[Countrygrl13]

Where both 21 and he would rather jack off then have sexy. He always says he's tired and I ask him if he jacked off today he says yes. Then I say how rnt u tired for that and the worst part is he jacks off in the bathroom when I'm in the house... I try to touch him and offer oral sex but he would rather jack off... It's been almost 2 years I can't take it I cry because I feel useless and ugly like I'm not good enough.

[Wondergirl]

How often do the two of you have sex?

[Countrygrl13]

Also I'm a very sexual person and we sleep together every night and he still doesn't want to have sex I don't know what to do... I'm into a lot of sexual things so its never boring sex when we do have it I just don't know how to approach it cause when I do he freaks out and starts yelling at me like its my fault

[Countrygrl13]

How often do the two of you have sex?

We have sex like once a week if that

[Wondergirl]

And how is the sex when you two have it? Does it make you smile and sigh with happiness?

[Countrygrl13]

And how is the sex when you two have it? Does it make you smile and sigh with happiness?

Yes it's really good but its frustrating that he turns me down

[Wondergirl]

Yes it's really good but its frustrating that he turns me down

Now, let's think about this. Would you rather put on your makeup with him helping you, or would you rather do it alone, your way?

[Countrygrl13]

Yeah but I masterbaute and I still want to have sex...

[Wondergirl]

Have you ever asked him calmly and not during sex, why alone?

[Countrygrl13]

Yes and he doesn't have an answer he just walks away

[Wondergirl]

Yes and he doesn't have an answer he just walks away

Do you mention this often and plead with him?

[dontknownuthin]

He's your boyfriend, not your husband. The point of having boyfriends or girlfriends is to try being with people to see if we are compatible and if they are the person we want to marry. You are not sexually compatible and now it is not only creating a sexual problem, but also an emotional problem because his lack of sexual interest in you is causing you to start second guessing your own attractiveness.

You've talked to him avout the problem, how you feel and he hasn't changed. So, I think it's time to move on from the relationship. Believe me, there are plenty of good men who would love to have sex with you as often as you want it. It sounds like you have no objection to masturbation, just not instead of sex together. It also sounds like you would preffer that if he's going to masturbate - you would like him to have the courtesy of doing it more privately so you do not have to be an audience to it. That's reasonable but he's not respecting your wishes or feelings. So, yeah - I'd break up with him. He is not the right partner for you.

[Cat1864]

He has told you he is tired. That is a valid reason for not wanting intercourse or sexual contact. Masturbation has nothing to do with it other than it takes less energy and means he doesn't have to worry about his partner's needs.

Take a step back and look at the issue as objectively as you can. Understand that exhaustion, stress, concern, pressure, etc. are all libido limiters. Pressure to have sex can also become a libido killer.

Why is he tired? What is his day/week like? Does he work, go to school, spend any time with friends relaxing and venting so he isn't holding in his stress or taking it out on you?

How often are you trying to get him to have sex or sexual contact? Are you putting pressure on him to have sex when he doesn't feel like it?

Do you instigate non-sexual contact or other shows of affection? Cuddling to watch a movie, holding hands, and a quick kiss on the cheek are a few examples. Does he?

Look at the timing of when you try to instigate sex. Are you choosing times when you know he is tired such as just getting home from work or at bedtime when he is preparing to go to sleep?

Sit down and talk with each other. Talk with him about experimenting and exploring different ways to compromise such as discussing the idea of trying to have sex at different times than you have been. Listen to him if he says he is too tired during the week and look at non-sexual ways to show affection. Then on the weekend see if he is more open to sex. But most of all make certain neither of you is feeling pressured to have sex. That means make certain you aren't substituting physical contact for emotional and/or mental bonding.

[Fr_Chuck]

I would say there are other more serious issues, if he is not willing to go to counseling, you need to move on and forget this relationship