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Jake2008 · Jul 30, 2014, 09:06 PM

It is important that you protect yourself, and get on the pill. Please do that right away. Thinking that you won't have sex, is foolish, and risky.

Even married couples who were completely prepared to have a baby, and had money in the bank to cover all the expenses, and good jobs to support a family, still have their lives turned upside down.

A baby is all consuming, demanding, unpredictable, and exhausting. Their needs take all your time and effort. Gone are long showers, and lazing around watching movies or going out with friends to party. You don't have time for anything, and everything revolves around that baby.

When the baby gets sick, get ready for even less sleep, and visits to the doctor, and following directions with medication.

Drop the teenage friends. Find your local library and join a new mothers group. Make friends with new mothers, who you share common interests and concerns. Learn what other new mothers are going through, and how to solve common problems. Sharing of information, good and bad (as it goes with a baby), is helpful to all.

Start reading more about babies and children, and child development. You will feel baffled at first because you are so young, but there is much you need to learn about as the baby grows and yes- becomes even more demanding. This isn't going to get easier, so you may as well be as prepared and educated as you can.

Get yourself back into school, and find a subsidy for the cost of having daycare for your baby. Get your diploma, and by that time, you should be ready to choose a career path, and then get on that road, and plan to graduate with a degree or diploma that will allow you to care for yourself- and your baby, without the support of anyone.

Drop the boyfriends and the companionship. You don't have time for it, and teenage boys don't make good fathers- a lesson you have already painfully learned.

Being a good mother isn't something that just happens. It takes work, and dedication, and very long hours of making sure the baby is well cared for in all regards. It isn't living in a flat with your sister who (God bless her generous heart) supports you. You need to plan to support yourself. Hanging around lamenting about lost friends is part of your past childhood. It no longer exists.

Get your priorities in order.

DoulaLC · Jul 31, 2014, 03:45 AM

Read through all that has been written in response to your situation. Write down the things you see that have been suggested. Then decide on ways for you to achieve them... both the things that you will do and the things that you won't do. Will you need help with locating resources? Will you need to learn who to contact for support?

Make a plan for the things you want to do. Finish school, go to college, make friends who can understand your situation, etc.

Yes, it will be hard, and somethings will be more challenging, and take longer then they would have otherwise, but it doesn't mean that they cant, or won't, be accomplished.

Once you have a list, talk with a school counselor, your parents, your sister, and your boyfriend and gather their support.....but ultimately you will have to rely on yourself. They have their lives too, you don't really know how long you will be with your current boyfriend, so now is the time to learn to rely on yourself more and focus on your and your child's needs both now and for the future.

You may not be able to mature overnight, but you can start taking steps that will move you along in that directions. The last thing you want to do is stay stuck in your present mind set. You have to push yourself forward sometimes, make some changes, and keep looking ahead to where you want to be in your life.

QueenLiz · Jul 31, 2014, 06:48 AM

Drop the boyfriends

I am not breaking up with Kai for ANYONE, not the jealous girl, not any guys who have a crush on me, not even my parents. Kai is the 4 things I want in a man, he's smart, he's caring, he's good with my kid, and he is sexy as hell. Also, I don't want Jason anywhere near Jared. I grew up without my biological father and Iturned out fine. As long as I have my amazing sister and caring boyfriend I don't need Jason. Jason can go to hell.

J_9 · Jul 31, 2014, 06:53 AM

Originally Posted by QueenLiz

I am not breaking up with Kai for ANYONE, not the jealous girl, not any guys who have a crush on me, not even my parents. Kai is the 4 things I want in a man, he's smart, he's caring, he's good with my kid, and he is sexy as hell.

You just don't get it, do you? The world doesn't revolve around you anymore. It revolves around your son.

odinn7 · Jul 31, 2014, 06:57 AM

LOL...this is why I gave up trying to answer. It's like banging your head on the wall.

J_9 · Jul 31, 2014, 07:00 AM

LOL...this is why I gave up trying to answer. It's like banging your head on the wall.

This is why teens shouldn't be parents. They aren't capable of understanding the complexities of parenthood.

ScottGem · Jul 31, 2014, 07:04 AM

Originally Posted by QueenLiz

Also, I don't want Jason anywhere near Jared. I grew up without my biological father and Iturned out fine. As long as I have my amazing sister and caring boyfriend I don't need Jason. Jason can go to hell.

Sure you turned out fine! You got pregnant at 15 and are now depressed and worried about what to do with your life. Also its different For a girl growing up without a father than for a boy.

But you may have no choice in the matter. Jason is your son's father and if he decides he wants to be part of his life, then you will have little or no choice about it. Also, you are depriving your son, by not requiring Jason to support him. Even if its only a little financial help, you need it. As J-9 said, its about your son, not you and you need to do EVERYTHING you can to provide for him.

And, no one has said one word that you should break up with Kai. But whether you spend the rest of your lives together or not, is not a given. At your ages, the odds of doing so are against you. We are just trying to make you aware of that.

QueenLiz · Jul 31, 2014, 07:08 AM

So you all think I should break up with Kai? Even though he is amazing with Jared, and he helps me while Katie is away, and if I let him go I won't find anyone else like him?

Originally Posted by ScottGem

Sure you turned out fine! You got pregnant at 15 and are now depressed and worried about what to do with your life. Also its different For a girl growing up without a father than for a boy.

But you may have no choice in the matter. Jason is your son's father and if he decides he wants to be part of his life, then you will have little or no choice about it. Also, you are depriving your son, by not requiring Jason to support him. Even if its only a little financial help, you need it. As J-9 said, its about your son, not you and you need to do EVERYTHING you can to provide for him.

