[depressedme20]

Does anyone know a good help line to call.. so I can talk to someone about this?


Thank you

[JBeaucaire]

Look, go back and read what I wrote about porn. It's only a destructive addiction if it interferes with his ability to have a normal sex life.

The fact that he sees porn and has an instant erection means the plumbing works, but that's all automatic, years of looking at it gets that natural result. There should be similar automatic responses to contact with you as well.

Married 23 years, all my wife has to do is kiss me, and I usually get an almost instant reaction. She thinks it's funny. But it happens.

Your guy sounds like he has a real physical block with you. It may be him, it may be the two of you, and it "might" be the porn, but it's a real issue. So the "living with porn is possible" argument I made earlier is irrelevant for now. He needs some help, or you need to accept his lack of sexuality with you as the norm of your relationship and marry him ACCEPTING that ahead of time.

You don't have to do that. I guess I will never understand the need to pursue relationships far into and beyond the "we're incompatible but I love him so I'll just stay miserable" choice.

It's nuts. You do what you feel you must, but there are SO many things wrong here, I guess I don't get it.

[ConfusedInAK]

I'm not even going to address the pornography.. you have a WAY bigger issue and that is the physical abuse.

I escaped and so can you and don't you DARE forgive the bastard! Just LEAVE and don't tell him where you are going. Go to your parents house or something but by god get away from him NOW!

I always used to forgive the jackass that beat me whenever he would drink and honey that was ALL day. Obviously it progressed as I can track his movements simply by court records. He has beat all his "girlfriends".

Move your thoughts away from the porn. And this is one type of love you can replace. In fact don't even say that to yourself again... never say I love him or I forgive him. Pack up and go and do it when he can't stop you.

I left behind everything... you don't need most material things anyway.

Good luck!

[talaniman]

You both are confused about what is acceptable, and what is not. You are both abusing each other, and that ain't love, or even close. Either get some real help, or get away from each other. You both need help, not just one of you BOTH of you.

[chuff]

he's also beats me a lot

Who the hell cares about the porn? Your getting beat up and in the middle of this post about porn, you write 5 words about a coward that beats you. This is your problem, not porn. I can tell your depressed and your down, but if he can't respect you enough not to hurt you then he doesn't respect you at all. I've said some stupid things to people, but I've never done it with the intention of inflicting pain. When you hit someone you know exactly what your doing. If you think this is the best guy you can find I can assure you that YOU are not giving yourself enough credit.

[liz28]

You can call anyone on these numbers if you want to tell:
1800-448-3000
1800-784-2433
1800-273-8255

This number help females get out of abusive relationship and house you give you counseling and support groups no matter where your at and even come and get you:1800-799-7233, this number helped my friend a lot so go this first.

Note all numbers are open 24/7 and nationwide.

Hope this help!

[depressedme20]

I have posted on here before,. So for those who care

I have been in a relationship with this guy for almost three years. I am not going to mention the stuff that isn't that important such as: his family <-(and they way they treat me). He has beat on me countless times. He has wreck myself esteem, calls me every filthy name imaginable, he says horrible untrue things about my physical appearance He told me last night he is "gay" and that is why he doesn't find me sexually attractive and that he was using me for a "cover" Tells me he thought sex was supposed to be like porn and that he was disappoint because he realized it's not <-( then takes that back, because he was lying, just trying to hurt me, because he loves me so ing much),Looks at other women when we're out, He tells me he was trying to be spiteful and he loves being spiteful. He doesn't know why he hates me so much, he doesn't know why he beats the out of me when he gets angry. Never in my entire life have I been lied to this much. I do not know who he is.. I don't know who I am. I have told him before that I wish I were a book on his shelf because he is so gentle with them and takes such pride in them and his games. So took his books and his World of War Craft game box thingy and tore it, He choked and slammed me into the ground, put his entire body weight on me and ripped it from my hands, Picked me up by my throat and threw me into the kitchen, grabbed my throat again and smashed my head into the wall, pulled my hair out, told me I was insane and that I'm doing something I will regret in the morning<-( I will never regret that ) brought me back into the bedroom and pinned me on the bed and started kissing my lips, telling me he loves me and he doesn't want to hurt me, He began to get turned on from kissing me <-(I felt disgusting) He asked me why I insist on making his life hard and twisted everything he says. He says he can be everything I need, I've always wondered... when will that start? He's promised never to hurt me, he broke it... again

For a very long time I have been so confused and so lost yet hopeful for a future with him.
I don't know who I am anymore. I shake all of the time, I don't sleep, and there is no food in the house to eat. I don't even recognize my own face in the mirror. I used to see a beautiful tall slender female with an amazing personality...
Now all I see is a lost hurt little girl, who needs help.. but doesn't know if she deserves it.

