 |
|
| Browse | Ask | Answer | Search | Join/Login |
|
|
||||
|
Once someone betrays you they will always betray you.
|
||||
|
|
|
||||
 Originally Posted by freakinconfused
I understand where you are coming from just be careful don't want you to get hurt again... “Follow your heart, but be quiet for a while first. Ask questions, then feel the answer. Learn to trust your heart.” |
||||
|
|
|
||||
|
Originally Posted by jasondbel
True, that is always food for thought. Believe me, I don't really intend to rush this at all. I plan on thinking about it for a good long time. |
||||
|
|
|
||||
|
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
“Time is one of the essential ingredients. Each day brings 86,400 seconds. Whatever isn't used is gone forever.” Anony.. |
||||
|
|
|
||||
|
She didn't betrayed you, she asked or a break and now resents that she did. You may be feeling betrayed because this whole thing hurt you. She may very well be sincere, but take it slow. Please be honest, honesty is not weakness. Don't play games, they are for children. Communicate what you are thinking and feeling. Don't assume she means something else when she says or does anything, if you are not sure, ask her.
I'd like to see you two work this out, but if you don't, hopefully both of you will be better partners to someone else. Just don't bring the baggage from this relationship into the next one. |
||||
|
|
|
||||
|
Originally Posted by Homegirl 50
I still don't think it's entirely clear that she resents what she has done. Her change in behavior has only come about very recently, and for all I know it could be another attempt to manipulate me - just an approach she hasn't tried before. Only time will tell if that's true. I don't necessarily feel betrayed, but yes I definitely did, and still kind of do, feel hurt. Perhaps betrayed isn't the right word in this case. I just feel like the trust we had between us is not really there anymore because I got dumped. I'm not saying that I can't ever be there again, but it will take a while to build it back up - if getting back together is in our future, which is just not clear right now. It's kind of hard to believe and trust someone who decides they don't want to be with you, and then suddenly starts acting like they do again, know what I mean? It's just impossible to know if those are honest intentions or not. And I know that I am the only person who really KNOWS her, but I thought I knew her two months ago and look at what happened. So, it looks like I don't really know her at all. And everyone on this thread has made it clear that what she was doing with me is putting me on a back burner while she tested the waters. Even my mom said that's probably what she's doing. When that kind of thing happens, how are you supposed to trust the other person right away? You can't really. Believe me, I don't like playing games. I tried NOT to play games with her for two months, and it really didn't get me anywhere. The only thing that's getting me anywhere is throwing her game back in her face - which makes me stop and think that it's really not even worth it, because I don't want to play games. As far as communicating what I'm thinking and feeling, I've done that already, right? I've already told her how I feel and quite honestly I'm sick of repeating myself. It's like putting a square peg in a round hole. It doesn't get me anywhere. I do hope it works out, but I'm not getting my hopes up just yet. Little to early. |
||||
|
|
|
||||
|
She wasted space and during her space she made out with another guy. That is betrayal. She had those intentions from the moment she asked for space. Been there done that. The guy was probably older and he dissed her or she realized that you were better. The grass is greener on the other side. I care about you bro I feel your pain. Ive been trying to stay out of it (people classified me as the "peice of scum bag" that had sex with a girl at A/A (whom by the way was fine as hell and rocked me) so frankly I don't care what you people have to say because this is about you confused and I'm right there on the edge of my seat I'm feeling you man... tell her you just want to be friends and haul ! Let her waddle in pitty for what she did. Then again, both of you are young and never played the field so can you blame her? I told you from the beginning to find a girl and flaunt it on her face. I guarantee after all this writing you are probably over her by now so let her see you with another girl. You must have at least one girl even if she is a friend that your girl doesn't know right?
|
||||
|
|
|
||||
|
Comment on Homegirl 50's post
She broke up with him and kissed another guy. He made him move out and moved another girl in a drunk girl at that.
|
||||
|
|
|
||||
|
Wanted space
|
||||
|
|
|
||||
|
I just think you are just reading too many negative opinions in this forum which really affect your thinking right now. If you still love her and is going to rebuild the trust on her, why not give it a try and do it slowly?
She is now going through what you went through before 2 months ago. At some point, she will eventually give up on this relationship. Do you really want the relationship with her end up like this? Ask yourself? It is just my opinion and just do whatever you think is right. Do Not take all the advices from this forum because like Homegirl said, they do not know your girl... all cases are different... |
||||
|
|
|
||||
|
You're right LeafCan. Im wrong. I just have never in my life before this sight been on a computer this long at 31 and have real life friends and an entire family of all girls and they got friends and have always brought around friends and TV was never my thing and I work out often for a long time so I can pick who I want to be with. So if she is all you got go for it fight for this feeling of having to spill your world on the internet. If I get hurt I'm gone none of I'm so sorry crap. Moving on. Life is too short. Too many girls. People want to waddle in a mess of a relationship trying to hang on to something only because they don't want to be alone. As you get older you will find that there are many "she is the one for me girl out there"
|
||||
|
|
|
||||
|
Well this thread has taken a turn for the weird in the last few pages. As for the last update, I think what it boils down to is that she didn't enjoy single life as much as she did, so she has enacted her back up plan. The thing to remember is that if she did it once, and then you took her back, she may very well do it again. Think about how it made you feel when she said she wanted a break from you? Her opinion of you at that time couldn't have been very high and you need to remember that moment and feeling before you decide whether you want to pursue things with her again.
