[Inspired]

Its OK to feel confused, after all you were with her for 4 years. Just try to concentrate on things you enjoy doing. Get out of the house, go out with friends, try to stay focused at work. I know its hard, believe me, but you can do it. I also feel that by writing and being on this site, it is a healing process in it self. Good luck

[samesame]

Thanks Inspired, definitely this site is a great help. I'll keep hanging in there and taking it one day at a time. If anything changes/happens, I will update.

But one question I have is, if down the road, say 4-6 months I still feel the same about her (ie. Love her, miss her, wanter her back), and she doesn't contact me in between that time. Is there ever an appropriate time to contact her again, or do you just keep moving on?

[talaniman]

If you feel the same in 6 months, then something your doing is not right. At that point, you need to look at yourself and your efforts honestly, and adjust your program. I have faith though that you will be handling yourself much better, and see things much clearer.

[Inspired]

I agree with tal, treat this as if you guys are broken up and there is no going back. You have to treat it as that because we do not know what the future holds. I know its hard because it was abrupt. I know its hard because neither one of you did anything "wrong" for this to happen. But we cannot control what others do, we can only control what we do. You gave it your best and just because she does not feel the same anymore does not mean you failed. I had to realize that as well. Its not us, its them. You sound like a great guy and I know that you will get over this in time. Just don't let your mind wonder and make a list of things that you always wanted to do and now can do them because you are free. Treat yourself, go for a massage at the spa (do men do that?), take a mini vacation, go to the beach.

[jds2090]

Hey man,

I have gone through the same thing. I was broken off 2 weeks ago and what you have gone through is what I am doing right now. We have been together 2 years and Im working while she's in college and enjoying her life with friends. She found a best friend and took too much time together and I did lot of great things with her. When she entered college and that changed her and see how free and lot of experience she is going through. I did everything I could and have fun with her but her love faded. That really upset me big time. We didn't do anything wrong but I am struggling to deal with this. Some days I felt like I had to hit the wall and get her back somehow. Every morning I wake up checked my pager, nothing from her! It makes me mad and have high hopes. I really hate when people say, "move on" It draws me back and want to say, No freaking way! I isn't going to give up but she feels touched when I isn't going to give up but she askes me to move on. Im being praying to God for other chance because we were so perfect together. Its hard right now to do the next step. After work, I get lost to see what I should do for the rest of the afternoon and I take my dog to dog park and chill out. But, we are in the same shoes and Ill give you a big hug to be supportive and try our best to enjoy the lives we have left to live. Its been hell I bet! I was thinking of going to to see an counselor but I know nothing will help me and they will just get my money! Just stay positive for anything to come. Stay strong, my man.

[samesame]

Thanks jds, same to you buddy!

Oh yeah, this sucks... it's an empty feeling. Today's been rough day. I though about therapy too, but dropped the idea for the same reasons as you. But nothing I've felt before (and I have experience my share of hardships) compares to the hurt of the feeling that one day you're everything to her and the next day your less important than a stranger. They tell you it's not like that but than again they never call you again or ask you how you are, so really what are you? Just a memory. And yeah, when the ex feels touched that you tell them how much you want them back but then says "move on"... I hate that too. It's nothing but a pitty let down. It's like they're trying to get rid of a stray Puppy that keeps following them home.

With your situation, was that best friend a girl or guy? You think he/she influenced the break up? How did you guys leave off and how long you been No contact now?

[jds2090]

Good example of a stray puppy that keeps following back home. Even I have a puppy and she gave me this cute puppy recently christmas! We have named her and both of us owned it. Its mine now but every time I see my dog, part of the puppy is what I see in my ex. The puppy is so innocent and misses her too! (We don't live together since I live in a apartment and she's lives in a dorm as an RA) Her best friend is a she and both of them are inseperateable and be around 24/7 because hse never has a best friend until college. They are so much fun together but she wants to enjoy college life that I used to had before. I went to college for 7 years and its so much fun and its her time to go through that. Actually college really influeenced the breakup and want see more of herself and doesn't wantto see what the future aholds for us. She came to my place and said all the good things about us and told me that she doesn't have any feelings even I took care of her, cooked her dinner and keep her company. So far we aren't been in contact for a week andhalf. Honestly, I am happy for what I have done her since I did what I had to do and Im a good guy myself. In other words I wish she can wake up and keep me since Im a good guy for her. Why will she be willing to lose a great guy like me but timing isn't right for her. That pisses me off and she found me online when we were kind of looking for a date and we met each other and grew from there. It sucks! I told her that She was the one and I met about 3000 girls over my time in 7 years of college and she was the one! How hard is that going to be when I find the girl better than her? I'm deaf myself and its hard to find more deaf girls who has a great personality better than her. Oh well!

