[Caiphus]

Hi guys, I am 16 year old straight guy, and I have a question. I've been friends with this guy for one year and I keep on having strange dreams like me and him having sex, and he's straight, and he tells me every thing even his deepest secrets.

Just today he asked me when will I have sex with a girl, and I was speechless. Every time I see him I get so excited to see him and I get this sexual feeling when he touches me, or shakes my hand what should I do? I am so confused

[Fr_Chuck]

Most teens are confused and have issues knowing about their sexuality. If you want to have sex with only guys, then yes you may be gay, but at 16 most do not know what they are yet

[smkanand]

Wait till you get 18, you have to understand lot of things about yourself and others.

[ITHURTS0726]

Awww ツyes you are GAY sweetie &that's just FINEE! ♥just tell him how you feel he may feel the same!

[Cat1864]

So where does Kassie (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...te-742068.html ) fit into in your thoughts?

I agree that you are dealing with a lot of confusion about sexuality and it is a normal part of growing up. That said, you don't have to be 'gay' or 'straight'. Instead of being attracted to a specific gender, you may be more attracted to the person on the inside. Personality, confidence, sense of humor, etc. may mean more to you than male or female.

If your feelings about him are so powerful, then I suggest taking a step back and limiting the time you spend around him. This will give you space and time to determine if you really are attracted to him or if you are misreading the feelings. It can be very easy (especially at a young age) to confuse deep feelings of companionship and friendship for love and sexual attraction.

The dreams are your mind sorting through the clutter it picks up during the awake hours and trying to make sense of a jumbled up mess. It is like picking two or three pieces from a thousand piece jigsaw puzzle out of a bag. There is a slim chance they will fit together and an even slimmer one that they will be from the same part of the full picture.

As for his question about having sex with a female, simple answer: When I can afford to raise a child. At 16, enjoy being young and learning about relationships with friends and dating instead of whether the birth control failed or how to change a diaper.

[odinn7]

Awww ツyes you are GAY sweetie &that's just FINEE!! ♥just tell him how you feel he may feel the same!

So you know he is gay simply from the little bit that he wrote? You're real good at this then... so he's not bi, he's not just unsure... he's actually gay. Bravo to you.


To the OP... you may or may not be gay. What's the difference? You will figure it out in time. I pretty much agree with what Fr_Chuck wrote here... don't sweat it.

[joypulv]

You are the only person in the whole wide world who can answer this. I know gay guys who can't remember when they first realized they were gay, age 7 or 8 isn't uncommon. Others don't realize it until much later, usually because family and social pressures keep them from thinking about it too much or they suppress it. So sure, you might be gay, but you might be going through the normal high levels of testosterone that boys have, and if you aren't having sex, you are going to be thinking and dreaming about it. The fact that you have a close male friend could be bringing out your gayness or it could be he is the nearest person you like so far.
Try to realize that several hundred million teens are finding life very complicated, and this is just one part of it. I'm 66 and still sorting it out. People who have it figured out - I'm not so sure they aren't just shallow and clueless.
You could tell your friend about one dream and ask him what he thinks. You never know.
Dreams don't really mean much. I had a dream not long ago that my sister (who I love dearly) was trying to make me have sex with someone. Awful! It did bother me for a while but I'm not a believer in dreams having meaning. They are bits and pieces of your day, your week, years ago, the news, all jumbled together.

[ITHURTS0726]

Yes I can!! He 16 he isn't retarded! Ain't nothing wrong with him YOU ARE BORN GAY! You just don't wake up one morning and decide "hey I'm going be gay today "!! I don't think so!-_-

To the OP... you may or may not be gay. What's the difference? You will figure it out in time. I pretty much agree with what Fr_Chuck wrote here... don't sweat it.

[Alty]

Yes I can!!!!!!!! He 16 he isn't retarded!! Ain't nothing wrong with him YOU ARE BORN GAY!! you just don't wake up one morning and decide "hey I'm going be gay today "!!! I don't think so!-_-

I'm guessing you're younger than 16.

We all know that people don't choose their sexuality, so no need for the lecture. The thing is, growing up is a hard time, and many kids are confused about their sexuality. Feeling attraction to one member of the same sex when you're a child, doesn't make you gay.

Obviously the OP (original poster) doesn't know if he is or isn't, so how the heck can you be so sure? You can't.

The OP will figure it out, but at this time in his life one attraction doesn't mean that his sexual preference is set in stone. If he turns out to be gay, that's fine, but at this time I don't think he has to put a label on himself because of one attraction to one person.

Also note that when he wrote his post, he wrote "I am a straight guy". You're the only one that seems to be sure about his sexuality. How is that?

