Hello everyone!
Fourteen years ago I had a brief affair with a married woman. I newly discovered that I am the father of her the only son who was born thirteen years ago/ don't ask me how/. She is still married to her husband.He was mislead to think that he was the father and he is listed as my son's father in his birth certificate.I am thankful to him for all his care . Now I want to be my son's legal father,to change his last name to mine and to have custody rights.Also I am willing to pay back child support.
I tried to talk to them but the husband said he was distressed about the news, and he would feel humiliated himself if he had to explain all to his relatives and friends.He doesn't want to cooperate.He doesn't want to understand that he is a step father only and he can get about $ 80,000 as back child support.
I need your advice where to start my action.I am in Tennessee.
Thank you!

Actually, after 13 years, you may not HAVE any rights.

You need to consult a lawyer.

You are also unlikely to get custody. If you DO get anything, it may be just visitation. The child doesn't know you from Adam--how would it be in the child's best interest for you to come storming into his life claiming that you're his father?

My opinion on this (and it's not a legal opinion, just an opinion) is that you should sign away your parental rights (if you indeed have any) and walk away. You have NOTHING invested in this kid--to demand to be a part of his life is the utmost in selfishness.

As long as you don't have to pay child support, why go butting in? Why do you feel this NEED to have to parent a kid that already has a dad?

I think that all three adults in this situation should come to an agreement as to what is best for the CHILD, not what is best for the adults, or what the adults WANT.

Your first step is to contact a family lawyer. I'm not sure if your state has a statute of limitations but many do. And you have long passed it in all of the states that I know of. The lawyer will be able to tell you if you have any chance but becaue it has been so long you may not be able to challenge paternaty even though you are willing to pay back support. So that is your first step and they will be able to tell you exactly what steps you need to take after that if you will even have a case.

As pointed out it is likely you are on the outside. Many states have laws that state that if a there is a husand who signs the birth certificate he is the legal father unless a challenge to paternity is made by the bio father. But that challenge has to be made within a reasonable amount of time. And 13 years is not a reasonable amount of time. The fact is that the hisband is most likely NOT a stepfather but the tue and actual legal father.

I don't know if the child has been informed of this yet. If he hasn't, they you should walk away. If you care anything for this child, then do you really want to upset him by turning his life upside down?

As for the back support, try putting yourself in his place. Would you sell your child for $80K?

Well first you can not legally force them to change the child's name no matter what you do.l so the name change is just not going to happen.
Since you were not married, even if she did not have the husband, if she did not allow you to sign the birth certificate she is free to name the child.

Next if you are in the US, it will just depend on what state you live, in some states you will not be allowed to even apply in court for this, since you have waited too long, in others you will be able to file for a DNA test to prove you are the father and then have visits rights an a obligation to pay child support.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Synnen

I think that all three adults in this situation should come to an agreement as to what is best for the CHILD, not what is best for the adults, or what the adults WANT.

---

Yes-but I think the best for the child is to have his real father-ME!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ScottGem

As for the back support, try putting yourself in his place. Would you sell your child for $80K?

---

No I wouldn't/If it is my child/, but my son is not his.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Next if you are in the US, it will just depend on what state you live, in some states you will not be allowed to even apply in court for this, since you have waited too long, in others you will be able to file for a DNA test to prove you are the father and then have visits rights an a obligation to pay child support.

---

I am in Tn.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by JohnJohns

Yes-but I think the best for the child is to have his real father-ME!

---

Sorry, but you are NOT his "real" father in any interpretation of the term. You may be his biological father, but his "real" father was the person who changed his diapers, wiped his nose, played catch with him, applauded at his school plays, etc, etc. I understand that, through no fault of your own, you weren't given the opportunity to do these things. But that doesn't change the facts.

That you would even think that the best interess of the child would be served by turning his life upside down and taking him away from the person he has known as dad for 13 years, shows that you aren't thinking straight. That you are self centered and care more about you than the child. I suspect that you may not have any other children, and see this as your chance to be a father. But that doesn't even begin to consider the child.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by JohnJohns

No I wouldn't/If it is my child/, but my son is not his.

