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JudyKayTee · May 1, 2008, 08:18 AM

Originally Posted by chrissymarie

No I don't think so. we have way too much sex for him to even have time to watch porn. I found in a box in the garage.

Okay, I checked through your other posts just to get some background.

Apparently there are problems in your sexual relationship (and other problems in your relationship), problems seriously enough to post and ask for advice.

If you are so conflicted... get out, for his sake if not your own.

chrissymarie · May 1, 2008, 08:23 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Okay, I checked through your other posts just to get some background.

Apparently there are problems in your sexual relationship (and other problems in your relationship), problems seriously enough to post and ask for advice.

If you are so conflicted ... get out, for his sake if not your own.

I'm seriously considering this, but I am scared to be alone.

kp2171 · May 1, 2008, 08:34 AM

Been there.

Don't be scared to be alone. It's a bad reason to be in a relationship.

After the loss of a big love, seven years together, me in my young 20's... I thought "am i ever going to find someone"?

Well yeah.

I found other loves, lost other loves, and eventually found my wife. Thank God.

So its normal to be a little scared, but its not a reason to stay. I'm not telling you to leave him, that's your call...

But I will tell you that being scared to be alone doesn't make for a happy life... you have to work through that fear so that it doesn't control you.

JudyKayTee · May 1, 2008, 09:25 AM

Originally Posted by chrissymarie

I'm seriously considering this, but I am scared to be alone.

If you care at all for your fiancé you owe it to him to be truthful - everybody is scared to be alone, it's part of life.

And when you post you really owe it to people who are trying to help to be truthful with them, too.

chrissymarie · May 1, 2008, 09:33 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

And when you post you really owe it to people who are trying to help to be truthful with them, too.

What exactly do you mean be truthul? I haven't lied about anything.

amIwrong · May 1, 2008, 09:40 AM

I used to be scared to be alone, then I realized that was a sick reason to stay with someone. I have discovered being empowered by being alone. At times I think I prefer it now.

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

If you care at all for your fiance you owe it to him to be truthful - everybody is scared to be alone, it's part of life.

And when you post you really owe it to people who are trying to help to be truthful with them, too.

amIwrong · May 1, 2008, 09:43 AM

I agree. I think so many people get this fairlytale in their head. It's not your fault or anyone else. It's just we all buy into "your the only one for me" and well it's nice to say and it's nice to hear. I mean, being practical is never romantic. No one wants to hear "baby, I love you, for now...." If anything, having a loss will make you stronger and it will make you learn more about yourself and what you want. It does not sound good now, but it will be later, should you go through it.

Originally Posted by kp2171

been there.

dont be scared to be alone. its a bad reason to be in a relationship.

after the loss of a big love, seven years together, me in my young 20's... i thought "am i ever going to find someone"?

well yeah.

i found other loves, lost other loves, and eventually found my wife. thank God.

so its normal to be a little scared, but its not a reason to stay. im not telling you to leave him, thats your call...

but i will tell you that being scared to be alone doesnt make for a happy life... you have to work through that fear so that it doesnt control you.

kp2171 · May 1, 2008, 09:43 AM

Originally Posted by chrissymarie

what exactly do you mean be truthul? I haven't lied about anything.

I don't believe it was meant as "you are lying"... it was meant as "you owe it to yourself and your partner to be open about any doubts you have"... not that you've lied here.

We have seen posters write in having said they married with doubts, and later paid the price, as did their mates, for marrying with serious doubts in place.

kp2171 · May 1, 2008, 09:51 AM

However... having read your other thread about his being older...
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...-a-209460.html

You are talking about secretly taking birth control to prevent pregnancy when he wants a child sooner. That is lying.

You asked us to consider the fact that he's paying for school when looking at the relationship. Why??

So at this point you are scared of his fetish with younger black women (I have my own general fetishes in women.. ok), you are unsure how to take his collection of porn and unsure about whether he will prey on young women, you are not on the same page about kids and you are considering hiding the fact that you will take birth control when hell be anxious for kids, and you complain that he doesn't want to do the things you want to do, and your youth is important to you.

why in the WORLD are you planning on getting married???

It makes absolutely no sense to me. Were he to write in, id tell him that marrying is a bad idea, with all of these issues at hand.

And his paying for school means NOTHING concerning your relationship.

JudyKayTee · May 1, 2008, 09:53 AM

Originally Posted by kp2171

i dont believe it was meant as "you are lying"... it was meant as "you owe it to yourself and your partner to be open about any doubts you have"... not that youve lied here.

we have seen posters write in having said they married with doubts, and later paid the price, as did their mates, for marrying with serious doubts in place.

Well - this is not a message board and I'm a little uncomfortable responding but the thread about the fiance's possible sexual performance "problem" does not mention the pornography; this thread (about pornography) does not mention the possible sexual performance "problem." This "porno" info was not added to the other thread (and it might help explain the performance question - it was posted as a new question.

This "porno" thread would lead a reader to think there are no other problems in the relationship when, in fact, there could be. Is the porno an issue causing the other issue - I have no idea.

In my opinion the missing info is very specific to both problems - the performance and the pornography.

amIwrong · May 1, 2008, 10:12 AM

I agree 100%

Originally Posted by kp2171

however... having read your other thread about his being older...
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...-a-209460.html

you are talking about secretly taking birth control to prevent pregnancy when he wants a child sooner. that is lying.

you asked us to consider the fact that hes paying for school when looking at the relationship. why???

so at this point you are scared of his fetish with younger black women (i have my own general fetishes in women..ok), you are unsure how to take his collection of porn and unsure about whether he will prey on young women, you are not on the same page about kids and you are considering hiding the fact that you will take birth control when hell be anxious for kids, and you complain that he doesnt want to do the things you want to do, and your youth is important to you.

why in the WORLD are you planning on getting married???

it makes absolutely no sense to me. were he to write in, id tell him that marrying is a bad idea, with all of these issues at hand.

and his paying for school means NOTHING concerning your relationship.

kp2171 · May 1, 2008, 10:17 AM

A new thread was started...

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/marria...nt-211494.html

JudyKayTee · May 1, 2008, 12:29 PM

Originally Posted by kp2171

a new thread was started...

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/marria...nt-211494.html

And so the stories go on and on and on -

Thanks for the heads up. I only saw the first 3.