[gianele]

Hello,

I hope all are well and ones in relationships have found better ones then I.

Just recently I told my boyfriend I need some time to myself to think things over. We had a long discussion about our relationship and I asked him if he would not mind coming with me to visit my parents every week or two for half hour. Literally just pop in, have a coffee and leave. I did so because my parents would like to get to know him better and welcome him further into the family.

My boyfriend did not take that to well, he started saying he only wants to go when he wants and if I make a schedule of it he will be forced. He's happy every couple of months yadda yadda...

On his side he has very little family and the 7 months I was with him I only visited a handful of his family and friends. He tells me he only wants me and I should see a counselor so I can distance myself from my family and I should be all he needs.

I am immensely hurt, and through this separation we have I am realizing it feels as if he wants to control my life and suck me into his world of video games and seclusion. Maybe I am answering my own questions here, however I don't think I am wrong.

Has anyone else been through this unnecessary aggravation?

Confused...

[Fr_Chuck]

Dump him and move on, he is not willing to plan and do things properly, he is a loser and you can do better

[Oliver2011]

Agree. I was on the boyfriend's side until "He tells me he only wants me and I should see a counselor so I can distance myself from my family and I should be all he needs." That is troubling. Time to move forward with your life and find a new one.

[ANGIE4124]

I can understand your boyfriends thinking up to a point. You're both young? Some boys/men are more independent from their families compared to us women who keep their family ties strong… I accept the whole idea of meeting the parents over a cuppa…

From experience; but in reverse, my partner and I would visit 'HIS parents every 2 weeks' with a 2 night week-end sleep over, by going out for dinner and seeing a show. It was a novelty at first and we got to know each other. After a while it became exhausting and expensive. I could see a pattern, with us living their retired lifestyle and my partner never venturing to make a date with me. Hence in short; I suggested we spend our dates together privately, with the occasional day visit, unless he wanted a relationship with his parents!

Although your boyfriend in his own inept clumsy way is saying; he wants only you etc… It certainly is an eye opener to potential problems… Is he controlling and insecure in other areas of your relationship? Other than Video Games what else is he offering for a life happily ever after?

After 7 months of dating you should have a clear picture of his character and not feel confused; you are right! Although next time, I still wouldn't have the; “visit my parents every week or two” that's a bit too much even for the best of us with good intensions! :)

Hope this has been helpful?

[gianele]

Hello All...

Thank you for your replies, I guess I also must add that I come from a traditional family with European roots, including connections still with the "mother land" haha

I am not a "momma's girl" or anything, I make my own decisions in life and am independent in many ways including living on my own with moderate successes. However when I got involved with my boyfriend I had informed him that I have a close family, and he informed me he did not have a problem with it. Therefore I continued with the relationship.

Everyone is right, I must move on and I am. However the key lesson I have learned is that I should find someone with the same European belief that I have. Which is hard to do in North America; because we are a population of many. I thought my Ex over time would be able to understand, however that did not come to pass. All I felt from him was hostility for asking him to sacrifice half hour every week or two(which is not much to ask especially when living in the same city).

I guess everyone comes from different backgrounds and that is cool, some feel family should be distant; however I feel parents, siblings, aunts/unlces, grandparents, cousins etc. make up the fiber of who we really are and should be respected. Just how I respect someone else's, either of a friend or a significant other.

Thank you all again :)

[joypulv]

He isn't here to say his view of this, so we have to go by how you interpret what he said.
He has a right to refuse to go to your parents' once a week or two. You have mentioned that twice now, and the second time you say he was hostile. We don't know if you have been asking him 2 or 3 times, or 15 or 20 times. We don't know if your hope (expectation?) of 'sacrifice' in relationships is a requirement of yours or not. Couples do have to compromise and negotiate (usually) to endure, and it sounds like he isn't willing, so there you stand: take it or leave it. And you plan to leave it as unacceptable.

I am wondering a bit if his off-putting remark about counseling is being presented in a way that it wasn't meant by him, if you were doing a lot of pleading and nagging and couldn't let it drop.
But it doesn't matter, because this is about you, and you presented it that way. So in a sense you have written your own answer to your question.

[gianele]

Hello Juypulv,

Granted he is not here, so yes I understand that. Also of course he has a right to refuse, however out of respect to any significant other humble requests which I have made should not be a problem.

In regards to how many times I asked the question, once; and an invite was politely extended many many times previously with refusal or an excuse. Most of the time I would find him sleeping when I returned.

Pleading and nagging... haha... no. Yes I have my answer, thank you wall, thank you board.