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 Originally Posted by Just Dahlia
A friend and I were staying with my mother for a few days when my nephew was about two. I was spending some time with him one day, when he comes walking out of the bathroom chewing on her toothbrush. Turns out that he wanted to brush his teeth. Since he couldn't turn on the water, he just dipped it in the toilet. Needless to say, she got a new toothbrush. |
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My sister was LESS than pleased that I 'let' him do it. Mind you, that happened only a few months after he got into her purse, climbed over the baby gate, went upstairs, and flushed her cell phone down the toilet. She didn't even know if he'd done it minutes, or hours, before. I think him wandering down a short hallway and grabbing a toothbrush off the counter next to the toilet is a bit less noticeable. |
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I'm sorry, I had to...because I got a chuckle out of some that I had to concentrate and follow:)
If Yoko Ono had married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono. If Dolly had married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali. If Oprah Winfrey married Deepak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra. If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry Elton John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John. If Sondra Locke married Elliot Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Munster. If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and married Jerry Mathers, she'd be Liv Ito Beaver. If Cat Stevens married Snoop Doggy Dogg, he'd be Cat Doggy Dogg. If Ivana Trump married, in succession, (follow along here) :rolleyes: Orson Bean (actor), King Oscar (of Norway), Louis B. Mayer (filmmaker) and Norbert Wiener (mathematician), she would then be Ivana Bean Oscar Mayer Wiener.:D |
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Originally Posted by carpenter-t
Disagreeing (should only be used for dangerous advice or inaccurate facts; opinions should be discussed on the board) with a post gives a red box (reddie). Greenies are good. :) |
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Skinny Dipping An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and looks it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, 'We're not coming out until you leave! The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.' Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.' Some old men can still think fast. |
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This story happened a while ago outside Dublin , and even Though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's true. John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the Side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of A big storm. The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm Was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and Stopped. John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about It, got into the car and closed the door... only to realize there was Nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on. The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road Ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging For his life. Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared Out of nowhere through the window, and turned the wheel. John, Paralyzed with terror, watched as the hand came through the window, But never touched or harmed him. Shortly thereafter, John saw the lights of a pub appear Down the road, so, gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and Ran to it. Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started Telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had. A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he Was crying... and wasn't drunk. Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked In from the dark and stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked And out of breath. Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at The bar, one said to the other... 'Look Paddy... There's that f*****g idiot that got in the car While we were pushing it!! |
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