me1977 (1 Posts) Asked Today, 08:13 AM —
I have been with my boyfriend for about six yrs now. Im 35 and he is 49 for the past few years the sex has drastically changed. I know he isn't cheating he's always here at the house after work and on weekends.
I know we have had some finance issues and he is also diabetic , which I know can cause the low sex drive. Im always wanting to have sex, I think about it all the time , I feel well I know I masturbate at least 3 to 4 times week but its not enough I want that sexual contact with him ,all we do is fight about sex ,I feel like he does want me that he isn't attracted to me. He says that it's not true he loves me and he loves having sex with me. I say actions speak louder then words. Im going crazy (seriously ) I have sex dreams with other people even with other girls Why is this I hate it I'm so frustrated and sad I need help!!
How often are you having sex? You mention how often you want it, but not what the frequency actually is.
The first issue is his medical condition. Is he on any medications for the Diabetes? How does he manage his Diabetes? Is he active and eating a healthy diet? Is he getting enough rest? Is he experiencing any complications from the Diabetes?
The American Diabetes Association has information on other issues Diabetes can cause or affect (
Complications - American Diabetes Association .) He may need to talk to his doctor. The issue may not be something he can control without more knowledge and outside help/information.
Stress itself is a major libido limiter. Financial stress is one of the leading issues in relationships. How are you handling the issue as a couple?
If he spends all of his free time at home, does he have any interests or hobbies that giving him time for himself to help reduce his stress level? Does he have any friends or family members he likes to hang out with or do things with to de-stress? Do you? How do you bring fresh energy into the relationship?
Pressure to perform is a libido killer. If he feels like all you want is his body, then part of his mind may be shutting down any thoughts of getting aroused. Do you show him affection and intimacy when you aren't expecting or wanting it to turn into intercourse? Does he feel safe in showing you affection without fear you will try to turn it into sex?
Have you tried backing off and allowing him to initiate intimacy? When you try to discuss it, are you being open about your needs and listening to his trying to find a compromise or is it more along the lines of telling him what you want and putting him on the defensive?
General advice:
Have him talk to his doctor. If he experiencing erectile issues (which some men find embarrassing to discuss with their partners or don't want to acknowledge could be happening), it could be a symptom of other health concerns.
Make an effort to encourage each of you to pursue activities outside the relationship to help control stress by not allowing it to build up between you.
Let the pressure go. Change how you approach sex with him. Start rebuilding the intimacy and affection without expectations of sex. Don't allow intimacy to become another layer of stress in your relationship. If he doesn't want intercourse, talk about mutual masturbation or ask if he would like to watch or 'help'.
Thinking about sex and wanting it will not make you go crazy. Having fantasies doesn't mean you have to act on them. You might discuss how he feels about sharing fantasies. Building a fantasy world together can sometimes make reality more interesting.
If he is healthy and any medications aren't affecting his libido, one last thought is counseling. After that you have to decide if you love him enough to accept the difference in libidos or if you need someone who is more suited to your needs. Understand that your libido may be high right now but it is subject to change as you get closer to menopause or have health issues of your own.
Good luck.