[Homegirl 50]

This lady sounds like a piece of work. You need to stop wallowing over her. The beginning of your short relationship was a big red flag. If you are going to kick yourself, do it for ignoring all the signs that showed she was trouble from the start.

[joypulv]

I'm finding this whole chat room flavor irritating. You got dumped and not even as horribly or after as long as most of us, yet you have written an encyclopedic sized memoir, and continue to add to it.

[Oliver2011]

Yeah what she said!

(Oops! You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to joypulv again.)

I tried to give you a greenie!

[smashb2003]

Obviously my problem is that I cannot get myself to see the things that I need to see. That I shouldn't be with someone like this, that I potentially dodged a bigger bullet later, that her patterns would've led to some form of destructive behavior in other ways if not this, etc.

I have "pockets" where I feel better and can move past, but I'm having a hard time coping with the fact that what I thought this person was, my life was and my future could be is gone and maybe I didn't focus my question down to be specific but it obviously would have to do with how to move on past this, how to focus on the negative, so that I can stop wanting to be with her.

I've been full no contact since she gave me my key back on Monday, I've been out next to every day, trying not to be at home at all because my mind races and I can't avoid social media or what feels like depression. I know the purpose of it is to improve myself with her out of my life more than it's supposed to be to get her to contact me, but I constantly look at my phone wondering why I haven't heard a peep, it's destructive and I may have overstepped my comfort level in this relationship forum with dealing like moments of weakness like that. The first thread I read was about the guy chasing his ex after they were engaged and she left the state, etc - so I guess I got the wrong impression for ways this forum could be used.

I'm finding this whole chat room flavor irritating. You got dumped and not even as horribly or after as long as most of us, yet you have written an encyclopedic sized memoir, and continue to add to it.

I understand that, but I don't understand if you didn't like the way I approached the thread (I'm new here obviously) why you don't just avoid it instead of just adding equally useless information to it? Comparing levels of pain or how horrible a dumping was seems really silly to me. I feel like I could argue the longer relationships had a chance to crop up with more problems, more opportunities were had to fix them (and weren't) and that signs are more present in relationships like that than figuring out shorter termed ones. I'm not comparing them though, just saying. I think it's the first time I've had a relationship end where I was at the tip of the mountain for how I felt with someone and our relationship and it came crashing down so fast and furious that I've handled it poorly in a series of ways (my memoir for example). I've had bad breakups before and been cheated on before, but it was much easier to step back for me on those and realize what I had done to lead to those things

[N0help4u]

You need to separate how you are looking at things. Don't take how she treated you on as your problem. See things for what they are, lesson learned and move on. She is the one that is messed up. Falling for her deceptive ways isn't your fault. Don't try to figure it out or make sense of it.
Stop beating yourself up!
Just pick yourself up and move on.

[talaniman]

You think too much! But writing is therapeutic, and physical activity is better.

[Homegirl 50]

I have "pockets" where I feel better and can move past, but I'm having a hard time coping with the fact that what I thought this person was, my life was and my future could be is gone and maybe I didn't focus my question down to be specific but it obviously would have to do with how to move on past this, how to focus on the negative, so that I can stop wanting to be with her.


You focus on the negative by remembering the stunts she has pulled, by remember these late night rides o your bike looking for her while she was out drinking and out with another guy. The girl played you. Think on that.

[N0help4u]

THE more I read the more I am sure its not so much he misses her but that he is puzzled how he could have allowed himself to fall for her

[smashb2003]

Broke NC last night. Talked to her in depth today. I felt like at the time I was getting some sort of closure really, but in reality after the fact I realize my satisfaction was purely because she was responsive to me (her new guy is out of town) for the first time since it happened. I left her with a message about not wanting to be with her, but still caring for her and hoping the best for her and hopefully one day she will wake up and be remorseful and realize what she's done, etc but until then I will at most be an ear for her for when she's falling, and that I knew she was falling but that it was no longer my problem

She told me she realized we weren't at the same level she wanted to be at and tried making it seem like she had been checked out for a while. We slept together the night before her first infedility and again days before that, her initiation. I realize she's starting to truly believe these things now, whether they're true or not and there's nothing I can do to get her to realize these things right now, only things to push her further away or down the hole she's in. so for both of our benefit I will not contact her again, hopefully. I will not ignore her attempt of contact should it ever come though.

Still heartbroken and she's on my mind all day and night but it feels so out of my hands I try to remind myself of that. Luckily my friends have kept me out until 4-6am the last two nights, but last night I slipped anyway, in front of them, but at least it led to today's dialogue.

[N0help4u]

You need to avoid her. As long as she knows she has you lingering in the back ground to fall back on she is not going to learn her lesson. Your being there enables her and she will not hit rock bottom to figure out what she is doing wrong. As far as closure, personally, I have always felt that that is nothing more than a false sense of feel good.

[talaniman]

What do you call a guy who bang his head against a brick wall and asked why he has a headache?

Start No Contact over from scratch and do better. Don't allow her to contact you either. That's false hope you can save her from herself.