And, no one has said one word that you should break up with Kai. But whether you spend the rest of your lives together or not, is not a given. At your ages, the odds of doing so are against you. We are just trying to make you aware of that.

I did turn out fine! I did not plan any of this to happen. This is more criticism than help! Its "Ask Me Help Desk" not "Ask Me Criticism Desk"

J_9 · Jul 31, 2014, 07:17 AM

Let me give you a little enlightenment.

You should NEVER post personal names via the internet. You have potentially placed your son in danger by using his name. While you may think you are mature, posting personal names shows us adults how naïve you are.

While you may think we are being critical, we are actually teaching you some life lessons that you are incapable of understanding at your age.

No one ever said to break up with Kai, but rather stop focusing your attention on boys, but focus on your son. I can guarandamntee you that Kai won't be there next year. But your son will.

Finding, or keeping, a boyfriend is not your priority. Your son is.

Again, this is why teens shouldn't be parents. You are a prime example of this. You are not concerned about the wellbeing of your child, but rather your social life as well as your sex life.

odinn7 · Jul 31, 2014, 07:21 AM

Technically...I did mention to break up with Kai in response to her question of how to stop her friend from being jealous of her dating the ex....my solution was to break up with him in that case. But, "hell to the no" she isn't doing it....not for nobody!

QueenLiz · Jul 31, 2014, 07:24 AM

I am concerned about him. I am keeping him, I am raising him, I am trying to be a good mother. But I am 16, you can't just expect me to have him on my mind 24/7. I have needs you know, sex needs, alcohol needs, personal time to myself. I have spent nearly a month never getting any time alone, and I need to just go out and have a day to myself. I know someone who can look after Jared while I am gone, everything is fine.

Bebo_momo · Jul 31, 2014, 07:24 AM

See girl, now there is no question for you to regret... Just leave the country and move to some other place with your baby (If you can)... You need mental support at this time, not being called a slut... Just be strong and make your child a responsible citizen and a good man so that he won't do anything what all Jason did with you... Teach him good manners... and if Kai supports you, then marry him! Hire a babysitter if you can... And yeah, try to stop and control yourself from sex and alcohol... You are a MOM now... now any school going girl!!! Keep smiling.. Best of Luck! :)

J_9 · Jul 31, 2014, 07:28 AM

Originally Posted by QueenLiz

I am 16, you can't just expect me to have him on my mind 24/7. I have needs you know, sex needs, alcohol needs, personal time to myself. I have spent nearly a month never getting any time alone, and I need to just go out and have a day to myself. I know someone who can look after Jared while I am gone, everything is fine.

Sex and alcohol are what real mothers give up. So, you have spent "nearly a month" never getting any time alone. Guess what. That's what mothers do.

We give up social lives, sex lives, to raise our children properly. If you aren't willing to do that, then maybe it's time to reconsider keeping your child.

smoothy · Jul 31, 2014, 07:41 AM

I should pass some of these around.

DoulaLC · Jul 31, 2014, 07:45 AM

QueenLiz,

You've been given plenty of ideas to focus on for getting your life on track and making a future for yourself and your son. Please take the time to think carefully about what has been said. I understand that you won't be able to fully appreciate all of it right now at 16, but do your best. You may be 16, but you have responsibilities far greater than most 16 year olds, so your focus has to be elsewhere. It doesn't mean you won't get to go out now and then, but you will go out less often then most. Your time, money, energy, and focus all have to go to meeting your son's needs (both emotional and physical needs) first... then yours.

I can tell your this, if you don't meet his needs now, in the first few years, you won't make up for it later.

One more idea to add to the others... check out your local hospital or health department for parenting classes or groups. These will be other good sources of support, information, and guidance of what resources are available to you and your son in your area. You will also make friends (more support!) with other young mothers.

In all of this, you will have to make the effort. We have provided some ideas and suggestions, which is what you asked for, so now you have to be the one to make some plans and get started.

talaniman · Jul 31, 2014, 07:47 AM

She will get there eventually guys, when her mind, body, and soul have healed from what she has been through. Don't do anything stupid until then. Specifically, alcohol, and sex.

You may want them to help feel better for the moment, but at this time, you don't NEED either!!

QueenLiz · Jul 31, 2014, 07:54 AM

I do what I want, when I want. I don't live with my boring parents, I live with my party animal bisexual sister, I have a fine boyfriend and a cute baby. My baby is asleep right now, So I might as well have sex with Kai on the couch right now. And I will join parenting classes, I will take care of my baby's needs, but now, I need some "Mommy time".

Oliver2011 · Jul 31, 2014, 07:55 AM

Liz - I was kind of in the same shoes. I had my first son at 18. I had dreams of college and making it big and then oops, had a son. Then at 19 oops, had another son.

What did I do?

I worked two jobs, went to college, helped raise my boys, and now life couldn't be better. Just because there are bumps in the road doesn't automatically mean you can't reach your final destination. And both boys are college graduates with great jobs.

Originally Posted by QueenLiz

So you all think I should break up with Kai? Even though he is amazing with Jared, and he helps me while Katie is away, and if I let him go I won't find anyone else like him?

I did turn out fine! I did not plan any of this to happen. This is more criticism than help! Its "Ask Me Help Desk" not "Ask Me Criticism Desk"

odinn7 · Jul 31, 2014, 07:55 AM

Starting to think this has been a story all along....it's just getting out of hand now.

QueenLiz · Jul 31, 2014, 08:03 AM

I am extremely stressed right now. I need my sister, but she doesn't come back until the middle of August. And this website sucks , I had no help AT ALL! Look, I will join a parenting class, I will meet more people like me, when I get my life back together. My life sucks right now, and I don't need people like odinn7, smoothy, or J_9 making it worse. I'm going to go to another help website. These adults are getting on my nerves.