There is a chance that if you get back together with her and as soon as things start going smoothly, she will start feeling the same way again. I was in a similar situation 4 years ago, and I took the girl back after she had her 'fun'. I regret it to this day. We stayed together for 2.5 years after, but I couldn't let go of what she did. I wasted some of my prime 'dating' years in a dead end relationship that came to a spectacular painful ending (with her repeating it again). Good luck with whatever you choose, keep us posted. |
||||
|
|
|
||||
|
I don't think she had a bad opinion of you she obviously loves you there is obviously some kind of attraction I'm not saying that at all. Im saying that she was faced with temptation like adam and eve and eve took the apple yeah same thing how ironic. This is probably not going to be the last time you get hurt by your partner either. You can either play the "love relationship family" game aka sucka or you can play the field. Get yourself a variety. You're too damn young to worry about a girl like this. Either you're too much a push over (captain save a hoe) or you're gay. This is just weird. Girls want to have fun and when they do and hurt someone that loves them they say they are confused start crying etc... As bad as you want her and as bad as you don't want to admit it because of four wonderful yrs of sex and fun, another man got to her. I won't be surprised if she starts hitting the clubs and bars.
|
||||
|
|
|
||||
|
I am not saying all the opinions are wrong but sometimes you can't take all the advice from here as you are the only person who understand the situation the best.
I understand most of us here are really wanting to help Freaking... I am just telling him to do whatever he thinks is the right thing, learn from the mistakes and no regret. And Jason, obviously you have more life experience than I do and we all respect your opinions and they are all helpful :) I just think every girl is unique and our opinions shouldn't directly affect Freaking's mind. He should take them and think about them seriously. Sorry... my english is kind of bad :( |
||||
|
|
|
||||
|
Every girl is unique and to put them all in one basket is wrong. We don't know if she has slept with another guy or not, nor do we know if she is pretending. Take it slow with her if you decide to. But if you don't think you can "forgive and forget" leave her alone. Spare you both the hassle.
|
||||
|
|
|
||||
|
Originally Posted by Thabs
I appreciate your comment Thabs, but have you even read this whole thread? I don't think you have because we've already been over this. I definitely know that is NOT the issue. We have talked about marriage before (both during our relationship and even afterward), and both of us AGREED wholeheartedly that its early for that. Hell, if that were it you think she would have said something instead of just calling it quits. I've even put that exact question to her. I've straight up asked her if the reason she wanted to break up was because she wanted to get married and I didn't come around and ask her, and the answer I got was a clear NO. I may not trust her as much or believe what comes out of her mouth lately, but I certainly believed the answer to that question. And what if I had married her, and then she decided she needed a break? What then? Divorce? Or just let her go out, be adulterous, and f^ck whoever she wants? I don't think so. If no woman wants to stay in a relationship for too long, then how is marriage helping that out? It's not, at all. If someone wants to go on a break and have their freedom, I would think marriage would be the farthest thing from their mind. Look people, I know this thread has become huge and I've basically written a book here, and I really really thank you all for your advice and help! I really do. But if you aren't going to read the whole thread and understand the entire story, then why waste both my time and yours by posting pointless comments on here? Hell, jasondbel's comments are off the wall, sure, but at least there is some truth to them. So I'm just going to ask, please read the whole thread before posting if you feel like you have something valuable to say. Otherwise you are probably bringing up something we've already covered. Well anyway, she drove out and made me dinner last night. I made her squirm for it though - she called twice and I just let it ring and go to voicemail. I pretty much waited until the very last minute to call her back as well, and then didn't bring up dinner until she asked about it. But anyway, it was a good dinner. And honestly, it was fun night overall! We just hung out, chatted about things we've done together, watched TV, drank a little, and just relaxed. She acted like she wanted to stay the night (she had asked me if she could earlier when she made these dinner plans, I told her I didn't think it was a good idea then). I waited until late in the night, and then I told her she was welcome to stay (I didn't want to commit to anything until I saw how the night went first). I could see the expression on her face and could tell her mind was racing. I know that she probably wanted to stay but that she couldn't make up her mind. So, I told her, very politely, that I changed my mind and I wanted her to just go back home. She didn't leave until 1:45AM though! There wasn't any physical contact really except for a hug and a light kiss (both times she initiated the contact) at the end of the night when I walked her down to her car. No complaints really. Good night overall. There wasn't any game playing (at least from what I could tell) or any power struggles or anything. She didn't try to seduce me like the last time we went to dinner, and I didn't try to do that to her either. We just hung out and