[Brandino747]

So,

After a day or two of no contact with her I felt great, like literally great. I thought it was just a passing "high"... but it led to feeling better and better. Mind you this is a girl that we swore we'd be together forever, I loved her unconditionally and faithfully- and she did the same.

We broke up cause she was on the rebound when she met me. It went well but she started showing emotional signs of not being ready for a relationship. Which was too bad cause what we had was amazing.

Needless to say moving on is terrific, and very fullfilling. The advice of NC really does work, cause I KNOW if I still kept in contact with her it would have been hell for the both of us. This doesn't mean I DON"T think the world of her; cause I do, I still think she is an amazing girl. I would love to talk to her still, but i've moved on (the only way I would ever talk to her is if she contacted me first)... who knows what will happen. But the bachelor life is so much better overall. There is no restrictions at all :-)

What I have found useful:
-If she is on your myspace or facebook, either delete her/him or do not look at their pages.
- If your one of those drunk dialers than delete her number. I am not, but I still deleted her number from my "active" phone book on my cell- but it is still saved on my cell's smart chip.
-delete her/him from AIM or any other service...atleast for the first 2 weeks. Remember, you want NO CONTACT, and without all of these "accesses" to contact the person you will have no desire.
- Think of all the BS you went through in the relationship. All the times he/she made you mad or made you "wonder" if they were even the one for you.
- If your a guy and really want to get over her...then "GFTOW" (google it), read about seduction and pick up (Books: The game, The Mystery Method, The Layguide, The art of seduction)... this sh*t works! Trust me.

I will say you will go through a ROLLER COASTER of emotions. Sometimes you will want to call her/him up and try and get them back. Other times (mostly for me) you are completley fine being without them. Just be prepared to wait it out, and let them contact you.

** The only exception to all of this is if you cheated on the person or you never gave them any attention in the relationship... then the NC thing will totally work the wrong way.

Just have fun, and realize that there really are so many more people out there that are possibly more of what your looking for.

[EuRa]

I'm going to bump this because I think it's good advice.

[Brandino747]

I broke up with my girlfriend 3 weeks ago. We told each other we would stay in contact, but it didn't work cause every time we talked emotions would rise. We decided to go no contact about 10 days ago. I talked to one of her friends and she said she is doing well, she still isn't over me and is actually trying to find reasons to hate me just to get over me. Mind you, are break up was as clean as can be. I have given her EVERYTHING a girl would ever want (in terms of being there, loving her, accepting her past mistakes, etc) and now this?

Last night, I ran into her and her friend at a pub. She wouldn't even look up at me, so I walked by her and turned around and said "why are you ignoring me, whats up?" she said "your busy, call me tommorow"... I think she said me call her, not her call me.

But either way, I've gone from being this amazing person in her life to being a nobody, all for what? She is the one that needed space. I just really think it is uncalled for to try and hate someone and act so distant when you see them just to get over them.

I understand that it works, but I just don't understand it's morality.

So women, if you do this can you shed some light here? By how she acted last night, is she clearly not over me? I am not going to call her honestly. I told her friend the only way we would ever get into contact was if she contacted me.

[nkychic]

People grieve in their own way. Sometimes it doesn't always make sense. She's obviously trying to find bad things to help her forget about all the good. She is probably just confused right now as to what/who she wants. She just needs time. I will however say that in my opinion, Hate is as strong an emotion as LOVE. As weird as it sounds, you aren't going to put forth the effort to hate anyone that you don't care about. It makes no sense, but proves true in many instances. I think that she just needs some time. Let her handle things her way if that's what makes her feel better. It's hard to not take it personally, but you have to understand it's not YOU that she hates. It seems she just hates the fact that she can't decide what she wants. She obviously not over you, but she's still stuck in a confused state. Give her time. Live your life and let her come to you if she chooses. Good luck and I hope I've been of at least a little help.

<3 Leslie

[talaniman]

There is no morality to feelings or how we cope wit them. Each in our own way. Especially new intense feelings. You can only try to understand and be kind about it.

[Brandino747]

People grieve in their own way. Sometimes it doesn't always make sense. She's obviously trying to find bad things to help her forget about all the good. She is probably just confused right now as to what/who she wants. She just needs time. I will however say that in my opinion, Hate is as strong an emotion as LOVE. As weird as it sounds, you aren't going to put forth the effort to hate anyone that you don't care about. It makes no sense, but proves true in many instances. I think that she just needs some time. Let her handle things her way if that's what makes her feel better. It's hard to not take it personally, but you have to understand it's not YOU that she hates. It seems she just hates the fact that she can't decide what she wants. She obviously not over you, but she's still stuck in a confused state. Give her time. Live your life and let her come to you if she chooses. Good luck and I hope I've been of atleast a little help.

<3 Leslie

Well said, I totally understand and agree. Do you have first hand experience on this?

Thanks for the time

[Brandino747]

Just curious if anyone has broked the no contact and it has either worked for them or brought them back to square one (feeling like hell) if so, how long did you wait... what were the circumstances on the break up? etc...

OR, anyone ever want to break it but was to stubborn and eventually the other person broke it?

I think this will help a lot of people.