I have contacted Shelters for Abused Women, none of them have space (which is so awful for the ladies with children out there)
I have tried to call my brothers whom I've only met once or twice in my life. (they don't want to be bothered, they're too concerned with the idea of me using them for money)
My family knows my situation and I have only asked for a caring hand to help me heal.
I have no friends here in British Columbia, All of my friends back home in Winnipeg, They don't have the means to help me. I have dealt with the police and proceeded no to charge him, given I thought he was changed for whatever reason, (there's that hope again)

He now has to see a Parol Officer for a year.
Which is good for him, because he'll get counseling and anger management
I have a counselor who I see once every two weeks, to help me recover from my abused past when I was growing up at home.

I can't help but feel, this is all my fault

I don't want to die now, I am only 21 years old... I just want to love myself and be loved.

Thank you all.

[ChihuahuaMomma]

You are too good for that mess. Move on. Love yourself, THEN you can learn to love someone else, someone that is worth your life.

[ArtemisAlexis]

Perhaps you should think about seeing another shrink, the one your already seeing doesn't seem to be doing a very good job.

I was in a terrible relationship for 4 years and really thought I loved the guy, leaving him
Was the hardest and most painful experience I had ever gone through.
I was 22 and felt like 55, like my whole life wasn't worth the space it took.

But the good news is, it does get better. Your feeling lost now because you are lost, your lost in a no hope relationship, your man sounds like he needs to be in a psych ward... AND YOU KNOW IT!

You need a fresh start, money is tight but your young, secretly save up over a few months and search for jobs in another state far far away from BC.
You can find live-in jobs, cheap flat share, bar jobs, anything to earn some cash while you heal yourself, make new friends and figure out what you really want to do with your life.
It'll be hard but once you make the move you'll find it gets easier.
And one day you'll wake up and feel that beautiful feeling of being alive and happy.
Trust me, a friend gave me this advise when I left my crazy ex and I never thought I'd get the happiness of my old life back, but once you leave the situation that your in now, you'll start slowly shifting back to your real normal self.
Even think about saving enough for an airfare to the UK, get a two year working visa and just travel, get your life back, have an adventure, fall in love in Paris and ride a gondola in Venice. Get out, your far too young and beautiful to be broken like a rag doll.
Check out this website Hotel Jobs and Seasonal Employment for Backpackers in the UK and you'll see just how easy it is to get a live in job overseas, I did it and you earn a very good wage, stay in fresh and nice rooms and meet the most amazing people. All you need is the cheapest airfare and your there!
Failing that, you might want to check out Intelligent : Design - Message from the Designers it's a bit strange but the advice on relationships and ownership might help empower you.

Good luck, and just remember your worth it, so go get it!

[Romefalls19]

You need to get out of that situation ASAP! Why stick around waiting for this guy to kill you? It's not going to get better, only worse. Start saving up money, work 2 jobs, whatever it takes to get out of that place quicker

[tolerance]

Maybe there is no room where in the shelters where you live but how you thought about relocation if there is room in another town?

You need to leave this guy because he might kill you oneday and he sounds biploar and needs medicine and be put behind bars. For your own safety and piece of mind leave. My heart goes out to you for going through the things you have and there never no reason for a guy to hit you. If they hit you they don't respect you. I wish you can bother one of my brothers to kick his a*s.

[talaniman]

I have a counselor who I see once every two weeks, to help me recover from my abused past when I was growing up at home.

Can your counselor refer you to emergency services to help you ASAP?

[bman800]

Well I don't see how you could stay with him. If he is all that bad then leave his , you don't deserve that find someone who treats you the way you should be and loves you for you, there are many guys out there who would love to be with you just the way you are. Get a job save up and then move out on your own not tell him were you are moving.

Good luck, end up happy and safe:)

[KissMe10der]

You say you were abused in your past. And your getting help for that, you know how hard it is.. Why would you want to live the rest of your life with a person who doesn't compliment you. He is working against you and purposely hurting you. He hates you, why would you want that? He won't change, Im sorry to say it. But he won't. No matter what he says... You need to get out of there and fast. Your walking on egg shells to avoid his anger... and in the end he picks on you anyway.

