[JohnJohns]

Ok, then I don't understand why you care so little about this other child. While GV is right about TN law, does the other family live in TN too? I hope not, because I think TN law is not family friendly in this case.

Yes.
They live tn Memphis,TN.

[JudyKayTee]

I don't know that it has anything to do with the legal situation but how did all of this come to light and what does your partner say? I'd be a little bit unhappy with you if I had been the partner at the time and guessing from the age of your other children that appears to be a possibility.

[ScottGem]

Too bad. Apparently the law is on your side and will allow you to disrupt and mess with this family. I can only hope the case is assigned to a cxompassionate judge who will understand the upheaval you are causing.

[ScottGem]

I don't know that it has anything to do with the legal situation but how did all of this come to light and what does your partner say? I'd be a little bit unhappy with you if I had been the partner at the time and guessing from the age of your other children that appears to be a possibility.

You noticed that too? It would appear that the OP was cheating on his partner with a married woman. Frankly this whole thing smells. To me, it seems we have a very self centered person who wants things his own way and be damned to how adversely it affects anyone else.

[JudyKayTee]

You noticed that too? It would appear that the OP was cheating on his partner with a married woman. Frankly this whole thing smells. To me, it seems we have a very self centered person who wants things his own way and be damned to how adversely it affects anyone else.

I'm not getting it, myself - I see this just spinning out of control. And I know it's the law but...

There's the child who suddenly finds out his mother lied to him for years about his paternity, perhaps he finds fault with the mother for betraying the stepfather; then you've got the stepfather who was lied to by the mother, also for years. Maybe he knew about the affair, maybe he didn't, but it appears he didn't know about the child. Then you've got the stepfather who now realizes that the mother was sleeping with both him and the blood father during the same period (which must be the case if he believed he was the father). Then you've got the stepfather's family which may not have known about the affair but sure knows about it now. Then you've got the blood father's children who find out their father had a relationship with a married woman - and I have no idea what his status was.

And for some reason the mother did not want the blood father involved in the child's life. Again - how did this come to light now?

Sad all the way around. I see lives upset and perhaps broken. This is why justice wears a blindfold.


Perhaps this has turned into a moral issue but I see it as a legal issue which is going to adversely affect a lot of people.

And then you've got the blood father and whatever his relationship was to his partner at the time.

[ScottGem]

Judy, I totally agree with you. The main thing w don't know here is who knows what. We know that the bio mother and her husband know. We know that bio father and his other offspring know. But we don't know who else knows. We don't know if the 13 yr old knows, we don't know if anyone outside the 5 people I listed know.

But what we have is several families that may be ripped apart because of the OP not caring who he hurts.

[oneluv4you]

Hello everyone!
Fourteen years ago I had a brief affair with a married woman. I newly discovered that I am the father of her the only son who was born thirteen years ago/ don't ask me how/. She is still married to her husband.He was mislead to think that he was the father and he is listed as my son's father in his birth certificate.I am thankful to him for all his care . Now I want to be my son's legal father,to change his last name to mine and to have custody rights.Also I am willing to pay back child support.
I tried to talk to them but the husband said he was distressed about the news, and he would feel humiliated himself if he had to explain all to his relatives and friends.He doesn't want to cooperate.He doesn't want to understand that he is a step father only and he can get about $ 80,000 as back child support.
I need your advice where to start my action.I am in Tennessee.
Thank you!

A parent in my opinion is the one who takes care of the child and is there when the child needs him/her during the early years. If for any reason during the 13years you had tried to talk with the mother in getting the child, then it is a different story... besides, do not try to distabilize a functioning family with your selfishness and inconsiderateness. You were just probably a fling anyway, and who even told you the child is yours?? The woman must have been crazy to even disclose that, if she wanted to keep her family! Please do not get the child tangled into this mess. Keep on going and look for a wife withwhom to have a family. MOVE ON!

