[LoneRanger]

Im 20[M].I've got a friend who is a bit sensitive to words.Me & my friends often make jokes about him & his girlfriend as he is a bit over attached & his girlfriend.she treats him like everything's he's fault.He gives his all to her but she plays him & he gets disturbed.
Ive sent some messages to his girlfriend from his mobile regarding his current sutuation.I was kidding ofcourse.Oh yes,his girlfriend hates the sex thing.Ive hinted it on the text.He caught me later & was mad at me the moment.I laughed it out & everything's was cool again.
Another friend of mine came & took some shirtless pictures of him & sent it to his girlfriend.once again he came to know about it & became mad.
The thing is this time I didn't do anything other than laughing about it,but he just stopped talking to me.He started misbehaving with me.at first I thought this would wear off,but he still didn't called me like he does everyday.
I'm not the guy who keeps poking a guy until he loosens up,but I'm worried that I maybe am losing a good friend.I know it's a bad thing to text,but there was no intention of harming.The messages were "safe"............
What do you guys say about this?I know whats exactly is my fault,but what's next?how do I fix it without being too desperate to retain this friendship as he misunderstands that behaviour from anybody...

[smoothy]

This is one of those things in life you just have to let happen. You've done your part to attempt tp bring it to his attention. Problem is he really doesn't want to listen and insists on learning the hard way. If you have to walk away , then you have to do it. He's an adult and responsible for the ramnifications of his own choices.

Sure HE's got to learn to grow some skin.. and a spine... but the root here is she walks all over him... and he's *****whipped so bad he might need to start wearing a skirt. But guys always have and always will rib each other. Sounds like he's a bit immature for his age.

I assume he's your age or really close... but people your age are still maturing and sometimes do drift in different directions as you do. Its natural and even without something like this you still might have drifted apart.

Let it go... if he calls, he calls. If he doesn't, then he doesn't. If he's that hypersensitive... he's going to have a very rough time the next few years with life in general.

[talaniman]

Be a better friend and stop following the pack and bullying this fellow. If you have no empathy or understanding for him, or his situation, leave him alone. After what you and your pack of rats have already done you are hardly friends of his in the first place.

Surprising lack of empathy for one who has written this,

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/emotio...is-787830.html

[catonsville]

Lone Ranger what would Tonto do in a situation like this? Just Kidding. It looks like you have done all that you can do. The ball is in his court, and if he does not respond then you will learn that he might not be the good friend you thought he was. It sounds like he has some growing up to do. Time will tell.

[Cat1864]

Im 20[M].I've got a friend who is a bit sensitive to words.Me & my friends often make jokes about him & his girlfriend as he is a bit over attached & his girlfriend.she treats him like everything's he's fault.He gives his all to her but she plays him & he gets disturbed.
Ive sent some messages to his girlfriend from his mobile regarding his current sutuation.I was kidding ofcourse.Oh yes,his girlfriend hates the sex thing.Ive hinted it on the text.He caught me later & was mad at me the moment.I laughed it out & everything's was cool again.
Another friend of mine came & took some shirtless pictures of him & sent it to his girlfriend.once again he came to know about it & became mad.
The thing is this time I didn't do anything other than laughing about it,but he just stopped talking to me.He started misbehaving with me.at first I thought this would wear off,but he still didn't called me like he does everyday.
I'm not the guy who keeps poking a guy until he loosens up,but I'm worried that I maybe am losing a good friend.I know it's a bad thing to text,but there was no intention of harming.The messages were "safe"............
What do you guys say about this?I know whats exactly is my fault,but what's next?how do I fix it without being too desperate to retain this friendship as he misunderstands that behaviour from anybody...

You need to grow up and stop acting like a 15 year old. Take full responsibility for your actions and the intent behind them. You do not text a friend's girlfriend (pretending to him?) about their relationship and include topics (even hinted at) that you know will upset her unless you are trying to cause damage to their relationship.

You laughed it off. Doesn't sound like he did. Sounds like he tried to let it go until another member of the friends club went a step farther. How much is he supposed to take of your joking and playing games? What has he said that you laughed off because he is 'sensitive to words' and not manly enough for you?

He may be clingy and she may walk all over him, but that is their relationship. Not yours or any of the other friends who apparently have tried to make him even more miserable than she ever could.

You might not be the type to poke at him until he talks to you, but you do seem to be the type who keeps poking until he doesn't. Why should he accept an apology if there is every chance it will happen again? Are you a friend who accepts him as the person he is or do you expect him and his relationships to fit your idea of what they should be?

If he gets back in touch with you, make his relationship off-limits. If he wants to get upset and vent about her, let him know you are there for him, but you aren't going to get in the middle any more. Yes, he is putting his friends in the middle of his relationship if he talking to you instead of her about what upsets him. You do not have to stay there or make things worse. He has to handle his own business.

