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Romefalls19 · Jun 29, 2009, 06:39 AM

Yep, she is 10x better in every way.

She tried to get me to talk to her after 2 months of NC, then after we broke NC after 5 months it started with the whole, could you see us together again?

AKeagle · Jun 29, 2009, 07:16 AM

Originally Posted by winding200

HOWEVER, manage yourself with DIGNITY. DO NOT contact your ex gf. If you do, you will regret more in future, and feel ashamed.

You need some sleep to function. In my experience, the anti anxiety pill helped me to relax & sleep, and you need doctor's prescription.

Be strong!

I don't contact her, and she doesn't contact me. As for sleeping, I don't know what to do about it, I wake up early go to work, and after I rush around doing stuff, trying not to think.

As for changing the subject with my cousin, I have, but have told him I am there if he needs anything, I would have liked nothing more, but for someone to be there to talk to at anytime. So I'm doing that for him. We only have our grandparents up here with us, so we have been staying close, and doing things together.

I think I have accepted the fact that she isn't coming back, and the she never with try to contact me or get in touch with me.

talaniman · Jun 29, 2009, 07:30 AM

You need some sleep to function. In my experience, the anti anxiety pill helped me to relax & sleep, and you need doctor's prescription.

I had some success with sleeping, and eating by doing things at the same time every day, and smaller meals, but more meals, (like on a diet nowadays) helped with the eating right, and a hard workout earlier in the day before dinner just plain knocked me out at night, as eating, or exercising, right before bed may not be the best time for either activity.

Never took prescription meds to sleep, as two aspirin after a hot shower, always relaxed me enough to sleep.

Its when, and how, that's more important, than the just doing, for maximum effects.

AKeagle · Jun 29, 2009, 09:21 AM

Originally Posted by paxe

It's all part of the healing process, but you will soon feel better. Try to do whatever you are doing and not reminiscing about the past. Change the subject with your cousin, see other people...

I felt better last week, and now have lost all the progress.

paxe · Jun 29, 2009, 09:34 AM

Originally Posted by AKeagle

i felt better last week, and now have lost all the progress.

Don't worry, it's all in the normal process of healing, it takes time but you DO feel better after a while. I do hope you kept no contact during all that time. Have you been doing a lot of sport and hanging out also with friends? Friends are going to help you a lot during that time, and they will support you. Also try to see if you can join a group of sport or activity where there might be women, so as to give you an idea that there is something else out there. When my ex was stringing me along, flirting with other women helped me take the decision that I didn't want to be with her. I am still waiting 5 month before I am starting to date someone else though.

AKeagle · Jun 29, 2009, 09:49 AM

Originally Posted by paxe

Don't worry, it's all in the normal process of healing, it takes time but you DO feel better after a while. I do hope you kept no contact during all that time. Have you been doing a lot of sport and hanging out also with friends? Friends are going to help you a lot during that time, and they will support you. Also try to see if you can join a group of sport or activity where there might be women, so as to give you an idea that there is something else out there. When my ex was stringing me along, flirting with other women helped me take the decision that I didn't want to be with her. I am still waiting 5 month before I am starting to date someone else though.

I have kept with no contact, and plan on that. I have been lifting and for the last two weekends have been going hiking/climbing for about 7-10 hours. Feels good except for the sun burn. I have been hanging out with friends and meeting some new people.

I really just want to go back to when I kept my emotions to myself, I'm tired of hearing advice from my friends who have never been in a long term relationship. But I also don't want them to see the hard parts in my life.

I'm considering moving. Not that the place bothers me, but moving closer to work, and away from her. Good or bad?

paxe · Jun 29, 2009, 10:05 AM

No bro,
That's a horrible idea. Moving out just to get away from her is the worst idea you can get. I mean you are not going to change job, country just not to be with her. Don't do anything harsh or sudden because you feel sad. You are 22 years old and you have your whole life ahead of you to figure out what you want to become. Once you get that into your head that life can be much more interesting.

We're about the same age and have about the same problems, except I'm 3 month ahead of you. I was starting to heal a bit after 3 weeks ( of course she contacted me on and off during 2 month ) and then I decided to go to Europe with some friends, and I just knew I didn't want to be with her. How long has it been on NC?

AKeagle · Jun 29, 2009, 10:12 AM

Originally Posted by paxe

No bro,
that's a horrible idea. Moving out just to get away from her is the worst idea you can get. I mean you are not going to change job, country just not to be with her. Don't do anything harsh or sudden because you feel sad. You are 22 years old and you have your whole life ahead of you to figure out what you want to become. Once you get that into your head that life can be much more interesting.

We're about the same age and have about the same problems, except I'm 3 month ahead of you. I was starting to heal a bit after 3 weeks ( of course she contacted me on and off during 2 month ) and then I decided to go to Europe with some friends, and I just knew I didn't want to be with her. How long has it been on NC?

Well about moving, I just can't afford it without her, I'm starting to burn through money I set aside.

It has been no contact for 18 days. I haven't attempted to contact her, nor has she tried to contact me. Which is kind of driving me insane

paxe · Jun 29, 2009, 10:32 AM

Originally Posted by AKeagle

well about moving, i just can't afford it without her, i'm starting to burn through money i set aside.

it has been no contact for 18 days. i haven't attempted to contact her, nor has she tried to contact me. which is kinda driving me insane

You mean you can't afford not to move or you can't afford to move? Don't worry about her not contacting you, if it makes you feel better she is probably suffering also or not and she will soon, except if she doesn't have a heart. In any case it's her loss and your gain right? You're a great guy and she lost something wonderful ( this is what you should put in your brain ) and then brush the thought aside.

