[wynelle]

The Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ) has some pretty stringent rules on adultery. It is 'Conduct Unbecoming' among other things, and right now, the last thing the military wants is personnel screwing around. Your husband could get a general or bad conduct discharge.

In addition to printing out the hardcopy emails and taking them to the counsellor, you have other options. You can request the counsellor to put in a hardship request to the Commanding Officer to *not send* your husband to Japan. You can go to his Commanding Officer or the senior enlisted person with the emails and make the same request. They can cancel his orders, and hold him on chargesm but drop the charges if he continues in counselling.

You can file for a divorce--but you must do it before he leaves or you can't do anything until he gets back.

But this man isn't going to change his behavior. If you email the girlfriend, he will just find another one.

[Krs]

What and a**hole!!

[Krs]

Sorry that was meant to be -
WHAT AN *******...
Besides cheating he lied to you in your face. You can certainly do better, both you and your daughter, you don't want a lying husband and your daughter needs a sincere father.

[DJ 'H']

I think he is trying to work it out with me..We went out of town together last weekend without our 1 year old for the first time, we are getting along great at home and we are going to counseling. He did not email her for 2 weeks and she was sending him emails like "where are you??" and "I felt like I have been dropped on my ***" Then he responded to her on 2-11 and said that he needs her in his life, he loves her then just this past monday he put he can't stop thinking about her and he would never forget about her. Then he referred to himself as her boyfriend. This was after our great weekend together. ????? I am so confused. I really do not know what he wants

I would take needkarmas advice and then confront him - your first words should be something along the lines of "can we talk" then follow with "I know everything, so why not come clean" - you don't need to shout or holler - just talk to him in a clam manner and on his level.

If he lies then he isn't worth it, he is just portraying what a coward he is and showing that he does not respect you or care about you in the slightest and I would seriously re-evaluate the marriage and get out. If he is honest with you then it shows he does respect you, he does care about you and perhaps you can both continue counseling and move forward.

But don't let him take you for a mug and don't let him stress you out. Your one year old will pick up on all of this and you need to do what's best for your child at the end of the day.

[milliec]

Dear aj0269,
While you can surely confront him - and even if it's only for your own sake - so that you'll know you have tried every possible approach), considering all that have been already said by yourself and others, I'm not sure about any positive results for you.
He's lying. He's not going to change this.
I'm not sure the fact that he was away from you was the reason. It really doesn't mater what were the reasons this other woman had to get involved with him. What matters is the fact that it not only happened, but that he prepares to resume this affair, contrary to whatever he's told you.
You can't spend your life checking on your spouse.
You ought to be able to trust him and not be constantly preoccupied wondering what's going on with him right now.
While there are persons who just don't rust anyone, I still think that we should never turn our backs at our gut feelings, and I think that this is what led you to discover the things you did; and that is, paying attention to your instincts.
If there's no misleading and no secrecy, the "DANGER!" signs never pop up.
If you become "the Jailor" in your relationship, you'll turn up to be the prisoner.
I'm sure that wasn't your idea of marriage , to begin with.
You deserve better.
Good luck,
Millie

[stefan]

I have cheated on my wife, and I have never felt the same since. It happened 7 years ago. It happened while I was traveling for an extended period. If couples stay apart for a long time, things can happen, especially if people drink. There is no excuse for having an affair. It is a vicious cycle. I was trapped and wanted out this affair, but being a man, I was stupid in believing the other girl. I believed when she told me I was great. She did not care about my marriage or my kids, I know that now. I did care and I was almost to late. Why did I have an affair while having a beautiful wife and wonderful kids? Frankly, I still do not know till this day, but it is the thing that I regret most. What helped me, was my wife. She found out through an email message, and when she confronted me. I did not want to loose my wife, and I did everything I could to safe my marriage. Thanks to her, she allowed me to make the effort.

[milliec]

Dear Stefan,
I think both of you are lucky because you truly love each other.
The fact that you feel such deep remorse for what happened, shows that you have a high moral value, and that you are really committed to your family, and know the full meaning of comitment.
Unfortunately, this is not always the case.
In any case, I do hope aj0269 will find the way to deal with her situation, if she considers confronting her husband will save their marriage.
Millie

[sfl1602]

I think he is trying to work it out with me..We went out of town together last weekend without our 1 year old for the first time, we are getting along great at home and we are going to counseling. He did not email her for 2 weeks and she was sending him emails like "where are you??" and "I felt like I have been dropped on my ***" Then he responded to her on 2-11 and said that he needs her in his life, he loves her then just this past monday he put he can't stop thinking about her and he would never forget about her. Then he referred to himself as her boyfriend. This was after our great weekend together. ????? I am so confused. I really do not know what he wants

sfl1602:i think that you should get a divorce and find someone that loves you and respects you like you deserve and every woman deserves,because it clearly seems that he wants to have his cake and eat it too,if you know what I mean.

[nikkicourt27]

Hi,
This is what I think and you may not like it. The first thing is that you are going to have to confront your husband and let him know that you know or he will just keep doing what he is doing. Know this when you love someone and that person love you then it is not suppose to hurt. He is lying and will continue to lie if you let him. You do not need to confront the other woman because she is only going by what he say. I have been there and honey what I did was confront him and then called her and there was no way you could lie to me anymore. We are trying to work it out but my trust for him is gone and when that is gone then there is no more to the relationship. I prayed everyday but I realize that it is not gong to work and left. I have children but I will be okay and Im doing fine.
The Counseling that you all are doing is not working because he is lying. When he goes back to Japan trust he will see her and they probably have a good time together.. Let him know that you know and with have some divorce papers with you. The first he going to say why and you let him why. The reasons that you leaving or why he has to leave. I pray that you not staying because of the child but that is not a good reason. It is cheaper to work his a** off to try and keep you... the Military will make sure that you and your child is well taking care of. We not telling you to leave because only you can say when you had enough of the hurt. Only you can make the decision but I hope everything turns out the way you want to happen.
Pray.honey Pray