[odinn7]

Yes I can!!!!!!!! He 16 he isn't retarded!! Ain't nothing wrong with him YOU ARE BORN GAY!! you just don't wake up one morning and decide "hey I'm going be gay today "!!! I don't think so!-_-

Whew... You mad, bro?

And if you would learn reading comprehension, you would see that nowhere did I say there was anything wrong with him. You are the one jumping to conclusions and labeling him when he isn't even sure.

[Cat1864]

Yes I can!!!!!!!! He 16 he isn't retarded!! Ain't nothing wrong with him YOU ARE BORN GAY!! you just don't wake up one morning and decide "hey I'm going be gay today "!!! I don't think so!-_-

Sexuality is harder to define than saying a person is 'gay' or 'straight'. Many people do not fully conform to either label. Whether it is genetic programing, up-bringing or choices made, they are attracted to both the same and opposite sex.

If you read the op's other thread, you would find that he is also wanting to ask out a female friend.

Caiphus, there is a lot of life ahead of you and people will come and go. You may be attracted to some of them on a physical level and for others the attraction may be more emotional or mental. There will be the rare ones who will interest you on all levels. Be open to looking beyond labels and enjoy getting to know the individuals instead of the stereo-types. That includes yourself.

Life is a path of self-discovery and accepting yourself with or without labels.

[Oliver2011]

From one guy to another guy - please don't listen to ITHURTS0726. What he or she posted was very irresponsible. Listen to Cat or Odinn or me since I happen to be gay.

I've knew I was gay since I was younger than you are. You just know. Unfortunately or fortunately during your teen years, your mind gets filled with all kinds of thought. As Cat said - life is a path of self-discovery. As far as the labels go, being gay is just a small part of the person I am. You have what sounds like a very good friend and that is one of the best things to have in life. So smile and have fun with it.

[ITHURTS0726]

From one guy to another guy - please don't listen to ITHURTS0726. What he or she posted was very irresponsible. Listen to Cat or Odinn or me since I happen to be gay.

I've knew I was gay since I was younger than you are. You just know. Unfortunately or fortunately during your teen years, your mind gets filled with all kinds of thought. As Cat said - life is a path of self-discovery. As far as the labels go, being gay is just a small part of the person I am. You have what sounds like a very good friend and that is one of the best things to have in life. So smile and have fun with it.

And you knew since you was younger then him? Well that's the same difference as BORN GAY! y'all just Extra & Old!

[Alty]

and you knew since you was younger then him? Well that's the same difference as BORN GAY! y'all just Extra & Old!

Oliver is an individual, and he figured out his sexuality early on. Most people struggle with it for many years before they figure it out, and teens especially are more prone to experiment and be confused about their sexuality.

I say again, one attraction to a member of the same sex, does not mean you're gay. If anything, considering that the OP is also attracted to women, I'd say he's bi, but I'm not ready to even make that call, because he's only had one same sex attraction, and he's a kid! Kids change their minds like they change their clothes.

Again, what's with the "born gay" comment? We've all said that we agree that being gay isn't a choice, it's something you are, and you're born that way. That doesn't mean you automatically know that you're gay from the time you're born. Many people that are gay get married, have children, with a person of the opposite sex, before they figure things out, or are ready to come out. Oliver, maybe you could shed some light on that for this poster.

y'all just Extra & Old

Can you try to make sense of that last part?

Bottom line, you can't come here and say "yes you're gay" when the OP himself isn't even sure. You're labeling someone that's not ready to wear a label! If he is gay, that's fine, but he doesn't know, and there's no way that you can know before he does!

It's really not hard to understand why your post was very bad advice. I'm shocked that you're having such a hard time getting where you went wrong, and that you continue to fail at proving your misguided point.

Have you every heard the saying "It's better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt". You should heed that advice.

[odinn7]

and you knew since you was younger then him? Well thats the same difference as BORN GAY!! y'all just Extra & Old!

Oh well... with reasoning like that, that just solves the whole thing now, doesn't it...

[Alty]

Oh well....with reasoning like that, that just solves the whole thing now, doesn't it....

Yup, it solves everything. What we've said from the beginning is what she's trying to prove, and she's telling someone she's never met that she knows him better than he knows himself. Oh, and we're "extra & old" whatever that means.

Me thinks someone was holding the door the day brains were passed out. Just saying. And no, that's not an insult. She'd have to understand what it means for it to be an insult. ;)

[odinn7]

But you know... I do feel so extra lately... old too.

[Oliver2011]

and you knew since you was younger then him? Well thats the same difference as BORN GAY!! y'all just Extra & Old!

A bad post is a bad post. You don't have to slam people because you had a bad post.

If you are not gay you shouldn't be labeling others because honestly ignorance is not bliss in your case.

Several people on here have told you that your post was irresponsible. Why would you continue to defend it?