My ex is just starting a 2 year long distance ( 1 ocean apart ) with a guy she just meet 2 month ago... talking about dysfunctional and she is hurt like crasy ( I know that because we have the same friends ). This is why we never know what may happen down the line, if you take care of yourself and get better, you'll feel like a new man, and in the end the breakup may be much more horrible to her than to you.

kctiger · Jun 29, 2009, 10:34 AM

Originally Posted by paxe

You mean you can't afford not to move or you can't afford to move? Don't worry about her not contacting you, if it makes you feel better she is probably suffering also or not and she will soon, except if she doesn't have a heart. In any case it's her loss and your gain right? You're a great guy and she lost something wonderful ( this is what you should put in your brain ) and then brush the thought aside.

My ex is just starting a 2 year long distance ( 1 ocean apart ) with a guy she just meet 2 month ago... talking about dysfunctional and she is hurt like crasy ( I know that because we have the same friends ). This is why we never know what may happen down the line, if you take care of yourself and get better, you'll feel like a new man, and in the end the breakup may be much more horrible to her than to you.

Maybe I am reading this wrong, but it is almost as if you wish this to be true.

When you move on, truly, you won't give a rats a$$ about your ex, one way or another, but holding anger... that isn't moving on, at all.

paxe · Jun 29, 2009, 10:38 AM

Originally Posted by kctiger

Maybe I am reading this wrong, but it is almost as if you wish this to be true.

When you move on, truly, you won't give a rats a$$ about your ex, one way or another, but holding anger...that isn't moving on, at all.

You're a bit right but I am just stating facts and trying to make a point so that he can move on. I just found it dysfunctional but it doesn't go farther than that. I'm pretty much happy with my life and I'm a happier person without her :D. I may have some small anger when I see her because of all she did to me, but it's more annoyance only when I see her ( when we are in a group of friends ).

AKeagle · Jun 29, 2009, 10:40 AM

Originally Posted by paxe

You mean you can't afford not to move or you can't afford to move? Don't worry about her not contacting you, if it makes you feel better she is probably suffering also or not and she will soon, except if she doesn't have a heart. In any case it's her loss and your gain right? You're a great guy and she lost something wonderful ( this is what you should put in your brain ) and then brush the thought aside.

My ex is just starting a 2 year long distance ( 1 ocean apart ) with a guy she just meet 2 month ago... talking about dysfunctional and she is hurt like crasy ( I know that because we have the same friends ). This is why we never know what may happen down the line, if you take care of yourself and get better, you'll feel like a new man, and in the end the breakup may be much more horrible to her than to you.

I can't afford to stay at the place I'm at, cause I can't cover her part of the rent but for so long. I doubt she is suffering since she has gotten a new guy already

paxe · Jun 29, 2009, 10:43 AM

In that case move on! It's going to be perfect for you. As for her and from the experience and the stories I get, she hasn't healed properly and it will just hurt her down the line. But you shouldn't even think about that and you should concentrate on yourself. You are doing the proper healing and the result will show soon.

AKeagle · Jun 29, 2009, 10:51 AM

Originally Posted by paxe

In that case move on! It's going to be perfect for you. As for her and from the experience and the stories I get, she hasn't healed properly and it will just hurt her down the line. But you shouldn't even think about that and you should concentrate on yourself. You are doing the proper healing and the result will show soon.

Why isn't it bothering her now?

paxe · Jun 29, 2009, 10:53 AM

Should you even think about that? It's plain and simple she just replaced you by someone else... that's why she's not bothered. You could have done the same thing but it's not part of healing...

AKeagle · Jun 29, 2009, 10:55 AM

Originally Posted by paxe

Should you even think about that? It's plain and simple she just replaced you by someone else... that's why she's not bothered. You could have done the same thing but it's not part of healing...

Yeah but after such a long time, it would still hurt to replace a 4 year relationship.

paxe · Jun 29, 2009, 11:01 AM

My ex replaced me after a 3 years relationship, it seems it's not that hard for girls (don't want to sound sexist, but there is plenty of similar story to go around). She probably went for another guy because she couldn't bear the pain of being alone.

AKeagle · Jun 29, 2009, 11:05 AM

Originally Posted by paxe

My ex replaced me after a 3 years relationship, it seems it's not that hard for girls (don't want to sound sexist, but there is plenty of similar story to go around). She probably went for another guy because she couldn't bear the pain of being alone.

Then everything is being done off emotions not logic. She seems to always act off emotion, so logic won't change anything down the road. I don't think I'm still acting off emotions, but I don't do anything more than ponder. Other wise I look at the facts in front of me.

paxe · Jun 29, 2009, 11:08 AM

Great! That's a great step toward getting better. Now get out there and go find an apartment or go do some sport, or concentrate on work! You'll get better much faster than you thought.

AKeagle · Jun 29, 2009, 11:14 AM

Originally Posted by paxe

Great!! That's a great step toward getting better. Now get out there and go find an apartment or go do some sport, or concentrate on work! You'll get better much faster than you thought.

I got a feeling I'm going to be taking more steps backwards in time. Not saying I'm going to break no contact, but if she does I just don't want to talk, but the act of her trying to contact me will bother me.