[confusedlover84]

I am dating a guy for marriage , he seems sincere to me and my heart says he loves me . We met 20 days ago and I also started liking him. Everything was going great until he mentioned his past for which he repents .

1. He had 2 gfs in his past. Out of which he had physical relationships with one of them.

2. He had his good friend with whom he had physical relationship once.

He told me everything before we entered into new relationship and he says that he is guilty about his past, especially one related to his friend. He apologized for it as well.

He is ready to have no connection with any of his past people and his friend. In fact he already deleted them from Facebook and blocked from his phone list, for sake of my happiness.

I am feeling totally insecure about him, although he says he loves me and tell me not to quit the relationship.

I am confused whether I should marry him or not ? I feel very bad when I think about his past especially having physical relationship with his Friend.

Please suggest me!!

Thanks and Warm Regards
Confused Lover.

[Wondergirl]

His relationships before he met you have nothing to do with you. There is nothing to forgive.

You are planning to marry him (arranged marriage?) after 20 days? Your style of writing says you are Indian. Is that true?

[joypulv]

WHERE in the world could someone be upset about past relationships for the simple reason that they involved sex? And what's wrong with one of them being a friend? And WHY would one of you have to completely erase all records of those people? What exactly does he feel guilty about, or does he just feel this for your sake?

Please tell us where you live... and is religion or local custom involved?
I gather that you have had no sex and not even any boyfriends?

[confusedlover84]

His relationships before he met you have nothing to do with you. There is nothing to forgive.

You are planning to marry him (arranged marriage?) after 20 days? Your style of writing says you are Indian. Is that true?

Yess arranged marriage and yes I am an indian .

WHERE in the world could someone be upset about past relationships for the simple reason that they involved sex? And what's wrong with one of them being a friend? And WHY would one of you have to completely erase all records of those people? What exactly does he feel guilty about, or does he just feel this for your sake?

Please tell us where you live... and is religion or local custom involved?
I gather that you have had no sex and not even any boyfriends?

Yes I had no relationships in my past. He repent because he gone physical once with his Friend , which he should not. He is guilty about it and he apologized for it.
I live in India.

[confusedlover84]

His relationships before he met you have nothing to do with you. There is nothing to forgive.

You are planning to marry him (arranged marriage?) after 20 days? Your style of writing says you are Indian. Is that true?

And yess arranged marriage.

[Wondergirl]

Secret #1 for marriage -- don't ever make him feel guilty about past relationships and don't hold them against him. They happened before he knew and loved you.

[confusedlover84]

Yess arranged marriage and yes i am an indian .



Yes i had no relationships in my past. He repent because he had sex with a Friend for which he should not. He is guilty about it and he apologized fir it.
I live in India.

He is removing connections for my happiness.

[confusedlover84]

He is removing connections for my happiness.

And he thinks it is not good for their relationship to have connection with someone with whom he was having past relationships.

[Wondergirl]

and he thinks it is not good for their relationship to have connection with someone with whom he was having past relationships.

And you will never mention these relationships again to him, never throw them in his face in anger during an argument.

[confusedlover84]

Secret #1 for marriage -- don't ever make him feel guilty about past relationships and don't hold them against him. They happened before he knew and loved you.

He said he is trustworthy that is why he told me everything. He said he loves me , but I am unable to forget that he had physical relationship especially with a friend.

Should I forgive him for his past??

[Wondergirl]

Should i forgive him for his past ???

There is nothing to forgive. It has nothing to do with you. Tell him you have forgotten he ever told you anything. Then never mention it again.

[confusedlover84]

And you will never mention these relationships again to him, never throw them in his face in anger during an argument.

I already said NO to him... and after I said , he tried convincing me a lot for not quitting the relationship for his past. He said he will be loyal to me and he is trustworthy, for him only I exists and no one else. I am totally confused?? :( .

[talaniman]

How can you tell anything about a person in 20 days? At least he was honest. But in an arranged marriage you never know what you will get because its not your choice, and to the arranger he probably looked good on paper (nice family income social position).

I would be confused also, anyone would, after just 20 days of meeting some one for marriage. Stick with NO, until you are not confused.

[confusedlover84]

How can you tell anything about a person in 20 days? At least he was honest. But in an arranged marriage you never know what you will get because its not your choice, and to the arranger he probably looked good on paper (nice family income social position).

