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HaRLoS · Jul 26, 2007, 09:28 AM

If he can't understand how you feel, than I think you should let him go. Maybe he is the type of guy who thinks the woman should do all the work in the relationship? And that he shouldn't work at it at all. You need to ask him to understand, tell him exactyly what you said here, than if he does not understand, than let him go, you do not need to go threw pain!

Haplo · Jul 26, 2007, 09:30 AM

I'm going to be perfectly blunt with you (sorry :()

Your boyfriend won't change his behavior because he sees no reason to. You put up with it and so he can keep getting away with it. It's a nasty cycle.

I know you're down and things can be fixed, so don't feel despair. You have to start being very clear with him that this is making you unhappy. Unhappy relationships become non-relationships. I'm not telling you that you should leave him, but you have to stand up for what your needs are in the relationship and he needs to know that this is something you need.

Why not go visit him if he's had a panic attack? Why does he need to go somewhere? Go hang out on his couch and watch a movie or something.

xxsamxx110 · Jul 26, 2007, 09:31 AM

Do you think it could be his panic attacks though. I don't know much about them but if it is I don't want to through this away. He does say he is sorry when he cancels or changes what we have planned. I don't know how to explain to him. He is meant to be staying at mine for the next 5 weeks as they are my holiday. I do believe that he wants to spend the time with me but I can't seem to get him away from the panic attacks to even see me.

Haplo · Jul 26, 2007, 10:02 AM

Honestly, I don't know much about panic attacks. I am not sure how debilitating they are. The web could probably provide you with lots of information on them.

Those questions are good questions for your boyfriend. Ask him if they really do affect him that much. If they do, ask how can you help him or if there's anything you can do. If his attacks are truly the cause of the issue then part of being in a relationship with him will be having to be flexible about schedules and plans and you'll have to learn to accept that.

Jiser · Jul 26, 2007, 10:15 AM

Panic Attacks are horrible! Experienced them myself with added anxiety! I haven't had them real real bad but never the less they are not a pleasant experience. It has affected the way I live my life. For instantce I avoid certain situations or driving where possible due to my stupid brain associating anxiety with driving...

Anyway there are ways to help with panic attacks. I.e. Breathing etc. He should consult his GP who should be able to help. Things such as vallium can be prescribed but its best not to fall back to drugs...

Try to keep yourself busy, if you have tried eveyrthing you can and he is not coming through to you.. then maybe its time to start thinking of you!

xxsamxx110 · Jul 26, 2007, 10:25 AM

I don't want to give up on us. Like I said when we are together it is great. Its starting to get me down though. Is their anyway I could help him? Why won't he come to me with his problems or just talk to me in general? He has seen a doctor as he has had them for years however it has been the past month where they have been very bad and often. Any idea what sets them off? Thanks

Haplo · Jul 26, 2007, 11:51 AM

Originally Posted by xxsamxx110

i dont want to give up on us. like i said when we are together it is great. its starting to get me down though. is their anyway i could help him? why wont he come to me with his problems or just talk to me in general? he has seen a doctor as he has had them for years however it has been the past month where they have been very bad and often. any idea what sets them off? thanks

We can't answer these questions... only your boyfriend can :) You ask why he isn't talking to you... reverse the question... why aren't you talking to him? All of these things are things that you should discuss with him.

xxsamxx110 · Jul 26, 2007, 11:55 AM

I try so many times but he seems to struggle talking and I don't know how to bring them up. An example I have sent two emails trying to explain and I know he has received them both and yet he hasn't mentioned let alone replied to either of them.

xxsamxx110 · Jul 27, 2007, 06:03 AM

OK well if you've read my other posts ull know what's happened. Basically my boyfriend has panic attacks and lately they have been bad. Anyway he has cancelled on me everyday this week. Well tonight we were meant to be going for a meal with a few people I went to college with. I have text him to find out and have had no answer. Anyway he has not replied to any since yesterday morning. Well I went on my bebo and it said he was on 8 hrs ago so about midnight. Obviously I wasn't on at that time and the female friend was last loged on between 12 and 1. this usually means that they will have been talking. Well my problem is he is ignoring me completely. Normally he sends me a text to at least say he won't be over but this time I've heard nothing. The friend said she hasn't spoken to him and that he probably doesn't want to talk to me if he's had another panic attack. Do you think this is right or is their more to it? And what shall I do? Thanks

nicespringgirl · Jul 27, 2007, 06:26 AM

How old he is please?

xxsamxx110 · Jul 27, 2007, 06:27 AM

I'm 19 and he is almost 22

nicespringgirl · Jul 27, 2007, 06:39 AM

Have you talked to him about it? Why he is ignoring you?
Do u think he is seeing someone else...