---

Again, he's NOT your son. He may be your biological offspring but he's not your son. He's the son of the person who has raised him for 13 years. You need to get that into your head. Hopefully, when you discuss this with your attorney, that he tells you what we did so you don't screw up this boy's life.

I guess I should have said, the state where the child and mother is,
Since that is most likely the state law you will have to file under.

Assuming she is in TN also, yes you can still file for your rights as a father.

TFS:
36-2-304. Presumption of parentage. —
(a) A man is rebuttably presumed to be the father of a child if:
(1) The man and the child's mother are married or have been married to each other and the child is born during the marriage or within three hundred (300) days after the marriage is terminated by death, annulment, declaration of invalidity, or divorce;

(2) (A) If the mother was legally married and living with her husband at the time of conception and has remained together with that husband through the date a petition to establish parentage is filed and both the mother and the mother's husband file a sworn answer stating that the husband is the father of the child, any action seeking to establish parentage must be brought within twelve (12) months of the birth of the child. If an action is dismissed based upon the filing of such a sworn answer, the husband and wife who filed such sworn answer shall be estopped to deny paternity in any future action.

36-2-306. Statute of limitations. —
An action to establish the parentage of a child may be instituted before or after the birth of the child and until three (3) years beyond the child's age of majority. The provisions of this chapter shall not affect the relationship of parent and child as established in § 31-2-105.
[Acts 1997, ch. 477, § 1.]


IN THE SUPREME COURT OF TENNESSEE
AT NASHVILLE
March 21, 2006 Session
IN RE: T.K.Y.
The parentage statute includes the following definitions:
(1) “Child born out of wedlock” means a child born to parents who
Are not married to each other when the child was born;
“Father” means the biological father of a child born out of
Wedlock;

(5) “Parent” means the biological mother or biological father of a
Child, regardless of the marital status of the mother and father;
Tenn. Code Ann. § 36-2-302 (2005). Thus, under the definition of “father” in the parentage statute,whomever is the biological father of a child is the child’s father.
Id. § -302(3). Likewise, a “parent”
Under the parentage statute is the biological mother or biological father. Id. § -302(5). A biological
Parent is only denied the status of “father” or “mother” if his or her parental rights have been terminated. Id. § -302(6)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ScottGem

Sorry, but you are NOT his "real" father in any interpretation of the term...Again, he's NOT your son. ...

---

According to TN law and Court practice if a child born to a married woman but the husband was not BF , the child 'IS BORN OUT OF WEDLOCK' and he has 15 years to claim his paternity. I am sure he will prevail.

Synopsis of In re T.K.Y./SUPREME COURT OF TENNESSEE/

Mr. and Mrs. Y.1 have been
married since 1988. In November 1996, Mrs. Y. began an extra-marital affair with Mr. P. In January 1997, Mrs. Y. discovered that she was pregnant.

...

The/Juvenile/ court then conducted a best-interests analysis and found that termination was in the best interests of T.K.Y. because the child was “in a safe environment and safe home,” and because Mr.Y. had “established a meaningful relationship” with the child and was able to provide financially for the child. Finally, the juvenile court noted that Mr. Y. “has demonstrated a stability and a perseverance that the Court feels is highly commendable and will have a long-term positive impact on [T.K.Y.].”
...

Seventeen months after the juvenile court decision, on September 2, 2003, the Court of Appeals reversed and remanded. In re T.K.Y. No. M2002-00815-COA-R3-JV, 2002 WL 1733583(Tenn. Ct. App. Sept. 2, 2003). The Court of Appeals reasoned that in light of the Supreme Court's decision in Jones v. Garrett, 92 S.W.3d 835 (Tenn. 2002), the juvenile court had erred in terminating Mr. P.'s parental rights without first adjudicating his parentage petition.


