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jeep1995 · Jul 17, 2007, 01:27 PM

OK well me and my girl have been split for a full week now. But it gets weird. On Saturday was the first talk that we had. We had lucnh and were able to be civil enough to talk a little. Pretty much she said that we were not together but we are still together, like she doesn't want to see anyone else she just wanted a break. OK...

Sunday we go to church. After church I told her I was headed to the beach for the day with my two friends that she knows. She asked me if she can go cause that sounds like fun. I was really hoping that she would ask too. Well I said of course and we went down. On the ride down she let me put my hand on her leg like I used to and be a affectionate within reason. I am not pushing it by any means. So we started talking and she told me that she had been asked out a few times and since we are just 'friends' now that she is not sure if she would want to try and see what's out there. I said well its true we are only friends but I wouldn't want you to do that. I also told her that as long as I see hope for us getting back together, which I see some hope at least for now, that I would be faithful to her. So anyway that was the extent of the conversation. We eneded up having a great day at the beach and she even reached to hold my hand a few times. She gave me a few looks like she is very happy to see me and spend nice times with me. Oh and she also stayed the night after we got home. We did cuddle a little bit but she was sunburned so she didn't really want too much cuddling. It felt really good.

Yesterday (monday) after she got off work I text her seeing how she was because she had called me and left a message saying she had fun at the beach. I asked her if she would like to maybe rent a movie. She said that she may chill with her friend tonya and I said bring tonya over. Jessica called me back a little bit later and said that she wanted to just come over alone. I said OK and she came by. Well little did I know she had brought her work clothes for the next day, she assumed she was staying over. I asked her jokingly did I say you could sleep here and she was like, yeah right I knew you wouldn't mind. So we ended up playing video games with my roomates, which she loves to do by the way and had some drinks, a really good time we had. So when we went upstairs she breaks out the oil. I always would give her back rubs, foot massages, and everything until she fell asleep every time she stayed over. So I started massaging and could tell that we were both getting turned on. We pretty much both agreed without saying anything that we shouldn't have sex and just kept it to heavy petting. The whole time we were kissing and just being our old selves. While I was rubbing her back we were talking about how she had another chance to go on a date that night but she told the guy that she is still trying to figure out what is going to happen with her boyfriend (me). She declined the dinner offer with the guy. Well I told her again that I wish she wouldn't go out on dates and she said that she is not sure what she wants. She has never said she wants to be back with me, she allways says that she needs to find out if I have changed. I have. She says she likes the freedom of being friends. She might want to see other guys just to learn to appreciate me more. She knows she will never find a guy like me that rubs her back feet tells her she's beautiful and loves her as much as I do.

I guess what I'm saying here is I think she wants to see if I'm going to get jealous about her being her. I don't think she will go on a date, and if she does it would just be for something to do, and a free dinner. I know she wouldn't kiss or anything like that. But I am so scared that if she does she might find someone better than me. Even though she keeps saying that she never could find anyone better than me...

Why is she doing this, what should I do aabout it.

J_9 · Jul 17, 2007, 01:42 PM

Wow, you two aren't split. I mean what has changed? Split up, broken up, whatever you want to call it, means that you are no longer seeing each other.

What really has changed?

jeep1995 · Jul 17, 2007, 01:46 PM

Originally Posted by J_9

Wow, you two aren't split. I mean what has changed? Split up, broken up, whatever you want to call it, means that you are no longer seeing each other.

What really has changed?

Well the fact that she says we are just friends. She doesn't want to commit to being my girlfriend for some reason. I understand that it is probably a self respect thing for her. She doesn't want to just give in you know. And I guess she thinks that us being just friends keeps it as if we are not together. I don't know man. I just want her to stay faithful that's why this talk about her going out on dates bothers me so much.

J_9 · Jul 17, 2007, 01:53 PM

Doesn't make a difference. If you are split, you are split. That means no dating, no church, no beach.