xxsamxx110 · Jul 27, 2007, 06:45 AM

No I don't think he is cheating on me. I have know idea why he is ignoring me. I can't get him to talk to me. I have tried talking face to face, texting, calling, emailing, msn, bebo. Alsorts I have tried but he just won't talk and now he isn't replying or answering. He was wanting to spend the full 6 weeks I have off, together. Well its end of the first and we have spent none together.

talaniman · Jul 27, 2007, 06:51 AM

I can't imagine this kind of behavior, for any reason, and since you haven't talked or seen him why waste any more time on it. There is something wrong with this.

nicespringgirl · Jul 27, 2007, 06:53 AM

U have tried all these... I am not sure he thinks it's a little bit too much or what, but I hear you he is the one started to act weird.
He might be having some issues that he has concerned lately, guys have moods and emotions that they have to deal with, they just hide well, actually he might be depressed by some other issues, Leave him alone for a week, only text him no other contacting needed, see how things go that way. Also make sure he knows you are not leaving him or giving him up, just let him have some of his time to deal with whatever is going on with his life, if he tells you what that is, be a good listener, and support him.

talaniman · Jul 27, 2007, 10:48 AM

Stop beating your head against a wall. He has his own problems that he struggle with, and sticking around will only confuse you and make you feel inadaquate. You can't help him, so help yourself. Get knowledgeable and if there is no communication there is no relationship. Sorry.

xxsamxx110 · Jul 28, 2007, 03:41 AM

The Update
Well last night I went for the meal (on my own) and it was OK. Anyway I got home and around midnight I received a text from my boyfriend. He has been admitted to hospital and having various tests done. Anyway he tried ringing but was out of money. I was up most of the night worrying. The thing is even though he let me know he didn't tell me all that much. I find out about 10 minutes ago that he had text the 'friend' and told her in detail all what was going on and wrong. Anyway his mum text me this morning and let me know he will be home today and she will get him to ring me.
As much as I am worried about him I can't help but feel angry and upset. Why is he telling the 'friend' and not his girlfriend? I don't know if he even wants me to see him. I now have the friend telling me that he may want more time away from me to get better and what he is feeling. I feel really let down that I get 1 text and part of a phone call which worried me and yet she gets a full conversation with him. What am I doing wrong or am I over reacting?
I have mentioned to my boyfriend on a few occasions before this about things she has said. I don't want to say anything now obviously as I don't want him to get worse or angry or upset with me etc. there is a history as I have posted before about the friend getting in the way. She has just now sent me a message saying that I should be glad he is OK and it doesn't matter if he doesn't see me as much, trust me he won't want to see anyone, and not you, and that I can't do out to help him etc. basically lecturing me on how bad a girlfriend I am as I said I was going to try see him. The first thing I said was that I'm glad he is going home and that I wanted him well and said I might see if he wanted me there. What am I doing so wrong and what do I say back to her? So far I said I like to have someone I'm close to with me when I'm bad and stressed out. I want to be close to him and supportive. Am I really that bad a girlfriend?

the latest txt: diff people, diff ways. I know what he's like trust me... take care of yourself too, your no good to him if your unwell and around him lol.

Previous post
OK well if you've read my other posts you will know what's happened. Basically my boyfriend has panic attacks and lately they have been bad. Anyway he has cancelled on me everyday this week. Well tonight we were meant to be going for a meal with a few people I went to college with. I have text him to find out and have had no answer. Anyway he has not replied to any since yesterday morning. Well I went on my bebo and it said he was on 8 hours ago so about midnight. Obviously I wasn't on at that time and the female friend was last logged on between 12 and 1. this usually means that they will have been talking. Well my problem is he is ignoring me completely. Normally he sends me a text to at least say he won't be over but this time I've heard nothing. The friend said she hasn't spoken to him and that he probably doesn't want to talk to me if he's had another panic attack. Do you think this is right or is their more to it? And what shall I do? Thanks

Sorry its so long

talaniman · Jul 28, 2007, 08:53 AM

After a full year why are you still running head first into a brick wall??

xxsamxx110 · Jul 28, 2007, 11:38 AM

A full year? We have only been together a few months.

GlindaofOz · Jul 28, 2007, 12:07 PM

This has just been a relationship of a few months? Oh honey get out! This is WAY too much drama. There is obviously something fishy going on between him and this "Friend". I'd run not walk away from this situation. He has made it quite obvious through his actions that you are not that important to him (not to be harsh), he is acting as if you do not matter. And darling YOU DO. You need to realize that this guy is a loser and doesn't see it when he's got something good. Move on and find someone who appreciates what a caring person you are.