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YEs, CJ he can fly alone. There are airlines that will fly a minor for a small fee, they are called unaccompanied minors. Typically the ages are 5 - 14.
I think the problem Teaspoon has is that he wants visitation under his conditions only. He doesn't want to go visit where the child lives he wants the child to come to him. My guess is that the court has offered visitation to dad under supervised terms until a bond is established and dad has refused it. You can't just rip a 9/10 year old away from the only parental relationship he has had. There are simply too many negative results that that can cause for the child. You want visitation on your terms only, you want to pay only if you see the child... problem is it isn't about what you want. It is about what is best for the child and what the child needs. As far as the court is concerned if you aren't willing to even go to where the child lives and visit for a couple of weekends a year, begin to have regular phone conversations, and regular video/web visitations to build the bond that will allow the child to be with you away from mom then you aren't thinking of your child first. And the court probably will just continue to dismiss your case and possibly even begin sanctioning you for wasting courts time without having a more reasonable plan to introduce yourself into this child's life. And if you go into court as bitter as you are here then you really will get nowhere fast. You can not just expect this child to adjust to seeing you on your terms. To leave everything he has ever known to go to a state where he has never lived, has no ties, knows no one, doesn't even know you, much less a step mom and siblings is too much to ask. He will have NO security there. He has to build a bond with you first in a situation he feels secure so that when he does go with you to your home YOU will be his security. You are simply going to have to start small to go big. You are going to have to inconvenience yourself in travel time and money to get to know him. Anything short of that doesn't tell the court that you are putting his needs and concerns first. And the court is not going to completely disrupt a child's life, security, stability for someone like that. Your saying you won't pay if you can't see him isn't going to go well for you either. He isn't merchandise that you can simply refuse to pay for if you can't possess it. There are two forms of support that every child has a right to. It isn't an either or situation. You can't say well I'll provide the financial support if I can provide the physical support. You need to provide both forms proportionate the to the needs of that child. He has a right to the court ordered child support amount from you, and if the court deems you can afford it then you can provide it. He also has a right to physical support from you but right now because of what has happened it would not be best for him to just go with you to get it. You are going to have to jump through some hoops right now to give it to him. It doesn't matter how he got here, he is here, and you helped put him here. It isn't really your plight that needs understanding it is his. You need to be compassionate to how he is feeling, not how you are feeling, to what he needs, not to what you need, to what he has a right to, not to what you have a right to. How would you like it if when one of your other children who live with you turns out to be someone else's? When one of them became 9/10 and it was discovered that someone else was dad, who lived 7 states away and suddenly said well I want that child to come to me so I can get to know them. You can't seriously tell us that would be okay with you could you? As a caring loving father wouldn't you say NO that would traumatize (my) the child, or would you really say what you are asking of that little boy... well he'll adjust, I am a good person, he'll get used to it eventually. Think about it. Maybe if you change your attitude about how you are viewing this situation and go forth with your child's best interest truly first you might meet with a lot more agreement and cooperation from the court. |
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I have been down this road before... I was in court with my daughter when her father had not seen her since she was born. So she had no clue who he was.
The courts did not even metion denying visitation. We had a "graduated" visitation schedule set up so she could get to know him as her dad and feel safe with him, and they could build a relationship. It went something like... He got to see her once a week for 2 hours and I had to be there, we did that for a month. Then he got to see her twice a week for 2 hours and I had to be there, we did that for a month. Then he got to see her once a week for 2 hours with me there, and he got to take her once a week alone for 2 hours, we did this for a month. Then he got to take her once a week for about 6 hours alone, and we did this for a month... Etc etc So I don't in any way believe the courts are telling you that you can't see your own child. I believe that you just don't want to do it on their terms. |
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I have called repeatedly, I cannot make his mom answer her telepehone and nor can I make her return my calls. I never said anything about paying child support either. I pay my child support as ordered. So I guess my children here with my wife do not have a right to see their brother. I am supposed to just jump from plane to plane weekend after weekend. So when I leave on her message that I am coming to visit and she is not home, then I have wasted my time and my money for nothing. I have made every reasonable effort to see my child. When I saw him for the first time he was already 9 years old thinking that I was dead. If I am denied visitation this time I am through if he wants to see me he can when he is old enough. I call there 2 times a day and leave a message on the machine. I am looking for his mom to say that I am now harassing her because I leave a message each time for him to call.
