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njl0520 · Dec 20, 2012, 08:47 AM

I am convinced, because I have been without my ex for 10 plus years, that I am living the wrong life and my question is what to do now..

Wondergirl · Dec 20, 2012, 08:50 AM

Tell us more about this about "wrong life" and what has been going on with you for ten years.

njl0520 · Dec 20, 2012, 09:07 AM

Wrong life meaning that I never really was interested in other girls and I told her this but she left anyway... We were together for about 2-3 years and I was being a head to her for sometime and said some stupid... Like she should find a dude with money... and she f-ing did... wt... Since she left I have been working still but I am totally distracted because I feel absolutely terrible about the past..

I have been working since then, about 10 years and it has been hard, distracting to say the least... I feel terrible about what was said and done and still feel like I cannot make the effort to try and move to another relationship because I didn't feel and still don't feel like I ever want to or wanted to connect with someone else...

Wondergirl · Dec 20, 2012, 09:38 AM

You realize you are stuck, right? She has gone on into life and relationships, and you are sitting there spinning your wheels. As Dr. Phil would say, How's that working for you?

Do you want to do something to change that?

njl0520 · Dec 20, 2012, 09:49 AM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

You realize you are stuck, right? She has gone on into life and relationships, and you are sitting there spinning your wheels. As Dr. Phil would say, How's that working for you?

Do you want to do something to change that?

I have really tried to change my actions, do things just because I never did them and didn't know what the result would be. I have been on every social site there is.. Every dating site, I go to church group stuff sometimes, I go to social meetup stuff sometimes, this is not at all interesting to me and I sort of give up on trying to relate anymore because it is just not worth it... I am not sure what the point is anymore trying to socialize with a group and be part of a group. I never had many friends even in college. Maybe there is something I haven't tried yet though..

Wondergirl · Dec 20, 2012, 09:56 AM

Name three things you like to do.

njl0520 · Dec 20, 2012, 10:14 AM

Drive my car.
Sleep.
Make money.

Wondergirl · Dec 20, 2012, 10:21 AM

How do you make money?

njl0520 · Dec 20, 2012, 10:38 AM

I go to work everyday thinking about my girlfriend who is now with some other dude...

odinn7 · Dec 20, 2012, 10:47 AM

It's been 10 years... let it go already. You're not helping yourself by dwelling on it.

Wondergirl · Dec 20, 2012, 10:52 AM

Have you considered having a few sessions with a counselor to learn ways to let go of her?

njl0520 · Dec 20, 2012, 10:56 AM

Yeah, been there done that crap... I guess it did not work, I am going to stop the chat before I get myself into trouble. Thanks to everyone's comments and concerns. Bye.

odinn7 · Dec 20, 2012, 10:58 AM

Apparently you wanted some sort of magic solution to this... there is none. You just have to deal with it but the fact that you can't, even after 10 years now, means you have a problem. WG suggested counseling and that is probably the best answer here.

Wondergirl · Dec 20, 2012, 10:58 AM

Originally Posted by njl0520

Yeah, been there done that crap... I guess it did not work, I am gonna stop the chat before I get myself into trouble. Thanks to everyone's comments and concerns. Bye.

No trouble would come from me. Maybe now it's time to stay here and keep exploring? Maybe that's why you can't get past this--you cut and run when the chips are down and someone gets too close to home and to what you don't want to hear?

Originally Posted by njl0520

Yeah, been there done that crap... I guess it did not work, I am gonna stop the chat before I get myself into trouble. Thanks to everyone's comments and concerns. Bye.

You call it "crap." How long did you meet with someone and what were the sessions like? What was being worked on?

njl0520 · Dec 20, 2012, 11:26 AM

Dear Wonder -
You make it sound like I have not told you everything and I am avoiding subjects. I can tell you now, that I do not know how to press a relationship anymore. The only women that I am attracted to are on a dating/social site somewhere, that require monthly fees and email banter. Do you think that I have issues that need a counselor to lull over? I can tell you I am frustrated and I am losing interest in woman... I like them but I am getting older and having a hard time relating to woman I actually get a chance to meet and actually am attracted to...

Wondergirl · Dec 20, 2012, 11:37 AM

Stop concentrating on meeting women. Instead, meet people. Volunteer somewhere (hospital, animal shelter, library) and throw your heart and soul into learning new tasks and getting acquainted with old/young/poor/rich/disabled/whoever. Join a writers' group at your library or start one yourself (the librarians will probably welcome you with open arms -- I will give you pointers on how to start one). Join a book discussion group or start one for guys your age. Read to a bedbound resident at a nursing home. There are so many ways to get yourself "out there."