[jiltedgirl]

Glad you guys enjoyed it, too. :)

[Chery]

Check this out. I couldn't resist posting them because they are so relevant to this post. Apologies if it depresses anyone, but I think it quite accurate.

LINK:
YouTube - Tales Of Mere Existence "How To Break Up"

A new Lev fan has just been born. I like it. Thanks for sharing.

[friend4u178]

Check this out. I couldn't resist posting them because they are so relevant to this post. Apologies if it depresses anyone, but I think it quite accurate.

LINK:
YouTube - Tales Of Mere Existence "How To Break Up"

LMAO... thanks for sharing jilted , Loved it :)

[DSJ05]

This really helped me out a lot!! Now I'm ready to move on.

[jeile]

Wow!

Friend4U178 you have made my day. It is such a brilliant read and it is so very true. I have just split up about 3 weeks ago with my ex of 1.5 years and we met again last Monday. I asked him to get back because I still love him. He said he loves me still but he is not sure cause he is still hurting from the last months (we had a horrible time). He said he was going to see me this Sunday and let me know time/place, etc to tell me his decision.

I sent him a text with a kiss the next morning to which I did not get anything back.

I know what is next, and decided to move on 2 days ago and I am feeling much better, but I was still wondering in my head if he was going to call me for Sunday and what is he using this time for? etc... Well, that has all vanished after reading this. It is a confirmation of my worth as a human being.

I will now stop wondering about him and go about my own life, which si the important one. Need to clean my flat, need to start doing some work (yes, I was that bad!) and going out with friends (who are very fed up really) LOL... I know there will be 'down' days but on those days I will be reading this again...

I can only say thank you for posting this.

[friend4u178]

Wow!

friend4U178 you have made my day. It is such a brilliant read and it is so very true. I have just split up about 3 weeks ago with my ex of 1.5 years and we met again last Monday. I asked him to get back because I still love him. He said he loves me still but he is not sure cause he is still hurting from the last months (we had a horrible time). he said he was going to see me this Sunday and let me know time/place, etc to tell me his decision.

I sent him a text with a kiss the next morning to which I did not get anything back.

I know what is next, and decided to move on 2 days ago and I am feeling much better, but I was still wondering in my head if he was going to call me for Sunday and what is he using this time for?, etc.... Well, that has all vanished after reading this. It is a confirmation of my worth as a human being.

I will now stop wondering about him and go about my own life, which si the important one. Need to clean my flat, need to start doing some work (yes, I was that bad!) and going out with friends (who are very fed up really) LOL... I know there will be 'down' days but on those days I will be reading this again....

I can only say thank you for posting this.

Hi Jeile
So glad this has helped you , I must admit when I first posted this I had no idea it would get such a positive reaction. Some of the comments I've received on this thread have been quite humbling.
Thankyou:)

[jeile]

Hi There,

After that posting I got a call from him and we are going to give it another go, taking into account the things that went wrong in the first instance. Giving each other space and let the other be more independent. It will take lots of commitment, time and compromising. We are going to take it slowly and rebuild our relationship. Hopefully this time around will be forever... :-)

Cheers

J

[blackmon2rich]

I've been on this site for almost a month now. When I found it, I was sure that absolutely no one in the world had ever, or would ever, experience the pain that I was feeling after my break up. Funny. I found a virtual world full of folks who have gone through and experienced the same things and felt the same feelings that I did. That helped a lot.

So, for all you newbies who ask the questions, "Will the hurting ever stop," or "Will my ex come back," or "Why did he/she do this," this is how it typically goes down.

You two break up--doesn't matter who does it. You immediately panic and begin chasing, begging, pleading, harrassing, phoning, e-mailing, IMing, stalking (okay not all of them, just pick whichever one you did). Most of us will likely do some things during this stage that will make you cringe when you think back on it, say after about 3 months.

You lose weight. You neglect yourself, your house, your job (how many hours do we all log on this site while we are at work?). You drive your friends and family crazy talking about the break up. You cry at the drop of a dime. You can't even comprehend that your life might not again include that "special person." You begin putting them on a pedestal, forgetting all of the nagging things about them that used to drive you crazy. In your mind, they have become omnipotent, all encompasing, all everything.

You convince yourself that you are a loser who just screwed up a relationship with "the best person in the world." You KNOW without a doubt that you will never EVER love like that again. You know no one else will come along who even comes close to being as marvelous as your ex (excuse me while I chuckle to myself here). You wear a sad face for the world to see (you should see my work ID taken 2 days after my breakup, it's just pitiful).

They (the ex's) remain steadfast in their denial to get back together. Many of them leapfrog into new relationships, immediately being exclusive with a new person. For those that do leapfrog, they appear to just "replace" you with a new model. All of the things you two used to do, they now do with someone else. Bowling, cuddling watching television, motorcycle riding, antiquing. Whatever you two did, likely they will just begin doing those things with someone new.

