[harry7171]

Thanks all for there suggestions and CravenMorehead you are mostly right about that I am not that confident, I was never that confident. But I was never so emotional in my life, girls came and go I never cared about them but now things have changed I am in my late 20s now, I really need someone with me, I feel lonely these days I never had this kind of feeling in my life before. I feel like I am running out of time and everything I always wanted to do is now or never.

Hey, analogies suck so I will try to be kind with this one.

You are a dependent. You need to have someone to latch on to to emotionally survive. You CAN'T be single. You're like a leech. Without someone to feed off, emotionally, you wither. You invest a LOT emotionally and very quickly and it REALLY pains you to let it go. It is like hoarding emotional baggage at this point. You see the shows on TV where people have collected a metric (not imperial) BUTTLOAD of crap because they'll need it one day. They saw this cool Pintrest that uses old cat food containers to make wind chimes so they've hoard a bunch of them to do this because it was cool. Mindless of the fact that they just spend the day not making catfood tin wind chimes. People hoard emotional baggage like that as well. They do this because it makes it seem that they're important to that one person. That makes them feel like they're important and that they matter. If they discard that and move on then they're not as important and they exist in the world a little less. If they're not close to anyone who would notice if they died?

You're dealing with this quite poorly. You're not confident enough to just be you. You need to be defined as part of a couple, as someone in a relationship; even if that relationship is purely in your mind. Like the one you're having with this woman. What you need to do is figure out your own self worth. Your position in life and in the world. This isn't an easy journey, hell I haven't made it far along the path myself, but you need to start this journey. You need to be single. Not get into an relationship, for casual sex or otherwise. You need to find you.

If don't know who you are and can't find yourself, how can anyone else know you?

Thanks all for there suggestions and CravenMorehead you are mostly right about that I am not that confident, I was never that confident. But I was never so emotional in my life, girls came and go I never cared about them but now things have changed I am in my late 20s now, I really need someone with me, I feel lonely these days I never had this kind of feeling in my life before. I feel like I am running out of time and everything I always wanted to do is now or never.

[harry7171]

So here it begin again, This girl I am talking about in this post again started texting me and I ignored her for weeks, I finally started respoinding her and than talking and than same sh*t all over again and than she again turned on me. I really need to block this girl from my life but I don't know how.

[smoothy]

So... don't you see the problem here... You stopped ignoring her.

If you don't grow a set and stick to ignoring her... then you can expect more of the same. You don't keep letting people back into your house after they trash the place the first time.

What's that old saying... "Fool my once..shame on you. Fool me twice..shame on me."

[harry7171]

You are absolutely right and its all my fault I let her in again to destroy me. I hope this time I will be strong enough to keep her out. But my life just ends without her. I don't how to fight this feeling.

[smoothy]

Look at it this way... if you keep going back for more... then you lose the right to complain. And you better get used to a LOT more of it.


This is another of those times when you can't have it both ways. Now there actually are people who's lives are so without anything else of merit or value... they need the constant drama to justify their own existence.

I don't think you are one of them. You are just someone young enough to not yet know how good things can be when they aren't around a loser or malcontent. She is like a leech... a parasite, a succubus... leaching off everything she can get without really giving much back in return.

I learned early on... never lend money out you aren't willing to consider a gift. Because people you know most often will use that relationship to avoid paying it back on time if at all. That's why banks, and for those who don't take paying debts seriously enough... Title loan companies and payday lenders exist.

Trust me... get as far from her as you can... find someone else... and it won't be long before you won't be able to see how you put up with her this long.

[harry7171]

I invested myself to muich in her both emotionally and financially, I am trying to find someone else but I don't know, nothing working at the moment and more than anything I really want to end this now. I'm dealing with this for more than a year now. I was never so depressed in life, I feel like I just deserve to suffer.

[Oliver2011]

It's time to come back to reality. It's over, it's going to stay over, and you need to accept that it's over. And before you get back into another relationship, learn how to not allow another person to control your mental health. You are allowing yourself to be depressed. It's a choice you are making. Therefore you must love feeling miserable. I don't allow anyone to have that control over me. It's a better way to live.