So, you need to ask her if you are together or not. If yes, then work on the drinking together, if not, then adios, tata, see you later. You have your life, she has hers.

What is going on right now are just games, plain and simple.

You can't be split if you continue to do the same things you always did.

jeep1995 · Jul 17, 2007, 01:59 PM

Originally Posted by J_9

Doesn't make a difference. If you are split, you are split. That means no dating, no church, no beach.

So, you need to ask her if you are together or not. If yes, then work on the drinking together, if not, then adios, tata, see ya later. You have your life, she has hers.

What is going on right now are just games, plain and simple.

You can't be split if you continue to do the same things you always did.

OK well I guess we are not split. When we hung out it was like we were friends, obviously until we got some time alone. She never really said split. I took it as that because we didn't talk for like 6 days. We talked everyday so this wasn't easy. When we hang out this weekend, there wasn't any sort of bf/gf stuff like random kisses, little hugs, sit on my lap type stuff. She was just hanging out so in that since its different. Not that I would want to do all that when we were together, but I notice it now since we are just 'friends'

what the hell does just friends mean anyway if we are still being affectionate when we are alone. Why the hell won't she just commit and be my girlfriend. I told her I won't be up her all the time and will live my life and she live hers. Does she just want to see if I follow through for a while before she commits again? I am so lost, I can't even sleep right man I am constantly thinking of her. I never show it though to her how bad I am hurting, I just put on a smile and act like I'm cool with all this.

mckenzie134 · Jul 17, 2007, 06:28 PM

Mte your going to LOSE her. I know this and if you keep doing what you are doing You're OUT!! She has put you as a friend but at the moment she doesnty want to mis out on what she gets with you she gets fun times back rubs and the works and she knows maybe if she is not getting them someone else will...

Get some balls and if she doesn't want to be your girlfriend tell her well I'm goingo and dates cause I need to find someone who wants to be my girlfriend cause you only want friens so that fine but that's not what I want... That's all you need to say tell her you are going to date you want to be involved romantically and have a girlfriend to take out and give back rubs tooo...

She won't believe this ignore her and she will then want youu. Because at the moment champ she is usibg you and playing you she only wants you around to fill her time don't be fooled if a girl is really into you then they want you as her boyfriend!!

YOU MUST and this is MUST tell her you don't want to be friends you only want her a s a girlfriend and if this iswhat she wants fine if not your on the break to see what else is out there. Don't let her comne to the BEACh WHY the hell did you do that mnake her sit at home alone thinking what a great time she would have.

Listen dude she only gets to have a great time with you if she is your girlfriend if not she doesn't get you ion her life...
WAKE UP OR YOU WILL LOSE HER...

battousi · Jul 17, 2007, 06:39 PM

I think you should ask her if she still loves you and if she does ask her why she won't just be your girlfriend instead of theis friends bs. It is bad when a girl does that because then they can cheat on you and with other guys and if you say anything about it she will say we are just friends and act like she isn't did nothing wrong. So u my friend need to find out if she loves you and ask her tyo be your girlfriend again otherwise your screwed and you will lose her very fast.

jeep1995 · Jul 17, 2007, 07:46 PM

Originally Posted by mckenzie134

Mte your going to LOSE her. I know this and if you keep doing what you are doing YOURE OUT!!!!!!! She has put you as a friend but at the moment she doesnty want to mis out on what she gets with you she gets fun times back rubs and the works and she knows maybe if she is not getting them someone else will....

Get some balls and if she doesnt want to be your girlfriend tell her well im goingo n dates cause i need to find someone who wants to be my girlfriend cause you only want friens so that fine but thats not what i want ..... Thats all you need to say tell her you are going to date you want to be involved romantically and have a girlfriend to take out and give back rubs tooo...

She wont believe this ignore her and she will then want youu. Because at the moment champ she is usibg you and playing you she only wants you around to fill her time dont be fooled if a girl is really into you then they want you as her boyfriend!!!!

