[Marie Holman]

My husband and I have been together for about 7 1/2 years and married 6 years this January. We met at work and I used to work for him then I switched departments then about 3 months after that we started dating. When we first started dating he chased after me in front of everyone, and everyone thought I was so lucky because they knew how much loved me and how much he worked for me. Then about 3 years ago he started acting differently towards me being very controlling and not wanting to spend anytime with me or our daughter. He became very short with me and wouldn't communicate with me especially when it came to work. I was very unhappy there and he never gave me good advise or tried to help me out or tired to do anything good for the family. All the decision making was for himself. He also became very self centered. Then I left work thinking everything be better, and when I left I told him not to speak to this certain girl, because I knew she was going to chase after him. So shortly after I left I kept asking him if he was talking to her and accurse he kept telling me no. Then after about 6 months the truth came out he was going out to lunch with her and they would have drinks together and my mother worked there too and she witnessed a few things. Now my mother is mad at me for not leaving him. And in the mist of all this I got pregnant with our second child so I feel even more obligated to sticking things out and trying to forgive and forget for the kids sake also because I don't think he had sex with her, but he was flirting and having a good time with her. But I often find myself crying at night thinking about the old stuff and how he treated me and every now and then when he acts up I get flash backs of that time. He also works with his ex that he says he has to be "civil" with. I feel like I let him get away with too much and he caused a huge family fugue between my mother and I because of his behavior and he also showed everybody that I am not special and everyone saw how disrespectful he was by doing this too, not just to me but towards my mother since she worked there and because of this it also caused my mom to quit her job after 11 years because she couldn't take looking:confused: at him or at that girl anymore. I just don't want to go through all the drama and I feel like I have baggage now and I am almost 30 years old. How much are we suppose to put up with in a marriage? How do we know if it is worth it or not? I also feel trapped because I have no money and no where to go and I grew up with both of my parents and I want the same for my kids, but I don't know if I can do it. But I also don't know if I am strong enough to leave and see him with another woman and have another woman around my kids.

[kingjames]

You Are Not Alone. Many, Many People In This Ungodly World Feel Just Like You Do. There Are Always Consequences For Bad Choises But I Am Here To Tell You That Good Can Come From Them. This Is What You Should Do. Find A Quiet Place With Few Distractions. Sit Down And Ask God To Examian Your Own Heart And Reveal To You Any Sins You Might Have In Your Life. Old Or New Or Anything In Between. O, How God Loves You. He Will Reveal Your Sins To You So That You Can Ask Him To Forgive You. If You Ask God To Forgive You Of Your Sins, He Will Do Just That,period. Now With Your Sins Forgiven You Can Ask God To Take Care Of The Other Problems In Your Life. Divorceing Your Housband Is Not The Answer, Neather Is Taking Advise From Ungodly People. "seek Ye First The Kingdom Of God And His Rightiousness And All Your Needs Will Be Added Unto You" Matthew 6:33 How Do You Seek The Kingdom Of God? Well Let Me Tell You. Romans Chapter 10 And Verses 9 And 10 Tell Us This: " If Thou Shelt Confess With Thy Mouth The Lord Jesus And Believe In Thine Heart That God Raised Him From The Dead,thou Shalt Be Saved.for With The Heart Mankind Believeth Unto Righteousness; And With The Mouth Confession Is Made Unto Salvation." Now If You Have Taken Care Of This You Are A Child Of God And Your New Father Will Hear And Answer Your Prayers.:) :) :) :)

[grammadidi]

In my opinion, if your partner is abusive and/or unfaithful and you value a non-abusive, faithful marriage then you should end it. At the VERY least you should separate and pursue couples counselling until you either make a mutual decision to end it, or both agree on your marital boundaries and are committed to them. It doesn't sound like you two are on the same page here. You seem to be more concerned about your mother's opinion and what you feel that you have 'let him get away with', rather than the fact he stepped outside of the marital boundaries and this makes me question your feelings, as well. Either way, you have to decide if this is something you can live with or not. Look into your heart first, then your husband's and only then make a decision.

Hugs, Didi

[mitchellmom]

Not to disparage "godly people", but the answer is not necessarily to just pray and sit back and wait. While you may have sinned (who hasn't?), there are two people who are responsible for supporting a strong marriage. There was a definite place in your marriage when things started to go south and you know exactly when it was. The real issue here is if you (both) want to continue in the marriage you have, if you want to work on making your marriage better, or if you would like to get out. Have you tried marriage counseling? Are you willing to go to counseling, mediation, or even out to dinner with just the two of you? Excluding abuse, my personal recommendation is that every avenue is exhausted before you just give up.
The first step would be to talk honestly, openly, and calmly to your husband.
As for the children, they do need two parents. They HAVE two parents, and if you are divorced they will still have two parents, possibly even four if the two of you remarry. Generally, children do just as well, if not better in a single parent household where the parent is well adjusted as they do in a home where there are two parents who constantly fight and are generally unhappy. Do your children a favor and either commit to saving your marriage or end a very bad situation, but don't stay stuck in limbo.

[erlobenauer]

While I don't know really how much you are supposed to put up with in a marriage - I do know that all relationships have there obstacles which the couple must overcome. I understand your feelings of betrayal and confusion, but the more you dwell on this instead of doing something positive to change it, the harder it is on everyone including your children.

Does your husband show any remorse for anything he's done to disrespect you?

As for your mother - I also understand where she's coming from. She's angry to see her daughter with a man that belittles her by his actions. But then again, this is YOUR marriage - its up to you to stay or leave. And ONLY YOU will know what the best thing to do is. I tell you this - don't spend your life crying and being unhappy, there is so much more out there in life that would bring a smile to your face instead of a tear to your eye. Think long and hard about the situation, about what you need to do to change it. Sometimes changing "yourself" encourages others to change as well. If marriage counseling isn't an option for your husband, go by yourself and mend your heart. In the long run - at least you'll be better. You can't fix something when the other doesn't want to put his effort into it. I'm sorry for what you are going through, and I wish you all the luck.

P.S. Sometimes, you have to think with your head and not your heart. When you love someone and you think with your heart - you don't see things clearly. Perhaps you should take some time by yourself to think about the situation. Next step ( if you want to save your marriage ) Go somewhere with your husband, so you can talk, set boundaries, and decide whether this is what he wants as well.

[donf]

Hey folks, I'm a cradle Catholic and fairly current on the rules and what not of the church.

Do the words,"Love one another as I have loved you." mean anything here? Jesus never beat or abused his Apostles nor any any one of his followers.

No priest will tell a woman that she should stay in a marriage where she has to fear for her own safety or that of her of her children. Certainly, your husband is not showing you Christ's love when he beating you or your children.

If that is what's going on in your home, then you must get out before it gets worse. Once you are safe and away from harm, you can consider whether you want to see if your marriage can be resuscitated.

Under Church Canon Law, you can file for an annulment based on his abuse.

[MALVERNMOM]

Im Having To Make A Speech At My Sons Engagement Party Can U Help

[donf]

Malvernmom,

Can who help?