Have respect for yourself, and do what you already know you NEED to do.

You may not know who you are, and its hard sometimes. (your letting this dominant angery person determine yourself worth and who you can become) So, take the time to realize yourself worth, the things you enjoy, and move towards a positive light.

You know that things aren't going to change.. so think of it this way..

You accidentally touch a hot kettle, do you touch it again? Knowing its going to hurt?

[Spikeman]

You have way too much to live for. Are you going to school? Have hobbies? Maybe you can move back to winnipeg.

NO MAN should EVER and I mean EVER touch a woman with hurt in his mind. Im sorry if Im old fashioned but a man should never hit/beat a woman no matter what she should do. The man, from the info you have provided, beat you at every chance you showed affection. He's more worried about his books and his WoW game then you?? Im sorry but this guy is a little bully.

Sorry for my rant but you deserve:

1. Help
2. A faraway apartment/living space
3. Yourself esteem back
4. A great guy


Can you move back to winnipeg or perhaps to your own place? If you can I would seriously suggest that because no person deserves those actions relationship or nor relationship. See a different shrink or perhaps both at the same time because what matters is you, not the abusive boyfriend.

You do deserve to live and you deserve all of the above and so much more, life is too great to let one road block stop the ride.

[brkfstatiffs]

It is your life to live. So live it. How do you want to live it? What are YOUR DREAMS, GOALS, INTERESTS? You need to do everything in your power to not ever have any contact with him again, EVER. It is causing you a bright, 20 yr old, to actually thinking of killing yourself? Step out of the boundary. You deserve the world. Move if you have to, start fresh, see a counselor. This is life, you have to live it for yourself. You have done the first step by realizing what mess you are in. Remember that the bigger the challenge, the greater the reward. If you tackle this challenge and move on and be strong, your reward will be huge and you will probably come out stronger for it and maybe even take your case and use it to teach other girls in your same predicament. Good Luck. Please please - stay away from him. My heart goes out to you.

[chuff]

I had a friend that died about 6 weeks ago. Just out of the blue, and the first thing his sister told me when I spoke to her was she felt betrayed. That stuck with me and proably will for some time but I think when I hear your story all I can think of is you are betraying yourself. My friend didn't have a choice. You do and you owe it to yourself NOT to betray yourself. You can focus on the negative and make that your life as you post would suggest, but you have hope and something to hold onto otherwise you wouldn't be posting here.

I agree that getting out of that situation would be best for you, and that should be something you make a priority. If you can't do it now, make it a goal and focus on it, getting a job that will pay the way until you can.

[Ash123]

Here's your Survival Plan:

(write this down and follow it for 12 months and don't take one day off or you will lose your valuable forward progress!)

First of all, everything is going to be OK, as long as you work with this information.

1. contact the women's shelter in your town. If it is full call your therapist and ask for resources for help and shelter.

2. Leave and go to parents or friends house. Do not tell him or any of his friends where you are going. (I am not sure if your parents are helpful but I'm guessing they are not a big part of your life right now)

3. If you have any injuries go to the police station and have them open a file and take dated pictures. If you do not have bruises then go to 4.

4. clearly you feel trapped so you need to get a temporary restraining order and that can become a permanent restraining order. You can talk to a lawyer without having the funds. Ask your therapist or the police the number of the office for a public defendants office.
See if he or she can help if the police require a lawyer to do it.

5. whatever job you have, (or whatever you are studying or want to study ) now look for ads in another town that are in same job... you can try craigslist.org or just Google a town and look up the chamber of commerce and call them. Use a phone card if you need to.

6. change your cell number if you have one. Go to the store soon.

7. repeat: go to a friends or parents or relatives house.

8. get all of your things out of the house one day - if you share a house - if you wish, you can call him from a pay phone later with friends to stand by.

9. go to the post office and have all your mail forwarded to a friends or parents ASAP.

10. See a counselor once a week for a year.

11. Never share a room with that man unless you are with someone else - or best - not at all.

12. Goal: new address in 1-2 months
New job or new school in 4-6 months.

13. Use this site when needed but make sure real people are helping and protecting you.

14. If you do all this, your life will be better and a year from now you may be in a whole new place but it takes work, and help to get there.

