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jmp421075 · Sep 3, 2009, 07:47 PM

Threads merged

So I posted on here about two months ago because my boyfriend at the time told me he wanted a break. I was devastated, we were seeing each other close to 8 months. Had a great relationship, I never thought he would leave me. I figured after a few days he would want me back. Two weeks later, I found out that he had been spending time with his ex girlfriend. I am assuming that he broke things off with me to try and work things out with her, because they are back together. He was with her for a really long time, and I was the first girl he was with after her. Well anyway, initially he said he wanted to be friends. When I found out that he had lied to me and broke up with me for his ex girlfriend (who he would always said nothing but bad things about) I told him to stay out of my life and a few not so nice things. He still never admitted it to me, but the last thing I ever said to him was I know who you chose and I hope it works out. Obviously, I didn't mean it, but I haven't spoken a word to him since and he has not tried to contact me either. The last thing he said to me was to "please give him time to think". It is very hard that things happened the way they did because I really did love him, and we were really close, each other's best friends (or so I thought). It has been close to two months now since we have been broken up, and almost two months of no contact. I know I should not contact him, but it's driving me crazy wondering if he is ever going to try and talk to me, or at least apologize. I am doing my best to be strong and move on, but it's hard to forget someone you spent every day with and fell for really hard. This was the last thing I expected to happen and I'm trying to stay positive, but I sometimes catch myself wanting to just give him a call or text him. Has anybody been in a similar situation or have any advice? I need to know that I'm doing a good thing by doing no contact, and what does it mean now that he hasn't contacted me, either?

paxe · Sep 3, 2009, 08:08 PM

First of all, it's great you've been doing NC for 2 month and I do hope it gave you a bit of perspective. Though it seems you haven't taken an active role in healing so it's normal to feel those urges after 2 month.

I would say look at it as if you are trying to stop smoking. It's hard and you have those urges, but when you do, you go out, do some sport... Well NC is exactly the same thing. We all know it's hard but you have tons of proof that it can be done. Don't worry about him not contacting you, it means it's over and you have to move on.

talaniman · Sep 4, 2009, 06:17 AM

Your doing the right thing for yourself, you just need more time to get over him.

He is with his ex, so he has no time for you.

jmp421075 · Apr 7, 2010, 12:08 AM

Threads merged again

My ex and I broke up 9 months ago after dating for 6 months. He left me for space to clear his head. I found out two weeks later he was with his ex girlfriend, so I don't know the true reason behind us breaking up. Anyway, he was someone I loved so much and would have given up anything for. We had no contact for 6 months. 3 months ago he tried calling me but I did not answer his calls. He tried again a few weeks after that, and I gave in and talked to him. I told him I didn't want to be friends with him while he just told me pretty much nothing and tried to keep conversation casual. Not long after that I heard from him again saying he wanted to see me and pretty much begged me to, I once again said no. After that I had him on my mind all the time and gave in to contacting him. He invited me to come and see him, and I did. Things weren't the same though. He tried being controlling and making me jealous. He would ask me who I was texting and got mad when I said he shouldn't care. He tried having sex with me many times that night and I had to continuously tell him no. The next day he told me to let him know when I was free. I did so and he did not take advantage of making plans with me. I have to say it really hurts, because I got the feeling that he wanted to be with me again. I feel so rejected all over again and I would do anything to not feel this way. I need some answers because he surely won't give them to me.

amicon · Apr 7, 2010, 12:24 AM

He wanted a friends with benefits relationship,that's the hard truth of it.

I'm sorry you broke no contact and had to go through this,but go back to NC and don't speak to him again.

Gemini54 · Apr 7, 2010, 12:59 AM

Your ex wants to have a little 'play' with your emotions - you said he likes being controlling, well guess what? That's what he's doing. He doesn't want to be with you, he just wanted to see if he could get a reaction.

It seems he has a history of going back to his exes!

I'm sorry that you feel rejected... but he's a player - at least you were smart enough to refuse his advances.

Showme_urmove · Apr 7, 2010, 01:04 AM

All your doing is waisting your time with a man that only wants to freak with you. He doesn't love you so why is it hard for you to understand that he doesn't respect you anymore. Your letting this happen to yourself and he knows that. Start having some self respect and dignity, so no other man can do this to you in the future. I know when you are in love your mind makes you do this stupid stuff, but that's your biggest enemy is your emotion. What ever you do don't ever contact him again, once that happens you can move on with your life.

Devorameira · Apr 7, 2010, 06:02 AM

You are so much better off without him. You deserve a man that loves you and treats you with resepct.

Stop taking his calls and get your life back. If you need to, change your phone number so he can't contact you.

Xan-Kriegor · Apr 7, 2010, 06:13 AM

Who knows?! But you'll get a lot of other guys to date .

jmw0713 · Apr 7, 2010, 09:41 AM

Sounds to me like he wanted to get his noodle wet.

Time stop grasping on the little instances of hope and move on completely. The only way to do that is to not communicate with him any more.

jmw0713 · Apr 28, 2010, 01:46 PM

Hey Xan-Kriegor, why did you give me a reddie?? My opinion was not geared toward you at all. You are not even the OP. Reddies are only supposed to be given out for comments that not factually correct. If you are 14 years old and can't handle the adult subject matter posted in this particular forums, I suggest that you don't read them. I think you should stick the Gamers forum...

Thank You!

Meoww · Dec 23, 2010, 02:38 AM

Well, just GIVE HIM TIME. When a man says he needs time, he actually needs it. Men are wired way differently and if u continue nagging, he'll only avoid you further. Now listen to me... follow no contact for a month n avoid being friends with him. u'll see that within 3-4 weeks he'll contact. When he contacts, do no get excited. Just act as if u are happy and do not reveal too much about your then current life. Take it slow and work it nicely. Improve on yourself so that when he sees you he sees a whole different you. He'll be attracted I know. Believe me it works.