[whiteladybug2002]

I moved away from my home town to go to college with my children in August. My husband did not come with us, because of job obligations (he moving here soon). I was struggling trying to juggle school, three kids, extra curricular activities (for all us), house work, and trying to find time to study was impossible. I hired a sitter for 5 hours a week to help the kids with their home work. It just wasn't enough and that was all she could work, because she is a student herself. So when my cousin and brother offered to move up here and "help out", I was estatic! I told my cousin (female) that I would pay her $650 a month to pick kids up from school 3 days a week and help with household duties (laundry, scheduling, housekeeping, etc) and she may have to stay with kids a few hours on the other 2 week nights. She was perfectly okay with the arrangement.

---Must add this info---My cousin, is on my Dad's side of family and my brother, my Mom's side... they are NOT related... They are a couple and live together. My brother is married and met my cousin on myspace in March and they started having an affair... I didn't find out until Oct... Then he left his wife and moved here. I WAS NOT okay with the affair and the living arrangements... but I was desperate! I don't want to get caught up on this issue, it is just a factor that needs to be added.


I paid her 3 months in advance, because they needed the money to put down on an apartment and for that months car payment/ insurance. I paid her in November... She worked 2 weeks in November and one week she only worked 3 hours a day 5 days a week. I paid for the full month of November... I was being too nice. In December, She worked only 2 weeks then, but it was finals week and I needed someone to take on the load of the kids so I could focus on finals. The kids stayed 3 nights with her during this week.

Now here is the problem... When she came over to watch kids, it was only after her boyfriend (my bro) left for work (6pm). She was suppose to be here when they got home from school to help with homework. She would come in and sit at my table to eat the supper that I cooked, she was suppose to make meals on her nights to work. After eating, she would get on the phone or myspace, if I didn't have a list of things for her to do or if I planned on staying home... regardless if I needed to study or not. She became another child for me. She did do a few loads of laundry, but she would take them out of the dryer and throw them on my bed, which I wouldn't find until I was dead tired wanting to curl up in my bed. I was still cleaning my house everyday like normal, but if I left her here with kids to go study... I would come back to a house turned upside down, kids still up at 10pm on school night, laundry thrown on my bed, and her sitting on myspace drinking my soda and eating snacks... She would leave my house every night with her trash sitting where she left it!

Plus, she told my oldest girl (12) that I wasn't studying I was just hanging out with my friends and that I chose school and my friends over my kids. All my kids grades dropped during this past grading term.

After the two weeks I needed her in Dec, I decided that I couldn't pay her to do nothing! She made me more work! So I told her the last of Dec that I could not pay her that much anymore, so I would only need her to pick up kids two days a week and only help them with homework for two hours... so 4 hours a week. I still have the original sitter that works 5 hours a week. It would be better this way.


Well... She gets pregnant! She is 19 yrs old, with my brother that is still married to someone else, and she isn't going to school. My kids know that I NOT be cool with any of it, much less throwing in a baby! They tell me and wait for my response, I say I am indifferent and that is all I will say. They come to my house only 4 days after finding out and She ask, in front of my kids, if she can tell them... I said NO, not now... (It is my first week back to college this semester, it is crazy adjusting)... She says "I don't care, KIDs ---I'M PREGNANT"... I was furious! I was so mad, I thought it was best for me not to say anything right then... so I didn't.

A couple days later, she texts me and ask if it was "cool" for her to hang out with me that weekend. I told her it wasn't "cool" for her to tell my kids something when I said no and I didn't appreciate it. I get a text from my brother telling me that he didn't give a sh** what I think about them having a baby and I need to get off my "holier than thou" attitude. I called them and asked what was that about, I said nothing about the baby... This is about them telling the kids something I was not ready for them to know. They kept assuming that I was insulting their unborn child, because I didn't want the kids to know RIGHT then. You know kids, they are so inquisitive... especially in these circumstances... First week of school, on a Wednesday too... Wasn't the right time!

I sent both a text explaining that I had only stated that I was "indifferent" on the issue of her pregnancy and I am only angry about them telling the kids when I told them NO. I wished them the best and left it at that. I got a text back from my brother that said "FU"... Later that night, my cousin calls my husband and tells him I had a man over to the house and accused me of cheating... Yes, a man did come over, he was ONLY a friend that tutored my in calculas. My cousin then goes to back to our hometown for the weekend and tells relatives that I have several men in and out of my house, I neglect my children to "hang out" with my friends (that is what she calls studying), and Make her do everything at my house and am taking full advantage of her.

