[chuff]

I just don't get a good vibe about Guy B. He seems to be a little pushy or almost have some stalker tendencies. Not full blown or anything but he seems so persistent but doesn't understand the boundaries you keep giving him.

Okay, I fully admit that I was wrong. He is a full blown stalker.

I know i'm beginning to get a wierd vibe from him, today he called me 5 times back to back and as i was leaving work on my lunch break i noticed his car was parked behind mine, i got totally upset and questioned why he won't give me the space that i am asking for and he tells me that he's insecure about the space and nc thing and asked if we could talk about it over lunch. i told him no, that i wanted to eat alone and have some time to myself. after much persistence i finally got him to move his car and left for my favorive cafe.....HE FOLLOWED ME... he states that he was just making sure i got there safely and he wanted to see the kind of places that i like to go........

I’m at a loss when reading what your wrote about him especially after only 6 weeks. I can’t imagine what he’d be doing after a year or more if you dated him for that long. This behavior is completely absurd and he is right about one thing, he’s insecure. His insecurity isn’t justified when it starts interfering with your life, especially at work when your time is given to your employer and not to your personal life. That’s beyond insecurity, that’s just disrespectful to you, and any potential issues that could have been brought up, even if it was in the parking lot on lunch. It’s still unacceptable.

i'm getting kind of scared now, he is surely not the GREAT guy i began this thread about.

No he is not. He’s not the guy you thought he was, even just a few days ago.

he doesn't listen to anything that i say about space, his excuse is that he feels like he's met his soulmate and he doesn't want to let me go. i told him today that what he's doing and what he's saying is making me uncomfortable and pushing me farther away....we've only been dating for 1 1/2 months...how can he be so in love??? it doesn't make sense.

Some guys use that soulmate thing as a line but to be perfectly honest he’s not that smooth. He’s a stalker plain and simple. This behavior is a direct result of his insecurity about himself more then it is about the relationship. I find it interesting that he claims to be soulmates but has to follow you to find places you like to eat. I would think soulmates, or at the very least friends would have a good idea of where the other likes to eat.

Your right it doesn’t make sense for him to be so infatuated (it certainly isn’t love) after only 6 weeks. Quite honestly it’s scary just reading it.

he promised to stop calling and let me get my head together, but 15 minutes later he was calling again to make sure i made it back to work safely! i didn't answer he left me a vm. he hasn't called since then and that was a whopping 5 hours ago. (new record for him)

That’s a record that needs to extend longer than 5 hours and into the days.

my best friend thinks i'm being paranoid, but i don't like the way he keeps insisting on disregarding my requests. i know she's just saying that b/c she wants me as far away from my ex as possible and her favorite saying is " the only way to get over an old bf is to get up under a new one" i don't see it that way at all and i don't feel like i'm being paranoid either. my gut is telling me something and i will not ignore it......i will be keeping my eye on him.

While I disagree with your best friend but let me tell you that if you disagree with me, never disagree with what your gut is telling you. I truly believe that our gut speaks to us and most of the time we ignore it but it is never wrong.

That being said, I agree with your gut and disagree with your best friend. I’m not telling you to run back to your ex, but I’m think you need to get rid of guy B permanently. And this isn't about your ex, or Guy B, it's about you and your safety which is more important than either of the two guys.

Guy B is trouble waiting to happen and the sooner you can remove him from your life, hopefully the sooner his 6 weeks of emotions can die down. I wouldn’t start giving him more time to become more infatuated with you as I don’t see anything positive from him. He’s dangerous, maybe not in a violent way, but certainly in a emotional stability way.

Guy B has to go, he’ s a stalker and he’s not going to get better or start listening to you so drop him sooner rather than later.

[MsTasty]

Hello all,
It's so much going through my mind right now I just don't know where to start. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years and I have caught him cheating on me 3 times one 3 years ago and twice just recently... twice with the same girl... on new years eve I came down with the flu so instead of us going out together I opted to stay at home and rest. I came to find out around 1/8 that he had taken this chick to a sleazy motel to have sex while I was at home miserable. I got all of my things and I left the house not really knowing where I was going to go or what I was going to do... he begged and cried and creid and promised that he would never hurt me like this again blah, blah, blah so yea stupidly I took him back and moved back home on 2/18... on 2/25 I called his phone and the same girl that he took to the motel answered his phone, we'll call her "sideline hoe". She began telling me all type of things such as him telling her that we were no longer together and had her thinking that the two of them were in a committed relationship. I LOST IT... I had, had enough... I moved back home with my parents and plan to stay there because I just cannot take it anymore, I am apartment hunting because it's painful even being at my parents house with so many memories of US being there as well.
I'm having one of my pity party days today where all I can think about is him. I know that he does not deserve me but I cannot help missing him. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?? Other than the constant cheating he is very good to me, there is nothing that he won't do for me and I now find myself thinking of all of the good times instead of the bad times and that's making me want to go back home, but I have to stand my ground, I cannot keep going through this never ending cycle of hurt. Can someone please tell me what my deal is, why is it so hard to let go?

