[rheinhessen]

Hm, I read in a reply to a question on here that listening to your heart and not your head leads people to cheating on their partners, amongst other things. To an extent, I agree with it, it's what got me into this situation in the first place...

However, after listening to my heart and finding myself in this situation I've also listened to my head an awful lot - and my head AND my heart both agree that the relationship I am in now isn't really a relatiosnhip at all - it's two people who occasionally get on living in the same house.

My alternative is moving out and living by myself, and pursuing something with someone which is so much more than anything I've ever experienced in my mere 23 years on this earth.

I won't try and justify myself, the way this started was wrong.. I was (still am) with my partner.. but things have steadily gone downhill - and yes, it's probably down to me withdrawing and giving to the new guy... It's frustrating to try and out into words on here - but without actually meeting either of these mena and myself and really knowing the story, I realise I'm the big bad wolf and my 'partner' whom I live with is the hard done by. And maybe that is actually true, but he's not exactly a saint...

Anyway, whilst listening to my head also, I'm now a bit scared. Not about leaving the guy I live with and getting my own place, but, eventually, involving the most amazing man I have ever met, into all aspects of my life. I am SOO SO scared he's going to suddenly change his mind..

We've talked about it, and we know it's going to be a slow process, and neither of us are prepared to or wanting to rush things, one step at a time. But I'm just not sure he's ready for this.. He says he's thought about this A lot and he's completely comfortable with the idea and he's always understood that I equal my son, and that he's sure he wants to be involved at some point - but I don't want to spoil/hinder what's going on for him now or anything he could be doing...

But if this does happen, I also want it to be equal and share the responsibility.. am I right to want that? Or because he's my child with someone else, do I not have the right to aim for that kind of thing from him (eventually).. I'd never expect anything from him at all, with one exception. I don't expect to have to do everything for my son because he's not his child - although I don't know why I'm worrying about that as I know he'd never do that.

I'm just scared in general. I've never ever felt like this about anyone before. Perhaps this is a question only for the 23/24 + but you know when you think you've fallen in love for the first time? And your family dismiss the idea, you're only 16, too young. Well I was sure then, and the next time afterwards - well this is what I feel like about Him to the power of 1000000000000. I am SO sure he's the one, I know that this is the man I'll marry, I just know it.

I've not even really asked a question have I.. Such a pointless post. However, if you have an input please feel free...

[muppet1]

Hope you don't have small boobs, because then the sex would be terible for him.