[bevilacq12]

Tonight she said that she thought sleeping together was a mistake - she still didn't know what to think, and she worried she was going to hurt me further. She then said that none of her feelings for me had returned in the past week. I asked "So are we done?" and she just said "I guess."

She seemed conflicted. She said she loved me. I don't understand what is holding her back, and every bone in my body tells me to keep trying, but I know that nothing I say will make a difference. She has to work through it on her own, or not work through it at all.

I said "If you wake up one morning and realize you want to share your life with me again, you know how to reach me. I'd give anything for you to want to be with me again, but there's no use trying to change your mind if that's not how you feel. I want you to know that I will always love you. You were my first love, and I'll never forget the good times we shared."

She got all teary and came over and hugged me, really tight and really hard. I got my shoes on and headed for the door. She said something like "So we'll talk" (I couldn't really hear it, people in the hallway were being loud). I just said "Goodbye Libby" and turned around and walked out of her life.

I feel like absolute . But there's nothing more I can do. I want to die. I know I'll get over it eventually, but it hurts so much.

[Homegirl 50]

Sometimes the love dies. Sometimes you just grow apart. She did, you didn't and when you're growing apart, a part of you still wants to hang on to the familiar, maybe that is what she is doing.
I think you should just call the relationship over, and move on. Give her space. If you two are meant to be it will happen again. But you can't make someone love you if they don't. You just have to know when to say good bye.

[Ash123]

Brutha, you ain't listening....

But that's ok - unrequited love is the most toxic thing there is.. in fact, you may as well be hooked on heroin -- you need to DETOX:

Look to this site, your family and friends and trust me: things will get better if you go to work now.
Please read this: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...sh-114179.html

[mckenzie134]

Brutha, you ain't listening....

But that's ok - unrequited love is the most toxic thing there is..in fact, you may as well be hooked on heroin -- you need to DETOX:

ASH your advice is priceless and if this brutha just took your advice yesterday about not contacting her he may have actually found himself in a different situation to the one he is in now.

Now mate you should not have slept with her, as Ash has pointed out to you, push her away and watch her come to you. Sleeping with you was just because it felt right she's been there before she= knows its good and safe. Girls love security and feel great with you. She may still love you as a person but girls want to feel it emotionally and she is not feeling that at the moment.

What should have been done is you say "What are you doing dont touch me theres none of that going on while we are not toghether im not like that" This will automatically increase your value as a person and shows what kind pof person you are like. She would love this!!

Don't worry though START NOW!! RIGHT NOW!! No more contact if she contacts you don't answer!!
i KNOW YOUR NOT LISTENING BUT PLEASE DO NOT ANSWER MAIL OR ANYTHING OR YOU ARE OUT!! STAY STRONG AND YOU CAN WIN BACK...

DO IT Don't ANSWER TAKE THIS ADVICE IF YOU Don't GET HER BACK THIS WAY THE OTHER WAY WILL NEVER WORKK JUST GIVES YOU FVALSE HOPE... TILL SHE FINDS ANOTHER AND THEN YOU FEEL WORSE. EVEN IF SHE WANTS TO COME BACK PLAY IT COOL. Don't ANSWER JUST START NOW

THIS MAY BE HARD TO UNDERSTAND BUT WILL GIVE HER A CHANCE TO CREATE A VOID IF YOU Don't AND YOU FALL FOR HER SAYING CAN YOU COME OVER. TELL HER YOUR BUSY THE MORE YOU PUSH THE MORE SHE WILL WANT YOU... HOPE YOU CAN FOLLOW THIS ADVICE ITS VERY HARD TO DO BUT IS RIGHT.

[Chery]

OK, you've been there, done that and it hurts.

I'm starting a new saying: After REJECTION comes PROTECTION!

Start now by protecting yourself from her and her games. STOP thinking that she even gives a damn when you say you'll always love her and will the there for her, blah, blah, blah. We women have heard all of this and if we don't feel that certain something anymore, this leaves us cold. Yes, cold. She knows that there is a healing process and then life goes on.. Just as we all know it.

So start protecting yourself by getting rid of pieces of her around your place, pictures, notes, emails, etc. Then start being active with yourself and don't for one minute stay home and sulk.

We all had our 'first love' and I hope I am not going through my 'last love' because I'm single and still alive! My BF knows that as long as I am with him there is no body else in my life, but he also knows I am human and I could very well fall out of love with him.. I guess that is what makes him work on it a little harder.

But we all realize that when something is dead in a relationship, on either part, it is not retrievable.. We have to accept this and go on with our lives.

Yes, you will remember your first love probably for the remainder of your life, but when you later think of it, it will be just that.. a memory and will no longer hurt you.

