[jj2014]

When you are a first-year (new) teacher, you can't switch yourself off and ignore the work that needs to be done to prepare for the next school day(s) and to catch up with correcting and grading. At night, a new teacher DREAMS about students and school and can't turn her mind off regarding bulletin boards and handouts and tests/quizzes and always papers to correct. She can't walk out of the school building and leave it all behind her.

very true she is 22 and is amazing don't know how she is doing it

[jj2014]

She is 22 does anyone think that emotional maturity come in to it ?

[talaniman]

Maturity has nothing to do with the fact that she is a priority to you, and you are an option among other options, and priorities for her, and that means back off, and don't chase her at all. She will get around to you when she has time and isn't tired.

You need new priorities yourself, or a better social life. This isn't a relationship, just sometimes internet and text buddies.

[teacherjenn4]

She is 22 does anyone think that emotional maturity come in to it ?

I'm going to tell you that a first year teacher has no free time and if she's not 100% committed to her job! She won't get a chance for a second year. Wondergirl is right. We know! We've been there. We have papers to grade, meetings to attend, parents to conference with, classes and workshops to attend, mentor teachers to guide us, not including a classroom to maintain, gradebook to keep up, pacing plans to uphold. Need I mention that she has no idea what is coming up and how many kids she needs to help? I can go on and on, but the point is the same. Leave her alone. Jobs are hard to come by, and you being a problem is not going to sit well with her.

[smearcase]

WG and teacherjenn are correct and I know because my wife was a first year teacher right at about the time we first met. She wanted to quit every day for many months, and she didn't have the burden of wondering if I would get a job on top of everything else. It was tough way back then and from what I see going on in education- it sure ain't any easier now.
I helped grade papers, sorted stuff, built shelves for her room,
tried to help her interpret policies and procedures, etc. Give her some support and time.

[dontknownuthin]

You haven't been "with her" for a couple months if you only met up once. She's backing off because she's not into it. She likes the attention, enjoys the drama (she sure creates enough of it!) but she doesn't want the relationship.

Believe me, if you were her version of Mr. Right, the distance would be overcome. And this first year teacher excuse is lame. Hey, we're all busy, all under pressure but if we value our relationships we work it out. She doesn't.

[teacherjenn4]

Sadly, you have no clue about first year teachers, dontknownuthin :(.

[Homegirl 50]

I know several first year teachers and a couple of first year residents. Yes that time is stressful and it takes a lot of time and energy, but I still think if she were really feeling you, you would be a relief for her. You were talking to her online. Things changed after she met you.
I'd back way off.

[jj2014]

WG and teacherjenn are correct and I know because my wife was a first year teacher right at about the time we first met. She wanted to quit every day for many months, and she didn't have the burden of wondering if I would get a job on top of everything else. It was tough way back then and from what I see going on in education- it sure ain't any easier now.
I helped grade papers, sorted stuff, built shelves for her room,
tried to help her interpret policies and procedures, etc. Give her some support and time.

In what way can I support her ?

[Wondergirl]

In what way can I support her ?

Don't call/text her; let her do the initiating when she has time. Let her make any moves.

[jj2014]

Don't call/text her; let her do the initiating when she has time. Let her make any moves.

am I allowed to text her good morning and wish her a good day

[Wondergirl]

am I allowed to text her good morning and wish her a good day

It would annoy me, and she never replied to you about a break, so no.

[jj2014]

It would annoy me, and she never replied to you about a break, so no.

Were you talking about a break in the relationship ?

[Wondergirl]

Were you talking about a break in the relationship ?

She mentioned break and then you two never connected, despite an appointment to talk. I'd say you two are broken.

[jj2014]

She mentioned break and then you two never connected, despite an appointment to talk. I'd say you two are broken.

Oh that was for calls and she agreed to the idea but I said we can be flexible on when the calls happen so like Monday and Tuesday of this week she is busy with preparing for parents evening which is tonight and helping with the school nativity play which she was told to do but she needs to say no but she likes to please everybody which is not good. Why she did not tell me this when we met it would have made life easier and could come to an arrangement instead of making things difficult.
Shall I tell her that there is no need for this drama and sort stuff out properly.
I was surprised to get a phone call of her on Monday lunchtime when we were not meant to call till weds

[Homegirl 50]

I think you need to leave her alone. IF she wants to call you she will. But I also would not be sitting around waiting. This is too much drama for a 3 month LD relationship. May be she was just trying to appease you by calling. I don't think she is in to you. This started after your meeting.

[Wondergirl]

I don't think you understand about first-year teachers. They are expected to give their all, to do as much as they can. It's part of the "learn to be a teacher" thing. She's learns as much, or more, than her students do.

You had mentioned "the school nativity play which she was told to do but she needs to say no but she likes to please everybody." Why shouldn't she do her part in the school nativity play? It's not a matter of "pleasing everybody." When I taught school, ALL the teachers had a part to deal with (e.g., teaching songs, lining up the kids and keeping them quiet, making and helping them put on their costumes, combing hair, setting up the stage with props and background, etc.) so that the play would be an enjoyable experience for parents as well as students.

Leave her alone.

[jj2014]

I don't think you understand about first-year teachers. They are expected to give their all, to do as much as they can. It's part of the "learn to be a teacher" thing. She's learns as much, or more, than her students do.

You had mentioned "the school nativity play which she was told to do but she needs to say no but she likes to please everybody." Why shouldn't she do her part in the school nativity play? It's not a matter of "pleasing everybody." When I taught school, ALL the teachers had a part to deal with (e.g., teaching songs, lining up the kids and keeping them quiet, making and helping them put on their costumes, combing hair, setting up the stage with props and background, etc.) so that the play would be an enjoyable experience for parents as well as students.

Leave her alone.

Okay I will let her get on with it I feel I need to be stronger here

She is the one who is causing this drama it needs to stop and she is aware of the impact its having on us

[Wondergirl]

She is the one who is causing this drama and she is aware of the impact its having on us

Then YOU stop playing a role in her drama.

[talaniman]

Its hard to accept the reality of the situation, but that's what life is about, making decisions based on facts and not just feelings. I don't see her in any position to pursue a romance or give her heart to a struggling unemployed guy. Focus on getting your own act together and see what happens.

Bad timing dude, it will be better later. For now though recognize its just not happening your way.