[f104]

I will indeed keep you posted. I think calling him or e-mailing him would be okay.

[starlite1]

I will indeed keep you posted. I think calling him or e-mailing him would be okay.

Thanks sweetie. I just don't want to come off needy. Do you think he would take it this way?

[f104]

I don't think it would come off needy but that may just be me.

[talaniman]

Thanks sweetie. I just don't want to come off needy. Do you think he would take it this way?

He got it!!

[starlite1]

He got it!!!

Hi Tal,

Yes, I know he did. He is being his usual self and this is the exact reason why I broke up with him, because even in the past (two times before this) when we were together, this is what he would do. Case and point. My God, why do I love this man so much? I am so depressed. This isn't normal behavior for a man is it? (I don't mean any disrespect, guys). Even if in the past I was a little needy and insecure, is this normal for him to act this way? Even from how I described in my main post?

[talaniman]

My God, why do I love this man so much?

You don't love yourself enough, and want to be loved. Are you settling for less than what you deserve??

I am so depressed. This isn't normal behavior for a man is it? (I don't mean any disrespect, guys).

Not for a man that cares about his female.

Even if in the past I was a little needy and insecure, is this normal for him to act this way?

NO! Its not normal, as a man who cares would understand your need for ea assurance and be more than willing to give it.

Even from how I described in my main post?

Your whole post is about a caring, loving female, with a lot to offer, who needs a hug, and ain't getting it.

Hugs to you!

[starlite1]

You don't love yourself enough, and want to be loved. Are you settling for less than what you deserve????

Not for a man that cares about his female.

NO!! Its not normal, as a man who cares would understand your need for ea assurance and be more than willing to give it.

Your whole post is about a caring, loving female, with a lot to offer, who needs a hug, and ain't getting it.

Hugs to you!

Thank you, Tal. You are the best :) I needed that hug. My God, this is so hard..

[talaniman]

My God, this is so hard..

Its easier when you love yourself more than you do... him!

[starlite1]

I honestly don't know how to do that. I know I have to for my own self, and I have been in therepy time and time again, but still, I don't know how. Even in the past, with all of my relationships, including when I was married, I made them all my world. It made me feel great to do that, but now look at what I am doing to myself, especially when a person you love so much (in this case, Eric (my ex), and they say they love you, want to marry you, want you to move there to be with them, I get cold feet, and WHAMMO, he turns off like a switch... just like when he did in the past when he broke up with me... I am insecure to begin with... but now, I totally feel like SH*&. I gave my heart and soul to this man, and I really thought he loved me more than this, I thought he would even fight a little to get me back... Stupid Girl... what the heck was I thinking?

[epiphany]

Stop letting all of if be controlled in his hands.. this is why I told you to move on when I first posted to you weeks ago. You are still sitting here and letting his actions control your life. You freak if he doesn't respond to a text, you get in a tizzy if you don't think he isn't thinking of you, you still wonder if he cares. You waste time analyzing everything he says/doesn't say.. does/doesn't do.

If you would have spent these weeks and hours on yourself instead of still agonizing over this man who obviously does not love you (or he'd be trying) then you would be well on your way by now to caring about yourself, increasing your own self esteem, and realizing he should be the one sitting wondering why he let a great girl like you get away. Once you walked away and realized his loss, I can guarantee that you would feel better in time with your decision. You need to take you own power back, because you are letting one man's decision make or break every minute of every day and how you feel about yourself.

If that is love, then honey, I am not interested. No love I know works that way and when you see that for yourself, you will feel better. I promise. MOVE ON! It's not just the best advice, it really is the only advice in this situation.

[starlite1]

Stop letting all of if be controlled in his hands..this is why I told you to move on when I first posted to you weeks ago. You are still sitting here and letting his actions control your life. You freak if he doesn't respond to a text, you get in a tizzy if you don't think he isn't thinking of you, you still wonder if he cares. You waste time analyzing everything he says/doesn't say..does/doesn't do.

If you would have spent these weeks and hours on yourself instead of still agonizing over this man who obviously does not love you (or he'd be trying) then you would be well on your way by now to caring about yourself, increasing your own self esteem, and realizing he should be the one sitting wondering why he let a great girl like you get away. Once you walked away and realized his loss, I can guarantee that you would feel better in time with your decision. You need to take you own power back, because you are letting one man's decision make or break every minute of every day and how you feel about yourself.

If that is love, then honey, I am not interested. No love I know works that way and when you see that for yourself, you will feel better. I promise. MOVE ON! It's not just the best advice, it really is the only advice in this situation.

