[confused2013]

Hi, thanks for reading. My boyfriend and I are both 24, basically we've been in a relationship for 2 months and this is really bugging me/affecting our relationship (he doesn't know yet).

He hates having a wash, but he tries to, and before you say anything, I have just recently found this out from him, I always did wonder why he would smell down there if he had a wash. He is an amazing guy but this is affecting our sexual life, although he doesn't know. I hate performing oral sex on him which is unlike me, this is simply because he just smells really horrid down there. And I think this is making me less attracted to him.

His family already absolutely adores me and I feel it's all going great apart from that one thing! I have a shower twice a day (everyone tells me it's a bit extreme I know) but it's an habit. Could it be I'm being picky because I have a shower twice a day? (he tells me I smell gorgeous all the time) or is it something I should address? I can't stand giving him oral when he smells down there (although at the moment I still do it). It give me no pleasure at all and I just would like to tell him but not in a way that would hurt him, any ideas would be appreciated, thank you :)

[J_9]

First question...

Is he circumcised?

[Oliver2011]

Well you could shower with him and wash it for him. That would be both sexual and cleansing.

[talaniman]

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...do-754711.html

Whatever happened to this guy? Just curious. Stop go along with stinky guy. Say something. Bet if you didn't force yourself to give him oral he would take the hint, or wash him yourself before hand.

[Jake2008]

After two months, and he still stinks, you need to step up and set some boundaries- especially those involved to the 'south'.

Simply tell him that he has a very bad odour coming from his genital area, and until he gets it checked out by a Doctor, and things improve, you will not have sex with him. God only knows what germs, bacteria, boils, warts, etc. that could be causing this. There has to be a reason.

What ever his problem is, remember that that first few months you're getting to know a person, includes his hygiene. Would you kiss him if he had gingivitis, or bleeding gums, or an impacted and infected molar?

Why on earth would you put your mouth on, around, or into, anything that is unclean?

[confused2013]

@J_9 - No he isn't circumcised, think that might be the problem really, not too sure. I mean I definitely can't say every guy who isn't circumcised, will smell, that'll be a bit silly.

@ Oliver, the boy doesn't even like have a shower, its disgusting, sometimes I have to make him go take a shower, so that's not really going to work I'm afraid :(

@talaniman - I split up with that guy after realising you were all right, and it's a long story, including a lot of drama but I'm pleased to say we are no longer together. We just weren't right for each other. About my current boyfriend, he asks for it and I don't like saying no because it's something that I generally enjoy, but not with him, I really do want to say something but I don't know how, or what to say really.

@jake, you're completely right there, I just want to find a nice way to tell him without hurting his feeling but I do feel it is definitely something he needs to know, and CHANGE asap.

I suppose telling you this information might help, for some strange reason, he goes to the toilet for a wee about a million times a day, and I think that is what the real problem is, because he has a lot of wee in a day, his private areas stinks of that and the fact that he doesn't keep on top of his cleanliness doesn't help! I can smell it from his boxers, its absolutely disgusting. So I was thinking of starting by asking why he has so many visits to the toilet in a day, it could perhaps be some type of diabetes and say I think he needs to get it checked out by the doctor. He just smells of wee and all sorts all the time down there and he has a wee at least 15 times a day no joke. And he doesn't even bother about having a shower, sometimes he has a shower once every two days when I have four in two days. I can't cope lol

[Oliver2011]

@J_9 - No he isn't circumcised, think that might be the problem really, not too sure. I mean I definitely can't say every guy who isn't circumcised, will smell, that'll be a bit silly.

@ Oliver, the boy doesn't even like have a shower, its disgusting, sometimes I have to make him go take a shower, so that's not really going to work I'm afraid :(

@talaniman - I split up with that guy after realising you were all right, and it's a long story, including a lot of drama but I'm pleased to say we are no longer together. We just weren't right for each other. About my current boyfriend, he asks for it and I don't like saying no because it's something that I generally enjoy, but not with him, I really do want to say something but I don't know how, or what to say really.

@jake, you're completely right there, I just want to find a nice way to tell him without hurting his feeling but I do feel it is definitely something he needs to know, and CHANGE asap.

I suppose telling you this information might help, for some strange reason, he goes to the toilet for a wee about a million times a day, and I think that is what the real problem is, because he has a lot of wee in a day, his private areas stinks of that and the fact that he doesn't keep on top of his cleanliness doesn't help! I can smell it from his boxers, its absolutely disgusting. So I was thinking of starting by asking why he has so many visits to the toilet in a day, it could perhaps be some type of diabetes and say I think he needs to get it checked out by the doctor. He just smells of wee and all sorts all the time down there and he has a wee at least 15 times a day no joke. And he doesn't even bother about having a shower, sometimes he has a shower once every two days when I have four in two days. I can't cope lol

Gross. This is just me but I couldn't be around this person let alone be intimate with this person. Okay so maybe 28 body washes makes me a little nuts too, but hygiene issues just ain't my thang! Gross!

[talaniman]

About my current boyfriend, he asks for it and I don't like saying no because it's something that I generally enjoy, but not with him, I really do want to say something but I don't know how, or what to say really.

A simple "NO, you stink down there!". Honest and simple. Or, get a soapy cloth and do it yourself. Saying nothing is condoning the stink to continue, and that's not ALL his fault.

Sparing his feelings at the expense of your disgust ain't working.