[MysteriousGrl]

WOW! How lucky I am to fumble upon this. I was this son, only I was 16. I say you need to be in your son's life. Until you have been in this situation no one else will understand. I loved the man I thought was my dad and he was there for me through everything.. he still is... only now I have 2 fathers... it's just like being adopted you love your family that adopted you but there's always that bond with your biological parents. You should take it VERY SLOW and not push too much. Just ask to spend a day with your son and do things he enjoys. The step-father who has raised him will soon begin to come around and see that your son wants you in his life. I know I'm so glad my biological father wanted to have a relationship with me. The most important thing is to not rush it, let your son have time to process all this as 13 is a delicate age. Trust me if you offer to be there for him and give him time... he will come around... I think it's very important to know your biological parents because a lot of your feelings or health issues can result from them and they could know exactly what your going through. Just give it TIME

[JudyKayTee]

WOW!! How lucky i am to fumble upon this. I was this son, only i was 16. I say you need to be in your son's life. Until you have been in this situation no one else will understand. I loved the man i thought was my dad and he was there for me through everything.. he still is...only now i have 2 fathers... it's just like being adopted you love your family that adopted you but theres always that bond with your biological parents. You should take it VERY SLOW and not push too much. Just ask to spend a day with your son and do things he enjoys. The step-father who has raised him will soon begin to come around and see that your son wants you in his life. I know im so glad my biological father wanted to have a relationship with me. The most important thing is to not rush it, let your son have time to process all this as 13 is a delicate age. Trust me if you offer to be there for him and give him time...he will come around...I think it's very important to know your biological parents because alot of your feelings or health issues can result from them and they could know exactly what your going through. Just give it TIME

Okay- someone who knows. How did you feel when you found out your Mom had had an affair and had lied to you and your stepfather for years, your father had lied to his partner? Did you resent that your mother lied to your stepfather? Did it change your opinion of her and ultimately of yourself?

I agree - a child can never have too many people who love him. Other than that... well, I question what any of this does to a family or how this "fact" has suddenly become public.

Those are my concerns.

[MysteriousGrl]

My mom really did not lie to my step-father because she was not in a seriously relationship with eithe man when she became pregnant. My stepfather who I still call dad was man enough to know she needed help and he loved her so he married her and was my dad for 16 years no questions asked if I was his

[ScottGem]

My mom really did not lie to my step-father because she was not in a seriously relationship with eithe man when she became preg. My stepfather who i still call dad was man enough to know she needed help and he loved her so he married her and was my dad for 16 years no questions asked if i was his

Ahhh so this is not the same situation. Your mom did not betray your dad by having an affair with another man. Your "step" dad, was aware of the possibility that you weren't his. You were also older and bit more mature when the truth came out.

I stand by my position that the OP here is being inconsiderate and selfish by disrupting this family's life.

[JudyKayTee]

Ahhh so this is not the same situation. Your mom did not betray your dad by having an affair with another man. Your "step" dad, was aware of the possibility that you weren't his. You were also older and bit more mature when the truth came out.

I stand by my position that the OP here is being inconsiderate and selfish by disrupting this family's life.

You beat me to it - in this case the woman was having with sex with two men, the one who married her knew he wasn't the father. Not the same at all.

On this one, also, I wonder how the situation came to light.

[GV70]

WOW!! How lucky i am to fumble upon this. I was this son, only i was 16. I say you need to be in your son's life. Until you have been in this situation no one else will understand. I loved the man i thought was my dad and he was there for me through everything.. he still is...only now i have 2 fathers... it's just like being adopted you love your family that adopted you but theres always that bond with your biological parents. You should take it VERY SLOW and not push too much. Just ask to spend a day with your son and do things he enjoys. The step-father who has raised him will soon begin to come around and see that your son wants you in his life. I know im so glad my biological father wanted to have a relationship with me. The most important thing is to not rush it, let your son have time to process all this as 13 is a delicate age. Trust me if you offer to be there for him and give him time...he will come around...I think it's very important to know your biological parents because alot of your feelings or health issues can result from them and they could know exactly what your going through. Just give it TIME

It would be a good advice but...
You assume the family will remain as an intact family. I have see a slim chance here.
The second difference - your"dad" has ever known about he was not your BF.The action against him was initiated by you and your mother.Here the intruder is outside the family.

[JohnJohns]

06/29/2008

[ScottGem]

06/29/2008

Huh?

[stinawords]

Yes, please explain the date.

[JohnJohns]

Yes, please explain the date.

June 29 is the 180th day of the year (181st in leap years) in the Gregorian calendar. There are 185 days remaining until the end of the year.

1880 - France annexes Tahiti.
1972 - The U.S. Supreme Court rules the death penalty could constitute "cruel and unusual punishment".
2002 - U.S. Vice President Cheney, serves as Acting President for two and a half hours, while President George W. Bush undergoes a colonoscopy procedure.
2007 - Apple Inc. released the iPhone for the United States market


2008-MY VICTORY;)

[JudyKayTee]

[QUOTE=JohnJohns]June 29 is the 180th day of the year (181st in leap years) in the Gregorian calendar. There are 185 days remaining until the end of the year.

