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Dinky123 · Mar 28, 2013, 10:55 PM

Okay, I've seen her at school before and what not but didn't think too much of it. This was like a year and half ago. I graduated and continued working, well she got a job about 6 months back at the same place I work but different areas but I never really talked to her and rarely see her so it wasn't a big deal. Well a few weeks ago, I decided to pursue her and lord and behold, she had a crush on me ever since at college. She knew the type of car I drove, when I was around and what not, her coworkers would tell her at work when I was coming if I came to that side of the work place. We hung out a few times, I slept over her apt once but no sex or anything just cuddled. I found out that she has a boyfriend and she has about a month in. I see her at work more now and I would give her a hug and what not and talk to her. Sometimes when we are alone she steals a kiss or two or sometimes when we hang after work on a few separate occasions, she would kiss and hold hands. I know for a fact she likes me but it bothers me that she has a boyfriend. She knows how I feel and where I stand. I backed off a bit because she has a boyfriend, but she continues to kiss me or hold my hand. I'm starting to fall for her. The only times I've seen her really is only work related and not outside except for the occasion I slept over. I don't know what to do. She has been having feeling for me for a while and I know she likes her boyfriend. I know it's too little too late since she has a boyfriend but I feel her actions with me say otherwise. The second time we kissed after I slept over later on that week, we kissed again but two days later we texted and she knows it isn't right that we kissed. So that's when I backed off, but she continues to kiss or hold my hand. What can I do? She says she wants to stay friends and get to know me, but deep down I want something more... I want to stay friends but I don't know, it's like when we are together it's a totally different vibe, I want options. I feel she is emotionally cheating of her boyfriend with me, please give advice

EjaHassan · Mar 28, 2013, 11:00 PM

Just say your feeling towards her! Just do it!

Alty · Mar 28, 2013, 11:06 PM

She's not emotionally cheating on her boyfriend, she's physically cheating on him.

She has to choose who she wants to be with, she can't have both of you. She's a cheater. What's to say she won't do the same thing to you if she dumps her boyfriend and you two start dating? She's shown how faithful she is, which is not at all.

Tell her to stop playing games, to pick a guy and stick with that guy, that you won't be a part of her games. You have a choice in this, she can't kiss you, and hang out with you, unless you allow it. By allowing it you're giving her a reason to continue. Tell her to leave you alone, you're not interested in a cheater.

Dinky123 · Mar 29, 2013, 02:05 PM

Originally Posted by EjaHassan

Just say your feeling towards her! Just do it!

I already did but it's like okay now what, I guess I know I need to give her space but I don't know what to do next, it be different if she didn't kiss me and what not

Dinky123 · Mar 29, 2013, 02:11 PM

Originally Posted by Alty

She's not emotionally cheating on her boyfriend, she's physically cheating on him.

She has to choose who she wants to be with, she can't have both of you. She's a cheater. What's to say she won't do the same thing to you if she dumps her boyfriend and you two start dating? She's shown how faithful she is, which is not at all.

Tell her to stop playing games, to pick a guy and stick with that guy, that you won't be a part of her games. You have a choice in this, she can't kiss you, and hang out with you, unless you allow it. By allowing it you're giving her a reason to continue. Tell her to leave you alone, you're not interested in a cheater.

I guess your right, maybe I do need to put some boundaries but for myself. Your right she has shown how faithful she is even though she has said and pointed out the time we kissed was wrong. Now what? Tell her to choose? Can I still see her? Friendship? I guess I'm having trouble understanding how she has liked me for so long and does not act on it, maybe wrong timing that she just started a relationship but I don't know. Her actions tell me one thing. I also don't want to really ruin the vibe or mood, or is it necessary? I still want to keep a friendship

Alty · Mar 29, 2013, 02:27 PM

Originally Posted by Dinky123

I guess your right, maybe I do need to put some boundaries but for myself. Your right she has shown how faithful she is even though she has said and pointed out the time we kissed was wrong. Now what? Tell her to choose? Can I still see her? Friendship? I guess I'm having trouble understanding how she has liked me for so long and does not act on it, maybe wrong timing that she just started a relationship but idk. Her actions tell me one thing. I also don't want to really ruin the vibe or mood, or is it necessary? I still want to keep a friendship

You tried friendship, and she kept making physical contact. Apologizing for it doesn't mean anything since she doesn't seem to learn from her mistakes. If you do something wrong once and feel bad, apologize, most people don't make the same mistake a second time. Those that do, really aren't sorry about it.