You hear about them and their new life. You are desperate for any crumbs of news about their life. Many of us make things worse here by trying to use manipulation to get them back--yet they stay away from us like we are the plague.

For those of us who do still have contact with our ex's we begin selling ourselves short. Doing stupid things like allowing them access to our bodies and then wanting to strangle them afterward when they remind us that "Sex does not imply hope."

You, in further panic mode, begin frantically searching the internet using phrases such as "break ups," "divorce stopper," whatever. You stumble upon this site, because your curious and lo and behold, you find all of us folks in various stages of this whole breakup bullsh*t.

You voraciously read the posts. You search for news of those who "got their mates back." You're on the site constantly. You'll read the books and think "Ah I can do this. I can get this person back." You begin your "no contact" and for some of us, this will get a reaction from our ex's. For the rest, no contact is and will continue to be what you'll get and receive.

Time goes by. You'll do some stupid things. You'll call your ex when you shouldn't. You'll call when you've had to much to drink. You'll call even after 50 people on this site tell you not to. You'll show up on their doorstep, hating yourself all the time. Then you'll come back to this site and ask everyone to tell you why you were so stupid as to do whatever it was you did.

Then you'll get serious about no contact. This is where you LET GO , It'll hurt, but you try to stick to it. Here's the turning point for most. For those folks who have contact with their ex's, your no contact will either bring them sniffing curiously around or they'll be somewhere high fiving their friends thanking the God's that you haven't called.

Now's the tough time. Nothing but time works. Everday the ache in your heart grows a little less. It's only nanobits that it dies down by. But everyday it will get slowly better. You'll have setbacks. You'll run into your ex accidently. You'll run into mutual friends who'll tell you something about your ex that'll have you high-tailing it home for a good cry. You'll see your ex with their new "friend." You'll receive a phone call or an e-mail from your ex who "doesn't want to be in a relationship but still wants to be friends (with benefits if you allow).

Here's another important part. You need to truly sit down and truthfully look back at the relationship and understand what you did to help with it's demise. If you miss this part, you go through all the suffering for nothing because Buddy, you'll be back here again. This site is to teach you about you. To teach you how to be a better partner, a better person. Missing that lesson is detrimental to the whole process. It's the REASON that you're going through this. God (or whatever your higher power is) needed you to learn something about YOU. Don't miss out on the lesson.

Then one day you'll smile because you didn't immediately check your answering machine when you came in. And one day you'll decide to clean the muck that has accumulated in your house. And one day you'll go outside and admit to the universe that you surrender what control you thought you had.

And one day you'll decide to date again. And one day you'll go out on your first date and it will likely be a disaster. And then you'll either force yourself to continue dating or you'll decide that you aren't ready to date but you are ready to be out amongst people again. And many of you will have some quick reconcillations with your ex's. Many of us won't. But one day, it won't matter as much. Because time will allow you to catch yourself going minutes and then hours without thinking of the ex. And you'll begin to be able to think of life possibly without that person and not dissolve into a puddle of nothingness because of the thought.

And for most of us, sadly, life will go on without that mate. That's the truth, amigos. Don't want to dash your hopes but probably less than 3% of the people on this site get back with their mates. Sobering isn't it? But, as the site instructs, you must accept this before you can truly begin to heal or draw your ex back to you. For the lucky (maybe unlucky one's depending on how much work it will take to keep a mate that has wandered back) who get back with their ex's, many will find that the paradise they envisioned isn't reality and what they once thought was gold has a certain tarnish to it now. But they stay and try and make it work because it's comfortable or, if they are really lucky, it's meant to be.

But for most of us. Life goes on. And one day you'll find yourself having a gut busting laugh over something totally stupid and you'll think to yourself "I am getting better." And finally (thank God) you'll have sex with some new and find that a) if it wasn't good, at least you did it or b) it was so much better than with your ex you wonder why you waited so long to get back out there. And you'll know you're one the road to recovery.

I guess what I'm trying to convey here is, while each situation is unique, the characteristics of most of our situations are the same. Most of us will go through at least something that I've written here. So, when someone tells you on this site that time will help you get through it, believe them. When they tell you that "trust me, it will get better and you will stop hurting eventually," believe them. And when they give you good advice that your head understands but your heart rejects, take a moment to think before you react.

Don't beat yourself up if you do something that you wished you hadn't (calling, contacting, etc) WE ALL DID AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER. Be kind to yourself. Be forgiving of yourself. And most of all remember that being happily single is an alternative. Even if society is beating it into your head that you MUST have a mate, take some time to heal before going back out there. There are plenty of good people to love, but don't go back out there broken, jaded about love, etc. Accept realty. Experience the pain. Learn the lesson. Actively try to heal. Remember the person you were when you first met your ex and get that person back.

