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joypulv · Jul 6, 2017, 02:46 AM

Interesting that you haven't demanded equal shared custody of the dog... from what you say, you are entitled to it.

smoothy · Jul 6, 2017, 05:27 AM

Consider it over, work on fixing your own problems, and let her wallow in her own.

talaniman · Jul 6, 2017, 08:07 AM

You will get over the GF and the dog. Someday. In the meantime don't wallow in your own misery, easier said than done, but be patient, it's not supposed to be easy replacing a GF AND a dog, OR healing from a 5 year relationship.

It's going to take a while, and will seem like a long while if done properly. You may have to block this one, if you can't handle the heat. Do what you have to do, but put you first.

PirandelloLuigi · Jul 7, 2017, 10:39 AM

I would like to see our dog again, but I don't want her to think it's an excuse to try to get back together. I been doing no contact for a month now, last contact was a text message on her birthday.

I remember her telling me she was going through and 8 week training for home patient care, cause she is a nurse and returning to work after a 3 year absence due to depression. She probably really needs some space and time to figure out her life and career and she is going through some pre-menopause changes too.

So it's best I disappear from her life for a while. I got to focus on my life now and my purpose. What do I want out of life? Do I want to be a slave in a bad relationship or do I want to be a confident leader in an awesome relationship.

joypulv · Jul 7, 2017, 12:04 PM

Slave or leader? Those are the choices?
Perhaps you need to take some time to think about what relationships are too.

PirandelloLuigi · Jul 7, 2017, 12:26 PM

You know very well what I mean, women don't like men who don't lead. They want a confident guy who knows where he's going and takes the lead in the relationship.

I don't mean bossy or controlling. More like, If she asks ''what are we doing today?'' and the guy always says , I don't know what do you feel like doing?

That's not good... I admit I became like that at the final stages because I lost motivation to come up with ideas for us to do and I felt we were just heading in different directions...

She was just focused on losing weight and doing all kinds of physical activities, while I was focused on other stuff since I am not overweight, I am a slim guy and did not feel the need to go jogging or training with her.

I wanted to participate to encourage her, but I have a diabetes type 1 condition since 2012 and I could go very low in blood sugar if I followed her pace.
She would get irritated and call me lazy and judt did not understand my condition. I find she lacked empathy for me and all she cared was for satisfying her needs, taking care of her pets and venting all her problems to me like if I was her shrink.

I was there for her when she was down and depressed and jobless and I never abandoned her. I cheered her up and always encouraged her. In the end she could not do the same for me and bailed out on me.

joypulv · Jul 7, 2017, 01:22 PM

No, actually I didn't know what you meant. Even though I'm 70 and have had my share of relationship failures, none were because of not knowing what to do.
Most of us have to/had to work, so work kept us busy.
The man who was in my life the longest was a workaholic, so I had problems filling my time without him, even when I was working too, so perhaps that is similar.
Most of us have problems with relationships sooner or later, or both!
I just thought you sounded very 'either/or' about it. And I don't agree that 'women don't like men who don't lead.' You can say some or even many, but you can't generalize!
Want me to generalize about all men? It's tempting.

smoothy · Jul 7, 2017, 05:28 PM

Disappear from her life forever... work on your faults, make yourself a better person.. then find someone new.

Don't tell me you never got some of the hidden meaning on the Humpty Dumpty story?

Many things once really, really broken can't be fixed and even those that are, are never what they once were ever again. Few years from now you will see that was the best thing you ever did... if you do it.

talaniman · Jul 7, 2017, 08:30 PM

You want to build a life that you enjoy with friends, family, and activities that make you happy. Then you will attract those that want to share your happiness with you. Then you can make smart choices and decisions on who YOU want to share your life and time with.

Talaniman Rule - Date them all! Short, fat, skinny, or tall! 18 - 80, blind, cripple, or crazy!

The options for fun, and romance are ENDLESS!

joypulv · Jul 8, 2017, 04:53 AM

tal - LOL. I thought you've been happily married for a gazillion years.

talaniman · Jul 8, 2017, 04:58 AM

I was happily single in a past life.

8D

PirandelloLuigi · Jul 10, 2017, 12:35 PM

Thanks for the advice everyone it's appreciated, I am on 1 month of no contact today and I am doing much better, I have started talking to other women on a dating site, and I am accepting that the relationship was not healthy and she broke my trust and lied to me and that is like shattered glass and can't ever be repaired or be like it was again.

I am moving on to a new life without her and I am focusing on myself and improving many aspects of my life. I am appreciating being alone and free again and enjoying reading and writing and lifting weights. I am going to get a new bike and start cycling too. I will try to find an active woman who wants to jog and do outdoor activities with me.