In the meantime, decide what type of 'friend' you want to be. The bully who teases and laughs at his 'friends' or the supportive type who gives his friend a safe place to let the stress of a relationship go? Which type of friend do you want?

[LoneRanger]

Look guys,First off,he is not an immature guy.He got a reputation in his professional world.It's just he had a bad relationship before;this time he wants to have a long run,despite knowing the demerits of his girlfriend.
I do laugh it off because being a supportive friend {rather pretending} would feel very corny.Talaniman,I consider myself as a good friend to someone like him.I don't bully him,I always hint him about the truth.Again,leaving him alone does not relate to being a better friend.
It's just unexpected from him that he snapped for such a petty subject,I mean it was not destructive subject the last time.

[odinn7]

Your friend is annoyed with you because you and your friends don't know when to stop and let go. Obviously, he thinks he's happy with this girl. If you tried to point out her problems to him and he didn't want to hear it, time to leave it alone and let him find out for himself. Picking on him about her will not help the situation with anyone. I think I would be annoyed too. I am also going tom guess that there is a little more to the story than you're fully letting out. You (or your friend) sent a shirtless picture to his girlfriend? Why? Was it done so that she would think another girl took those pictures and was sending them? And why was it your friend that did thsi? It sounds to me like you guys were trying to set him up or get him in trouble. Yeah, I'd be pissed at you too.

[talaniman]

With friends like you, who cannot understand the harm your childish pranks and taunting causes, who needs enemies?

What a warped and insensitive idea of friendship you have.

[dontknownuthin]

As a woman, my response if my boyfriend had friends like this would be to encourage him to find more mature friends.

By twenty, mature people are dating with purpose - hoping to find the person they will ultimately marry. When your friends date, you need to consider this woman may become his wife. Whatever you do to erode trust in the relationship, or embarrass either of them, can ruin your friend's chance for his ideal wife. Or they can marry anyway and carry the garbage you create into their marriage. You will learn that people will choose different spouses than you might expect. Leave it alone - it is the most important and personal choice a man makes. By extension, he may not choose to date the type of girl you have in mind. Leave it alone. Like you all might drool collectively over sexy bikini beer models, but your friend may pick a girl to date who you find totally unattractive because he thinks she is cute and sees qualities in her that he really likes. I am nearly fifty and remember how guys talked about women when we were all young - making fun of big butts or flat chests or whatever in their group. Then many went on to marry girls with the characteristics they made fun of a few years before. It's the adolescent mob mentality - they say what they think they are meant to believe, then later mature enough to know they want more substance in a woman than a stripper body. In this regard, your friend has matured beyond you - choosing a girl for himself instead of a girl to impress his friends.

If you are concerned that your friend is in an abusive relationship, talk to him privately about it like a man. If the public displays of affection are over the top and annoying everyone, again, you could talk to him privately and tell him it's making people uncomfortable - it is not your place to comment to the girl at all. But to go out of your way to manipulate his relationship and pretend to be him and all that, well I think most people would end the friendship rather than put up with it.

You are acting like he is over reacting but he is not. You and the others involved really acted reprehensibly and owe both he and his girlfriend a major (not joking) apology.

[mogrann]

No wonder your friend is upset. I really challenge if you are a friend of his because your actions do not speak of friendship. It speaks of bullying and controlling behavior. You say the girlfriend is controlling but so are you. Your friend is an adult and can decide for himself what he wants in a relationship... not you... you get to choose with your own relationships.
How about you put on your big boy panties and man up. Be a true friend or walk away and leave them alone. I wonder if the girlfriend is all that bad or if they are just jealous. If in fact she is sit down with him and talk to him man to man. No judgments, no accusations. Just tell him your worries and then leave it, that is if you decide to be a real friend to him and not harass him or try to control him.

My expertise in this is : I was in a controlling abusive relationship and also I was bullied. I can not speak on if the relationship is toxic or not but I can say you are being toxic to your friend.

[Cat1864]

It may seem petty to you. But it wasn't one instance. It is a pattern of behavior by you and the others. Each prank, each taunt, each joke is like a grain of sand. Alone they usually are insignificant. But they add up. Have you seen items that have been sandblasted or the damage caused by a sandstorm?

Frankly, this seems to be about you and your hurt feelings. Should the other friends laugh off your feelings? Joke about how sensitive you are being? Or is that why you are here asking for support rather than relying on your friends who probably think being supportive is corny?

Take a long hard look at yourself. Be honest with yourself. Would you want you as a friend?

[LoneRanger]

Yes,you are right,we did sent his photo to get him into trouble.It was a mistake.It's just that we were tired of his Bull*hit everyday he came saying that he's having problems with his girlfriend.He's that helping that girl financially,he's fixing even a job for her,& the girl gets upset why is he hangs out late with friends.We wanted to see would the girl belive him that he was not drunk while the picture was taken.It was a test actually.I know it's idiotic.We are college friends.This is not the first time we did something like this.
and honestly,I still dont think this relationship is [maybe was] meant to last

[LoneRanger]

As a woman, my response if my boyfriend had friends like this would be to encourage him to find more mature friends.