All of a sudden I am a bad parent, or a liar, or I want things on my terms. No I do not I have handled things the legal way trying not to upset the judge but how many times am I to go to court and waste my time. I don't need anyone sympathy or judgement. I certainly never said anything about not wanting to pay child support. The child support does not hurt me as long as it is going for him not 100% to the mothers need. I am willing to fly there and fly him back on a weekend or on holidays. He will ljust have to adjust the same way that my family and I will have to adjust. It is the same adjustment just as going to school, or to a daycare. I did not move anyway and not let me no anything about the child until he was 9 his mother did. It sounds like to me that everyone that has responded right off the bat says I am a liar, I am not trying hard enough, I want things my way or the highway. Don't judge me because neither of you has that right. I have done everything that I can do legally and I still call everyday unless the judge tells me to stop. He did not even look at my phone records last time I was in court to prove that I am trying to make contact. So you all can judge me , hate me or whatever. I will say it again I am a damn good father to my children and I am trying be a father to this boy also. I cannot make his mother do anything that she does not want. I will only fly out there one time and she will know that I am coming and she if she is not home. I will not fly out there again. I certainly am not going to take the chance on flying out there without here knowing that I will be arriving. I think I have read enough negatively from all of your emails, and I don't care to read anymore. I am sure that you all are woman and only think from one point of view. No one has mentioned well it seems like you are going the right way however you are just not catching a break with the legal system or this boys mother. I do not know why she is so angry with me do not care. She is punishing the boy not me because the time I spend with him I can provide so much more besides love. I will do things with him as a family with my family. Take him places and do things that he may not have done. His mother is preventing this from happening. |
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There is no "break" to catch with the legal system. No one is coming down upon you. You are just extremely defensive. You cannot have everything on your terms. If visitation is ordered she has to uphold it if you come to see him. She cannot violate the court order and get off scout free.
I'm sorry if you wanted to make your son a part of your life you would understand that he doesn't know who you are and would frightened to go spend time alone with you. Frankly, your attitude stinks. Your opinion of women is vile and damaging. Everyone on here has given you loads of good advice but you are taking the road of "I take care of my kids". Good for you. Do you want a medal? That's what you are supposed to do. When you have kids you take care of them and protect them and love them. What you want to do in regards to this other child is potentially damaging. Wouldn't you be scared at 10 to go spend a weekend with a stranger just because he was your dad? Are you really that selfish? |
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No I am not selfish and no I do not want a medal. This boy has no problem with seeing me his mother is the reason that I cannot see him. The judge has never ordered me any visitation, simply because the mother says that we do not know each other. Well we do not know each other and I am trying to get to know him. The judge said for me and his mother to work out something amongst ourselves and let him no when we come back to court. So far his mother will not return any of my telephone calls. I am taking care of my children like I am supposed to, I know this child did not ask to come here and no I cannot chaange it now. If I had known about this pregancy fro day one even if we were not together I would have provided what ever kind of support that I could have.
Another thing I am not hard on women, everyone emails start positive and ends up negative. Am I supposed to disrupt my family here and bend over backwards when his mother will not even talk to me. You need to rethink your thoughts before you write better yet do bother emailing back. I am sorry that I ever asked anything. Everyone is quick to judge everyone else and I am sure that some of you all need to clean up your lives. You are not lawyers, judges or anything else that concerns me. You are not in the court room, filling out papers on my bahalf. Or paying for my plane tickets. KEEP YOUR ADVICE AND THOUGHTS TO YOURSELVES I WIL SEE WHAT THE NEXT COURT HEARING WIL BRING ABOUT. |
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There are other avenues. Why not get a mediator involved? A third party can get these arrangements down so you can spend time with your son.
But you are going to have to be flexible. If the mother is blocking you then fight harder. This is kid for Gods sake. Some of us on here are being hard on you because we saw fathers walk out of our lives without a fight. They completely left us and never looked back. I had my father want to come back into my life a few years ago. Where was he the whole time I was growing up? Oh he was angry with my mother. My mother never blocked him from anything he just decided it wasn't worth the effort. You are willing to miss out on your kid over the mother. That is awful. There is still time to do right. Why not go up there and show up on her doorstep and say lets work this out now. I understand you have another family but your wife has to get that you want this child in your life. If there is anything in this world worth fighting through hell for it is your child. |
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 Originally Posted by teaspoon
"am I a good parent"... please, every breath I take everyday is for my daughter, every thing I do in life is simply just to see her smile, just to hear her laugh, if anything ever came between her and I, I would fight tooth and nail to be with her with no limitations, my last dying breath would be in effort to be with her... now think again before you ask am I a good parent... while you place limitation on your efforts. |
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Why are you trying to convince everybody what a good parent you are? That tells me that maybe your trying to convince yourself that you are but your words tell a different story.