[talaniman]

This subject has been covered in many threads here, as many come and are not convinced that things are over. A few have gone back to the ex, and had no success in getting a spark back, or things had changed so much it never got off the ground. No one has used NC, to get back an ex, and live happily ever after. Do you think you have a chance? NC is to heal, and most who heal prefer to move on to better things.

[Brandino747]

I was in a rebound relationship... things went amazingly well with us. We both loved each other faithfully.

She didn't have enough time to "heal" her mind when she got out of her last relationship. She all of a sudden became really insecure about everything, wanting to please me in any way possible and didn't think she was pleasing me enough... therefor this led her to doubting the relationship than ultimatley her love for me.

I am the one that ended it, she didn't want it to end at all... she was so hurt and broken when this all happened.

It's been 3 weeks since then. I have run into her once by accident and she told me to call her the next day... but I didn't.

I just still care for her a lot. I want to see how she is doing; I don't know if a relationship will work again but I just want to see her/talk to her.

Part of me wants to break the NC, but on the same token I want to keep my dignity (not that I foresee her ignoring me at all... )

[TrueFaith]

I agree we leave people for a reason. You can't get the spark back.. no matter how much you try

[Brandino747]

So, I was at borders tonight and was skimming through the best selling book "It's called a break up cause it's broken"... while this book is for women, I however found it useful and I recommend it to any women who has broken up with a guy or has had their hearts smashed! The only exception is... if your relationship ended on good terms, and you both really care for each other then READ THIS BOOK LIGHTLY... the reason being is it teaches you how to hate your ex and attack them emotionally with a vengeance... so do not stupe so low whereas you start hating someone that cares for you and would never hurt you... still a must read, get it!

For guys: yes you can read that book... or you can buy the movie "Swingers"... it's about a guy who cannot get over his ex, he waits by the phone, checks his messages religiously and wants her back dearly! The funny thing is is when he finally gets over her and meets another girl... the ex calls back... rent this movie or even buy it, trust me it'll help! It has helped me tremedously. Replay the scenes "The Rub" and "Late breakfast" over and over and over until you puke... it will help you a lot.

Good luck.

[Brandino747]

I just got out of a relationship (a month ago today)

I talked to her friend on the phone today and her friend told me that my ex actually is starting to hate me. Mind you, we broke up in really good terms, actually we didn't even want to break up but she was emotionally ready for a relationship so I had to end it.

She wanted to stay in contact but as you know every time we contacted each other after our break up it brought her emotionally back to square one.

So, she deletes me off Facebook and myspace and apparently deleted my phone number. Her friend and her were out one night and they saw me and some of my friends (I didn't know this until today) and apparently my ex was freaking out that she may run into me!


Someone please enlighten me?

I want to contact her in a way just to let her know that I don't want her to hate me and I still care for her... I don't really want to be back with her but I want to be on good terms.

[Delow84]

All my ex's save the most recent one. Have become REALLY good friends with me. 2 of which were best friends when I finally got with my ex. Only one is still my friend now because the other got tired of my ex saying I can't see or talk to her cause we dated/ and she is a girl.

I think like you told me, she saw you having a good time, looking incredible as you put it lol, and its eating at her. So maybe with her friends she talks bad about you to make herself feel better. That's just my 2 cents

[ForeverZero]

These are stages of a breakup dude. One month after the breakup is no barometer for what's going on, let her deal with things in her own way and maybe she'll come around. Try to remember your own phases the last time a relationship ended in a less than pleasing manner for you.

[Wondergirl]

Exes have to "hate" you in order to completely break away. In psychology it's called separation and individuation. Two-year-olds go through it, and teenagers go through it--both groups with parents. Only by separating from an important person in his life can someone become an individual in his own right.

[Bluerose]

Brandino747,

Fist of all no one hates anyone one for no reason, even if the reason is that that person reminds them of someone else they don't like, or as Wondergirl said, they are trying to break free of someone. You have no control over what is going on in her head. Move on, go back to her and it will just turn into a 'see who can dump who first' scenario.

[excon]

Any of your ex's hate you for no reason?

Hello Brandino:

If you ponder your question, you'll find your answer.

excon

[Brandino747]

Makes sense, it's just a ty way of dealing with things. Almost immature too. Considering our break up wasn't wanted from both of us.

[Chery]

Mind you, we broke up in really good terms, actually we didn't even want to break up but she was emotionally ready for a relationship so I had to end it.

Whether you want this to end 'on good terms' or not is not under your control. She has a right to be angry.

Love is tough, and we don't always get what we want, so get over it and let her heal and move on.

Next time you just want a friend - be up-front and say so. If you are not ready to commit, stick to safe one-night stands.

How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot?

Better luck next time, but leave this one alone and let her have a good life once she has healed.

Wanting a dog to lick your toes after kicking it is not logical and very selfish.

P.S. None of my ex's hate me, but they'll never forget me either.

[yuffie]

Just give her some time, it's probably just her way to let you go.
Maybe she's having a hard time to not thinking of you if she has your name on her myspace, etc.. Every time she sees your name, she'll just wonder if she should contact you or not
But she know she should let you go so.. I guess just give her sometime, when she let go of her feelings she can act normal again in front of you.
It seems a little immature if you see the deleting act as an act of hate. But some people need to do things that way to let go of their feelings.