By twenty, mature people are dating with purpose - hoping to find the person they will ultimately marry. When your friends date, you need to consider this woman may become his wife. Whatever you do to erode trust in the relationship, or embarrass either of them, can ruin your friend's chance for his ideal wife. Or they can marry anyway and carry the garbage you create into their marriage. You will learn that people will choose different spouses than you might expect. Leave it alone - it is the most important and personal choice a man makes. By extension, he may not choose to date the type of girl you have in mind. Leave it alone. Like you all might drool collectively over sexy bikini beer models, but your friend may pick a girl to date who you find totally unattractive because he thinks she is cute and sees qualities in her that he really likes. I am nearly fifty and remember how guys talked about women when we were all young - making fun of big butts or flat chests or whatever in their group. Then many went on to marry girls with the characteristics they made fun of a few years before. It's the adolescent mob mentality - they say what they think they are meant to believe, then later mature enough to know they want more substance in a woman than a stripper body. In this regard, your friend has matured beyond you - choosing a girl for himself instead of a girl to impress his friends.

If you are concerned that your friend is in an abusive relationship, talk to him privately about it like a man. If the public displays of affection are over the top and annoying everyone, again, you could talk to him privately and tell him it's making people uncomfortable - it is not your place to comment to the girl at all. But to go out of your way to manipulate his relationship and pretend to be him and all that, well I think most people would end the friendship rather than put up with it.

You are acting like he is over reacting but he is not. You and the others involved really acted reprehensibly and owe both he and his girlfriend a major (not joking) apology.

Ive talked with him about this,he agreed with me completely.I consider him close to myself emotionally.I'm not a bad friend.But I believe this girls he's dating is no good to anybody.You're right,I should leave this to him.
This is untrue that I crave for bikini models or a stripper,I came across that phase lol.It's just the evil vibe that comes

[joypulv]

You lost all sympathy from me when you first said that you 'sent some messages to his girlfriend from HIS mobile.' You think that's funny? That you get to say 'just kidding?'
On top of that, you are clueless that people often reach the last straw of many when it comes to teasing. It's the whole sum of events, not one.
You just sound very very immature.

[odinn7]

Yes,you are right,we did sent his photo to get him into trouble.It was a mistake.It's just that we were tired of his Bull*hit everyday he came saying that he's having problems with his girlfriend.He's that helping that girl financially,he's fixing even a job for her,& the girl gets upset why is he hangs out late with friends.We wanted to see would the girl belive him that he was not drunk while the picture was taken.It was a test actually.I know it's idiotic.We are college friends.This is not the first time we did something like this.
and honestly,I still dont think this relationship is [maybe was] meant to last

It was a terrible mistake and you can't tell me you didn't know what might happen from it....put yourself in that position of having to explain yourself to a girlfriend like that...that's not even a prank, it's a mean spirited thing to do.

As far as if the relationship was meant to last...that's not up to you to decide.

[Catsmine]

You have put your friend in the position of choosing between someone who bosses him around and someone who stabs him in the back. Don't be surprised if he chooses the bossy one and tells you to vanish. Be very glad he isn't me. If he were and you were very lucky, you wouldn't survive.

[dontknownuthin]

Ive talked with him about this,he agreed with me completely.I consider him close to myself emotionally.I'm not a bad friend.But I believe this girls he's dating is no good to anybody.You're right,I should leave this to him.
This is untrue that I crave for bikini models or a stripper,I came across that phase lol.It's just the evil vibe that comes

I was was giving an example of what friends might thnk another friend wants or needs. It doesn't matter what it is. The point is, what qualities another man seeks are not your business. And you and your friends certainly are not who I would go to for advice on good character - you have been childish jerks and you are still not getting it. You still are making excuses. He shoukd keep the girl and dump you.

[Oliver2011]

You know I read all of your posts and I got to tell you, I don't remember being this immature at 20. Of course I couldn't be. I already had a son with another on the way. And plus you sound a little jealous too. I also agree with Cat when she said it's time to grow up. And with Joy when she said you had lost sympathy from her after you did what you did.

Bottom line is do things to promote the friendship instead of things that will destroy the friendship.

Yes,you are right,we did sent his photo to get him into trouble.It was a mistake.It's just that we were tired of his Bull*hit everyday he came saying that he's having problems with his girlfriend.He's that helping that girl financially,he's fixing even a job for her,& the girl gets upset why is he hangs out late with friends.We wanted to see would the girl belive him that he was not drunk while the picture was taken.It was a test actually.I know it's idiotic.We are college friends.This is not the first time we did something like this.
and honestly,I still dont think this relationship is [maybe was] meant to last