Now we just have to get you through this.. and we will stay with you as long as you want. We all know it hurts like hell and makes for a lousy time, but we all have been there and will help you.

Here's hoping we can help make this a little easier for you to cope with.

[bevilacq12]

It's just so tough. I've lost my love, my best friend, and my sex life all at the same time. It feels like she's taken everything.

She kept IMing me last night. She first asked if I was mad. I just said "No, I accept your decision." She rambled some more about there always being hope, but I didn't respond to any of it.

A bit later, she said "I feel bad for asking, but do you have any Tylenol?" It seemed like she was desperate for attention, she could have easily gone and purchased some. I couldn't ignore her, and I said that yes I did have Tylenol. She said she'd meet me.

When I went outside, she was there, in a different (nicer) outfit than before. I handed her the Tylenol. She asked if there was anything I wanted to talk about. I said no. Then I asked if she did - and she said "not yet." I just said "Ok. I hope your headache clears up, goodnight" and turned around and went back upstairs. She later IMed me saying "I'm sitting here wracking my brain, trying to reassure myself that I made the right decision."

Ugh. If this is genuine, what is her problem - why can't she just be with me? If this is just for attention, she is cold-hearted. I'm not going to lower myself and beg to get back with her though.

[Chery]

If you approach her now she will think you are a wuss. And we all know how women feel about a man when he acts like that.

I know telling you that it's time for you to keep busy and not think about her much is not going to set well and sound like a broken record, but this is what you should be thinking of doing. Make plans and stick to them, no matter what. Set certain times for yourself for outside activities, hobbies, and sports, etc. And no matter if and when she contacts you, avoid her for as long as you possibly can. These episodes will hurt less once you live through the first few months. You ask 'months? ', Yup, months!! Remember, this is your first love, and first love breakups generally hurt and last the longest, so prepared to protect yourself.

Ignore her IM and phone calls, let her get her own damned tylenol or whatever. Let her take her confused self somewhere else for comfort. She is acting like this only because she wants to get rid of the guilt she feels. That's not being compassionate, it's being selfish. If she cared she'd leave you the heck alone so that you can heal. If she tells you she has to find herself, tell her to get a map. Now, go replace the tylenol you gave her because you too will have headaches and she does not care if you need them for yourself.

Get angry, let us know how angry and about what, or keep a journal for yourself.. but at least let it all out.

[mckenzie134]

You know when yo stop trying mate the minute she says I need a break that's when you stop trying! You show her the door tell her you love her and wish her the best of luck! When she contacts you don't answer she told you what she wanted and that was to treat you like a second rate person! Once she wants out reafirm her decision! are you a man!

[mckenzie134]

YOU are not listening!! Why are you still talking to HER!!

STOP STOP STOP!! She doesn't want you at the moment!! Why are you giving her Tyrenol!! Your not her boyfriend Don't act like oit! Your turning into her bloody DOG??

She says she isn't sure if she made the right decision!! Who cares she made the decision now FIRE up don't be there for her! You obviously want her back!! So ont be there!!

Don't answer let her think you are moving obn and the best way to do this is go silent!
Don't tell her your moving on just say nothing

TALKING on I'm why are you doing that! You should not even be on there you should be out living life finding her repacement!!

Are you the BEST or a loser, the best gets out there and shows he can have another girl! That's what girls LOVE!!

Don't sit around and even if yo are don't let her know this!!

[mckenzie134]

Silent!!

[Ash123]

Almost EVERY woman does this once...in a relationship, in reality or in her mind. So, don't take all this so personally.

Men do too - but for different reasons...
If you want her to come back... make her regret her decision. It's not mean... it's LIFE. We are biologically wired to maximize our brood stock. She is subconsciously making sure her future offspring are being made by someone who is stronger and more desirable than she is... So, her progeny will be too... Follow? Anyway - accept that. You are proving your worth now. You are not being mean, if you simply ask for a little space. You don't have to say F-u... Just, "sorry, I'm a little busy...."

Running her errands and paying her expenses is not good. Being a provider is a strong thing for a man, but being a valet is not.
Consider this: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...do-118640.html

Hang in there. I know this suxxxxxxxxxxxx

[bevilacq12]

Almost EVERY woman does this once...in a relationship, in reality or in her mind. So, don't take all this so personally.

Men do too - but for different reasons...
If you want her to come back...make her regret her decision. It's not mean....it's LIFE. We are biologically wired to maximize our brood stock. she is subconsciously making sure her future offspring are being made by someone who is stronger and more desirable than she is....So, accept that. You are proving your worth now. You are not being mean, if you simply ask for a little space. You don't have to say F-u...Just, "sorry, I'm a little busy...."

