[guttedone]

OMG just dump the guy, life is stressful enough as it is.

You need to get laid simple as that, you'll feel a whole lot better.

You also need a guy that wants to show you attention and make you feel loved, sounds like you and your BF are simply just not compatible. I don't understand what's wrong with him?? I can't leave my GF alone!! Lol

Have you thought that maybe he could be gay and likes watching the porn for other reasons than you think if you catch my drift? I'm not being nasty I just think that maybe it's a possibility?

[talaniman]

Stop drinking! At least go about this sober.

[twoscompany]

Stop drinking!! At least go about this sober.

Thank you but I'm not a drunk. This is a bigger issue that also comes up during sober moments. The above referenced incident was one example. Honestly, now I'm sort of sick of talking about it.

[Romefalls19]

Gutted, really? That's the advice you give, to dump him? Maybe you could try some new things to spice up the bedroom life as men do tend to get bored with the same routine. You can try role-playing, dressing up and new positions. Anything to keep the flavor in the bedroom. You don't immediately have to dump the guy before actually trying to work it out. When you have some free time at his house, few some of the porn he looks at and then you can try and set up scenarios as well

[talaniman]

I think you both pick at each other, and push enough buttons to give rise to resentments on both side, and neither of you has the skills, or inclination to sit down, talk and listen, to each other and work this out together, as adults.
Good grief, take a break from each other, to at least Stop the drama, and give you a chance to see things from a clear calm perspective.
Trust me, if you can't learn the right way to communicate, then you'll never survive as a couple.

[angie87]

Today was horrible. We talked and talked and talked and now we are not talking. He said that he doesn't trust me, that whenever I bring up this issue, it is like a betrayal. I told him that from my perspective, porn is a betrayal. He said he wanted to break up. He said he didn't want to break up. He said that it hurts him that I have a self image issue. He said he needs time to think. I'm dying inside.

To put things into better context, I had a close relationship with bulimia for about 13 years. I'm doing better with that behavior, but I still struggle with my body. Even if he tells me I look great, there is a voice in me that comes out saying I'm not. As a result, I stuff all those insecurities inside until some inappropriate moment and then pick a fight. It usually happens when we are drinking. I have ruined many nights with this same old script. Tony has given me an ultimatum that if I don't fix my thinking he won't stay in the relationship. I agree, but I think we both need fixing.

On a side note, our other issue is about dogs. Yes, dogs. I have two dogs that I love immensely and he hates them. I will have to get rid of my dogs if Tony and I move in together or even if I simply sell my house and move to something smaller. Anyway, when he bad mouths my dogs, it feels like he is criticizing me: they are unruly, misbehaved, they dig, they bark, he even calls my dogs a**holes. I hear these things as criticisms me.
So, the porn and the dogs are taboo topics. I don't think we should have taboo topics: that means there is unresolved anger. I feel like I'm willing to make sacrifices for him, but he is not willing to do the same for me. He said that I'm sacrificing our relationship and that is a sacrifice.

Now, we are taking a break from speaking to each other for a few days but I am certain, and scared to death, that when the break is over he is going to end the relationship. I know in this post he sounds terrible, but aside from these two issues, Tony is amazing. I'm the jerk. I'm the one with the issues. He says he deserves better and that he can't be with me when I'm "like this" because he can't be a boyfriend and a counselor. He did say that, if we don't break up, he'll go to talk to a counselor with me. I asked him if our love is conditional, because that is what it sounds like.

He gave me a sort of "promise" ring for Valentines day. He has one too, which he left at my house when he left today. Is this a sign? Why am I so afraid that he's going to leave me? Why am I being so pathetic? I wasn't even like this in high school.

Hey there.
I can't tell you how much I feel for you... I've been struggling with bulimia for a few years now.. and even if he tells me I look good or whatever.. there is a part of me that still hates the way I look.. and for him to still watch porn, get off to porn, and not want to get intimate with me... esp when I'm the one always having to initiate it and feel neglected and pushed away.. :( seriously it tears me apart. I don't think he knows how much it hurts me inside to know that he's watching these sites, girls with perfect bodies, pretty faces,etc... makes me feel like total crap inside.. everytime I'm away from him.. it makes me wonder what he's up to.. ON the computer.. he told me he has an erection problem.. but why is it that he can always watch porn and stuff.but never have enough libido to do it with me... like you, in the beginning we did it all the time more than 3 times a day.. but now it's down to NOTHING... absolutely nothing.. maybe once in a blue moon.. but it lasts like 5 minutes.. I am not satisfied.. and so sexually frustrated... I tried watching it too, just to see what's so great about it... but it's not the same being a girl... I love him to death, and he says he does too but sometimes I need sex.. I'm a physical/sexual girl... and I don't get it enough... what are we supposed to DO?

Just letting you know that you aren't alone... tell me if you need to vent.. because my boyfriend and I argue a lot too...

[Jynxii]

I'm so glad I found this because I'm in the same boat!

I'm 21 and my boyfriend is 23, we met online and started dating shortly after. Even though we lived in different states we would visit each other often. And we had sex often when we'd visit generall morning and night until the other person went home. And when we couldn't have sex we were having phone sex. After about a year and a half I flew to the state he lived in and we got an apartment together which we've been in for almost 2 years. When I moved in, we had sex a lot. And slowly after a while it was 1-2 times a week. Which I was okay with. However after about a year and a half, I've been lucky if I get it once a week at all. Which put me on edge, and I was managing until 2 months ago. In August I was supposed to get my Birthcontrol but due to Financial issues I couldn't. So for the last two months he wouldn't give me any sex at all. I just got the shot two days ago, and he STILL refuses to put out. Now he's saying that he doesn't want to have sex because he doesn't enjoy it. I've asked him in the past why he doesn't cuddle or have sex with me. He says it's not me that it's him and that he doesn't like sex. Yet he watches porn when he wakes up and when he's about to go to bed, and masturbates during these times. I have tried practically everything to get him to have sex with me. Dressing sexy, wearing clothes I know turns him on (ie wearing just one of his shirts), and I've offered to try new things. I'm not one for the same old routing either, I love to experiment and try new things. But I can't get him into the bed to do anything. And I've done a lot more than most women would for a man. Hell, half the time I can't even get him to let me give him oral. And if I do, I won't get anythign in return ever. He used to, and he claims he likes to give oral, but I haven't gotten that in months. I know he isn't cheating because we have one set of keys and one car, so generally he's either stuck at home or work, because I have the car. However in the past I've caught him on dating sites and such. He claims he's just trying to meet people and makes friends, but I don't believe him. He also downloads a LOT of porn. On average I'd bet he downloads any where from 10-20 porns a day. Some of that includes hentai and gay porn. I've asked him about that due and he just says he downloads a lot of different porn. I've confronted him on more than one occasion if he's gay or not. And it ends up being a huge fight. He says he wants to be with me and that he cares about me. I've went as far to ask him if he's cheating on me or if he really wants to be with me. He says that he does want to be with me, and he assures me he's not cheating on me. I really would like for this relationship to work he's a great person outside of all this, But I need sex more than what I'm getting, or just affection in general. He rarely even gives me attention or affection, half the time I have to fight with him for it. He claims that he wants to be able to get to know the person he's with in other ways than having sex. Like going out and doing things together, because to him there's other things he could be doing than having sex. But getting him to go out and do things is nearly impossible. He'd rather sit at home on the computer. And I've tried to talk to him about all of this, but he's the type of person that keeps changing to a random subject, or he turns it around so that he's the victom. Arguing with him is nearly impossible. So.. that's my long rant but I could really use some insight :). Thanks!