And the universe will take care of the rest."

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COMMENT!!!

Thank You

[Termi]

Give more... expect less.. u won't be hurt much!. High expectations some times hurts u more when u didn't get what u want...

Termi

[is this right]

I made the decision to break up with my ex, afte 6 years, and I have moved on to another relationship. Not mirroring the old one, but I have to say a lot of what you say is bang on. Especially the bit about the pain receding bit by bit.

In someways being the one who initiates the break up can be more difficult that receiving the news(not always true); especially if you are not sure you are making the right decision.


The one thing I would add more emphasis to, and it effercts both sides regarless of who did the deed, and that is that time, with no contact between the two ex-partners is what will ultimately either resolve the relationship and bring you back together, or give you closure. This time apart allows both to move from the raw emotional stage of why has this happened/my world is over, to a stage where you remain upset, but begin to think slightly more rationally about the relationship as a whole, rather than focusing on the nasty end.

Good job

[confuse]

Great post! It's good to know that I'm not the only one who after being dump wants to get back together with my ex. Its also good to know that getting back with the ex doesn't happen so its better not to hold on to that hope and just move on. If it happens it happens if it doesn't live goes on because someone suvived it.

[natasblue]

Very well said you have great knowledge and I always like to hear people express themselves in writing that's great. I will use some of you knowledge at some point to help others out too. Bless you,

[Heart578]

It was a good article. Recently, I broke-up 10 years relationship with my boy friend who is a married man. I am in so much pain. He has been supporting me for past 10 years, and he doesn't pick up the phone or msn. Help! Any idea!

[friend4u178]

Hi
Click on the link below , then click the ORANGE "Ask about Relationships" button and tell your story on the forum , you will get people giving you advice once they know your story.

Good Luck!

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/

[hidden123]

Thank you. An excellent post... Very true.. and gives hope...

[kuulski]

Great Post! I myself have been back and fourth and have grown tremendously in the past year. I have had some setbacks. Mainly allowing me and my ex to become physical again which caused the wound to re-open and make me feel like we are breaking up all over again. In my original post people commented it sounded like bad timing and I still do believe that is possible. However I do feel that I have learned to love myself more then I ever have. I also have learned to truly appreciate being single and having me time. Still a work in progress allot farther along then I have ever been in my life and I don't regret a second I spent with my ex. If its meant to be it will be. Im just glad I have learned to appreciate who I am and what I bring to the table.

[armylove]

I've been on this site for almost a month now. When I found it, I was sure that absolutely no one in the world had ever, or would ever, experience the pain that I was feeling after my break up. Funny. I found a virtual world full of folks who have gone through and experienced the same things and felt the same feelings that I did. That helped a lot.

So, for all you newbies who ask the questions, "Will the hurting ever stop," or "Will my ex come back," or "Why did he/she do this," this is how it typically goes down.

You two break up--doesn't matter who does it. You immediately panic and begin chasing, begging, pleading, harrassing, phoning, e-mailing, IMing, stalking (okay not all of them, just pick whichever one you did). Most of us will likely do some things during this stage that will make you cringe when you think back on it, say after about 3 months.

You lose weight. You neglect yourself, your house, your job (how many hours do we all log on this site while we are at work?). You drive your friends and family crazy talking about the break up. You cry at the drop of a dime. You can't even comprehend that your life might not again include that "special person." You begin putting them on a pedestal, forgetting all of the nagging things about them that used to drive you crazy. In your mind, they have become omnipotent, all encompasing, all everything.

You convince yourself that you are a loser who just screwed up a relationship with "the best person in the world." You KNOW without a doubt that you will never EVER love like that again. You know no one else will come along who even comes close to being as marvelous as your ex (excuse me while I chuckle to myself here). You wear a sad face for the world to see (you should see my work ID taken 2 days after my breakup, it's just pitiful).

They (the ex's) remain steadfast in their denial to get back together. Many of them leapfrog into new relationships, immediately being exclusive with a new person. For those that do leapfrog, they appear to just "replace" you with a new model. All of the things you two used to do, they now do with someone else. Bowling, cuddling watching television, motorcycle riding, antiquing. Whatever you two did, likely they will just begin doing those things with someone new.

You hear about them and their new life. You are desperate for any crumbs of news about their life. Many of us make things worse here by trying to use manipulation to get them back--yet they stay away from us like we are the plague.

For those of us who do still have contact with our ex's we begin selling ourselves short. Doing stupid things like allowing them access to our bodies and then wanting to strangle them afterward when they remind us that "Sex does not imply hope."

You, in further panic mode, begin frantically searching the internet using phrases such as "break ups," "divorce stopper," whatever. You stumble upon this site, because your curious and lo and behold, you find all of us folks in various stages of this whole breakup bullsh*t.

