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Never Lie To A Woman A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his Friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that Promotion I'v been wanting, so could you please pack enough Clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box, we're Leaving From the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up" " Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas." The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked. The following Weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish? He said, "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to Do?" "I did." Replied his wife... "They were in your tackle box....." |
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Originally Posted by Stringer
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A man went to the doctor's office to ask for a double dose of Viagra. The doctor told him that he couldn't allow him a double dose. “Why not?' asked the man. "Because it's not safe,' replied the doctor. "But I need it really bad,' said the man. "Well, why do you need it so badly?' asked the doctor. The man said, "My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday; My ex-wife will be here on Saturday; and my wife is coming home on Sunday. Can't you see? I must have a double dose." The doctor finally relented saying, "Okay, I'll give it to you, but you have to come in Monday morning so that I can check you to see if there are any side effects." On Monday, the man dragged himself in; his right arm in a sling. The doctor asked, "What happened to you?" The man said, "No one showed up." |
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A man is sitting in his living room watching TV when his wife comes up behined him and slaps him up side the head with a rolled up magazine.he turns and says what was that for.shes says I was doing laundry and found a woman's name on a piece of paper in yourb shirt pocket.he says that's a horse I got a tip on a horse and was going to bet on it.the wife says she is awfully sorry and wishes him luck on his bet.a few days latewr the man is sitting in the same chair watching TV again when the wife come up behined him and swats him out of his chair with a hard coverd book.from the floor he looks up an says what was that for.she says your horse called. |
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A man comes home from work sits down an put on the TV.he yells to his wife can you get me a beer be fore it starts.she gets him a beer.about twenty minutes later he says hay hun can you get me a beer before it starts .this happen about five more times.as she hands him enoughther beer she says all you ever do is come home sit in that god dam chair drinking beer watchung TV there are things that need doing around here the cellar needs cleaning,the door needs fixing---- the man mumbles its starting. |
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Redneck Church 1. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if.. The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one. 2. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if.. People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em. 3. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if.. When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering" and five guys and two women stand up. 4. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if.. Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday. 5. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of" (Love it!) 6. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if.. The choir is known as the "OK Chorale". 7. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if.. In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory. 8. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if.. People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy. 9. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if.. The baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized " Wheeling " washtub. 10. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue. 11. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... The collection plates are really hubcaps from a '56 Chevy. 12. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if.. Instead of a bell you are called to service by a duck call. 13. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... The minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks. 14. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... The communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink". 15. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... "Thou shall not covet" applies to huntin' dogs, too. 16. You know You're in a Redneck Church if... The final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now, Ya hear". |
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