I invested myself to muich in her both emotionally and financially, I am trying to find someone else but I don't know, nothing working at the moment and more than anything I really want to end this now. I'm dealing with this for more than a year now. I was never so depressed in life, I feel like I just deserve to suffer.

[talaniman]

Just to add to the above, pay attention to the poor impulsive emotional decisions you have made and how they bite you in the butt. >OUCH< THINK more before you ACT, and you may save your BUTT some painful bruises in the future.

I think you need some time to HEAL, AND think without feeling sorry for yourself... stay off the pity pot!

You obviously need more time.

[harry7171]

When I convince myself it over, I get even more depressed. I also wrote a song, played it on my guitar and posted it on a YouTube about how she was a b*tch to me. To feel better. But its of no use.

[Oliver2011]

Get help. Serious help. We can't help you here.

I am unsubscribing.

[joypulv]

You have some very, very deep misconceptions about life.
One is that GIVING requires reciprocation. Giving presents, money, time, and love. Nope! Nobody owes you anything.

Another is that people will respond to you the way you respond to them, and the way you want them to respond. Nope!

Another is that masochistic, one-sided giving is endearing. It's annoying. It makes people want to grind you into the dirt with their heels.

So grow some integrity and self-awareness. Be your own person, and stop latching into love interests. Have interests in learning, in talent and skill and art and music and books and science and athletics and abused animals. DO THINGS outside of pathetic attachments.

TRY ONE OF THOSE! Which one is it going to be? I for one don't want to hear about her anymore, and your foolishness over and over. Your foolishness is actually self-centered. You can't believe she doesn't think you are the greatest guy in the world.

[Alty]

If you walked up to a dog you really thought was gorgeous, and it bit you, then you decided to give it another chance and it bit you again, how many times would you keep going back hoping for a different outcome? Your probably wouldn't have even gone back the second time, right? Once bitten twice shy.

This girl keeps using you and you keep going back for more hoping for a different outcome. It's not going to happen. You let her use you, and she'll keep coming back to use you every time she needs you. It's never going to lead to what you want. She'll always bite!

You don't know how to get her out of your life? Easy. Delete her from all your devices, fb, your phone, twitter, whatever else. Change your phone number, or delete her from your phone so she can no longer text you. Then move on.

It's up to you how much you'll continue to let this girl use you. No pity from me at all, you're allowing this to happen, this is your choice. You get what you ask for. So stop making stupid decisions. Grow a pair and get her out of your life once and for all.

[harry7171]

Thanks again all for your replies . Before started talking to her again this time I was getting better, I also ignored her for weeks, But I thought this time she has realized that I am the one for her. But first she keep on texting me to till I started talking to her and when started talking to her she just stopped replying to me which really pissed me off. But I really want to make changes in my life now. I have lost ambition in life since the time I have met her. I do everything just for her. I have lost myself. Before I used have really busy life school and work and I was happy in during that time. But after graduation I am working fulltime and have lot of spare time as well but no real friends to hangout with after school.I have got alone. I have no life. This also a reason why I am keep falling her trap because I need someone and I have not able to find any other friend yet. I love animals and music. I play bit of guitar I will do something more in that. May be I will start a school again.

[Fr_Chuck]

OK, stop writing songs about her, maybe change your phone number, change email addresses, what ever it takes. Do not communicate with her again. Do not read her texts, do not open them, delete them without looking.

It may be months to move on emotionally, not weeks.

[talaniman]

Stop wasting time pining and whining over the past and explore the options and opportunities to build a great life that you enjoy without her in it. Takes time to heal, and time flies when you're having fun.

At least be grateful you now have a choice to be her fool again or not, and keep a healthy distance as you LEARN to deal with your feelings. That's another choice you have, to grow the heck up, or be stuck on... well you get the idea.

[smoothy]

You are talking weeks... not months or years. She may be a total loser... but this situation you are in right now is your own fault... and of your own making.

So you have two choices... grow a pair... and say enough is enough... or be a wuss and put up with her crap. Wear that dog collar and that french maid outfit she'll buy for you... and god knows what else (more figurative than literal).