1880 - France annexes Tahiti.
1972 - The U.S. Supreme Court rules the death penalty could constitute "cruel and unusual punishment".
2002 - U.S. Vice President Cheney, serves as Acting President for two and a half hours, while President George W. Bush undergoes a colonoscopy procedure.
2007 - Apple Inc. released the iPhone for the United States market



Please explain the explanation - ?

[GV70]

My point of view.ONLY!!


Marriage provides fathers with parental rights.Children need two parents! We must have a rebuttable presumption for shared parenting for the parents of a marriage and for two unmarried parents. We also must have limits on no-fault/unilateral divorce when children are involved.
A pertinent question for the question posed above is this: are men more inclined than women to adopt a strategy of quantity (have more children with more partners) over quality (have fewer children and help raise them in a two-parent family)?
If the law wanted to encourage marriage and two-parent families, then the father in the scenario above would have inferior parental rights to the mother.
The purpose of child support must be publicly debated. Currently, the law provides women with financial incentives to have children with more than one man. This could be changed
There are plenty of unmarried gigalos who specialize in fooling around with married women because they think it's a safe bet. They want the fun without the responsibility. They think they won't get tagged for child support (which is true in many states). I have no empathy for men who predate on marriages in this manner. They are jerks of the worst kind — because they do not respect the marriages of other men.
Within the realm of men's rights (husband vs. interloper), the court properly HAS TO stand up for the right of the husband not to have a known interloper becoming a third parent and third partner in the marriage, thus providing access for the jerk to continue the affair with the wife at the husbands constant expense.'
It was not long ago that interloping was a criminal offense. It should be a criminal offense against the sanctity of marriage for any man or woman to interfere in the marriages of others. Since we are too permissive to protect marriage meaningfully …

Men acquire the status of a “REAL” father only through marriage to the child's mother. Because you have no nature right to participate in the upbringing of this child you want the courts to create a special civil right for fornicates and adulterers that, if granted, would further undermine state protection the grand institution of marriage.
“Children have a right to know where they came from and they have a right to have both biological parents participate in their lives.” What authority confers such a right to child?The presumption of paternity is not archaic and out of touch with the world we live in. The laws relating to the presumption of paternity are founded on sound public policy. The state has vital interest in preserving families. If you believe presumption of paternity is archaic then you must also believe the institution of marriage is outdated and should be cast aside. A marriage without presumption of paternity is no marriage at all.
I do not claim that marriage gives a man a “legal” right to be a father. Marriage gives man a God given right (a right higher than a legal right) to be the natural guardian of his children, to the exclusion of all others, including the mother. No court order is necessary for a married man to exercise authority over the members of his family. He acquires that right by marriage.
Marriage confers to the man the statuses of husband and head of house and to the women the status of wife. The rights and obligations of a husband and wife are not identical, no matter what the feminists and socialists in this country want us to believe.
You may ask ,: “ How many children currently have as many as four via divorce and remarriage of their birth parents? "
In did not say a child couldn't have more than two step-parents (step-parents may have a moral obligation but they do not have a legal obligation to support their step children). Even you must agree that a child does not have a right to step-parents—that would be utterly absurd. You are not a step-parent. The head of this family, the husband, did not invite you to become a member of his family. Step-parents are introduced into children's lives through marriage not adulterous affairs.
Natural guardianship is the key to understanding the perceived lack of men's rights. Feminists, and other special interests groups, i.e. lawyers and bankers, have introduced chaos in place of natural family order through incremental injections of child welfare legislation into state domestic relation code.
People, including children, are not property. This child is not the property of either the husband or wife. Nor is this child your property. My philosophy agrees with the U.S. Supreme Court case Michael H. v. Gerald D. 491 U.S. 110 (1989).
With the advent fairly recently of DNA testing, we have forgot that providing reproductive gametes is not necessarily what determines legal parentage, or is in fact sufficient to presume affection, responsibility, or enduring relationship ties. It is unfortunate that in this one area of the law, largely confused by religious and political agendas, and consequent erroneous precepts underlying child support theory, that even as we embrace broader definitions of "family" in some respects, so many legal scholars have simultaneously moved in the inconsistent direction of making unwarranted assumptions that equate legal rights and responsibilities with a tracing of bodily effluence.

[focus]

Very good