You voraciously read the posts. You search for news of those who "got their mates back." You're on the site constantly. You'll read the books and think "Ah I can do this. I can get this person back." You begin your "no contact" and for some of us, this will get a reaction from our ex's. For the rest, no contact is and will continue to be what you'll get and receive.

Time goes by. You'll do some stupid things. You'll call your ex when you shouldn't. You'll call when you've had to much to drink. You'll call even after 50 people on this site tell you not to. You'll show up on their doorstep, hating yourself all the time. Then you'll come back to this site and ask everyone to tell you why you were so stupid as to do whatever it was you did.

Then you'll get serious about no contact. This is where you LET GO , It'll hurt, but you try to stick to it. Here's the turning point for most. For those folks who have contact with their ex's, your no contact will either bring them sniffing curiously around or they'll be somewhere high fiving their friends thanking the God's that you haven't called.

Now's the tough time. Nothing but time works. Everday the ache in your heart grows a little less. It's only nanobits that it dies down by. But everyday it will get slowly better. You'll have setbacks. You'll run into your ex accidently. You'll run into mutual friends who'll tell you something about your ex that'll have you high-tailing it home for a good cry. You'll see your ex with their new "friend." You'll receive a phone call or an e-mail from your ex who "doesn't want to be in a relationship but still wants to be friends (with benefits if you allow).

Here's another important part. You need to truly sit down and truthfully look back at the relationship and understand what you did to help with it's demise. If you miss this part, you go through all the suffering for nothing because Buddy, you'll be back here again. This site is to teach you about you. To teach you how to be a better partner, a better person. Missing that lesson is detrimental to the whole process. It's the REASON that you're going through this. God (or whatever your higher power is) needed you to learn something about YOU. Don't miss out on the lesson.

Then one day you'll smile because you didn't immediately check your answering machine when you came in. And one day you'll decide to clean the muck that has accumulated in your house. And one day you'll go outside and admit to the universe that you surrender what control you thought you had.

And one day you'll decide to date again. And one day you'll go out on your first date and it will likely be a disaster. And then you'll either force yourself to continue dating or you'll decide that you aren't ready to date but you are ready to be out amongst people again. And many of you will have some quick reconcillations with your ex's. Many of us won't. But one day, it won't matter as much. Because time will allow you to catch yourself going minutes and then hours without thinking of the ex. And you'll begin to be able to think of life possibly without that person and not dissolve into a puddle of nothingness because of the thought.

And for most of us, sadly, life will go on without that mate. That's the truth, amigos. Don't want to dash your hopes but probably less than 3% of the people on this site get back with their mates. Sobering isn't it? But, as the site instructs, you must accept this before you can truly begin to heal or draw your ex back to you. For the lucky (maybe unlucky one's depending on how much work it will take to keep a mate that has wandered back) who get back with their ex's, many will find that the paradise they envisioned isn't reality and what they once thought was gold has a certain tarnish to it now. But they stay and try and make it work because it's comfortable or, if they are really lucky, it's meant to be.

But for most of us. Life goes on. And one day you'll find yourself having a gut busting laugh over something totally stupid and you'll think to yourself "I am getting better." And finally (thank God) you'll have sex with some new and find that a) if it wasn't good, at least you did it or b) it was so much better than with your ex you wonder why you waited so long to get back out there. And you'll know you're one the road to recovery.

I guess what I'm trying to convey here is, while each situation is unique, the characteristics of most of our situations are the same. Most of us will go through at least something that I've written here. So, when someone tells you on this site that time will help you get through it, believe them. When they tell you that "trust me, it will get better and you will stop hurting eventually," believe them. And when they give you good advice that your head understands but your heart rejects, take a moment to think before you react.

Don't beat yourself up if you do something that you wished you hadn't (calling, contacting, etc) WE ALL DID AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER. Be kind to yourself. Be forgiving of yourself. And most of all remember that being happily single is an alternative. Even if society is beating it into your head that you MUST have a mate, take some time to heal before going back out there. There are plenty of good people to love, but don't go back out there broken, jaded about love, etc. Accept realty. Experience the pain. Learn the lesson. Actively try to heal. Remember the person you were when you first met your ex and get that person back.

And the universe will take care of the rest."

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COMMENT!!!

Wow I was just crying over my break up with my fiancé till I read this, this really made me feel so much better! Thank you you sure a brilliant

[Onokio]

I loved and looved it :)

[Chery]

It was a good article. Recently, I broke-up 10 years relationship with my boy friend who is a married man. I am in so much pain. He has been supporting me for past 10 years, and he doesn't pick up the phone or msn. Help!! any idea!

You really need to tell your own story in a new thread so that we can concentrate on your issue and help as much as we can, dear.

C.U. on your own posts.

[brkfstatiffs]

Amen!