Yeah... crap happens... relationships go sour, happens to everyone, but the acceptable window for whining about it is fairly short... past that people start to wonder what's wrong with you. Because you refuse to see things for what they are and move on.

There are over 7 billion people on Earth...women statistically are just over half of that....which means there are over 3.5 billion women on earth. Find another...there are lots of them...they are everywhere.

[CravenMorhead]

Thanks again all for your replies . Before started talking to her again this time I was getting better, I also ignored her for weeks, But I thought this time she has realized that I am the one for her.

If I had a rolled up newpaper I would swat you right on the nose. You are NOT the one for her. She is NOT the one for you. You have this delusion in your mind because it is more comforting this the cold reality that there is NO ONE for you. There is someone for you, in fact there are many someone's for you if you look for them. The problem here is that you're so focused on her that you are ignoring everything else.

You're giving her real estate in your head for free. She also knows how hung up on her you are and is exploiting that because it feels good to be wanted, especially if you have no plans to reciprocate. Why are you doing this? Do you like being walked over REPEATEDLY?

But first she keep on texting me to till I started talking to her and when started talking to her she just stopped replying to me which really pissed me off. But I really want to make changes in my life now.

I think many have suggested this, but I need to reenforce this. Block ALL means on contact with her. Facebook, texting, whatsapp, snapchat, and every other way she can contact you. Don't just ignore her, block her. Only ignoring her means your still interacting with her. If you read her texts and do nothing then you're still interacting with her and she's still getting what she wants here. Block it or you'll be trapped like this forever.

I have lost ambition in life since the time I have met her. I do everything just for her. I have lost myself. Before I used have really busy life school and work and I was happy in during that time. But after graduation I am working fulltime and have lot of spare time as well but no real friends to hangout with after school.I have got alone. I have no life. This also a reason why I am keep falling her trap because I need someone and I have not able to find any other friend yet. I love animals and music. I play bit of guitar I will do something more in that. May be I will start a school again.

Start school again. Volunteer at a SPCA/animal shelter. If you go out and do things then you'll never be alone. Find a band to play with. Busk. Just go out to a park or something. You have to expose yourself to others. Otherwise you will fall into that trap again. You need to be proactive. If you're just passive in everything you do then you will be subject to the underflow of the world around you. You will get sucked into her again.

Stop it. You're doing it to yourself. You are Choosing this.

[Alty]

I really hate it when I have to spread the rep around. Listen to what everyone has posted, they're right on the money!

You're letting her control your life. Until you take control back, you won't be happy, and you'll continue to let her into your life.

You really sound way too desperate to have someone in your life, and she knows it, which is why she's able to manipulate you. You're easy prey.

You will never find happiness with someone else until you're happy with yourself. You will never find love if you're only looking for someone to fill the void you yourself can't seem to fill. People don't make you whole, you have to do that, you have to find a purpose. Until you do that, she, and people like her, will continue to use you, while you allow yourself to be used out of desperation to be with someone.

The best advice I can give you is to learn to love yourself before you expect someone else to.

[harry7171]

I really hate it when I have to spread the rep around. Listen to what everyone has posted, they're right on the money!

You're letting her control your life. Until you take control back, you won't be happy, and you'll continue to let her into your life.

You really sound way too desperate to have someone in your life, and she knows it, which is why she's able to manipulate you. You're easy prey.

You will never find happiness with someone else until you're happy with yourself. You will never find love if you're only looking for someone to fill the void you yourself can't seem to fill. People don't make you whole, you have to do that, you have to find a purpose. Until you do that, she, and people like her, will continue to use you, while you allow yourself to be used out of desperation to be with someone.

The best advice I can give you is to learn to love yourself before you expect someone else to.

Thank you all for your wonderful suggestions and I hope when the next time I will come to this forum I will be happy and excited about life again. One of the quotes that hit my mind and I guess I am going to follow it from now on -


"The Love and attention you always thought you wanted from someone else is the love and attention you first need to give yourself"

[Alty]

"The Love and attention you always thought you wanted from someone else is the love and attention you first need to give yourself"

Exactly! Learn to love yourself, focus on yourself, spend time getting to know yourself, and when you enjoy being around yourself, then find someone to spend time with.

If you don't love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?