Thanks Epiphany, you are right, you all are. For the past 4 years, I have known nothing but this man, and my mind, heart, and soul was all about him. I have to let him go... emotionally now.. it is breaking my heart, because I still love him and am still in love with him... that is the hardest part of letting him go... especially because I thought he felt the same way..

[talaniman]

So you want to know how to love yourself eh? I can answer that, next time he pizzes you off, or does something to make you mad... let him have it with both barrels. You'll not only feel better, you'll enjoy expressing your anger outward instead of inward at yourself, filling you with self doubt and insecurities, and FEAR, of losing him.

Oh, its more effective with BOTH hands on your hips, and an evil look on your face. (ask me how I know!! )

[starlite1]

Hi Tal,

LOL! Uh Oh! I guess you have had that happen to you ;)

I have raised my voice to him in the past, and looked dead into his eyes, and gave him hell, but, maybe 3 minutes later, I cried, apologized, etc. because I didn't want him to hate me, leave me, etc... Why? Why the hell am I so scared...

[talaniman]

but, maybe 3 minutes later, I cried, apologized, etc. because I didn't want him to hate me, leave me, etc... Why? Why the hell am I so scared...

Because your to nice to people. Stay mad until they acknowledge you and if they don't... See ya, hate to be ya!! You don't need those folks in your life. You really do deserve better, and should make sure you get it. Don't let anyone wait you out, that's a sign you don't mean what you say, and will cave with the slightest resistance

[starlite1]

Thank you, Tal. You are a sweetheart. I know that when I go to see him in July, I need to stand strong... and if I feel hurt, angry, etc, I need to express that, wholeheartedly, and not crack. I have to for my own sake at this point... And down the road, whether it's a relationship with him or anyone else, I have to stand up for myself if a situation arises that warrants it. That is the hard part... standing up for myself... and the other hard part is rejection if that does indeed happen...

[love is abby]

There truly must be something wrong with him if he truly expects to find a relationship requiring no work. My advice? Find someone better who you KNOW you want to create your life with. Good luck and keep your head up. :)

[starlite1]

Hi Love,

Thank you. You are right. But, I am so hung up on him, even if a better man came along, I wouldn't know him if he kicked me in the butt... I am so mentally attached to my ex... that is the messed up part... I have had opportunities to go out on dates with other men, and I want to, but then just as I'm about to accept, I back down.. because of my love and feelings for Eric

[talaniman]

That is the hard part... standing up for myself... and the other hard part is rejection if that does indeed happen...

Yeah, your right, as the fear of being rejected, will make us do many things we may not normally do. Kissing a self centered bast@rds butt shouldn't be one of them though. Should it??

I back down.. because of my love and feelings for Eric

Not to second guess you at all, but is it love you feel for him that makes you his willing slave? (that really did hurt me to say) Don't you think that a love that makes you feel this way must be honestly evaluated? I guess Im trying to find out, if your in love with a person, or just an idea? If you reread all your posts you have made, would you see someone in love, or was afraid to be left alone??

What do you think I see, when I read those same posts??

[starlite1]

Yeah, your right, as the fear of being rejected, will make us do many things we may not normally do. Kissing a self centered bast@rds butt shouldn't be one of them though. Should it???



Not to second guess you at all, but is it love you feel for him that makes you his willing slave? (that really did hurt me to say) Don't you think that a love that makes you feel this way must be honestly evaluated?? I guess Im trying to find out, if your in love with a person, or just an idea?? If you reread all your posts you have made, would you see someone in love, or was afraid to be left alone????

What do you think I see, when I read those same posts???

Hi Tal,

I definatley see where you are coming from. Honestly I pondered your question and honestly, I think it's both: being in love with him, and afraid of being alone. The thing is I have had opportunities to date other men, but, he is always right there in my mind, my heart, etc. Something else that comes to mind, when I first met Eric, we started as friends (we worked together at the same company, but different depts), then we developed into something much more. Eric was completely open with me, his feelings, his fears, he wasn't afraid to cry with me at all, and he said for the first time in his life, he was able to feel secure and not have a wall, and even encouraged me not to have a wall (I had one from past relationships, family stuff, etc). I saw and felt the most deep, intense man I have ever felt, and I felt as though he was the male version of me, and I the female version of him. I know this sounds kind of corny, but that is truly how I felt and still feel. Now, fast forward, the wall came back up after we got into our relationship (I still don't even know why). I guess I really feel even though he is has this wall, I saw the real Eric back then, he let me 'in', and I know he is still in there somewhere...

[talaniman]

I figure this fellow has some good points, and I don't take you for a flighty confused female at all, but he has to do his part to nurture this along, or you will be giving, and he takes, and that's not healthy for a future.