[Ash123]

It's a pain like NO other to lose the one's we love.


The happiest people I know have learned the power of contentment.

Being happy with what you have and what you can do.

It's the secret of life. (I have not mastered it)

Also, if you really SEE something happening - it will. If you doubt it in your gut, then
Don't fight it... another secret to finding and getting what you want.

Good luck to you man!

[samesame]

Yeah, that's tough... Sorry to hear that jds. You sound like a really good guy, and it's a horrible thing to be going through something like this. It sounds like she could be confused though. Have you decieded what you're going to do... walk away, remain friends, or give her space and try later?

Ash123, you are right. If only it were that easy. I try to think that way, but my reality is that I was the happiest I'd even been when I was with this girl this last 4 years. And I'm a better person now because of her and so is she, and that kills me. When two people improve each others lives as much as we did to just throw that away. And I can't help long for the memories and dreams we shared.

[Ash123]

"We had also been fighting for about 3 years on and off because she had been keeping things from me about her past and I would always push the issue to try and get the whole story. Really it wasn't that bad, only we were both insecure and immature in dealing with it so it only made things (ie. fights) worse every time it came up."

Brother, try to remember what "happy" is...
There will be another.

I got to tell you, the amazing thing is I lived your story. The past kept circling back and so did the study stress... it is NOT natural to give up on a relationship. Our minds and bodies will NOT let us. So, we suffer and suffer... one day when the time is right we wake up OK. Until then, there is no worse pain!

YOUR BIGGEST QUESTION IS WHEN DO YOU CONTACT HER?
THE ANSWER: Any time you can take rejection in stride. If you can, do it tomorrow.
If not then... wait. Let me know if there's anything else I can sort out...

ALSO, CAN YOU WIN HER BACK?
NO action required. It's only her that determines that... the less you do. The more you do. Really.

[mckenzie134]

ALSO, CAN YOU WIN HER BACK?
NO action required. It's only her that determines that... the less you do. The more you do. Really.[/QUOTE]

If everyone here followed this quote maybe more would find they do get there ex back!!

And maybe even more will find out that they won't be coming back a lot more quick than hanging around delaying the inevitavle.

Confused is a word used a lot in many threads, really the only one confused is you, confusing yourself trying to work out what why or how things went wrong and how could they do this.

Simple they arnt that into you anymore, but to many people who get dumped just can't understand why and really soe times there is no explanation except the dumper does not want you and whatever they said in the past is irrelevant only today counts, and yes they can be a and I tell you want I many situations if you had of dumped them one day before yo got dumped there world would have folded and they would probably be on here. So the best thing to do is walk away straight away and turn you being dumped into them being dumped as well. Put them in your shoes don't let them have a fall bak. Tell them if that's what they want you can't wait!! And definitely don't listen to there crap if you loved me you would wait, reply with " If you loved me you wouldn't need a break!!

It's that simple!!

[steven_muiruk85]

I'm in the same boat my ex has broke about 6 or 7 times I've been with her for 4yrs what do I do

[steven_muiruk85]

I want her back I would do anythink but whatever I do it seems poimtless

[jds2090]

Yeah, Im doing okay and am moving on and I'm not going to wait for her. I can only say its WOMEN! (no insulting to other women) but it is that women and men can't be able to ride on the same rollercoaster with the up and downs going through our lives. When I'm up and she's down and other times Im down and she's up. It's hard to follow up. Men are mostly stable and women aren't at some times. That's why women out here are taking hormonal therapy due to their hormonal changes. I fully support that but give us men a break and we are just doing our best and be happy ourselves and with their lady. So I'm just leaving her space and going to start my life. I'm kind of afraid to be in a relationship again because it hurts so much. I was engaged twice with diff women and now this! A lot of couples who are so happy for many years, they are so lucky! Wish us big luck on the next one. I have read the book , Mens from Mars, Women from Venus and I can see that some of the issues are true. She will always be in my heart no matter what. I have heard some stories that once a couple broke off and the guy went to date other girls and got serious but inside his heart still connects with their ex so does that mean true love is there from his ex? I think it will come to me too. I wonder if I got to date a girl but I still love my ex but keep dating a girl. I have seen some movies like that. Do nothing might make her wonder about me and get to know what's up. That's my plan. I have done my part and its her part as I told her before. I have worked my butt off to make it work and just worn out. See how things go. I'm just looking for happiness for myself and that's why I decided to live on this earth now and enjoy myself. WOMEN! Oh boy!