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Homegirl 50 · Jan 31, 2013, 01:52 PM

You said you are obsessive about him, that is not healthy. What difference does it make if he has other women since you are currently with someone? I don't know why you are caring on with this. If you care about your current guy, stop this mess with the other guy who is a source of problems or better yet, leave them both alone. I don't think you care that much for your current guy, you just want to have someone because you can't have the other guy.

kimbelly · Jan 31, 2013, 03:04 PM

You are right. I am still in love with this other man and don't want to be without him. He's hurt me, but I would try again if things were clear.. Now the question is what do I do with the man I am with who I do love, who is a bit crazy, and who is in love with me and I do not want to hurt him. He is good to me, and if this other guy didn't weigh on my heart, none of this would be an issue. I also left at one time, and wrestled him away from another woman to get him back. So it isn't like I'm running around trying to find dates because I am unhappy; this one man just stays on my heart and I don't know why

talaniman · Jan 31, 2013, 03:15 PM

He stays because you let him, like a junkie on dope, and we know how that goes so cut contact cold turkey, and leave the other boyfriend, since you would dump him if the other guy blows in your ear.

Neither of these relationships is healthy, because love is about loyalty and honesty, and you have none of these traits.

Homegirl 50 · Jan 31, 2013, 04:02 PM

Leave your current boyfriend. You are being totally dishonest with him. He is only there because the other guy does not want you the way you want him.
Leave them both alone. This whole situation is unhealthy.

kimbelly · Feb 28, 2013, 02:46 PM

Well, now I am in a situation. I thought and thought, and some sweet things occurred between myself and my current boyfriend, so I decided that I was going to stay put. I only spoke to the other guy once or twice briefly, but nothing serious. I think sometimes venting about my feelings helps me decide which way I want to go in my decision-making... Anyway

Now I am in a situation. I found out I am pregnant by my current boyfriend. Which I initially thought was good. In the last 6 months. We have been good. We have not been arguing much. He knew that I cheated in the past and wanted me to reassure him that I would not do it again. Which I haven't gone through with or anything because of my promise to him. He had an infidelity issue 3 months. Ago, where he claimed he was not sure that I was serious which was the reason. Right or wrong I let it go because I know I had done things in the past as well. However, right after that incident, he told me that he wanted to get engaged in February and to "trust him on this" because I doubted him. He told me he wanted us to prove everyone wrong that we made it. He also was telling me on the regular that he couldn't wait until I got pregnant.

So, when I found out I was pregnant I was happy to tell him. And now he is changing his tune. I started questioning him a few days ago about what he told me about February, and now he suddenly can't trust me, feels he needs to be sure that he is getting into something "he deserves" by marrying me, feels I am not really his, has no patience for me, refuses to give me a key to his place again because I cheated in the past,etc. I have told him adamantly that I want to be with him, and ( despite my sometimes wandering thoughts with no action) I have. He has put me through the ringer to prove this to him, and I told him this. I also told him how important deciding to keep a pregnancy was for me, because I had 2 abortions before while with him because I was unsure about our relationship. He made me promise that I would not do this again, and I have been telling everyone despite our problems we re doing so well, going to get married etc.

Now I am feeling like I have been so stupid and delusional, angry and don't know what to do. Im starting to feel depressed. Even though he calms down and we talk, I see now that we are just as shaky as before and I am confused afraid of being a single mother. Maybe I shouldn't at my age, but I am. I don't make a lot of money. He says he will help me, but I have been adamant all my life that I would not bring a child in the world unless I was in a marriage or about to get married. Whatever our relationship was/ has been, I am dead serious about doing whatever it takes to maintain a family. All these issues are coming out of the blue after 6 months of us working out..

I can't talk to anyone about this because no one agrees that we should be together. My family was there for me during legal issues with him, and are not happy that we are together, so I don't want to tell them about this situation. I don't know what to do...

Homegirl 50 · Feb 28, 2013, 02:54 PM

It's water under the bridge, buy why did you get pregnant?
If you are going to keep this baby, be prepared to do it on your own. Make sure he financially supports this baby.
I don't understand people who say I want you to have my baby but has no plans to marry you or ones who say they don't want to be a single parent but does not use birth control.

kimbelly · Feb 28, 2013, 03:00 PM

I got pregnant because I have been spending everyday with him, and almost everyday for the past 6 years... And also, after all this time he was adamant about getting engaged in February. I looked at my age, and the length of our relationship and I believed him... smh

Homegirl 50 · Feb 28, 2013, 04:27 PM

Your relationship with this guy has not been all that smooth, I think you biological clock was ticking. At any rate, be prepared to raise this child on your own. Make sure he pays child support. This does not sound like a healthy relationship.

WisperWill70 · Mar 1, 2013, 10:05 AM

I think you need a reality check and to really take a long hard look at your relationship patterns before you become a mom (which is a huge responsibility) --- do you want to be with this "a little crazy" guy who could threaten your SAFETY? The very fact that you said that at all makes me seriously question the stability of this relationship no matter WHAT you did or what trust issues he/you have. The fact that you're clearly not committed to your current boyfriend (thinking about other people, having doubts and as little as a couple months ago "in love with this other person" ) Come on! This shows that there's part of you that might be aware this relationship isn't right for you. Think about it carefully... maybe you need to ditch both of these unhealthy relationships and strike out on your own; next time allowing yourself to be mature and commit to your partner.