YOU MUST and this is MUST tell her you dont want to be friends you only want her a s a girlfriend and if this iswhat she wants fine if not your on the break to see what else is out there. DONT let her comne to the BEACh WHY the hell did you do that mnake her sit at home alone thinking what a great time she would have.

Listen dude she only gets to have a great time with you if she is your girlfriend if not she doesnt get you ion her life...
WAKE UP OR YOU WILL LOSE HER....

You know what you are totally right. I should give her some perspective by telling her that I want a girlfriend. I want it to be her, but if she just wants to be friends that is fine, we will be just friends and I will start looking elsewhere for a girlfriend. I seriously am starting to get pissed about this though. I mean like she just text me goodnight a few minutes ago, so its not like she is being forced to still talk to me. I don't call her anymore. I just wait for her to call me.

Well see the thing about the beach was that I did want her to come, I didn't invite her, I was already going with my friends. She asked to go and I said OK. I at least am making it look like I am keeping busy, though all I think about is her to myself. Plus its not like she would have to just sit at home, she has tons of people to hang out with but she chose to hang out with me.

I don't think I am going to do anything right now. I don't want to date at the moment, but I will give her an ultimatum soon enough. I really do think she just is waiting to see some change in me and then we get back together. Well she's seeing change allright. She sees that I will respect the fact that we need to sow down. But if she waits too long I will tell her straight up I'm looking for a girlfriend, not more friends.

jeep1995 · Jul 17, 2007, 07:49 PM

Originally Posted by battousi

i think you should ask her if she still loves you and if she does ask her why she won't just be your girlfriend instead of theis friends bs. It is bad when a girl does that because then they can cheat on u and with other guys and if u say anything bout it she will say we are just friends and act like she aint did nothing wrong. So u my friend need to find out if she loves you and ask her tyo be your girlfriend again otherwise your screwed adn you will lose her very fast.

She does still love me I can see it in her eyes. And her actions say she loves me too. I think she just likes the control aspect of all of this. I think she likes knowing that she has control of what happens to us. I do want to give it at least another week before I ask her. I already have and she said she wants time to see change. Well she is going to her sisters way up in Michigan with her mom for the rest of the week. We will see if she tries to hang out with me after her trip or if she goes and hangs out with her friends.

jeep1995 · Jul 18, 2007, 07:17 AM

OK before you get the wrong idea, I am not a creep that checks my girls messages. I wrote her a very heated message yesterday and woke up today and felt bad about writing it. So we use the same comp and our passwords are saved and all that so I went in under her ID to delete the message that I sent her before she could read it and hate me forever. Well I couldn't help reading the one below mine which was from her ex girlfriend!! Yes girlfriend. She is bisexual. Well the message read that my girl had dumped e because she told me she was gay. She never told me that, the whole time I felt like the split we are in was because I was messing up. I have been very good to her during the split trying my hardest to win her back. The message also said that she had no feelings for me anymore.

Well right now I sent her a text telling her to call me on her lunch break which is in like an hour so I figured id get on here and see what help I can find on what to tell her. I am totally done but she has to seriously see what she has done to me. I want her to hurt like I am right now.

I can't believe this man... love sucks

Michelle0410 · Jul 18, 2007, 07:21 AM

My opinion is that right now she may not be sure what she wants but she "wants her cake and wants to eat it to." Its good that you have enough faith in her to not think that she will go out on a date or kiss anyone but really you don't know that for sure. I like to put myself in the situation and I have done that to guys before, simply because I was ready to move on and see what else was out there, but was so used to the routine with the ex boyfriend, even though we weren't together I would still let it seems that we were. Also because I did not want to see him with anyone else. I know very selfish right, just be careful that she doesn't keep you on the backburner (I use that expression alot), just waiting for another opportunity to come along but having you there until it does. Good luck and I do hope things work out for you <3

jeep1995 · Jul 18, 2007, 07:35 AM

Hi thanks for the reply but read my other question I just posted new developments.

lmnotok · Jul 18, 2007, 07:47 AM

hey hey, that's not a good attitude!

