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Wondergirl · Aug 28, 2013, 09:36 AM

Originally Posted by natjosh

I don't think his daughter likes her dad having a gf. i think she's a lil jealous .

Especially if that girlfriend is bossing her around and telling what to do and not do.

Homegirl 50 · Aug 28, 2013, 09:38 AM

I think the dad and the girl have issues and you're in the middle of them. Maybe he and his daughter need to do some counseling.
I'd leave though unless he agrees to do family counseling and actually does it. This situation is not good. All blended families don't work. Did you guys discuss these things before all the kids moved in?

natjosh · Aug 28, 2013, 09:40 AM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I am hearing only negatives. If someone said "Don't do this" and "Don't do that" to you all the time, how would you react?

But we cannot just let them do things their not allowed to do. And with 5kids there is a lot of correcting. We do have a lot of structure . The kids are in a good routine for mostly all things like getting ready for school in morning and homework time after.. and there's not constant correcting. I'm just venting all the problems because of course the good stuff I want it to stay that way.. we are always taking them places and do stuff together . But like I said with so many kids there's always one of them having a dilemma . It cld be something like their fighting with another kid up at the park that I have to take care of. Few days can go by without sum arguing between them though

Wondergirl · Aug 28, 2013, 09:42 AM

Originally Posted by natjosh

But we cannot just let them do things their not allowed to do. and with 5kids their is a lot of correcting.

But there is a good way to correct where you don't create more chaos and upset and hard feelings (and conflict with your boyfriend).

Homegirl 50 · Aug 28, 2013, 09:50 AM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

But there is a good way to correct where you don't create more chaos and upset and hard feelings (and conflict with your boyfriend).

I think the problem is with the daughter and the dad which is why the daughter is this way with her. It does not help when the dad has put out her out a few times and she hears the dad yell at her. He should tell her to not discipline her are all. Dad needs to have a talk with his daughter
I don't think this is all her fault.

Wondergirl · Aug 28, 2013, 09:54 AM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I think the problem is with the daughter and the dad which is why the daughter is this way with her. It does not help when the dad has put out her out a few times and she hears the dad yell at her. He should tell her to not discipline her are all. dad needs to have a talk with his daughter
I don't think this is all her fault.

No, it's not all anyone's fault. They need family counseling to get the entire family act together.

Oliver2011 · Aug 28, 2013, 09:55 AM

Originally Posted by natjosh

I don't think his daughter likes her dad having a gf. i think she's a lil jealous .

Holy crappies this is really some of the worst parenting I've heard on this website.

You and the boyfriend are responsible for this mess. You and the boyfriend created this mess. There are lives at stake here - lives you and your boyfriend are screwing up with your really horrid lack of parenting skills. If you and the boyfriend continue to behave as you have described here, the behaviors you see now will be a blessing compared to what you will see in 5 and 10 years.

Realize that your parenting skills are horrid and get some help.

smoothy · Aug 28, 2013, 09:58 AM

I see it this way... these kids would be expected to listen to a babysitter... and respect them... I believe they are under the same obligations to listen to her as well... no she's not their mom.. but she's an adult that lives in the house and has to be respected and lisned to as well.

Both parents have to be extra careful to treat the others kids exactly as they would trat their own... but I don't believe an adult living under the same roof... should be precluded from discilining any child that also lives in that house based on who's genes they carry.

As long as they are all held to the same standards the others are.

Its time all the kids learn they will have to listen to people who aren't related the rest of their lives... like at work as one example... so it's a just another life lesson they need to learn.

Homegirl 50 · Aug 28, 2013, 10:09 AM

I agree Smoothy .They need to do counseling on how to deal with this blended family and he needs to stop telling her to leave.

talaniman · Aug 28, 2013, 10:11 AM

Leave, you have one foot out the door any way, and don't be lured from this solution because of the good times. It's evident that you need a space that you don't have to be worried about outside influences, or asked to leave from.

Leave him to reconcile with his own kids and solve their problem his way. I am willing to bet its his house you moved into. Am I correct? I mean its logical to assume that because he kicks YOU out, but have you ever asked him to leave? I doubt it.

Leave and get your act together after the emotional dust has settled. You don't have the skill, strength, or mind set to deal with HIS teen daughter. Hell her mama couldn't either.

natjosh · Aug 28, 2013, 12:14 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Leave, you have one foot out the door any way, and don't be lured from this solution because of the good times. It's evident that you need a space that you don't have to be worried about outside influences, or asked to leave from.

Leave him to reconcile with his own kids and solve their problem his way. I am willing to bet its his house you moved into. Am I correct? I mean its logical to assume that because he kicks YOU out, but have you ever asked him to leave? I doubt it.

Leave and get your act together after the emotional dust has settled. You don't have the skill, strength, or mind set to deal with HIS teen daughter. Hell her mama couldn't either.

I forgot who said it but someone said she prob don't like me because I'm always telling her what to and not to do but I HAVE TO! Me n my boyfriend agreed wer allowed to discipline the others kids. We discipline good and very fair and I HAVE TO TELL HER WHAT TO DO OR NOT DO or all hell will break loose! It's the attitude and responses we/i get back. Trust me I don't even yell. I rarely raise my voice unless one of them is really out of line ! Yes I think daughters attitude comes from being mad her mom can't handle them and she's jealous of me being with her dad. His kids hate a lot emotional issues due to the crappy their mother pulls. I've talked to them and am very sincere about that too.

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

This situation is totally out of control. The parents are acting like their out-of-control children. Or, more likely, the children are imitating their out-of-control parents.