She's playing both you and the boyfriend. She's made it clear that she doesn't want you enough to dump the boyfriend and be with you. If she really wanted to be with you, it's a no brainer, dump the boyfriend and be with the guy you want to be with. She's not doing that, and her actions should leave very little confusion on your part.

I don't think you can be friends with this girl, she won't let you.

Of course it's your choice, but the fact that you're so conflicted over what she's doing, would dictate that a friendship is not a good idea at this time.

Why waste your time on a girl like this? She's made her choice. She wants to date the boyfriend, but she wants to fool around with you. Don't you want to be the first choice? Why settle for sloppy seconds?

Alty · Mar 29, 2013, 03:17 PM

If you spend too long holding on to the one that treats you like an option, you'll miss finding the one that treats you like a priority.

Dinky123 · Mar 29, 2013, 05:32 PM

Originally Posted by Alty

You tried friendship, and she kept making physical contact. Apologizing for it doesn't mean anything since she doesn't seem to learn from her mistakes. If you do something wrong once and feel bad, apologize, most people don't make the same mistake a second time. Those that do, really aren't sorry about it.

She's playing both you and the boyfriend. She's made it clear that she doesn't want you enough to dump the boyfriend and be with you. If she really wanted to be with you, it's a no brainer, dump the bf and be with the guy you want to be with. She's not doing that, and her actions should leave very little confusion on your part.

I don't think you can be friends with this girl, she won't let you.

Of course it's your choice, but the fact that you're so conflicted over what she's doing, would dictate that a friendship is not a good idea at this time.

Why waste your time on a girl like this? She's made her choice. She wants to date the bf, but she wants to fool around with you. Don't you want to be the first choice? Why settle for sloppy seconds?

Yeah your def right, I shouldn't settle for sloppy seconds. Should I talk to her and give her an ultimatum or should I talk her and see what's up? Or should I just let things go and let it take it's course? Yeah she made it clear that she wants to be with her boyfriend, but I still wonder what are her motives, I don't know maybe it's just me wanting more,

Alty · Mar 29, 2013, 05:51 PM

Originally Posted by Dinky123

Yeah your def right, I shouldn't settle for sloppy seconds. Should I talk to her and give her an ultimatum or should I talk her and see what's up? Or should I just let things go and let it take it's course? yeah she made it clear that she wants to be with her bf, but I still wonder what are her motives, idk maybe it's just me wanting more,

Tell her that you are going no contact, that if she wants to be kissed she should go home to her boyfriend, that's what boyfriends are for, and you're tired of being her option, you deserve to be a priority.

You don't need to know her motives. She's a cheater, she's a player, and right now you're her play thing. So stop letting her use you. Don't you deserve someone that wants to be with you and only you? I

Dinky123 · Mar 29, 2013, 07:29 PM

Originally Posted by Alty

Tell her that you are going no contact, that if she wants to be kissed she should go home to her boyfriend, that's what boyfriends are for, and you're tired of being her option, you deserve to be a priority.

You don't need to know her motives. She's a cheater, she's a player, and right now you're her play thing. So stop letting her use you. Don't you deserve someone that wants to be with you and only you? I

Lol yeah your def right. I agree! Maybe it was just me wanting more. I don't know if I can cut off complete contact I do see her maybe not everyday but here work related, but I do deserve more and can't let this go any longer, if she wants to be with me, she would break up with him, if not, well it is what it is