1st, you should ask her normally as if you haven't read that message. Ask her like "hey, i think i have some strange feeling, you know what? Last night i had a strange dream that ..." see how she reacts.

But you have to stay really calm.

If she really doesn't have feelings for you, there is no way that she will be hurt like you are.
Remember: the more you show your feelings and weakness, the less she felt hurt. She might feel sorry BUT NOT HURT.

So the best expression you should show is to remain cold face, tell her coldly that she did something really wrong to you then leave fast. For example, you say "i think you have done some very wrong thing to someone that loves you like i do but there is nothing left for ME to be hurt, it is YOU who will have to regret and live a hard life for what you've done to me". Say it like a STATEMENT that affirm to her face that SHE WILL BE HURT. Then leave coldly and fast.

She might not be hurt right away but trust me, this mind game will win her over.

Goodluck

jeep1995 · Jul 18, 2007, 08:03 AM

Hahaha yeah man I seriously have the upper hand right now. I am just going to tell her that I found out something and am very hurt by it. Let her wonder what it is. When I do tell her what I know I am going to say that someone fowarded the message to me. She's not that computer savy and if I never admit to logging in she can't ever fully blame me for doing that. Man its eating me alive though dude. I seriously loved this girl. I mean I think she is just confused and I really know she is a great girl, marriage material, if she would just learn to appreciate what she has right here. But in the meantime I have the upper hand now. She will be begging for me to come back to her now!!

GoldieMae · Jul 18, 2007, 08:20 AM

Originally Posted by jeep1995

i seriously loved this girl. i mean i think she is just confused and i really know she is a great girl, marrage material, if she would just learn to appreciate what she has right here.

Do you really care that you have the upper hand? Love isn't about who is ahead or who is behind. Read this sentence again, crammed in your post, and think about it.

Toying with her to make her stew is kind of cruel.

Are you somewhat fascinated by her bisexuality, and is that what's causing the completely opposite emotions expressed in your posts? One sentence you are hurt and upset, the next you are laughing about having the upper hand, and then you are introspective. There's nothing wrong with being fascinated by it.

If you think she's really confused, and you love her, isn't that the better approach.

Why not just say "honey are you bi?" and say that someone told you she was bisexual. Then go into why you love her, marriage material, etc. Don't toy with someone who is already confused.

J_9 · Jul 18, 2007, 08:23 AM

Dude, I moved your Myspace post here with this one. It is hard for people to go back and forth reading all the different posts. If you want the best advice it is easier to keep it all in one spot. New developments and all.

jeep1995 · Jul 18, 2007, 09:24 AM

I already know she was bi. She had a girlfreind before me I knew that. I am more upset that she hasn't told me first that she was gay and that's why she wants to split up. She shouldn't have made it seem as if it was my fault.

I do love her and no I am not trying to be creul. I flat out told her about what I read, and she tried to deny it. I can't believe she is still lying. I love her and she didn't exactly cheat on me, but I am not sure if I can forget about this.

jeep1995 · Jul 18, 2007, 01:45 PM

So, we have talked she is very sorry and appologetic, I think things might work out!

emopunk7 · Jul 18, 2007, 01:46 PM

She played you and in some way it seems that you are trying to find mercy for her actions... Leave her alone now and move on... Easier said than done, right? But what else can you do now? She hurt you and left you. I wish you the best. Keep us updated.

Michelle0410 · Jul 18, 2007, 01:55 PM

Wow, I didn't see that one coming. I guess she was just to afraind to tell yo uthe truth maybe. You shouldn't want her to hurt like you, just let her know that she hurt you and just go about your own life and forget about it. I know easier said than done right. Just try not to dwell on it anymore, you tried and now you can have closier as to why she did all this, she was probably just as unsure about everything as you where. Let her live her life the way she wants and now its time to find someone that you can be happy with, and that can love you the way you love them. No more games.