Needless to say, we aren't speaking. I tried to talk to my brother and she has him convienced of all her lies about me... he told me not to contact him anymore. I am okay with cutting them out, I don't have time for this! I did try to make a mends!


1) Am I in the wrong for being mad about her blurting out "I'm pregnant" to my kids when I told her not to?

2) Since she didn't work in January and I already paid her for it, should I take her to court for the money? I told her I would give her 6 months to pay it, but she totally acted as if she wouldn't. I don't have $650 to just throw around and I still have to pay another sitter to watch kids.

3) How do I handle her going to my family and lying about my situation here? It gives them all the wrong idea about me being here and going to school, I don't want them thinking that way! Some of which I am not too close to and I come from a family that loves good gossip, if you know what I mean?

4) I am wrong for being upset with her for her job performance and not saying anything sooner? I was afraid she would respond in this manner and leave me without a sitter during finals.

Thanks for reading all this... Wooh!

In need of some Advice!

[twinkiedooter]

Gosh such drama! Anyway, you were too goodhearted and paid her in advance. That was wrong as you should never pay anyone for work not performed. I am sure you are well aware of that. No matter what their circumstances are/were you should not have done this. This allowed her to then keep taking advantage of you.

Right now it sounds like she and the cousin are running and ruining your life with both hands.

If it is all possible find someone else to keep your kids pronto as this woman and the cousin should not be in your home any longer period.

You are setting yourself up for some awful consequences by not having your husband there. They were being spiteful to you by telling hubby about the "man" there regardless of just why he was there. Boy, she saw an opening and drove a semi tractor trailer truck through your living room! Yeowwww.

Stop this drama immediately! Get someone else to take care of the kids!

[Fr_Chuck]

Be done with them, sue them for the money due you, ( don't expect to really get it but sue them) if they tell family anything just tell the family the truth. And hopefully a good lesson learned.

[oneguyinohio]

1) Am I in the wrong for being mad about her blurting out "I'm pregnant" to my kids when I told her not to?

It's your house, and your children. You have a right to make such decisions

2) Since she didn't work in January and I already paid her for it, should I take her to court for the money? I told her I would give her 6 months to pay it, but she totally acted as if she wouldn't. I don't have $650 to just throw around and I still have to pay another sitter to watch kids.

I doubt if it will do any good. Consider it an expensive lesson learned.

3) How do I handle her going to my family and lying about my situation here? It gives them all the wrong idea about me being here and going to school, I don't want them thinking that way! Some of which I am not too close to and I come from a family that loves good gossip, if ya know what I mean?!

Talk to your husband and forget about the rest of the gossip mongers. They are looking for such entertainment.

4) I am wrong for being upset with her for her job performance and not saying anything sooner? I was afraid she would respond in this manner and leave me without a sitter during finals.

Sounds like you were correct.

People like you've been dealing with give good meaning to the expression:
"It's hard to sore with the eagles, when you're surrounded by a bunch of turkies"

Bird's of a feather flock together so be glad they are out of your life. They will only pull you down to their level if you allow it.

They obviously don't have the same goals as you do in life. They have nothing better to do. It will make them feel good to bring you down.

[twinkiedooter]

Try paying someone weekly until you get back on your feet financially. Monthly is a little too much to pay someone up front! Pay them only after they have completed the work, OK?

[Momma to three]

Wow! First of all, I'm sorry that you have had to go through all this... what a mess.

1) You are NOT in the wrong for being upset about her blurting out her news to the kids when you had asked her not to do so. That is something that you should have been the one to tell them, at a time when you were able to sit with them and discuss it, answering any and all questions they might have.

2) Paying her in advance was, as I'm sure you know already, a BIG mistake. I wouldn't expect to get that money back from them, judging from the way they've been treating you. If it were me, I wouldn't sue them for it, I'd just let it go and chalk it up to a lesson learned about money and relatives.

3) Make sure your husband knows exactly what happened. As long as he believes you and trusts you, the opinions of other family members or "friends" aren't all that important.

4) Your biggest mistake, as I said above, was paying her so far in advance. Once she had the money, she didn't feel obligated to earn it, but you were locked into a three month "contract." I would have made a week to week arrangement, and offered a set amount per hour, so that pay would vary depending on how much you needed her. Just something to keep in mind for future sitters.

Overall, I'd just write these two off, and be glad that they are no longer part of your life. They are drama that you do NOT need to deal with any longer.