had a decent time. We made arrangements for her to come hang out later this weekend (probably Sunday - again, I made her come out to me). This DOES NOT mean, however, that I'm letting my guard down at all. In fact, I don't plan on communicating with her until Sunday, and only after she calls me first that day. She's already sent two texts since then. Nor does it mean I want to get back with her just yet. That's going to take a while - if that is ever going to happen. I'm not going to lie - for two months she basically kept me hanging on, and all I could think about was getting her back. But now that I'm mostly in control of this situation (thanx to Chuff, Homegirl, Enigmagnetic, Clarityseeker, Jiser, and the rest of you dedicated advice givers) I feel like I'm almost enjoying being single. I feel comfortable with it - so I'm in no rush to get back together with her. I guess I'll just be taking it slow and see what time brings. |
||||
|
|
|
||||
|
Thanks confused. You talked about it enough you should be over the broad! Let her go dog. You got plenty friends we are all here for you. Im just old school pimp status that's all but the bottom line here is she is a energy vampire. She is sucking the energy out of you. Making you lose sense of reality and who you are as a person. You seem like a damn good person. She might want to get back with you but don't do it. Don't give her the satisfaction of her being the winner and in control again. Don't SAVE THE GIRL FROM HER GUILT. C me I would say you want to go go biaaaaatchh don't let the door hit you in your rear. Go get that book "Energy Vampires" forgot the author. You will know on the first date if she is a blood sucker or not. THe power struggles etc. are not going to happen when she is trying to regain control its after you are hooked again. What is her background like, does she come from a family of money? Educated I'm sure you seem pretty smart just caught up in emotion.
You have to look at women as a business deal. Which one will you be able to profit together. She's got you depressed. You are losing money right now. She's fired, NEXT! WIsh I was there id put a girl in your lap so quick you wouldn't even think twice about her again. |
||||
|
|
|
||||
|
Is the book you're thinking of "Energy Vampires: A Practical Guide for Psychic Self-protection" by Dorothy Harbour? Or "Psychic Vampires: Protection From Energy Predators & Parasites" by Joe H. Slate? Looked them up on Amazon... hehe. Well, her background is similar to mine. We both grew up in the same town, went to different high schools but knew some of the same people. Her parents got divorced when she was really young, and so she grew up with a single mom and lived about 10 minutes away from me. She didn't have any siblings. My parents also got divorced when I was about 13 and I grew up with a single mom. I have a brother. Neither of our parents were rich, but we weren't poor by any means. Just regular middle class people. We both went to the same university, but I transferred over to her university after spending my freshman and sophomore years at a different college. That's when I met her. We were both working at the same restaurant/bar over the summer.
As far as giving her the satisfaction of being the winner and in control, I don't plan on ever doing that again - That was one of the BIG problems the first time, and I've learned my lesson - that is assuming that we actually get back together, and as of right now I'm still leaning toward NO. But I can't say what will happen down the road just yet. And you are probably right when you say the power struggles aren't going to happen until we are back into the relationship - but if that were to happen, I would at least know what to look for, and to know to hold my ground. If she had a problem with it, then I would just give her the boot. I really would. |
||||
|
|
|
||||
|
Originally Posted by freakinconfused
“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option” “Relationships-of all kinds-are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.” Unknown. |
||||
|
|
|
||||
|
Originally Posted by jolienoire
Originally Posted by jolienoire
|
||||
|
|
Not your question?
Ask your question
View similar questions
| Question Tools | Search this Question |
Check out some similar questions!
Girlfriend "wants a break" - I don't know what to do
[ 219 Answers ]
Hello all, I have read quite a few of the longer discussions which have taken place here, and I hope that you can help me with mine. My girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for just shy of 3 years. Last week, she told me that she didn't feel for me as she used to, she just didn't...
My husband is on "Most Wanted" in Suffolk County NY.He's in hiding
[ 3 Answers ]
I would like to know if I could place a property lien on his family members home he hides in? Their bank accounts or any other assets? I would just go after his, but I can not because he puts his cars & monies under other peoples names. He is in arrears over $30,000.00 & has 5 other warrants for...
My Girlfriend of a year and a half.she wants a "break".
[ 129 Answers ]
All right people. I'm feeling really down so I thought I'd come here to tell you my story and maybe get a bit of advice.. I've been going out with my girlfriend for a year and a half.. she's 15 and I'm 16. Our relationship had everything, we went to each other's house nearly every day, we went...
Girlfriend wants a "break"
[ 13 Answers ]
Background of my girlfriend, her family, and our relationship: We started talking in August, and finally became a couple in September. She told me that she would be very busy, with work and school. Her and her dad own a pet store so she works almost everyday after school, and on the weekends....
View more questions Search
|
