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cassie1189 · Sep 28, 2007, 09:44 AM

Hello. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my question. My ex boyfriend broke up with me about 2 months ago because I was very jealous and paranoid. I questioned the poor guy about anything and everything and it lead to us fighting 2 or 3 times a day. He loved me more than anything, but he was always mad at me and just had to end the relationship. His excuse was "I don't have the urge to put any effort in a relationship with you because you caused me so much grief". Andy is a very drama free and laid back person. He is insensitive and doesn't express his emotions very well.

About a month after we broke up, I asked him to come over and he refused. He told me that it was done and over, he was moving, on and everyday gets easier for him. Mind you, he was hanging out with his guy friend EVERYDAY at the time. He told me we would not be hanging out anymore and I would probably see him on our 10th year reunion. The next day he called me 4 times in an hour to apologize, but I didn't answer the phone. Andy never apologizes for anything so secretly it meant a lot to me. I didn't see him for an entire month after that conversation. We just started hanging out again about 3 weeks ago. Whenever I call him he is quick to answer the phone and if I text message him he usually responds.

Here is where the confusion begins. Sometimes he acts like he wants to be with me and other times he acts like he doesn't. When we hang out he treats me just like he did when we were dating. He talks to me the same and even baby talks me sometimes just like he used to. We we first started getting physical after the breakup he would always make comments like "We shouldn't be doing this cause we aren't dating" "I don't want to lead you on" and "We can't kiss cause its to personal". Well lately he hasn't made those comments and has been very affectionate. I actually thought we were going to get back together a few times cause he was so nice to me. When we are sharing a close moment he looks me in the eyes and sometimes he makes comments about how attrractive I am. The other night he held me so close that I actually woke up sticky and sweaty where our bodies were touching. He rubs my face and my hair every now and then which is a sign of loving someone in my opinion.

Sometimes Andy acts the complete opposite. He acts like I am annoying and doesn't seem thrilled to be around me. He will answer the phone calls and respond to text messages, but when I made plans for him to come over tonight he acted like he wasn't to interested. He is going to come over I guess. Anyway... when it comes to being affectionate I have to make the first move and he doesn't cuddle me or kiss me. If I cuddle him or act affectionate toward him he doesn't mind, but like I said I have to make the first move.

I guess I don't know if Andy still loves me and is interested in me or if he is feeling the opposite. I want to be with him so bad, but I don't know if he ever wants to be with me again. Sometimes I feel like he does and is just testing the waters to make sure things aren't going to be the same and other times I feel like he just wants someone to hang out with. From my knowledge, he hasn't and currently is not seeing anyone else. I don't even think he has hung out with another girl. Am I wasting my time or do I have a chance?

statictable · Sep 28, 2007, 10:19 AM

It's very hard not to make comments that we wish we hadn't made. That's normal. It sounds like he's very, very carefully testing the waters to see how your doing and to see if you are able to completely let go of the stuff that drove him away. You probably don't have a clue about your behavior ( very jealous and paranoid ) but that's like throwing trust right out the window and he's aware of how some girls/women respond to those feelings. In short it's hard to trust a person who's into jealousy, it just opens so many doors to other questions about who you are. We like to know who our partner is before building a relationship with meaning. If he's worth it you might invest some time in professionally working on the jealous/noid aspects of your make-up. So don't flip out and agonize over this, instead you want to be able to build a relationship with who ever your with now or 2 years from now. Take care of yourself first and then come the relationships.

Zell · Sep 28, 2007, 11:27 AM

Hey =)

Sometimes Andy acts the complete opposite. He acts like I am annoying and doesn't seem thrilled to be around me. He will answer the phone calls and respond to text messages, but when I made plans for him to come over tonight he acted like he wasn't to interested. He is going to come over I guess. Anyway... when it comes to being affectionate I have to make the first move and he doesn't cuddle me or kiss me. If I cuddle him or act affectionate toward him he doesn't mind, but like I said I have to make the first move.

Kind of sounds like he's still interested but he's scared, because he doesn't know how you feel 100%. Hence why he doesn't make a move.
I think the best thing to do is tell him you want to be with him again.

ladybeutiful101 · Mar 24, 2008, 06:56 PM

What I feel is that if he tries to get your attention,he still calls you,or he gets really jealous if your with another guy and usually ex's don't talk with their ex girlfriends because it ends up getting weird but just showing little signs tells you and if he does you'll feel it!

Delow84 · Mar 24, 2008, 07:03 PM

Ask him. Or talk with him, and you might hear it in the conversation.

Louise234 · May 25, 2010, 05:32 AM

I am in the same position. I broke up with a guy who had treated me like a Queen ---- but
We had other issues that we couldn't seem to agree on so we split. Got back together ( I asked him ) 8 months later... He agreed but he blows hot/cold. Sometimes he's very sweet - other times -
He becomes very cool/reserved and even may call me "goof" or say... " Am I talking to a WALL?"
Direspectful comments that irritate me but I do not want to rock the boat since I'm trying to earn his trust back. I think the whole key here is that he is afraid to trust. Only time will help - He has admitted he's afraid to invest in anyone/anything anymore for fear of such great disappointment. Ride the wave for a while - but if you don't see improvements over a decent period, you may want to rethink staying with this person. If they are really stuck and can't move on with you - I would suggest cutting them loose. There is no glory in being a whipping post. I'll hang in for a while but if things don't improve and this person can't open his heart up anymore - it won't work. Period.