...
On remand, in April 2004, seven months after the Court of Appeals reversed, the juvenile court held a trial to determine Mr. P.'s parentage action. Mr. and Mrs. Y. contested the petition.Although they acknowledged that Mr. P. was the biological father, they argued that because Mr. Y.was married to Mrs. Y. and held T.K.Y. out to the world as his natural child, he had an equivalent claim to fatherhood. Following the April 2004 trial, the juvenile court ruled that Mr. P. was the “legal father” of T.K.Y.Mr. and Mrs. Y. again appealed. On February 10, 2005, the Court of Appeals reversed the Juvenile court's determination that Mr. P. was the child's legal father.Court of Appeals reasoned that both Mr. Y.and Mr. P. were “armed with a rebuttable statutory presumption of parentage.” Mr. Y. was married to Mrs. Y. the mother at the time the child was born, and he has received T.K.Y. into his home and held the child out to the world as his natural child. See Tenn. Code Ann. § 36-2-304(a)(1), (4). Mr.P. on the other hand, had been shown through genetic testing to be the child's father to a 99.95% probability. See id. § -304(a)(5). According equal weight to the presumptions, the Court of Appeals resolved the dispute in favor of Mr. Y. by balancing the stability of T.K.Y.'s family environment,the strength of his relationship with Mr. Y. and the fact that Mr. and Mrs. Y. have been his sole source of financial support against Mr. P.'s lack of relationship with the child and his lack of actual support of the child.
... Supreme Court Analysis
B. Determining the “Legal Father”
Next, we consider the question of who is T.K.Y.'s legal father. Unlike the parentage statute,the adoption and termination statutes are not concerned solely with identifying a child's biological father. Rather, the statutes provide a framework for determining the legal father of a child. A legal father's rights may only be terminated pursuant to statutory procedures. See Tenn. Code Ann. § 36-1-113 (2005)
The legal father may or may not be the biological father of a child. The adoption and termination statutes contain these definitions:
“Biological parents” means the woman and man who physically or genetically conceived the child who is the subject of the adoption or termination proceedings.. .
Conclusion

Mr. P. is undisputedly the biological father of T.K.Y. Having so held, the juvenile court was required by the statutory scheme to declare him the legal father as well. Mr. P. is T.K.Y.'s legal father...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by JohnJohns

Hello everyone!
Fourteen years ago I had a brief affair with a married woman. I newly discovered that I am the father of her the only son who was born thirteen years ago/ don't ask me how/. She is still married to her husband.He was mislead to think that he was the father and he is listed as my son's father in his birth certificate.I am thankful to him for all his care . Now I want to be my son's legal father,to change his last name to mine and to have custody rights.Also I am willing to pay back child support.
I tried to talk to them but the husband said he was distressed about the news, and he would feel humiliated himself if he had to explain all to his relatives and friends.He doesn't want to cooperate.He doesn't want to understand that he is a step father only and he can get about $ 80,000 as back child support.
I need your advice where to start my action.I am in Tennessee.
Thank you!

---

Good legal advice so I'll skip that - have you done DNA testing? Are you prepared to prove you are the biological father? I'm confused by the affair 14 years ago and the son 13 years ago "don't ask me how" comment. Don't the dates line up?

(As far as the "stepfather" not understanding he can get about $80,000 as back child support - I guess he's not willing to sell someone he has treated as his son for $80,000.)

So go to Family Court and start your action -

Thanks GV. So TN laws are more favorable to the bio father! What if the mother lives in another state? Especially if she lived there at the time of conception and birth? Would the l;aws of that state apply or would the laws of the bio father's state apply?

According to what you researched (great job btw), the OP would have a case. Even though this is the law board, what about the best interest of the child in this situation? My vote is that it would not be in the best interests of the child to pursue a change in parentage.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ScottGem

Thanks GV. So TN laws are more favorable to the bio father! What if the mother lives in another state? Especially if she lived there at the time of conception and birth? Would the l;aws of that state apply or would the laws of the bio father's state apply?