[O_Troubles]

Yyou loved him your hurt you want him because when he's good his great and when he's not he's rotten you have to remember that you could find another guy that's nice doesn't cheat and you will love that ex of yours and got nuthin on the 2billion men out there that won't cheat on you. Pity party away and eat tonnes of icecream in the end you had courage you should love yourself and its OK your feeling a love you lost but be gald you lost him and use the memorys to move on and get a better guy OK?

[talaniman]

After 6 years you need a lot more time to get over him.

[KD33]

Ahh I see... My friend went through the same thing with her ex, he said he loved her and cried over her all of the time.. but for some reason whenever they'd patch things up from their fights they'd be over just as quickly.. she kept going through that cycle until she thought to hersefl... why do I bother doing this if it's all going to is hurt us both and make me miserable then I'm going to control myself and look at better things in life, and she asked for my help well lol as me being one of her closest friends I did.. she got through it... and I agree with talaniman, after 6 years it is going to take a long time to get over a long time like that. It was stupid for him to cheat on you like that and if he really cared about you he woulden't have done that. It's hard to let go but this is a good time to be around one of your closest friends right now, so they can give you a hug and make you feel a little better. Cause well if you think of it this way... you may have lost him because he was being an and cheating on you, but that you still always have your friends no matter what. And when your feeling low and stuff because you feel like you have no friends remember this: There are at least 2 people jelous of who you are and what you have ahead of you, one person who would die for you and at least 3 people who would take your life over their own anyday... even though you may have not met them yet, you'll find them one day and when you do, tehe... :p that's for you to discover. Don't focus on the things you don't have, and don't let "sideline hoe" get you down, because she doesen't even deserve to know you if all sh eis going to do is get in the way of your... well at least used to be happiness.

[justcurious55]

That's a long time to be together. It seems totally normal that you would miss all of the good times. Now though its time to end the pity party (I know, that can be hard). Find other things to do instead of think about him. Hang out with your friends, take calsses, start a new hoby. Anything.

[JBeaucaire]

You really need to decide what you want. If you do, then no matter what random thoughts you have, you can handle them.

You wanted a committed monogamous relationship, he wanted to love you and have sex with others, too. Does that make you right and him wrong? NO, it doesn't. It makes you two incompatible. Period.

So, all the lovey feelings and great memories are irrelevant. You two have a different idea of what it means to be in a relationship. You'll find someone who honors fidelity and he'll find a swinger gal... and you'll both be happy.

Go be happy.

[MsTasty]

Thank all of you that replied to my post, I am feeling much better today. I have started my NC process and it's not as hard as I thought it would be. Every time he calls he leaves a vm and believe it or not I feel that just listening to his voice is going to help me through my struggles because every time I hear it I just get totally disgusted.

[JBeaucaire]

Thank all of you that replied to my post, i am feeling much better today. I have started my NC process and it's not as hard as i thought it would be. Everytime he calls he leaves a vm and believe it or not i feel that just listening to his voice is going to help me through my struggles because everytime i hear it i just get totally disgusted.

Glad we could help. But be careful. I'd suggest turning the volume down on your message machine and NOT listening when he talks. Later, play back and hit delete the moment you hear it's him. I'm sorry, but guys can SAY some pretty smooth stuff. I'm a guy, I know!

Spare yourself the danger and use a pure NC, which means you don't listen to messages, read emails or texts, and turn the other way the moment you see him.

Take care.

[O_Troubles]

Keep on moving on good fer you!!

[HistorianChick]

Darling, you're missing him because you gave your heart to him. Its hard trying to get something back when you give it so freely. The fact that you are missing him, despite his actions, shows that you are a sincere, sweet, loving person.

But your fortitude to "get rid of him" shows your strength. Your missing him despite everything shows your heart, your determination to move on shows your resolve. Kudos for being committed to working on healing your heart and going on into an unwritten future.

I have to tell you, when I was dealing with a similar situation I had to change my cell number. I actually went so far as to get a new number, a new phone, AND a new provider! For me, it was what I needed to re-claim my ground... to re-conquer my heart.

You will make it, hon. You will be stronger because of it. You will realize that you are worth the best and you will believe it with all your heart.

Keep your chin up! You have only an unwritten, unknown, shiny future ahead of you! :)

[MsDiesel]

I'm going through a similar situation. I think that the most important thing is to give the situation time to breathe. As much as I want to go back to my man, I am not willing to compromise the level of commitment that I'm entitled to. I have a feeling that ion time, he'll latch on to someone else if I continue to do my own thing long enough... meaning that we weren't meant to be anyway. If he loves me for real, then after our 6 years together, he'll put forth an effort to make us work. If he doesn't that I was right to leave.