[Kaylina]

Good morning everyone,

I am 25 years old. It is at 19 years old that I started to remember. It is at 22 or 23 that I talk about it to my sister. And it is today that I am asking you for your comment.
When I was 11 years old I became sick and had strong fever with temperature around 39°C. I remember couldn't be able of standing or even falling asleep.
I remember my father was worry about my temperature so decided that I needed a shower. But he first looked at my older brother (17) and sister (14) and ask me if I would prefer that my sister give me the shower. I responded yes by checking the head up and down. I was so sick and weak that I couldn't speak. Then my father being scared of my state decided he decided to do it.

In the bathroom he ask me to undress but I didn't remove my underwear. He insisted that I remove everything to not make them wet because I will have to put them on again before going to the hospital. I went into the shower and he was holding the shower in one hand and was holding me with the other. Then he took this hand I guessed to apply the water all over my body. He started with my arm then the legs but I really didn't like it especially when he started usig his hand on my belly towards between my breast. And then he was doing it again and sometimes holding me so that I didn't fall. I wasn't really standing up. Then at one point he looked at me in the eyes and used his hand to touch between my legs. I was disgusted but could speak but I wanted to scream help and tell him to stop ! I wanted to scream the name of my bro and sister for them to help me. They were just two rooms away from the bathroom. But I couldn't speak I was too sick. I could just show to my father that I don't like it by grimacing in disgust. Unfortunatey it didn't sropped him he did it once again. I continue to grimace and felt helpless. Then he stopped and pull me out of the shower and ask me to dress up and this without looking at me in the eyes but a little more down. Then he left the room. I try to dress up even if I couldn't stand up and felt really dizzy. I thought what just happen wasn't right and started to cry and then thought maybe he didn't realize what he did but still I was thinking why do I cry so?
Then I went to the hospital the same night they gave me a pill. The day after I was better but when my father was talking to me he would not look at me in the eyes but lower. I would try to hide beside my sisterto try to avoid his way to look at me.

I would like to know what you think about it? At that age even my mother didn't saw me naked for years. I was shocked that my dad saw me naked and touched me.

I talk about this story to my sister when I was around 22years old and I even dicided to talk about it directly with my father the same year. Which was a huge step for me. I decided to talk on the phone and not to face him at the same time. I reminded him of this time I was sick he would respond that he remind of this like if it was yesterday. Then I took advantage of this response to ask him so why did he do what he did. Then he would suddenly be pissed on the phone and tell me that I was suppose to be unconscious and that if he was in front of me at the moment I was asking him he would give me a slap. Then he continue to be pissed and talk while me I was criying. After few minute and some silent moment he would start to have a calm voice and start to feel sorry for me.

My only problem nowadays is that I am afraid it has affect my everyday life and ffed a kind of depression especially when I am not surrounded be some friends I just end up crying thinking about as being somehow durty of this touch.

Wat do you think of all this?

I am not an english native speaker so please if your understanding of the story is disturbed by my bad english let me know. I will try to explain again in a better english.
Thank you for reading me and feel free to leave a comment.

[joypulv]

Your English is better than many English speakers.
We are reading your story, and not your dad's. Was there any other time that he touched you while undressed, or touched you while dressed but in an inappropriate way? When he touched you between your legs, was he just washing or putting his hand inside you?
From what you write, it sounds innocent on his part, and he was embarrassed at what he had to do, so that's why he averted his eyes afterwards. Of course you don't shower and have sopping wet panties. He tried to get help from your siblings. Maybe they were uncomfortable too. Maybe they weren't strong enough or he felt you might slip in the shower and be hurt. If he never touched you the wrong way again, I would tell him you just had to mention it and you don't want to think of him that way.
It's even possible for a father to get aroused around a naked child, just as a biological reaction, and it bothered him. It's normal. Then a parent's morals and ethics take over and he represses the reaction. It can happen to anyone, anytime, male or female.
My father is gone and I'm 65. I remember one time I entered a room at about 16 years old and he blushed and looked away! I was wearing a tight skirt and had long hair and was looking grown up. Of course it can make a father uncomfortable. And your dad's reaction on the phone - first being pissed, then sorry and feeling bad for you, says to me that he never had a bad thought in his mind. If he were guilty he would have acted differently, usually denying any of it.

I'm not trying to direct your thoughts, and you have to tell us if there are some BUTS to add to the story.