15. You are young and probably do not have good role models but the good news is that you made your mistakes NOW, not 10 years from now.

16. You do not need a boyfriend. I'd wait at least a year or two until a guy is ready to be a strong help in your life makes him worth a relationship. Casual relationships are not going to work. Your instincts will lead you to false companionship. You can learn more about how to give and respect mutually in counseling. Without a good role model it is TOUGH! So, look around at successful people and realize it's going to be tough for you to learn at first and you need to go slow, but clearly you are special and people will see that quickly.

Lots of great things are coming your way - just get ready for a tough 6 to 12 months and you'll be smiling one day again!

A

[Ash123]

If you log back on depressed20 I would be nice to hear that you are OK and have found a first step. Rooting for you!

[lthm]

I have posted on here before, ...So for those who care

I have been in a relationship with this guy for almost three years. I am not going to mention the stuff that isn't that important such as: his family <-(and they way they treat me). He has beat on me countless times. He has wreck my self esteem, calls me every filthy name imaginable, he says horrible untrue things about my physical appearance He told me last night he is "gay" and that is why he doesn't find me sexually attractive and that he was using me for a "cover" Tells me he thought sex was supposed to be like porn and that he was disappoint because he realized it's not <-( then takes that back, because he was lying, just trying to hurt me, because he loves me so ing much),Looks at other women when we're out, He tells me he was trying to be spiteful and he loves being spiteful. He doesn't know why he hates me so much, he doesn't know why he beats the outta me when he gets angry. Never in my entire life have I been lied to this much. I do not know who he is..I don't know who I am. I have told him before that I wish I were a book on his shelf because he is so gentle with them and takes such pride in them and his games. So took his books and his World of War Craft game box thingy and tore it, He choked and slammed me into the ground, put his entire body weight on me and ripped it from my hands, Picked me up by my throat and threw me into the kitchen, grabbed my throat again and smashed my head into the wall, pulled my hair out, told me I was insane and that I'm doing something I will regret in the morning<-( I will never regret that ) brought me back into the bedroom and pinned me on the bed and started kissing my lips, telling me he loves me and he doesn't want to hurt me, He began to get turned on from kissing me <-(I felt disgusting) He asked me why I insist on making his life hard and twisted everything he says. He says he can be everything I need, I've always wondered...when will that start? he's promised never to hurt me, he broke it...again

For a very long time I have been so confused and so lost yet hopeful for a future with him.
I don't know who I am anymore. I shake all of the time, I don't sleep, and there is no food in the house to eat. I don't even recognize my own face in the mirror. I used to see a beautiful tall slender female with an amazing personality...
Now all I see is a lost hurt little girl, who needs help..but doesn't know if she deserves it.

I have contacted Shelters for Abused Women, none of them have space (which is so awful for the ladies with children out there)
I have tried to call my brothers whom I've only met once or twice in my life. (they don't want to be bothered, they're too concerned with the idea of me using them for money)
My family knows my situation and I have only asked for a caring hand to help me heal.
I have no friends here in British Columbia, All of my friends back home in Winnipeg, They don't have the means to help me. I have dealt with the police and proceeded no to charge him, given I thought he was changed for whatever reason, (there's that hope again)

He now has to see a Parol Officer for a year.
which is good for him, because he'll get counseling and anger management
I have a counselor who I see once every two weeks, to help me recover from my abused past when I was growing up at home.

I can't help but feel, this is all my fault

I don't want to die now, I am only 21 years old... I just want to love myself and be loved.

Thank you all.

I don't know if you get any comfort from hearing that others have been through (frighteningly) similar things (world of warcraft, books, choking/abuse, his family treating you badly) but you're not alone. After more than three years with my boyfriend, HE broke up with ME because he "couldn't deal with my ---- aymore." Aka depression. Now my biggest regret is that I didn't get to break up with him like I should have from about day six. Anyway, no matter how much you want someone to change they won't. To quote Dr. House: "People never change." I think you need to just get away from this situation and get him completely out of your life. It's probably helpful that you're in counseling, and with that, doughnuts and plenty of time, you will remember who you used to be. You will look in the mirror one day and think 'i'm pretty' before you think 'i'm never as good as the girls in the videos.' Just don't give up... get through the bad moments and in the meantime try to rediscover yourself, what you enjoy, reconnect with friends, etc. Take yourself on a date!