According to what you researched (great job btw), the OP would have a case. Even though this is the law board, what about the best interest of the child in this situation? My vote is that it would not be in the best interests of the child to pursue a change in parentage.

---

Repost:
Scott, the paternity questions incl. biofathers v. marital/acknowledged,adjudicated and etc./ fathers are solved in three ways and all depend on the states law.In Alabama,California,Florida,Georgia,Iowa,Michigan,O klahoma,Pennsylvania,Texas,Kentucky
And Wisconsin it is impossible to the biofather to assert his rights if a child was born
And live in intact family and the mother and the marital /acknowledged/father resist to his claims.Other states adopted UPA/ the Uniform Parentage Act/ with some differences.The UPA allows biofathers to assert their rights but there is statutes of limitation - usually from 1 to 5 years after child was born.It has cognisize in Arkansas,Colorado,Illinois,Minnesota,New Jersey,New York,Washington , Massachusets, and etc.and some of these states have to weight presumptions where two competing / marital and biological / fathers are and the best interest of child controls these presumptions.

The third part of states are adopted the biological imperative.If the biological father is
Proven he stays as a biological and also as a legal father without matter when,where and
Why he asserted his rights and without the marital status of the mother also without to
Allow the husband to have an opportunity to defend the marital presumption.These states
Are Connecticut,Indiana,Maine,Mississippi,Ohio,Tenness ee.In these states the biological father can assert his right at any time.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ScottGem

According to what you researched (great job btw).

---

Wow-you can give me 'GREEN':D :D

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ScottGem

Even though this is the law board, what about the best interest of the child in this situation? My vote is that it would not be in the best interests of the child to pursue a change in parentage.

---

In Connecticut,Indiana,Maine,Mississippi,Ohio,Tenness ee the best interest of the child is irrelevant to paternity disputes./The Mississippi Supreme Court determined in May 2006 that a court can not consider a child's best interests when a father requests a DNA paternity test./

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by GV70

TFS:
36-2-304. Presumption of parentage. —
(2) (A) If the mother was legally married and living with her husband at the time of conception and has remained together with that husband through the date a petition to establish parentage is filed and both the mother and the mother's husband file a sworn answer stating that the husband is the father of the child, any action seeking to establish parentage must be brought within twelve (12) months of the birth of the child. In the event that an action is dismissed based upon the filing of such a sworn answer, the husband and wife who filed such sworn answer shall be estopped to deny paternity in any future action.

---

Wouldn't this part stop the bio-dad's petition? Although it does seem to conflict with the other part you had below.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by froggy7

Wouldn't this part stop the bio-dad's petition? Although it does seem to conflict with the other part you had below.

---

No.
They had to do it till child's first birthday.BTW the goal of 36-2-304(2) is to preserve the families from false claims.

36-2-304.(2) (A) If the mother was legally married and living with her husband at the time of conception and has remained together with that husband through the date a petition to establish parentage is filed and both the mother and the mother's husband file a sworn answer stating that the husband is the father of the child, any action seeking to establish parentage must be brought within twelve (12) months of the birth of the child. In the event that an action is dismissed based upon the filing of such a sworn answer, the husband and wife who filed such sworn answer shall be estopped to deny paternity in any future action.


In the event that an action is dismissed-... and what about if an action IS NOT dismissed... Can you guess what will happen to the mother after that?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ScottGem

I suspect that you may not have any other children, and see this as your chance to be a father. But that doesn't even begin to consider the child.

---

Wrong! I have two children- a daughter /18/ and a son /16/. They are trilled to meet their brother.
I had an appointment with an attorney. I was told I had all rights as GV70 stated his case.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by JohnJohns

Wrong! I have two children- a daughter /18/ and a son /16/. They are trilled to meet their brother.
I had an appointment with an attorney. I was told I had all rights as GV70 stated his case.

---

Please come back and let us know how it works out.

Ok, then I don't understand why you care so little about this other child. While GV is right about TN law, does the other family live in TN too? I hope not, because I think TN law is not family friendly in this case.