[Kaylina]

Hi Joypulv,
Thank you for your fast response.
He never touched me again.
When he was touching me he wasn't inside he was touching my skin. However he wasn't washing any soap because his goal at the beginning was just to cool down the temperature of my body. So he was just putting water over me no soap. He could even have done it without touching me at all. I thought about it a lot and I even think that touching between the legs was really not necessary.
The way he looked at me in the eyes before he touch me was somehow strange and he continue to look at me in the eyes while touching between my legs.
Maybe you are right there are some biological reaction that could take place in response to see naked child. However it is something else to decide to act in favor of this arousal.
Maybe in the case of the story you told it will be like if after having blushed and looked away your father decided to continue to look at you or maybe more. I don't know...

But thank you very much for your response it help me to put this situation in perspective.

[joypulv]

A blush is very different from washing a naked body. Please don't withdraw your feelings based on my view; it's just one person, one point of view. Maybe he wasn't happy with your mother after 3 children, and maybe they had not had sex in months or years, and he for that brief time thought about you as a sexual being, and maybe the thought stayed for a while afterwards, who knows... each person and situation is different.
What you could do perhaps is have a gentle talk with your mother about their marriage, about any fears she had about other women, about how close they were after all those years. She may not want to talk about it of course.
All I'm saying is that he may very well have had sexual thoughts about you, and the whole shower was a mistake, and since he never touched you again he regretted it. And is that forgivable...
Each culture and time in history is different about nakedness and touching. In some places in Europe 100 years ago, nannies stroked the genitals of children to get them to fall asleep. How strange is that? And yet it was common and allowed.

[ScottGem]

The fact that this was a one time thing makes me suggest that you should not be putting too much on it.

Based on what you have told us, its probable the incident started as an innocent attempt to cool you down before taking you to the hospital. He was concerned about you and was doing what he thought best to help you. Its possible that the circumstances got somewhat out of hand and maybe he stepped over the line, but he was embarrassed by it.

Since he never made any further move on you, I would suggest that you put this behind you. You say nothing about how good of a father he was before and after, it makes a difference. Also making a difference is your cultural background. Since you are not a native english speaker, that indicates you grew up in a different culture and your father may also be from a different culture.

Bottom line, your father MAY have behaved inappropriately that one time. But I can't believe it was enough for you you to ruin your life or your reputation with your father over it.

I would definitely seek professional counseling to help you deal with this.

[Fr_Chuck]

I will agree, I feel this was really nothing and the father was trying to do medical care and may have for one moment ( or may not have) wondered. But he really did not wrong, as I read and re-read this.

Getting naked under cool water is the correct thing to do.

[amanda1001]

Wow that is aweful. Why not try cousiling? And try not to show him it is effecting you because it seems to me as he isn't caring about it. This might sound hard to do but if it was me I wouldn't be around him at all for anything and wouldnot tlk to him either. That's a good way to try to move on and be happy

[amanda1001]

I will agree, I feel this was really nothing and the father was trying to do medical care and may have for one moment ( or may not have) wondered. But he really did not wrong, as I read and re-read this.

Getting naked under cool water is the correct thing to do.

The he did... she said she didn't want to get undressed so the father could have let her be in the shower with her clothes on since she wasn't taking a shower just cooling off and no way in hell does he need to touch her and def not between the legs. And there is a thing called clean clothes. Making up that excuss about she need to put them back on after so she can't wear them in the shower. I doubt she only had 1 set of clothes... smh any father would never want to make their child feel uncomfortable especially like that. Looking at her in the eyes strangly hell no. Totally un called for this whole damn thing that he did.

[ScottGem]

Wow that is aweful. Why not try cousiling? And try not to show him it is effecting you because it seems to me as he isn't caring about it. This might sound hard to do but if it was me I wouldn't be around him at all for anything and wouldnot tlk to him either. That's a good way to try to move on and be happy

You are entitled to your opinion, but I think you are way off base here. Everyone else has noted that this was an isolated ONE TIME incident and that the father was trying to cool down a feverish girl. You also missed that the OP is not a native english speaker which implies the family is from a different cultural background.

So you are willing to have the OP estranged from her father over an incident that may not even be what the OP described. She admitted that she had blocked out the incident and only started remembering after 8 years.

Sounds to me like you read only part of the post and focused on that part without careful consideration of the entire post. And, by doing so have given some poor advice here.