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momma5 · Nov 7, 2012, 02:06 PM

I have a 6 year old (step) daughter. She knows only me as mom . Since school started we have had a number of problems. I had a teacher conference in October and they confirmed my worries. Shed been lying and causing issues at home for approximately 8 months at this point. Well at the p/t meeting we found out sheer was doing the same things there as well. We gave her multiple warnings (taking away privileges , grounding , etc) hoping she come around to see that she was doing wrong... Well a month later its gotten much worse. Both at home and school. Any ideas on what to do? The teachers aren't sure what actions to take and neither do we as parents...

tickle · Nov 7, 2012, 02:13 PM

How is she acting out? Explaining this would probably give us a better idea on how to answer your question.

Wondergirl · Nov 7, 2012, 02:13 PM

Maybe try it from the opposite tack -- praise her whenever she does something well or something you are happy with -- and be sure to set up opportunities for her, as in her helping around the house or your observing her while she plays with her toys or dolls.

Right now it's all a negative environment, negative vibes all over the place.

momma5 · Nov 7, 2012, 03:45 PM

We've tried everything. We've talked with a counselour over this thinking maybe it had to do with my custody dispute between me n my ex over my 2 biological daughters but thisthis has thanbeen going on longer than that . She goes between me n her dad ( shell ask me something but if she doesn't get the answer she wants shell go ask him then acts surprised when we catch her) she does the same thing at school with her teachers. She also lies about things and her schooling has gotten so bad they're already discussing summer school for her to redo her first semester of first grade.

tickle · Nov 7, 2012, 04:50 PM

Sorry I don't understand why she is doing this. There has to be some sort of underlying situation in the home, some home where she has been, something she has seen, something she has been told.

You have to sit down with her, ask her, talk to her to find out the reason for this biligerence. Take her to a child counsellor, but there is an underlying cause. When you get to that, then you have half the problem solved.

momma5 · Nov 7, 2012, 05:21 PM

That's where were at now. We've sat her down n talked with her multiple times n she will "straighten up" for a day but it never lasts

teacherjenn4 · Nov 7, 2012, 09:11 PM

Originally Posted by momma5

Thats where were at now. We've sat her down n talked with her multiple times n she will "straighten up" for a day but it never lasts

You definitely need a conference between all of you and the teacher. Everything needs to be taken away at school--- recess, library, computer time, etc. until these behaviors are corrected. There are many ways to chart behaviors in short time increments so you can see exactly when they occur and what the circumstances were. Have any learning disabilities been ruled out?

J_9 · Nov 7, 2012, 10:17 PM

praise her whenever she does something well or something you are happy with

I'm sorry WG, I don't agree with this. I've just been through something similar with Little J and it backfired tremendously. With Little J it was because his big sister left home for college and he was trying to compensate, for lack of a better word.

You definitely need a conference between all of you and the teacher. Everything needs to be taken away at school--- recess, library, computer time, etc. until these behaviors are corrected. There are many ways to chart behaviors in short time increments so you can see exactly when they occur and what the circumstances were. Have any learning disabilities been ruled out?

I totally agree with TJ here. When you have that conference, make sure the child is there as well.

You said that you gave her "multiple warnings," have you followed through? Follow through with warnings is extremely important at this age.

teacherjenn4 · Nov 7, 2012, 10:20 PM

Originally Posted by J_9

I'm sorry WG, I don't agree with this. I've just been through something similar with Little J and it backfired tremendously. With Little J it was because his big sister left home for college and he was trying to compensate, for lack of a better word.

I totally agree with TJ here. When you have that conference, make sure the child is there as well.

You said that you gave her "multiple warnings," have you followed through? Follow through with warnings is extremely important at this age.

I just did a conference today with a parent and her little terror. Just seeing mom and I together helped today. Also, I told her to pop in here and there so she can see what I see. I also had her seek the advice of a therapist, if she could afford it.

Wondergirl · Nov 7, 2012, 10:25 PM

Originally Posted by J_9

I'm sorry WG, I don't agree with this.

You will notice I said this before more info was provided. And I said "maybe try this."

J_9 · Nov 7, 2012, 10:26 PM

I have been known to sit a folding chair in the back of the room to just sit and watch. Worked by the second day. I'm about to have to do it again!

momma5 · Nov 8, 2012, 06:17 AM

We had a conference yesterday with principal, teachers, and us. Were going to chat with her grandmother this weekend . Right now she is going without recess and the "fun" things her classmates get to do. Also she has been moved to be alone so she can't disrupt her classmates (her behavior began having an effect on her classmates ) and at home she has been grounded. No TV, no playing . Nothing. We know its drastic but nothing else we've tried has worked so we've more or less grounded her cold turkey. She had to sit out last night and 15 min into it she asked her father the minute I left the room if she could get up. Thinking hed let her. When he said no suddenly her stomach hurt and her elbow hurt etc. regardless were going to play this out for the week and see how her behavior is next week.

taxesforaliens · Nov 8, 2012, 09:47 AM

The most important thing is to be consistent and be on the same page as her dad. If she asks you something and you are not sure what your dad would decide, don't give an answer right away, tell her you need to discuss it with her father (and he should do the same).
Kids know how to play us and it seems she got away with a few things before and is building on that (my son is trying that too).
If she is a very active kid, give her enough outlets to get rid of that energy (play outside a lot).
Also, put her to sleep early every evening.
Also, show interest in what she is going through each day. Last year my son started acting out and by asking him questions about his day at daycare we found out he is being bullied.

momma5 · Nov 8, 2012, 10:34 AM

The asking the other parent stuff has been going on for a year now. We thought shed stopped a few months back but she's back doing it all the time again

taxesforaliens · Nov 8, 2012, 11:01 AM

I feel for you. It's always easy to give advice from outside. Just hang in there and be consistent.
Did you take all her stuff away for her to earn it back with good behavior?
Also, don't forget to spend some quality time with her doing what she loves to do, after all, she is only 6 years old.
My son was very disruptive in class in the morning because he didn't want me to go. Now I stay a few extra minutes when I drop him off and read him a short story. He is much better behaved now after I leave school. Often kids act out because they want more attention. Of course, misbehaving/lying is not the right way, but they don't know that, they only see the response.
Just keep doing what you are doing, ask the teacher for a progress report every day and talk to you daughter about it.