Check out some similar questions!

shannie doucet · Dec 12, 2012, 08:22 AM

Hi, I'm going to start with saying my english is verry bad but I didn't find any french sites for this...
My son is 11 months 1\2.
His biological father abandones him 7 months ago.
He has never ask how my son is doing
If he can see him
If he needs anything...
But he clams on Facebook that he misses my son and he want to see him.. he is the type of person who needs a lot of pity so I am not sure if he really means thoes things.. but on my side I can say he never askd for any visitation in 7 months...
When my son was bareley 2 weeks old his biological father was giving him the bottle and when it was time to burp he was taking to long and he shaked him .
Another time he was doing something the wrong way and I just told him your not doing this right and he throu me my baby... he said here you do it.
Again at 2 weeks old he left for the first time.. I told him its eather you start helping out with our son or you leave.. he told me verry clearely in these exact words (in french) I rather pay child suport then take care of that kid. (not our baby but THAT kid... )

One other time he was changing my son diapper(it was the verry last time he did)
My son was crying.. witch is verry normal for him to cry when his biological father was changing him because he had a hard time.
So this time I though I'm going to go sneak peek on him to see how he's doing.. and turns out what I saw with my own eyes was him playing with my sons penis!
I did go to the cops but they can't do anything since I wated to long to report him and of cours my son is 11 months now he can't say oh yes police officer he did it.. he obviously canot talk yet at 11 months old... so he's getting away with child abuse.. I did give child protection a cll and explane everything but they can't do anything because they can't interview my son...
I do have full custody
But that is only because he did not ask for any rights of visitation.. if one day he want them my loyer said he will probably have them... I live in canada new-brunswick. Can anyone tell what I can do about this please? What are the laws on child abuse child abandonement etc in my country.
I canot live like this any longer... going to bed everynights and crying because I am scarad one day he may have contact with him...
All I want is my son to be happy and healthy . To know he will be neglected breaks my heart... for now the police did tell me to keep him away from my son.. but I canot get a court order for that since he's the biological father.. the pollice officer basically told me a father is aloud to abuse his child. As a child abuse victim myself I will not allow for my son to be treated that way!
So now what can I do as a mom who adores her baby boy more then anything in the world.. what can I do to make sure he is in safe arms :( I need help. I despreatly NEED help.

JudyKayTee · Dec 12, 2012, 08:51 AM

You must have misunderstood the Police. It is totally untrue that it is acceptable or legal for a biological parent to abuse a child or, for that matter, for anyone to abuse a child.

It is also untrue that charges cannot be filed if the child is too young to discuss the abuse - absolutely incorrect. Either the Police are wrong or you misunderstood.

How long ago did these events happen?

You need to keep your child safe. That might involve a free legal clinic; going to Court and asking for a protective order; going back to the Police.

ScottGem · Dec 12, 2012, 09:11 AM

I suspect what happened here is the police felt this was a he said/she said thing and that you were trying to find reason to keep your son from his father. And they didn't feel there was enough evidence to successfully prosecute.

However, since a police report was made, if the father does ask for visitation you can probably get it as supervised.

Until he asks for visitation its unlikely you can do anything.

shannie doucet · Dec 12, 2012, 10:48 AM

I might have misunderstood but the police told me there is nothing we can do since this evend happends to long ago(end of may begening of june) and I went to the police to report it in October. I know I should have gone before, but I was thinking well his "father" is not trying to see him at the moment why bring this up and take the chances for him to say well I want to see him.
The police did not even interview him... I asked for a "peacebone" for my son and his "father" for that reason for the abuse, he said we canot do this because he's his father.police also said since I already have full custody there's nothing they can do. If he would have visitations at the moment it might be different.. but why wait until he has thoes visitation and wait for my son to be old enough and say mommy daddy touches me or he hits me.. like am I just to concerned about my baby or is it normal for a child to be treated as an object like this!
The police that was interviewing me told me the only thing I can do is call 911 if ever he aproaches my son.. but there is no case on this so once the cops shows if I need to call 911.. what are they going to do? I don't have the proof I have to call 911 if he comes near my son.. nothing was sing or anything..
There must be something I can do to make it illigual for him to be near my son... there has to be something.. I'm just still waiting for someone to tell me what it is I can do...
Its impossible that there is nothing els that can be done! It breaks my heart that he is free to abuse any other child..

ScottGem · Dec 12, 2012, 11:04 AM

I'm sorry, but the fact that you waited several months to report it ensured that it couldn't be prosecuted. So the police basically gave you the same advice I did. There is nothing you can do until and unless he goes to court for visitation.

You really have no proof he has ever done this with another child, you may even have misinterpreted what you saw. You apparently were not so outraged at this that you didn't do anything immediately. Frankly, I suspect that you have been building this up in your mind over time so your recollection of the end may be biased.

Really there is nothing that can be done. The father has rights too. He has rights against being falsely accused. This is not a one sided thing.

shannie doucet · Dec 12, 2012, 12:56 PM

Wow. I'm actually speech less to see you would think I made this up...
I was abused for years as a child.
The police never did anything for it.
The police obviously doesn't care about children's being abuse..
Witch is why they didn't even ask his father about it.
They seriously don't care.

shannie doucet · Dec 12, 2012, 12:56 PM

Mabey where your from its illegual to abuse a child but here it seems to be totally legal from what I have experience with myself and from my son!

