[me1977]

I have been with my boyfriend for about six yrs now. Im 35 and he is 49 for the past few years the sex has drastically changed. I know he isn't cheating he's always here at the house after work and on weekends. I know we have had some finance issues and he is also diabetic , which I know can cause the low sex drive. Im always wanting to have sex, I think about it all the time , I feel well I know I masturbate at least 3 to 4 times week but its not enough I want that sexual contact with him ,all we do is fight about sex ,I feel like he does want me that he isn't attracted to me. He says that it's not true he loves me and he loves having sex with me. I say actions speak louder then words. Im going crazy (seriously ) I have sex dreams with other people even with other girls Why is this I hate it I'm so frustrated and sad I need help!!

[tornbetween]

I would try to encourage him to go to the doctor. A healthy and happy sex life is very important in a relationship. He needs to understand your concerns and your needs. I know from experience that around this age, the male sex drive can change. This is a very sensitive subject, so you need to find a good way to approach this.

[Cat1864]

me1977 (1 Posts) Asked Today, 08:13 AM —
I have been with my boyfriend for about six yrs now. Im 35 and he is 49 for the past few years the sex has drastically changed. I know he isn't cheating he's always here at the house after work and on weekends. I know we have had some finance issues and he is also diabetic , which I know can cause the low sex drive. Im always wanting to have sex, I think about it all the time , I feel well I know I masturbate at least 3 to 4 times week but its not enough I want that sexual contact with him ,all we do is fight about sex ,I feel like he does want me that he isn't attracted to me. He says that it's not true he loves me and he loves having sex with me. I say actions speak louder then words. Im going crazy (seriously ) I have sex dreams with other people even with other girls Why is this I hate it I'm so frustrated and sad I need help!!

How often are you having sex? You mention how often you want it, but not what the frequency actually is.

The first issue is his medical condition. Is he on any medications for the Diabetes? How does he manage his Diabetes? Is he active and eating a healthy diet? Is he getting enough rest? Is he experiencing any complications from the Diabetes? The American Diabetes Association has information on other issues Diabetes can cause or affect (Complications - American Diabetes Association .) He may need to talk to his doctor. The issue may not be something he can control without more knowledge and outside help/information.

Stress itself is a major libido limiter. Financial stress is one of the leading issues in relationships. How are you handling the issue as a couple?

If he spends all of his free time at home, does he have any interests or hobbies that giving him time for himself to help reduce his stress level? Does he have any friends or family members he likes to hang out with or do things with to de-stress? Do you? How do you bring fresh energy into the relationship?

Pressure to perform is a libido killer. If he feels like all you want is his body, then part of his mind may be shutting down any thoughts of getting aroused. Do you show him affection and intimacy when you aren't expecting or wanting it to turn into intercourse? Does he feel safe in showing you affection without fear you will try to turn it into sex?

Have you tried backing off and allowing him to initiate intimacy? When you try to discuss it, are you being open about your needs and listening to his trying to find a compromise or is it more along the lines of telling him what you want and putting him on the defensive?

General advice:
Have him talk to his doctor. If he experiencing erectile issues (which some men find embarrassing to discuss with their partners or don't want to acknowledge could be happening), it could be a symptom of other health concerns.

Make an effort to encourage each of you to pursue activities outside the relationship to help control stress by not allowing it to build up between you.

Let the pressure go. Change how you approach sex with him. Start rebuilding the intimacy and affection without expectations of sex. Don't allow intimacy to become another layer of stress in your relationship. If he doesn't want intercourse, talk about mutual masturbation or ask if he would like to watch or 'help'.

Thinking about sex and wanting it will not make you go crazy. Having fantasies doesn't mean you have to act on them. You might discuss how he feels about sharing fantasies. Building a fantasy world together can sometimes make reality more interesting.

If he is healthy and any medications aren't affecting his libido, one last thought is counseling. After that you have to decide if you love him enough to accept the difference in libidos or if you need someone who is more suited to your needs. Understand that your libido may be high right now but it is subject to change as you get closer to menopause or have health issues of your own.

