[talaniman]

Glad you had a great time and got the old batteries recharged. I would tread carefully though when it comes to trying to be in love again. In your quest to be in that love, be careful of your choices.

[jrsg]

Thanks tal,
And yeah, I will be careful.

[Chery]

Good for you dear.

Yes, distractions is what we need as part of healing. And every chance you get at it, use it.

One can also change the environment that was shared by changing the furniture around, putting new pictures on the walls, new pillows for the couch and a few new scented candles to change the atmosphere. Naturally, we cannot get new furniture each time we break-up, but making minor changes with what we have really helps.

I'm also glad that you enjoy and want to share time with another relationship.. just make sure that you will not fall into the 'comparing' stage - that would be unfair to the other girls in your life. We learn from each relationships, as you've stated.. good and bad, just don't let the bad predominate as it wastes time and energy that you could use in getting to know the other person and yourself better.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

[jrsg]

Thanks,
And I like the new pillows of the couch idea... could help a lot.

Thanks for everything, and I will update in a while.


First, I have one more question...

My ex gets back from BC at the end of the week. I want to continue a friendship with her, so should I call her when she gets back, and ask to see each other just to catch up?
The reason I ask is because she left in a weird time when everything was a little awkward between us. I sent her a message on Facebook, but she is ignoring it. She is active with others online so I know she is just ignoring me. I sent it about a week ago and still no reply from her.
Right now, I am taking the 'hint' and I'm just not trying to get in touch with her, I'm just leaving her alone and giving her however much space she wants.
But, should I call her when she gets back? I will probably call, depending on your advice, once (twice at the most) and if she ignores that I know for sure she doesn't anything to do with me. And that will be it. But what do you think?

[talaniman]

Why should you?? Be real here guy. If it will happens, it happens, so why not keep taking the hint, leave her alone, and get about your own life.

Catch up, after all the work you've done on you, why go back to awkward confusion? You have already been ignored so why start that again.

Catch up on a friend you haven't seen in a while, who you know will be glad to see you.

[jrsg]

Yeah...
As much as I didn't want to hear that, I think I knew it all along.
Maybe I am crazy or it could just be wishful thinking. Either way, I know you're right.
And honestly, I do still have feelings for her. Again, I know deep down, I know she is not doing any good for me. I guess I have no choice but to accept the facts here. She doesn't like me.

Thanks for that, helping me see the light.

I think I am ACTUALLY done with this girl now. 4 months of heartache, stress, happiness, sadness, and anger later, I think I am done (for good). I know I have said it before, but I myself believe it this time. I am done. Still friends, but romantically I believe we are done.

Someone on the NC Calender thread said that there is a time after a break up where you finally realize its over, and its like being broken up with a second time. I think I am at that point now, and it sucks.
Bring on the distractions! I'll be looking forward to a good Friday night tomorrow, help me forget about things.

Thanks again everyone.

[Chery]

Hope you had great Friday night, dear.
Even though I don't sign on here every day, I still check how you are doing and hope that you do leave her alone... no calls.. OK?

She is going her way and you need to go in the other direction and regain your strength and self-respect. Each of us take our own time to heal, some take months, some a little more, but in the end we will have learned and are better off, so don't jeapardize your progress now.

It's time to enjoy life again... it's too darned short to dwell on the past.

[jrsg]

Thanks for staying with me through all this, Chery. I really do appreciate it, and your advice has saved me from making an absolute fool of myself several times before, lol. Thank you

And I won't call her. Its time for me to rebuild my life in a way that isn't based around her. I was happy before her, I will be happy after her.
That was my biggest problem, making her the focus of my life and happiness, after knowing her for a month... Live and learn, right? I won't do that again.

So no calls, no e-mails, no texting her, and I won't engage any kind of communication with her. To distract me, I have a family barbecue to go to today, and see family I haven't even met! And I am booked up until Wednesday, so that will keep me distracted for a while.
She gets back later today (Saturday), so this is the most tempting time for me to call. The distractions will help, a lot!

Thanks again

[jrsg]

Hey
Its been a while since I talked to you guys last:rolleyes: :confused: :confused:

But I just got a text from her.
A simple "I'm home" is what I got from her.
I replied, and we are talking right now.

I am still set on a friendship, so we will see how that goes.
The fact that she is initiating the conversation is a good sign, she hasn't done that in a while. However, I'll take it as a sign of friendship, not as a "Oh I miss you, lets get back together" kind of thing.

Just a quick update.

[Chery]

As long as you can keep the boundaries you set... be very careful not to build up false hopes dear.

It if does not hurt to just be her friend and you can cope with that, then good for you. Just keep us up to date and beware that it's possible to 'fall' again.

Wish you lots of luck and remember, we are here.

[jrsg]

Thank you,
We just talked for about 5 minutes and basically gave summaries of the last four weeks of our lives. She is happy, I am happy the way we are. I would still like to meet to discuss our vacations further, so I will probably call her sometime next week. Haha, I have a line of distractions lined up for the next 3 days. That is how I was going to cope with not talking to her. It will still help a lot.

I do have to make an effort not to fall for her again, but I made that mistake once. Won't make it again. I think I have the will power to resist. I have never had to fight my own feelings, so I kind of want to see how this goes. I do think seeing her just as a friend is best. Rather than dating again, or just ignoring her completely.

Thanks for the help,
And I will update as I go

:)

Thanks

[jrsg]

Hey,
So I can now confidently say that me and the girlfriend are over. Just friends now.

I had lunch with her today, and it was really nice. We spoke about her trip, my trip, and it was great!
She is getting testing for STDs and counceling for the molestation/rape she went through about a month ago. Its too bad it happened, but at least she is getting help now.
After today, we are past that awkward part of the break up where you avoid each other and all that, so it is nice too.
I am happier than I have been in a while, I got a good friend out of all of this, so life is good.

I will admit that I did build up fase hopes a bit, but it was nice to see her as a friend today. I'm over her.

Thanks for all the help (especially Chery and Tal).
I am finally done! Now I can MOVE ON!

[jrsg]

Hey everybody,
I have great news...
Just a little update if you remember this, or are still following the situation,

The (now ex) girlfriend has begun counselling.
She is back to trusting guys. She is getting tested for STDs. She even submitted a report so that the police know what is happening. No testifying against him, but the police are aware of it.

She did end up following the advice I gave her (thank you to all of you guys) and it helped her for the best.

Thanks to all of you!
She is going to get through all of this fine...