ScottGem · Dec 12, 2012, 01:08 PM

Excuse me, but I never said that I thought you made it up. But there are people who might think you did.

And no, I don't believe where you are that it is not illegal to abuse a child. But I do not see enough evidence to brand the father as a child abuser. I believe in the doctrine of innocent until proven guilty. And I just don't see enough hard evidence that would get him convicted in a court. In fact, I don't' see enough evidence for a prosecutor to even order an arrest, let alone have a trial.

I understand how upset you are and I would be upset as well, if I were in your shoes. But this is a law forum and your answers are going to conform to what the law actually is not what you think is right or legal. I'm sorry if this is not what you want to hear, but you have to deal with the reality.

shannie doucet · Dec 12, 2012, 01:25 PM

I know I don't have enough evidence to prov if to anyone. But I know what I saw.. thing is I understand I canot make others seen what I have..
I know what I saw that day...
I understand I have to deal with the reality.. but it is heart breaking for me to know there's a possibility that he might be in contact with my son again...
My current boyfriend and I are talking about adopting him together. But never will the biological father sing his rights away even if its bend this long he hasent seen my son..

ScottGem · Dec 12, 2012, 01:56 PM

Once you marry you can try for an adoption. If the father has not tried to visit in all that time, the courts may grant the adoption. They won't terminate the father's rights unless there is someone ready to take his place.

shannie doucet · Dec 12, 2012, 02:18 PM

I know I have to be maried. My loyer explaned to me it will not be done over night and there are a lot of steps to do but it is one of my options.
But for now I am looking for other options. Since I do not believe in marriage but if its what it takes.. I might have to give it a try.. id do anything and everything for my baby boy to be happy and healthy :)

JudyKayTee · Dec 12, 2012, 03:22 PM

You have a Lawyer and he/she hasn't talked to you about the abuse? You asked if it's legal for a biological father to abuse a child in New Brunswick, Canada. It is not. Children's Rights: Canada | Law Library of Congress

Your child was abused in May - shaken, as I recall - and you went to the Police five months later, in October? Did you take the child to a Pediatrician and discuss the abuse with him/her?

If your child was abused and you did not immediately report it the Police are PROBABLY doubting you and saying it's too late to bring charges now.

shannie doucet · Dec 12, 2012, 03:52 PM

Yes me and my loyer talked about the abuse but I have full custody at the moment.. he told me what els do I want?. I told him for my son to be away from his "father" that a juge dessides he's not alloud to be near.. and he said since I have full custody we just have to wait until he desides to have visitation then mabey something will be done... but I don't accept that as an answer.. I need to be sure that never he will be left alone with my son!
I called "protection de lenfance" its with social workers I asked to have there services in case he ever has the right to be near my son and they canot do anything since I'm not a bad mom. I didn't quite understand that part because I didn't need there service about me... it was for his father.. but anyouaise... all I am asking for if is there a law that can make him not be near my son again... something legual ! Not just well call 911 if he approaches.

shannie doucet · Dec 12, 2012, 03:54 PM

Forgot to mention yes he was evaluated by a doctor after the insident of being shaken.

shannie doucet · Dec 12, 2012, 03:55 PM

But this is getting nowhere.. I wrotte this so someone can tell me what I can do.. if there is something that can be done.. or if I will have to live with the fact that one day my son will be neglected and there is sweet nothing that can be done about it!!

ScottGem · Dec 12, 2012, 04:27 PM

Originally Posted by shannie doucet

but this is getting nowhere.. i wrotte this so someone can tell me what i can do.. if there is something that can be done.. or if i will have to live with the fact that one day my son will be neglected and there is sweet nothing that can be done about it!!!!

Your lawyer has told you the same thing we have told you. If and when the father tries to see your son, THEN you can deal with it. Then you can talk about the incident and ask that he get only supervised visitation, if any. Until then, you have full custody so you can prevent him from seeing your son.

There is nothing else you can do except to try for a step parent adoption after you marry.

JudyKayTee · Dec 13, 2012, 08:54 AM

"We" gave you the info and posted the law. You don't want to hear it.

Did you read the law I posted?

You are asking questions based on incorrect info about child abuse. I realize you are not in the US, but "here" a Physician is mandated to report abuse. I'm surprised you told a
Physician about the abuse and brought the child for examination, and it was not reported.

Anyway, you have the info.

shannie doucet · Dec 14, 2012, 04:56 PM

I did not tell the doctor about the abuse because he was shaken at about 1 week old and he was abused several months later. So obviously I count of have told her if it didn't even happened yet!

shannie doucet · Dec 14, 2012, 04:57 PM

And no I did not read the link you sended me I tried but count find where it said anything about child abuse.

ScottGem · Dec 14, 2012, 05:59 PM

Ok, did you really want help? Every piece of advice (good advice) that we have tried to give has met with argument.

You've been told by both us and your lawyer that there is nothing you can do until and unless he applies for visitation rights. If you have had a problem getting him prosecuted for child abuse it is not because of the lack of laws or even caring in your area, but because you didn't act properly and in a timely manner.