Hang in there. I know this suxxxxxx

If she calls, should I just let it ring? I was planning on taking her calls and responding if she contacts me, but being cold and uninterested if she is just playing more games.

Is there anything specific I should do? I have to be on AIM at work since that's what we use to communicate inter-office, but I plan on just having a default away message up constantly when I'm out of work. I'm going to go about my business, go to the gym, listen to loud music, and maybe try to find some of my friends to hang out with. Is that all I should be doing?

[bevilacq12]

I'm still holding onto hope, and I hate it. I keep thinking that she'll realize what her life is like without me and come running back. I want that to happen so badly. But I know that thinking that isn't helping me to move on.

I feel like I've lost everything. My 1st love, my best friend, and my sex life - all gone. And of course my happiness, self-esteem, and lust for life went right out with them. I shared EVERYTHING with this girl, and now it feels like there's nothing left.

[SAB123]

This all slowly gets better in time. My ex fiancé broke up with me 7 months ago. Although it still hurts it's not as bad as in the beginning.

[Chery]

You can read the other posts again, just in case you forgot what I said before.

Since the weekend is coming up, see your friends, make set plans to do something and follow through. Try not to drink alcohol this weekend because it will only pull you down and you'll probably do something you will regret later.

DO NOT have any contact with her at all. NONE, NADA!

So what if you don't have steady sex for a while, there are a lot of us that don't and we feel just fine. Do sports, go swimming, dancing, etc. It's not like it's going to last forever. Believe us, we know what we are talking about. Nothing last forever!

Have you thought about that journal? Go to the park and take your journal with you. You'll be surprised how that ink will flow under a blue sky and rustling of leaves.

While you are doing that, I'll be sending you good vibes.

[Ash123]

If she calls, should I just let it ring? I was planning on taking her calls and responding if she contacts me, but being cold and uninterested if she is just playing more games.

Is there anything specific I should do? I have to be on AIM at work since that's what we use to communicate inter-office, but I plan on just having a default away message up constantly when I'm out of work. I'm going to go about my business, go to the gym, listen to loud music, and maybe try to find some of my friends to hang out with. Is that all I should be doing?

AIM?!!

Geez. No AIM. No texts... no nada... no smoke signals... no shadow puppets... no oragami of her pristine body, no letters with perfume, no flowers, no singing telegrams, no calls, no sky-writing, no stalking outside her window with a periscope, no "chance" run-ins with her best friend after your big workout, no mp3 downloads in a tribute to her...
Your work is DONE.

The second you make her work, is the second you give yourself a chance to improve in her eyes... and in your own... NOTHING is SOMETHING...

This is not a "grenade" situation... (.and if you don't know what I'm talking about - look it up on my "questions") this is a DO NOTHING situation... so try it for 3 months and stay in contact here to survive... and if you go silent and wish to evaluate her INNEVITABLE correspondences - post them here.

[Ash123]

This all slowly gets better in time. My ex fiance broke up with me 7 months ago. although it still hurts it's not as bad as in the beginning.

This guy has been through the emotional ringer!

Listen to him. He started at rock bottom... (SAB please tell me you are done with her, right?)

[bevilacq12]

AIM?!!

Geez. No AIM. No texts....no nada.....no smoke signals....no shadow puppets...no oragami of her pristine body, no letters with perfume, no flowers, no singing telegrams, no calls, no sky-writing, no stalking outside her window with a periscope, no "chance" run-ins with her best friend after your big workout, no mp3 downloads in a tribute to her....
Your work is DONE.

The second you make her work, is the second you give yourself a chance to improve in her eyes....and in your own.....NOTHING is SOMETHING.....

This is not a "grenade" situation....(.and if you don't know what i'm talking about - look it up on my "questions") this is a DO NOTHING situation....so try it for 3 months and stay in contact here to survive...and if you go silent and wish to evaluate her INNEVITABLE correspondences - post them here.

I'm not going to contact her in any way. I bought a journal and I'll just write in that whenever I feel the urge to contact her.

I just mean - what if she contacts me? Do I just ignore it over and over again?

[Chery]

I'm not going to contact her in any way. I bought a journal and I'll just write in that whenever I feel the urge to contact her.

I just mean - what if she contacts me? Do I just ignore it over and over again?

Yes dear, ignore it. Change your number if necessary. There is no need to put yourself through more anguish.

Hang in there dear, we'll stay with you. There is usually always someone online since we live in different countries.

[Ash123]

If she contacts you, tell her that right now you are focusing on you, and when youfeel the time is right, you all can talk again... no drama.
So, you are setting a measure of control and gaining that.

I know it hurts!

We'll get you through this.

If she's the one you have NOTHING to worry about.