Its not like me and my boyfriend argue all time around them. But they have heard sum things and the daughter remembers stuff she's heard her dad say and remembers the times he kicked me out so I think she tries at times to stir up in having hopes me and her dad start fighting and maybe he'll make me leave.. she's very jealous of me

Wondergirl · Aug 28, 2013, 12:20 PM

Originally Posted by natjosh

I forgot who said it but someone said she prob don't like me because I'm always telling her what to n not to do but i HAVE TO!

I'm the one. It's not what you say to her but HOW you say it! You have me mad at you just reading your responses in this thread. I can only imagine how SHE feels, dealing with you in person.

Originally Posted by natjosh

she's very jealous of me

Maybe, maybe not. (First "a lil bit," now "very"?)

I think there is a lot more to this discipline problem than her possible jealousy of you.

Homegirl 50 · Aug 28, 2013, 12:53 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Leave, you have one foot out the door any way, and don't be lured from this solution because of the good times. It's evident that you need a space that you don't have to be worried about outside influences, or asked to leave from.

Leave him to reconcile with his own kids and solve their problem his way. I am willing to bet its his house you moved into. Am I correct? I mean its logical to assume that because he kicks YOU out, but have you ever asked him to leave? I doubt it.

Leave and get your act together after the emotional dust has settled. You don't have the skill, strength, or mind set to deal with HIS teen daughter. Hell her mama couldn't either.

Oops! You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to talaniman again

N0help4u · Aug 28, 2013, 12:56 PM

Often step kids have a resentment toward the step mom that comes off as jealousy. You figure she had dad to herself and now you are taking moms place as well as some of dads share.

talaniman · Aug 28, 2013, 01:45 PM

It disturbs me greatly that you have been asked to leave multiple times, and that just does not compute with you never raising your voice. WHY does he ask YOU to leave during an argument as that seems drastic when one of you could just shut up.

I think the mistake was going back after the second time he kicked you out. I think he wants you out, so LEAVE!! Doesn't matter about the issues, or the situation at this point. Remove yourself from it.

Homegirl 50 · Aug 28, 2013, 01:50 PM

Don't go back even if he ask you back. He needs to take care of his kids and you yours.

natjosh · Aug 28, 2013, 05:30 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I'm the one. It's not what you say to her but HOW you say it! You have me mad at you just reading your responses in this thread. I can only imagine how SHE feels, dealing with you in person.

Maybe, maybe not. (First "a lil bit," now "very"?)

I think there is a lot more to this discipline problem than her possible jealousy of you.

Lol. I know its how you say things. And I don't tell her tto not do or tto do something in a mean nor condescending way. I even say please don't hang on the trampoline net they tear easily . And she gets mad.. not every single sec I'm correcting her but the times we do she flips out. Its not that I don't understand why she does it but we've sat her down together and separately and talked with her and she gets a lot of attention being only girl . We tell her we love her. However the issues with her mother bothers her and we don't know what to do because we can't change how their mother is.. and I'm not mean to them by far its just attitude she gives when told .

natjosh · Aug 29, 2013, 08:56 AM

Originally Posted by Oliver2011

I 100% agree. But whatelse is new?

And reg comment before about status with the kids, they fully understand my role .its not that that their confused about . They just don't like being told what to do. They get likely that like I said,, with their dad too but not as much . Of course I know its different for kids listening tp their parents as opposed to the girlfriend/boyfriend... I will comment on me adding to the chaos because your far off. Of course your going by things you heard in aa day which is very different from being around it and seeing it.. I'm actually the calm one that calms everyone down and it takes long time before I begin to actually YELL. Il raise my voice sum but to scream itt takes a while...

Cat1864 · Aug 29, 2013, 10:11 AM

Originally Posted by natjosh

And reg comment before about status with the kids ,, they fully understand my role .its not that that their confused about . they just don't like being told what to do. They get likely that like i said ,,,, with their dad too but not as much . of course i know its different for kids listening tp their parents as opposed to the girlfriend/boyfriend .... i will comment on me adding to the chaos because ur far off. of course your going by things u heard in aa day which is very different from being around it and seeing it.. I'm actually the calm one that calms everyone down and it takes long time before i begin to actually YELL. Il raise my voice sum but to scream itt takes a while ....

It's getting easier to reach the boiling point, isn't it? Be completely honest with yourself. The adults are as out of control as the daughter. You can try to be calm. But reading your descriptions of everyone's behavior, I think you are falling apart faster than you want to admit.

I think you need to suggest taking the child to a therapist/doctor. I think she needs to be screened for health issues. There may be reasons for her behavior that have been overlooked.

After reading your responses, I think you need to get your own place. If the relationship is going to survive, you need to start over from the beginning. This time building it on a foundation based on five children in the house instead one.

I do not know if the relationship can be saved. But I will say that if things continue as they are it will get worse.

Oliver2011 · Aug 29, 2013, 10:52 AM

Originally Posted by natjosh

And reg comment before about status with the kids ,, they fully understand my role .its not that that their confused about . they just don't like being told what to do. They get likely that like i said ,,,, with their dad too but not as much . of course i know its different for kids listening tp their parents as opposed to the girlfriend/boyfriend .... i will comment on me adding to the chaos because ur far off. of course your going by things u heard in aa day which is very different from being around it and seeing it.. I'm actually the calm one that calms everyone down and it takes long time before i begin to actually YELL. Il raise my voice sum but to scream itt takes a while ....

Sometimes in life we have to realize when something isn't working. And truly this isn't working, regardless of how many comments are made. So you need to change course and that would include learning positive discipline. If you aren't willing to make the effort then you are going to be dealing with this until they leave the home. And it will get worse.