This is what concerns me. This is what you wrote. She is the one hurting the child because I certainly can give him more than what she can and I will give him love also. Another thing she is living off the government. So I don't care what you think, I could give a rats tail. So you can agree with whomever you want. Enjoy yourselves. You can give the child more then what she can and I will give him love also. What the heck is this? Just because the mother is on government support does not make her a bad mother. Love is more important then anything else and just because she is on government help does not make YOU a better parent then the mother. You do not care what anybody else thinks. Well that is good. I guess, that shows me you ONLY CARE ABOUT YOURSELF AND HOW YOU LOOK, but do you really care for this child? That is all it comes down too. |
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This is what I got from an e-mail sent from United Airlines when I wanted to fly my kids to their grandparents for two weeks... "Children who are twelve and older can be accepted as unaccompanied minors as long as the fees are paid and the proper documentation is completed." If there is another airline that lets them fly younger then I didn't know that.
On the topic at hand... I have asked before what did the Judge order but I didn't get an answer. He/she must have said something in all the times you were in court. They don't normally deny visitation with your son for no reason. I will say freely that Judges suck and they often rule unfairly but they are making a judgement on what is said at that time and what's in the file. The same thing we are doing. You posted here looking for help, as we all do. People, myself included, only go on what you have posted. I have never PM or e-mailed you and I don't go to past posts to read them. The only information I have is posted on this thread. Can I try to help you with what I think you are looking for? Yes. Is what I think you are asking what you really are? I don't know. Is what I say going to be helpful? Hopefully. It all depends on the facts that are posted and the ideas I have and the things that worked for me or someone I know. When things are missing from the story you're telling it makes the whole story seem untrue. I didn't post anything before because I thought you were looking for something different. My mistake... You did get a bad deal, not to know that you had a child is heartbreaking. Your Ex was wrong to keep your son from you and you from him. His world was turned upside down when he found out about you, after all you were dead. He will need time to get to know you and you him. I have ideas that might help you get to know your son should you want to hear them. I wish you all the luck in getting to know your son and I hope that you don't get to upset and just give up. |
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Originally Posted by teaspoon
Originally Posted by migraine
You don't want our help you want to hear what you want to hear. Well what you want to hear isn't reality. So deal with it or maybe just stop posting. |
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The negativity has been on your part. All we hear is what you are telling us and the picture we get (and remember several of us are seeing the same thing) is someone claims he can't get to see his kid, but is making little attempt to try. You want the kid to come to you and won't try to work out anyway to do it differently.
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Originally Posted by teaspoon
I am sorry you are so angry with what people wrote, but unfortunately things don't always go your way. Sometimes we need to step up and be an adult in a situation even when we don't want too. So now it is time for you to step up, make the move to see your son, spend the money to go to see him even if it is for a day. Trust me he will remember that more than the child support check that you send every month. |
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My wife is very supportive of me getting my child. She has even tried to call and talk with the moher. Neither of us can get through. His mothere was the one who asked to terminate my rights. I never heards of anything like this until she mentioned it. I am going to try and try until a judge says that he is tired of my paperwork and tries to hold me in comtempt of court. I do not think that I will take a chance on flying out there unannounced. It is to far away for me to fly there and she be gone.
I am not mad at any of you. I know that the legal system is the worst system in the world and it is there way or no way. I will continue to try.and I still call eveyday I do change the times so thiking that she may by some chance answer it. I have even gotten a calling card to call with so that the number and area code will not come up from my state. She still will not answer. Honestly I do not know what else to do that I am not already doing. I try not to lose my cool on the machine so that she cannot say that I am harassing her. |
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This is for tawny kids. I don't give a about what you believe. Take your sympathy and ram it up your . I couldn't care less about what you believe about me or about what the judge ordered. I never said I did not want to pay child support. I did say that I hope the child support is going towards the child and not towards the mother for her personal use. I know that he will lhave to adjust so will I. I am trying to do all that I can do. SO WHY Don't YOU STOP POSTING IF YOU Don't LIKE WHAT I WRITE.
You are probalby one that lives off child support, or welfare. My family supports me 100% with trying to see him. Whatelse can I do kidnap him. I am sure you would like that then I be in jail probalby like you children's father. |
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Tea,
Your nastiness is completely uncalled for. As for the vulgarities, well it says a lot about your character. As objective members of AMHD we can only comment on what is presented to us. In your OP it is evidant that you expect your child to come to you. What the members have suggested (and it has fallen on deaf ears) is that you go there, see your son, deal with the situation where it is occurring rather then trying to contact your son's mom via phone. Also, there are other ways to contact the other mom. Try having your lawyer send a certified letter to her lawyer. That way it will get a response. Verbal attacks and vulgarities are not necessary and certainly not appreciated. |
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Thanks For All The Advice Whether Negative Or Positive. I Will Wait And See What The Judge Says At The Next Hearing. And If I Back Off From The Mother For About A Month Or Two She May See That I Am Trying To Be A Part Of This Child's Life. I Will Take It From There.
I Will Unsubscribe From Here Also, So Keep Your Comments |
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