Rereading the original post, I'd like to address a couple of things. First, Christianity is not now, and never has been, a rule system. Those "rules" are artificial constructs that various church groups have placed on people over the centuries, but they aren't really biblical. The key passage is Romans 14: everything is permissible, as long as conscience allows it and it doesn't screw up someone else's spiritual walk. If you're growing beyond those rules and starting to understand your freedom in Christ and how best to live within it, you're growing up.
As for your BF, have you talked with him about these feelings? Does he know about the previous relationship and what it did to you? They key to everything in a relationship is communication. I lost my wife of 30 years because we couldn't communicate. By God's grace I got her back and we talk now more openly and forthrightly than ever before. If you're not comfortable talking one on one with him about this, get a qualified third party, whether a counselor, or one of your pastors, someone like that. They should be able, not only to help you open up and tell the BF how you're feeling, but also help him hear and understand what you're saying and not misunderstand or panic. But trust me, even at the risk of losing him, you do NOT want to keep that stuff bottled up. Because when it eventually does reach the bursting point, it's a lot worse than if you let the pressure out a little at a time through talking and working on it together.
As far as him becoming a Christian, the best thing you can do is live it for him to see, to the best of your ability. When you fumble, and you will, we all do, find ways to communicate that, yeah, I blew that one, that's why I'm glad that God forgives. I'm trying to do better. Inviting him to church is fine, but he, like most non-believers, is going to be a lot more interested in how it's making your life better and making you a better person. That too is communication.
Hope this helps.
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