It gets difficult on week ends because I used to pack my bags and go meet her at her house every Friday. So I have to find a way to break the habit of thinking about that on Friday afternoons. I will try to find something to keep me busy and not fall into that trap anymore.

After doing some research online I found a website with content about 21 reasons your ex dumped you, I swear I could identify many of them, I realised I made a lot of mistakes and she lost attraction because of my mistakes, but I am human and I learned my lesson. Some people even asked me how did you guys last 5 years in a long distance ? So I have accepted it as a learning experience and will serve me to improve myself and make the next one a lot better.

joypulv · Jul 10, 2017, 03:00 PM

Thanks for reporting, and glad for your success.

PirandelloLuigi · Jul 10, 2017, 04:32 PM

My pleasure, I will update you guys when I decide to go get all my stuff back, which I am thinking of doing in maybe 15 days from today. Since we still need some no contact to continue progress, and by breaking it too soon it might ruin all the positive healing done so far.

talaniman · Jul 11, 2017, 07:11 AM

Since we still need some no contact to continue progress, and by breaking it too soon it might ruin all the positive healing done so far.

Just can't get your stuff and disappear can you? Naw, just got to drag the misery out some more! Yes by all means update us how that works for you please. I doubt your healing progresses significantly further in 15 days, but maybe your balls aren't as sore.

PirandelloLuigi · Jul 12, 2017, 12:44 PM

I just don't want to ruin the progress I made, and talking to her or seeing her too soon might make me get depressed again, it's just a risk I am not willing to take right now.

She wanted a break and space and I am giving it to her. Yesterday I got a call from the dentist where we both go, and the secretary asked me if I know where my ex is because she was not answering her phone.

I said no, no idea we are not together anymore and I have not heard from her since her birthday a month ago...

So that was not a call I was expecting yesterday.

I can wait a few weeks to get my stuff it's not an emergency, but I know what you mean, get your stuff and get it off your mind for good, I know...

I just need a few weeks more to be sure 100% I have moved on, If I go too soon I might ruin my chances with this new girl I am chatting with. I want to go back get my stuff with full confidence, and not caring anymore about her, completely moved on... I will be like a robot with no feelings.

PirandelloLuigi · Jul 19, 2017, 08:28 PM

All right guys I have an update, my aunt called my ex today and they spoke, apparently she was expecting me to call her? She is wondering why I haven't called...

Why is she expecting my call if she is the one who asked for space and needed a break?
I won't call her. I told my aunt to give her the message that she is the one who has to call if she wants a reconciliation, I am not accepting anything less.

Whether she calls or not I have been doing good with no contact and I know I will get my stuff back without breaking NC.

smoothy · Jul 20, 2017, 04:38 AM

Why even CONSIDER reconciliation? ( hard to tell by how you quoted it) Seriously, you know this whole thing is just going to happen again. Particularly at her age, this is how she is. People are creatures of habit... it takes a LOT for people to break habits. Ever try to break a bad habit you've had? See the point.

But stand your ground... you see you can get by without her, a while longer you are going to wonder why you stuck around as long as you did.

DO continue to work on yourself absent the distractions. It will only be good for you down the road.

Oliver2011 · Jul 20, 2017, 05:37 AM

Why would your Aunt get involved in your relationship? I don't get that at all. That's not in good taste. Not much good can come from an outsider getting involved in your relationship. Control your own destiny. Maybe it's time to shut the door on this chapter in your life and kick open a new door for the next chapter. Only you control that.

talaniman · Jul 20, 2017, 05:59 AM

Oh Boy, here we go..

All right guys I have an update, my aunt called my ex today and they spoke, apparently she was expecting me to call her? She is wondering why I haven't called...

Why did your aunt call your ex?

Why is she expecting my call if she is the one who asked for space and needed a break?
I won't call her. I told my aunt to give her the message that she is the one who has to call if she wants a reconciliation, I am not accepting anything less.

Why are you involving your aunt and passing messages back and forth through a third party to your ex?

Whether she calls or not I have been doing good with no contact and I know I will get my stuff back without breaking NC.

Hate to tell you this but NC has been BROKEN, and for the life of me I cannot understand why you just didn't tell your aunt to stay out of your business, and leave your ex alone. What is there to reconcile? Let me guess, Your aunt will get your stuff for you!

This is fast becoming a silly drama.

Talaniman Rule - When you get dumped you thank them for the great time, get your stuff, and disappear.

Get real! After all that crap you b1tched about her you expect a reconciliation on your terms? From her view (MY VIEW), you were mooching off her for 5 friggin' years. Sorry the sex wasn't that good for you, but maybe the cow got tired of you getting free milk!