Good luck.

[me1977]

@Cat1864 we have sex if I'm lucky once a month it has been 3 months before. He is on meds for diabetes but is non compliance to eating right or taking his insulin every day which causes fights also but I need to learn
That I can't make him take it everyday
He is a grown man and he knows he
Needs to take them, he also went to
His doctor about a month ago and told
Her about the low sex drive she put
Him on cialis ,there is no change. I
Have tried talking about my feeling
And or asking him about his on the
Subject and it doesn't get far before
I'm pissed and his pissed or vice versa.
He makes all these promises to start
Making it right and fulfilling my needs
But I keep hearing that day after day
Year after year and it like he just says
That to shut me up about it. Its like a chore he needs to get done or something. As far as friends to hang out with well I have been burned by to many women and men that I have one best girlfriend and she is the same as me she she don't trust women either but for the past few years she has been with someone and so we don't hang out or see much of her so I just really go to work and home plus I have a nine year old girl to take care of. His family is in Louisiana and I don't have any family left but my children. My boyfriend has a few friends but his two good ones are constantally cheating on their wives and he feels like he doesn't want to hang out with that. If he does then he will take me out with them all to make me feel good about it also. We want counseling for our relationship and I need some for individual but when I have called in the past it's expensive,just can't afford it.

[Cat1864]

Have you checked out your local health department for places that have low or sliding scale fees for counseling? If you are open to the idea, another place to look is in faith based counseling.

You are correct in that he needs to take responsibility for his health. My only caution there is making certain you aren't accidentally enabling his bad habits. For example: when I lived with my father many years ago, he would go on a diet without telling me. At the same time, I would get the urge to bake cookies. I brought in temptation to break the diet without knowing it.

ED drugs only act to help a male get an erection. He has to be aroused for the drug to work. He may need to talk to his doctor about hormone levels. He may need different treatment than he is getting.

It sounds like both of you need other outlets for stress than each other. Even if it is a solo hobby like photography or working out. Something that allows you to blow off steam and stress can do a lot to improve a relationship.

Are you willing to put more energy into this relationship? Do you feel like you are the only one working to keep the relationship viable?

[me1977]

I would try to encourage him to go to the doctor. A healthy and happy sex life is very important in a relationship. He needs to understand your concerns and your needs. I know from experience that around this age, the male sex drive can change. This is a very sensitive subject, so you need to find a good way to approach this.

Thank u for the information I feel like I'm at my end which is awful Co's I don't want it to be but I can't spend the rest of my life feeling this way it's real lonely all the time

[me1977]

Have you checked out your local health department for places that have low or sliding scale fees for counseling? If you are open to the idea, another place to look is in faith based counseling.

You are correct in that he needs to take responsibility for his health. My only caution there is making certain you aren't accidentally enabling his bad habits. For example: when I lived with my father many years ago, he would go on a diet without telling me. At the same time, I would get the urge to bake cookies. I brought in temptation to break the diet without knowing it.

ED drugs only act to help a male get an erection. He has to be aroused for the drug to work. He may need to talk to his doctor about hormone levels. He may need different treatment than he is getting.

It sounds like both of you need other outlets for stress than each other. Even if it is a solo hobby like photography or working out. Something that allows you to blow off steam and stress can do a lot to improve a relationship.

Are you willing to put more energy into this relationship? Do you feel like you are the only one working to keep the relationship viable?

My boyfriend is 6'4 197lbs he eats whatever he wants he doesn't gain a lb. He brings in the bad food habits I feel like I'm always ing about what he eats and drinks. I don't hardly say anything anymore because it's just not up to me to make sure he eats right. He knows. Like he says "I'm not his mama" which I feel like I was when he eats everything without cautious. I will try to look up some more resources for help. I don't want this to be the end.. but I also can't keep feeling so unwanted and undesirable and very lonely. Thank u