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kbell78 · Nov 5, 2013, 11:53 AM

How could my daughter become so disrespectful at 22 after being in a sexual encounter for the last year. By the way he dumped her and she moved back home. I was mortified for months as she was not raised like this. She was raised to respect others and to know her worth. I am heartbroken

aliseaodo · Nov 5, 2013, 12:06 PM

You're upset that you adult daughter was in an adult relationship and is now back home because the relationship did not work out? Is that correct?

kbell78 · Nov 5, 2013, 12:09 PM

Originally Posted by aliseaodo

You're upset that you adult daughter was in an adult relationship and is now back home because the relationship did not work out? Is that correct?

I am upset because she is a child even though she is 22. She moved back home when things did not work out for her. I tried to tell her in hind sight; however she believes I didn't know what I was talking about which was expected. She is now very disrespectful and not the same person that left a year ago.

joypulv · Nov 5, 2013, 12:33 PM

I am going to guess two things: she is disrespectful because she hates herself for crawling back to you. You being right about the guy is the second reason, and mentioning it just rubs salt in her wounds. She KNOWS he was no good, right? How could she not? She's back home and doesn't even want to be there.

Perhaps you made wise choices at 21. I didn't.
Don't rehash the past. Don't list the ways you brought her up.
Give her a hug, tell her you love her, AND tell her she has 3 months to get back out on her own. You are happy to sit down and work out plans and financial options to do so.

Cat1864 · Nov 5, 2013, 12:35 PM

How is she being 'disrespectful'?

How are you treating her? Are you rubbing her mistake in her face or are you trying to be a supportive mother who understands that children mess up? Is she reacting to the way she is being treated? Are you looking for bad behavior as evidence that she was a 'bad seed' and not the daughter you raised?

If you do not like her choices and she is not acting in a way you like, then ask her to leave. It is your house.

However, you might take a step back and look at how you both might be causing issues that can be worked through.

We can teach our children what we want them to know but we cannot live their lives and make their adult choices for them. There comes a time when we have to let them make their decisions and to be ready to pick up the pieces. it doesn't mean approving of the choices they made, but we shouldn't add salt to open wounds.