I would be confused also, anyone would, after just 20 days of meeting some one for marriage. Stick with NO, until you are not confused.

In India usually our parents are arrangers, and they give us 20-30 days to see for compatibility check and instincts watever you say it ( at least it is with my family, I should not generalize it to whole india) . I am confused because I am unable to decide whether I will be able to forget and forgive his past. I feel disgusting when I think of him with any other girl although she was in past. I feel like what special feelings were meant for me , that were already taken by some other girls. :(

There is nothing to forgive. It has nothing to do with you. Tell him you have forgotten he ever told you anything. Then never mention it again.

There is one more problem which I want to discuss with you.

I feel like ,the special feelings of being his wife which I thought were meant only for me , that is already taken by some other girls. :(

[joypulv]

Do you see that there is no logic to the question of his loyalty after marriage because he has not had any relationship in which he was unfaithful?
If he had dumped both women, and promised them marriage, and lifelong love, then he should feel guilty. But even in India there are more and more young people these days who have sexual relationships before marriage. The two women may have had sex with no expectations from him. Some go on to careers and never marry, or marry men who aren't expecting a virgin bride. How honest the relationships were is what matters.

[Cat1864]

There is one more problem which i wanna discuss with you.

I feel like ,the special feelings of being his wife which i thought were meant only for me , that is already taken by some other girls. :(

Confusedlover, I understand what you are saying. You feel like you have waited and did what was expected of you. One of the rewards was supposed to be a husband who did the same. Part of you feels cheated and betrayed.

I am not going to say your feelings are wrong because it was what you were raised to expect. It has been the tradition you have been expected to uphold. I am going to say that if this is the only thing you do not like about him, you can change your expectations. It is not lowering them or feeling like you settled for less than you deserve.

I am not of your culture, but my husband was a lot more experienced than I was when we got together. One way I have handled his past relationships is to know that they do not matter. He is not with those females. He is with me. Whatever they did together doesn't matter because everything we do together is the first time for us. Every touch, every kiss, every smile, every hug, etc. is a first time. The feelings we share are so much stronger than anything he felt for them and have withstood twenty-eight years of up and downs. In a lifetime, those women didn't even have a minute of his time. They didn't go through two pregnancies and raise two beautiful, intelligent and talented children with him. So, why should I give them another thought?

You can choose to let his past become a faded memory, you can choose to keep the memories alive and fresh in your minds or you can choose to tell your parents he is unacceptable.

If his past was not a factor, what would you want?

[confusedlover84]

In accordance to him...

He was sincere about both girls and he forgets their pasts . His intentions for them was good , but unfortunately first one dumped and second one cheated on him, so both relations did not work successfully. He said he is unfortunate that even being sincere with them, both cheated them. He is not guilty about his girlfriends.

He is guilty because once he gone physical with his friend and not girlfriend which he is saying that it is not in accordance to his conscious and character he possess and hence guilty and apologized. He told me all these things himself.

If his past was not a factor, what would you want?

Thanks for the good thoughts... Answering your question, if his past is eliminated , I really love this guy, he is best in everything. He treats me very well, he loves me a lot, he cares a lot, although saying this could be hasty , but yes in these 20 days I perceived all these things from his behavior and gestures.

For sure I know he has a beautiful heart and thinking.

[Wondergirl]

Thanks for the good thoughts..... Answering your question, if his past is eliminated , i really love this guy, he is best in everything. He treats me very well, he loves me a lot, he cares a lot, although saying this could be hasty , but yes in these 20 days i perceived all these things from his behavior and gestures.

For sure i know he has a beautiful heart and thinking.

And it sounds like he was treated badly by those other two women. He may have been naïve and shy and too willing to give his heart to someone who did not appreciate it.

[confusedlover84]

And it sounds like he was treated badly by those other two women. He may have been naive and shy and too willing to give his heart to someone who did not appreciate it.

Yess he was badly dumped and cheated by those women.

How can I forget that he had physical interaction with his friend , if she wuld hv been his girlfriend , I could have digested, but I am unable to digest this thing, is there any way, any medicine, video , writings... which can let me forget all these things.

[Wondergirl]

is there any way, any medicine, video , writings... which can let me forget all these things.

His love for you and his devotion to you will erase it.