometimes being slow and careful, is the best way to go. At least it may give you time to think, and not just react. Me I backoff, and slowdown, and pay attention.

[CheekyChop20]

I have managed to complete my first day of not contacting her. Why does it feel so wrong?

[liz28]

It might feel wrong because you feel a little gulity and miss her that's natural. The good thing is that your giving her what she asked for and in the same token the break can help clear your head.

[CheekyChop20]

I see what your saying, it just feels as though I'm going mad. I really cannot stop thinking about her. Nothing seems important.

[liz28]

I know this might girly but how about writing down how you feel instead of keeping it in.

[CheekyChop20]

I know this might girly but how about writing down how you feel instead of keeping it in.

It took me a big while (about a year) to open up to this girl and completely let her in. I openly admit that at the beginning I did her wrong, I just feel cheated that she's walked out on me like this.

[talaniman]

As others here can attest, healing can be a very painful process, and may be one of the hardest things you will ever do. After day one, not trying to scare you at ail but the pain, and confusion will get much worse, but hang in there and have some faith in yourself, because you can do this, no doubt as have many others here.

[bigbird213]

No lessons in life worth learning are easy to learn. The pain you feel is your mind being 'untrained' from the routine you were in, and learning to cope with the loss of someone dear to you.

[Romefalls19]

Healing is a terrible process because it takes the one thing we don't want to give it, TIME. We always want the quick fix, but there isn't. If you don't go NC, she's going to continue to make your life and mental stability a living hell.

[CheekyChop20]

Thanks for all the advice, really appreciate all of it. At the end of the day I'm the reason why this didn't work out. I think if she had done anything even close to wrong during the relationship, I'd be finding this a lot easier. I just have this nagging feeling that I shouldn't give up on her though :(
She sent me an email, I won't post it up but it went along the lines of she's sorry for keeping me hanging, that she's overwhelmed by the whole ordeal. She doesn't know what she wants or how she feels. That she misses me a lot but at the same time she hates me. She says that she's angry about all of this and for not taking me back right now. She doesn't know where she's searching for the answer and doesn't know when she'll know. She suggests that I move on because then she may realise what it is that she wants.

Any input?
Is she letting me down gently here?

[damaged]

You have 2 choices...
Sit there and feel sorry for yourself, blame yourself for the break up, and wait or you can move on with your life..
My choice would be to move on.. She said she doesn't want to be with you right now so there's nothing you can do to make her change her mind. So it would be pointless to wait around for something that may not even happen... (her comin' back)
& Even though you feel you shouldn't give up on her, you must... Life goes on with or without her.. It will be hard, everyone here knows how hard it is... but you have to let her go...
"If you love something set her free, if it comes back it was yours, if it doesn't it was never meant to be"... It will hurt, but it gets better with time :(

[talaniman]

Sit there and feel sorry for yourself, blame yourself for the break up, and wait or you can move on with your life..
My choice would be to move on..

Had to spread the rep, but this is well put. Doncha hate it when you have a choice?

[bigbird213]

All too common my friend.

My ex told me that she needed some time, and we wouldn't talk for a week and the next week we would discuss where we stand. Lucky for me, I had already learned the hard way what that meant. I immediately initiated no contact and assumed, for that entire week, that we were broken up. It was funny because by the time she emailed me the next weekend, I forgot that we were technically "only on a break". Either way, she was extremely upset, crying and worried that I was going to "hate her" and "never talk to her again" because she kept me hanging on. Lucky for me, I didn't let that happen and I wasn't phased by her telling me that. I started moving on, and I think I even helped her out by not being upset.

So yes, you do have the choice - but in reality, there is only one decision to be made. Move on, get happy, and look forward to good times again. In time, you will see yourself doing everything you want, and more, in a new relationship.

When I reflect back and feel bad about what happened in my relationship, or when I hear songs or pass places which bring up memories I know am able to think ahead, and smile, about when I will be able to do that with my next girlfriend. It is an amazing feeling to imagine making someone else so incredibly happy. It inspires me to keep at NC.

You will feel that some day, trust me.

[NorthernNiceGuy]

When I reflect back and feel bad about what happened in my relationship, or when I hear songs or pass places which bring up memories I know am able to think ahead, and smile, about when I will be able to do that with my next girlfriend. It is an amazing feeling to imagine making someone else so incredibly happy. It inspires me to keep at NC.

Tried to agree with you there bird but I wasn't allowed. That's a great way of motivating yourself for NC, not to mention a really exciting thought in general. I am going to use this.

[CheekyChop20]

Thanks guys, today I'm feeling up beat. Last night she told me my love for her was on the brink of obsession - Jesus that really woke me up to all of this. NC will definitely be no problem now.

[Romefalls19]

There it is! GOOD Cheeky, anger is the first step to successful NC. You first start NC to get her back, then after it fails and you cave. You get angry and start it again and this time is sticks. Check out the NC Calendor and start counting the days my friend. It will be great, push for 30 days then 60 then 90. You can do it

[CheekyChop20]

I did start to look forward, went out with my buddies we started drinking pretty early and then hit a club. Bad move - she turns up with her friends + a new male addition who I noticed was paying particular attention to her. She kept trying to say hello, I just ignored her, this didn't last it got too much I took her outside asked her who her new friend was she said it was none of my business and she was trying to move on. Watching her with him (even though they were just dancing next to each other) drove me insane. I grabbed her and had a go at her. Even though we're not together I felt very disrespected. She told me she still loved me, but at this point I was far too angry. My friends dragged me off tried to calm me down but it didn't work. I went over to her and called her every name under the sun even went as low as giving the bloke some verbal abuse, in order to save any sanity I had left I vacated shortly after this. Even though I feel awful about it all now, it is a bit comical.

We both live party life styles and we're from a small town - we are constantly going to be bumping into each other. I was very drunk, but even in a sober state I think I still would have made a scene.

I apologised through email the following day, and told her I'm going to wait for her because I truly love her, I asked her not to reply and she hasn't.

A good friend, who probably has a better understanding of both me, my ex and the situation then I do. Tells me that I should back off, not question her and make sacrifices (i.e. by not getting involved with any other female) and let this play out.

Is it too late to start playing the waiting game?
I know I must move on in my own life,
But the potential constant bumping into her makes it seem impossible.