[confused2013]

Lol I know, I know, he was with his ex girlfriend for 5 years and he said she never had oral sex off her, now I know why. I think I'm going to give him a chance to change and have a wash at least once a day like any normal person or maybe even twice due to his special circumstances, but I can't just see anything oral happening between us again until something does change.

Haha Talaniman I know, I will tell him, it's got to that point now where I've just got to!

[odinn7]

"Dude, are you allergic to water or something?"

That might be the way i would start it off...and then go from there. It's more than just a smell if you really think about it...think of the possible infections and all associated with it. Being nice will get you no place...be blunt and direct.

[confused2013]

I know, thank you, it's just really been bugging me and I've recently thought, 'that's it, can't do it anymore', and you are right, being nice will get me nowhere, as I have proved so far. He'll just think everything is all right, when they are not. I'm only hurting myself

[odinn7]

I'm only hurting myself

You are and there is no need to keep doing it.

[Wondergirl]

His innumerable trips to the bathroom are also bothering me, in addition to the not-washing problem. Diabetes? Prostate? Bladder infection? Drag him into the shower and then drive him to a doctor. I'll help, if you need me to.

***ADDED Just read Jake's comment -- agree with her, forget the shower before you drive to the doctor.

[Jake2008]

You're probably too young to remember the Scope commercials.

It was an office setting, with a dozen or so people. One of the co-workers had horrible, disgusting breath. All the workers couldn't think of a way to politely tell him he had bad breath.

Then you see the bad breath guy sitting down at his desk in the morning, and there is a bottle of Scope sitting there. Problem solved.

But, in your case, I think your boyfriend needs to see a Doctor. To pee that many times in a day indicates something is wrong. Bladder, kidney, diabetes, could be anything- but he needs checked out.

Why not offer to go with him to the Doctor, and talk beforehand, to make sure he's planning to cover ALL the bases- including the lack of personal care, and the odor. I hate to say it, but I hope he doesn't shower the day he goes to see the Doctor, so the Doctor knows exactly what's going on.

I would push the issue, and not just to get a good, healthy, clean sex life going. Make sure he sees a Doctor. You could be doing him a huge favour.

[confused2013]

@ Wondergirl & Jake - you've both made me laugh so hard today, thanks for cheering me up :)

Everyone is definitely right though! I can now confirm that I have brought up the issue of his numerous visits to the toilet. He said the doctor said he's got irritable bladder or something, which he never mentioned to me before! But, I've said to him, that I think it's more than an 'irritable bladder' and I've said he needs to go and get a test done. Now the dreaded 'smell' part hasn't been mentioned yet, but I will very soon today, just plucking the courage lol

[dontknownuthin]

This is a behavioral choice on his part. It is OK to be blunt about a behavior that is elective and bothers you. He already knows he should shower every day. If you've had to tell him and cajole him to shower before, he's defying you on purpose by not just doing it every day without reminder as an adult man. Time to stop being so nice about it.

Just say, "Hey, Dave, this is the thing. You smell, regularly and terribly. It's a turn off. If you were George Clooney, I would not want to have sex with you if you had not showered. So, this is the thing, I am not going to remind a grown man to bathe. Our relationship continuing depends on you showering every day, with soap, thoroughly. If you work out or work in the garden or for other reasons are not clean, you need to shower again before you get in bed with me or try to kiss me or initiate any other physical contact."

Explain, "it's hard for me to tell you something so critical and risk hurting your feelings or offending you, but I absolutely cannot continue this way and the only other option was to break up over this. I love you and your family, and don't want to give up a great relationship over something as dumb as a daily shower."

If he says "if it's so minor why are you making an issue" you say, "because frankly, giving oral sex to someone who stinks is horrible. It feels like you don't care about me, and I will not continue doing that to myself".

[Wondergirl]

irritable bladder or something

Which means he very likely "leaks" before and after he uses the bathroom. And depending on how often he does his laundry and changes his underwear.... And how does his toilet smell and how often does he clean it? (My uncle had a similar problem and sprayed everywhere but in the toilet, and even into the heat register next to the toilet. I know because I ended up cleaning house for him.)

[Oliver2011]

You might want to start with a combination approach. Sand paper, Lava soap, and SOS pads is the combo I am thinking of.

[confused2013]

Haha you guys are hilarious, and I don't even know why I'm laughing because it isn't a funny situation in the slightest, but I think I've been so down about it, it's actually nice to have people to talk about it with, so thank you very much everyone, you've been great!

@ dontknownuthin- my point exactly! Why should I have to tell a 24 year old man that he needs a shower, and he's actually said to me before 'I hate being washed', which is really disgusting and a huge turn off for me. I have actually never in my life met anyone who doesn't like getting washed, I thought that was just house pets. And you have actually give me a great idea so thank you very much :)

@ Wondergirl - I have never thought about it, but now that you said it, it makes sense! Maybe he does leak which will explain the 'after smell' but maybe it wouldn't be so bad if he would have a wash regularly, I think with his problem, he'll need a shower twice a day at least, but I am no convinced that maybe before and after he does 'leak', I'll mention that point to him as well. Their toilet is actually really clean because he still lives at home, so his mum does all the cleaning.

@ Oliver, haha you're hilarious :)

[talaniman]

Its unacceptable for an uncircumcised guy not to know to peel back his foreskin when he pees/washes, and shake after. And you could make a nice gift of men's toiletries with a nice note saying "use everyday".

Irritable bladder is NO excuse.